Not all business events are business activities. There are times when you will be invited by a business associate to accompany her to a nonbusiness event such as a golf outing, a sporting event, the theater, or a social club. Typically, these events do not include business discussions but instead are a great opportunity to get to know your host and to build a relationship on which business can more easily be conducted later.
Most important, even in these situations, remember that how you represent yourself and your company and your actions will affect possible future business, jobs, and promotions. Focus on the relationship and the point of the event. Be a congenial guest, always demonstrating a positive attitude. You can’t turn off who you are or who you represent just because it is one minute past five o’clock.
AT COUNTRY CLUBS
The country club is a mainstay of business entertaining—a place where company executives invite clients or customers to enjoy an afternoon in the sun, and their guests return the favor. Country club golf courses, tennis courts, and swimming pools have been the scene of countless friendly competitions between business associates of one kind or another. Indeed, it’s long been said, only partly tongue-in-cheek, that more major business decisions are made on the green than in the executive office. In reality, talking business on the course is considered ill mannered and a breach of golf etiquette. Use the on-course time to get to know the other people in your foursome. If you are going to talk business, do it at the nineteenth hole or at a meeting sometime later.
The country club is also an ideal place to entertain even when no sports are involved: The setting is superb, and there is usually only one sitting at lunch and dinner, which means you can linger at your table for as long as you like. When sports are the central activity, lunch or after-game cocktails are usually on the agenda to ensure that there is ample time to talk, whether about business or life in general. Lunch may be the climax of a morning spent on the golf links or tennis court, or the prelude to an afternoon game—assuming that no more than a half day is to be devoted to the outing.
TIP: Always send your host a written thank-you note. (see “The Thank-You Note”.)
Who Pays for What?
Many businesspeople simply take turns paying for everything at their respective clubs. At other times, certain customs are common when a match or event is taking place:
• A one-day golf or tennis tournament typically has an all-inclusive price that includes greens fees and a meal; there is an understanding that the host usually takes care of the cost.
• Clubs have varying policies for charging greens fees and cart or caddie fees to a member’s account. In some cases, it is mandatory that all fees be charged to the member’s account. In this instance, the polite guest will offer to take care of the tips for the caddies. (Ask the member or the caddie master what an appropriate amount is at that club.) At the time of signing in, the guest should at least offer to cover his or her greens fees. The host will probably decline the offer. The best way to reciprocate is for the guest to extend a return invitation to an event at the guest’s home course or club.
• Ahead of time, ask your host about tipping policies for starters, back room boys, locker room attendants, and other club staff.
• Some clubs have a no-cash policy. In this case, your host knows he or she will take care of the expenses. Inviting your host out another time is one way to balance the ledger.
THE SPORTING GUEST
Whenever you’re invited to a business associate’s country club for a round of golf or a game of tennis, don’t automatically accept unless you (1) know the rules of the game and (2) can play well enough not to slow others down. Being honest about your knowledge and abilities will allow the host to decide whether to suggest another sport or to limit the occasion to lunch. Remember, this is a friendly competition: Play your game, don’t throw a match, and don’t gloat if you win.
THE CELL PHONE AND THE COUNTRY CLUB
A guest answered a call on his phone at a club with a strict policy against cell phone use. Later, the hosting member was admonished that he was responsible for his guest’s failure to follow the rules and he was in danger of being assessed a $100 fine.
Your best course of action when visiting another club is to turn your phone off as you get out of your car. Not put it on vibrate or anything else. Turn it off.
“But I have an app for gauging distances on my phone. May I use it?” you ask. Before you turn on the phone to use the app, check with your host and/or the pro shop to find out if using a phone in this way is acceptable. If it is, be sure to put it on vibrate and turn the volume all the way down.
If you feel perfectly secure with the sport of choice, accept with enthusiasm. On the day of the game, make a point of arriving early—you don’t want to be the person responsible for getting things off to a late start. As a token of your appreciation, you might bring a sleeve of golf balls or a can of tennis balls.
Dress appropriately and even more conservatively and carefully than you might at your own club or course. Be aware of any dress requirements. A tennis facility may require all whites. A golf club may have a strict collared-shirts-only requirement or a no-cargo-shorts rule.
AT MEMBERS-ONLY SOCIAL CLUBS
Members-only social clubs are places where tradition is important: They typically feature dining rooms with a first-class menu and expert staff, a lounge, a library, and various fitness facilities. Unless a private room is rented for the purpose, business is not conducted in the public areas of most of these clubs. Many have bylaws specifying that business-entertainment reimbursements from a member’s company are not allowed; all expenses, including dues, must be paid personally. While business may be discussed, using an item of business paraphernalia, be it a smartphone or a folio pad, is usually off-limits.
When a guest is invited to a members-only club, he or she should ask the host what to wear; many have strict dress codes. For the host’s part, it’s never out of line for him or her to mention the type of dress expected at the club at the time the invitation is extended. Guests who are unaware of the club’s customs will be grateful for the information; showing up badly overdressed or underdressed could end up embarrassing both parties.
Hints for guests:
• Don’t strike out on a solo tour of the club. You should enter the library or lounge only if escorted by your host.
• If you have drinks at the bar before dinner, limit yourself to one. Also, remember that confining your drinking to soda or water is perfectly fine. (See also, “The One-Drink Rule”.)
• Don’t be stiff, but do behave impeccably. Your actions reflect not only on you and your company but on your host as well.
AT SPECTATOR SPORTS
A host who invites a business associate to a spectator sport of any kind—tennis, hockey, baseball, or basketball—should always order tickets in advance. In addition, if the budget allows, reserving a car for transport to the stadium or arena will prevent any parking problems. During the event, the host should offer to purchase all food or drinks. The guest, on the other hand, will be wise to do the following:
• Take your cues from your host. Ask him what he’s wearing before you put on your jeans.
• Have a beer or other alcoholic beverage only if he does.
• Whether you support the same team or not, show your support by cheering, not jeering.
• If you are rooting for different teams, don’t gloat if your team wins.
• Volunteer to buy a snack and a drink for your host and any other guests.
• Don’t take it on yourself to yell at obnoxious spectators.
• Stay in your seat while play is going on. If you must leave, get up and return when there is a break in the action.
AT THE THEATER
For culturally minded businesspeople, an invitation to a play, a concert, an opera, or a ballet is an excellent choice, particularly when spouses or partners are included. Starting or ending the evening with dinner makes for an even more memorable occasion. Unless you, as the host, are already familiar with your guests’ tastes in such things, ask which kind of entertainment they favor; people who love musical comedies might find it hard to stay awake at the ballet. Once you determine what best fits the bill, purchase tickets in advance and ask for the best seats possible; if that means settling for the peanut gallery, try another show of the same type.
Arriving and Being Seated
It is mandatory to arrive on time—even more so if you are picking up the tickets at the box office. Most theaters hold reserved tickets until twenty minutes before curtain time and then sell them on a first-come, first-served basis. Also remember that along with talkers, late arrivals are a major source of aggravation for theatergoers. At most performances, latecomers aren’t seated until a scene change occurs—no exceptions.
DEALING WITH RUDE THEATERGOERS
What is the proper thing to do when someone nearby is talking and spoiling the performance for everyone in the vicinity? In the 1955 edition of Etiquette, Emily Post took up this question under the heading “Theatre Pests.” The intervening years have offered no better solution than the one she presented then: “If those behind you insist on talking,” she wrote, “it is always bad manners to turn around and glare. If you are young, they pay no attention, and if you are older, most young people think an angry older person the funniest sight on earth! The only thing you can do is to say amiably, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t hear anything while you talk.’ If they still persist, you can ask an usher to call the manager.”
Traditionally, there is protocol for seating, starting with the host taking the aisle seat after his guests have entered the row. If there are two couples, the spouse/significant other of the guest sits next to the host, and vice versa. When there are several couples, the host’s spouse leads the way into the row and the others follow, with women and men alternating. If they have to pass others in the row, they should do so facing the stage and also excuse themselves to each person they move past.
Any able-bodied person who is seated should stand up to let new arrivals into the row.
Noise
Talking or whispering during the show is frustrating for those around you. Watch the show; talk later. Any theatergoer carrying a phone should keep it turned off during the performance. Doctors and other audience members who must be on call are wise to bring a device that signals with a light or a silent vibration. If your watch makes a regular, audible beep, turn it off or leave it at home.
Applause
If you’re not sure when to clap, wait to see what everyone else does; little is more embarrassing than breaking out in applause while the rest of the audience stays quiet.
DINING OUT WITH COWORKERS
Since your coworkers may be personal friends as well, it’s normal to socialize with them at lunch, after work, or at home. Letting your hair down in a social setting should be done with care. In a relaxed atmosphere—especially if alcohol is present—tongues are loosened and defenses are dropped. Don’t make the mistake of believing that off-the-premises conversations are also off the record. If you pass along a rumor, take potshots at an absent coworker or boss, or reveal a workplace confidence, you can be sure that what you said will get back to the office, sometimes faster than you do, even when you are among friends. Also remember that talking shop or even just swapping work stories may be easy and fun for you and your coworker, but the others you are with could feel very left out of the conversation.
When you have lunch or dinner out with coworkers, the big question is generally who will pay and how much. The best way to ensure fair payments is for the group to reach an agreement before placing any orders. Ideally, everyone in the group agrees to split the bill evenly. On the other hand, if Lucy eats like a bird and everyone else is up for the surf ’n’ turf, ask your server to bill Lucy separately, and split everyone else’s bill even-steven. If the orders look to vary significantly, request separate bills for everybody. Bar bills should be divided among the drinkers only.
It is inappropriate to ask a server for separate checks at the end of the meal or to invite a newcomer to dine without making it clear at the outset that everyone is splitting or responsible for his or her own check. Be conscious of what you order compared to your companions; if you owe substantially more than they do, take the initiative by speaking up and paying the piper. If someone offers to put the whole bill on her credit card in order to save time, be sure to pay her back immediately. People tend to forget small debts, but it is rude and thoughtless to expect a generous coworker to come around with hat in hand when her credit card bill arrives. Finally, if it’s the Thursday before payday and you really can’t afford a meal out, politely ask your coworkers for a rain check rather than borrowing from someone.
At the Bar
In groups of three or more, the smart course is to agree in advance to split the total bill at the end. When a coworker agrees to be the designated driver for your group, show your appreciation and pay collectively for his or her iced teas, colas, and bar snacks.