And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
—Confucius
I think it’s safe to assume that some people who picked up this book are looking for advice on how to quit their jobs. Their inspiration to change their lives comes more from wanting to escape an unhappy situation than from simply wanting to fulfill their dreams. That’s okay because, who knows, that just might be what it takes.
But for many, doing something else, anything else, that feels more fulfilling and rewarding can come from anywhere, including from where you are right now.
So, where? Here or there? It’s time to explore where your renewal should take place.
Hopefully, by now, you’re now really excited to know finally what you really want to do with your life and you’re ready to make a commitment to start today. But you may still be wondering if you can make any difference or improvement from where you stand right now. That can be a tough call and, as a result, it’s where most of us get stopped in our tracks.
At this age (no matter what this age happens to be), we ask ourselves where should I be in life? With time running out, where can I start doing what I want to do? Am I in the right place to make a change? Should I quit my job and move to the Yukon? If I stay here, can I really make any changes for the better? Should I give up sleeping and just live two lives? Your answer to these questions involves a decision. And, as you decided in the last chapter, it’s decision time.
A little guidance wouldn’t hurt. Let’s be honest, do you really hate your job? Because, if so, changing jobs as part of your renewal is certainly something to consider. Or do you have an even bigger mystery to solve because, believe it or not, you actually like where you are now . . . it’s just somehow not enough . . . you just want more. What if you’re one of those people who have a mixture of both dilemmas, so you really can’t decide which way to turn?
With all of these possibilities in play, many people end up deciding this is just too big of a decision to make right now and, instead, they’ll work on it “later. The problem is, later never seems to come and we keep putting off making the hard choices. None of us will live forever, and we’re not guaranteed a moment past right now. Today is the day to claim the life you truly deserve.”1
Although you could spend years examining every single aspect of these questions (they call that therapy), for the purposes of this step of your renewal, let’s just drill down to the two most obvious possibilities and look at why they occur and some options if they have. Try to find yourself in these examples, then, and consider your options carefully. Hopefully, the right path will become clearer to you as a result.
In no particular order of importance, presented next are the “Top Ten” most common explanations I hear that drive people to either stay at their current job or leave. In order to be prepared to truly commit to those values you identified—and feel better about getting out of bed each morning—it’s going to help for you to be comfortable with whichever choice you make. As you probably expected to hear, with all of these factors there are options. Sorry, but nothing can be so cut and dried. How you can or can’t make your situation work is going to be up to you. There may be good reasons to stay and work to improve your current situation or to leave and search for a better fit. Consider them all, then try to decide where your where is.
I once knew a young man who was such a staunch vegan that he had to quit his lucrative waiter’s job because he just couldn’t stand serving the meat dishes. Couldn’t do it. Or consider the feminist who was offered a high-paying marketing position with a country club that didn’t allow female members. Wouldn’t work. “If you are morally misaligned with your employer or you feel there are moral or ethical differences”2 that you just can’t overcome, then there’s probably not much you can do to avoid a very “uncomfortable workplace setting.”3
When teaching a graduate management class the keys to understanding and then selecting a workplace culture that matches their needs, I’ve often described that concept as the personality of an organization. Is it a safe place to work? Are employees respected? Encouraged? Is there trust or fear among the staff regarding their futures? And, most importantly, how can you tell?
Take trust, for example. Without it, people live in fear of doing something wrong and losing their jobs. This diminishes or even eliminates innovation, risk-taking, and learning. “In many organizations, employees are fired for errors. [At IBM in the 1960s], after an employee made a mistake that cost the company $10 million, he walked into the office of the CEO, expecting to get fired. ‘Fire you? I just spent $10 million educating you!’”4 Now that’s a culture to stick with!
While there’s a lot about any organization that staff can change—given the right opportunities to speak up, offer alternatives, and provide sound arguments—the overall culture of a place is probably least likely to be one of them. You can try, of course, to show the benefit of providing a space safe for ideas, taking chances, and developing skills, but depending on how far apart you and your employer are on creating the right environment for success, this may be a tough nut to crack.
“In the past, many companies relied on money almost exclusively to motivate their workforce, but employees often rate other aspects, such as recognition and flexibility, as more important.”5 Still, we gotta eat!
Referring yet again to Maslow’s infamous hierarchy of needs (because I know you’ve heard this before), money seems to find its way into both the first and second levels of our need pyramid. “Physiological needs are requirements for human survival.”6 These include food, clothing, and shelter, all of which cost money. Once we have those taken care of, we look for security, including the financial kind.7 So, yeah, money matters, but how much is enough? For example, I’ve not been able to find anywhere that Maslow talked about three-car garages, satellite television, or imported cars.
In other words, as hard as it might be to hear this, “money isn’t everything and you’re only worth what someone will pay you.”8
“Pay is negotiable, and good employers will listen to your salary concerns even if they can’t afford to give you a raise. Talk to your boss about why you feel underpaid, and what it would take to make you feel adequately compensated.”9 Even though you may be able to prove that others in your same position are making more, this tactic may or may not work. Especially in nonprofits, there’s only so much money to go around. But if the job is otherwise satisfying to you, it’s certainly worth a try. If this doesn’t work, don’t just stay and be mad. “Unsatisfying pay makes you dread your daily responsibilities because you are painfully aware of the underwhelming reward for dong them.”10
Here’s a very interesting truth that anyone who is a boss or (even more importantly) who supervises bosses needs to know. “A study came up with this surprising finding: If you’re losing good people, look to their immediate supervisors. More than any other single reason, he [or she?] is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he’s the reason they quit. ‘People leave managers not companies,’ write the authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman. ‘So much money has been thrown at the challenge of keeping good people—in the form of better pay, better perks and better training—when, in the end, turnover is mostly a manager issue.’”11 How do you feel about your boss?
There’s a lot to consider here, aside from obvious personality conflicts. Just as we aren’t required to like our coworkers, we don’t need to be best buddies with the boss, but we do need (and want) to have at least a bearable, professional level of mutual respect. The emphasis here is on mutual. Great bosses motivate, encourage, help, and develop employees. They’re not just in it for the money, power, or prestige. Similarly, great bosses know what they’re doing and what we should all be doing. They both lead and jump in when needed, if that’s what it takes to get the job done.
It’s easy to spot the fakes. One might be “a company president who takes his turn fielding calls on the switchboard throughout the year. He’s one of us. [Then there’s the] executive who doesn’t let anyone use his parking spot—even when he’s on vacation.”12 He’s one of the others. The only way you can decide which you have and how hard they are to take is by your own personal measure.
While it’s true that leaving a job because of a terrible boss is often a good enough reason to go, before you go consider finding some ways to improve the relationship. You have rights and they should be written down somewhere. And everyone has a boss, even your boss. If it’s possible for you to attempt a face-to-face conversation about your issues—and nothing is resolved—consider whether her or his superiors might be of help. As long as you offer solutions that focus on supporting the organization’s mission, you’ve got nothing to lose.
Other times, these strained relationships can cause real damage, leaving you physically sick, stalling your career, or even pushing you out of a job.13 You might not want to wait around to let any of that happen.
In a room full of brand-new supervisors who have gathered to learn how to do their job well, the conversation usually begins by thinking back to the best bosses they ever had and asking, what made them great? More often than not, the answer is that they helped others to shine. We all bring talents to our jobs. If we’re lucky, those talents don’t just get used, they get cultivated, stretched, tested, and developed. Or not.
“In an ideal job, you’ll face slight challenges—tasks and initiatives that are slightly outside of your skillset and encourage you to reach new heights—almost every day. If you don’t find yourself challenged, you’ll feel bored and resentful and you’ll grow to hate your job entirely.”14
If you’ve been passed over for promotion, have not been offered the challenging assignments, and are no longer invited to the key meetings,15 you may be starting to pick up on the fact that that your talents are not being fully used or, worse, that no one seems to care about what you have to offer. The resulting frustration and even resentment may just push you over the edge and send you looking for more.
As long as everything else about your current job is great, you always have the option of assuming responsibility for your own growth. Remember the young librarian who rashly decided to stop training just because her library wouldn’t pay her way? It didn’t take her long to realize she was punishing (and limiting) herself with that conclusion. Once she realized it was her career after all, she decided to take vacation days, pay her own way, and continue to improve her skills. The result? She was later recognized not only for her expanded professional expertise, but also for her initiative, determination, and personal responsibility.
If this is the path you decide to take, just be certain that the resentment resulting from your limitations doesn’t overtake your day-to-day performance. “If office politics is making it impossible for you to thrive, find a job where your talents . . . and your potential . . . will be recognized.”16
Quitting a job is never a decision to be made lightly. As in any relationship, trial and error and a commitment to succeed should always be your primary options before you opt for throwing in the towel. If promotion or advancement is what you’re looking for and you’re certain “you can’t get yourself any higher, try making a lateral move instead. Start developing peripheral skills or learning more about a different department. You’ll add more skills to your skillset, increase your value as an employee, and refresh your perspective.”17
After putting forth so much of yourself and seeing the results, the decision to stay or go that had looked so hard to make might not be so tough after all.
To be successful, organizations (and people) need to think strategically. Those who do it well actually write it down and then have a blueprint to follow to success. The key word here is success, because that’s what we all ultimately want. Compare two organizations of your choice to confirm this. Pick one that is extremely successful. Everyone wants to work there. Articles or maybe even books are written about them. Future leaders study their processes and culture so as to mimic their achievements.
Next, study a similar organization, but one that is struggling to achieve its goals. Job openings stay open because, frankly, the workplace reputation is well known and doesn’t exactly result in applicants clamoring at the door. Their funding is likely precarious, at best, and their impact is limited or perhaps even nonexistent.
The difference? It’s usually the clarity of their vision, or lack thereof. It’s worth repeating that people just want to be successful at what they do. They want to know their time, effort, and the sweat of their brow are making a difference. They want the confidence to make decisions and take actions without having to get permission, because the outcome is clear—and aligned with the organization’s purpose. Without that clear direction, no one knows exactly what to do and we go from looking like a well-run organization with everyone on track to succeed to resembling, as one library manager so aptly put it, “a bunch of monkeys with a new red ball.”18
A lack of overall vision and the resulting lack of organization and direction it provides can do a lot of damage, some of it serious enough to result in heavy staff turnover. Why?
You’re going to need a purpose in order to motivate yourself to succeed. If that purpose isn’t being provided by your organization, consider creating your own. Career experts advise professionals to set and annually reexamine personal goals (as you’ve been doing), so that you can keep yourself motivated and feel a personal sense of accomplishment.
At work, consider volunteering to lead an effort to clarify the mission, values, vision, and strategic directions that can help assure organizational success—and support.
Without either option, since you now know what you want to do, it might just be time to find an organization whose intent matches your own.
There’s the work we do and then there’s the work we love. The difference is that the latter fulfills our passion, while the former just pays us. You’ve already heard the old quote: “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”20 If it were only that easy, you might be thinking. Well, maybe it is.
People have been known to stay in jobs that offered little in the way of pay, prestige, or perks just because they were passionate about the work they were doing. Think ministers . . . or librarians! On the contrary, we read all the time about people who leave high-paying, impressive positions for the simpler life, which offers them a chance to follow their hearts.
Consider the story of Trent Hamm, creator of the popular website “The Simple Dollar.” “In March 2008, I walked away from a great job into a writing career path that, at the time, paid me about 50% of what I was making at my previous job. To a lot of people in my life, this seemed like an amazingly difficult step. Why would I possibly make this move?”21 As it turns out, the reasons involved a combined passion for what really mattered to him, including:
Options such as these are often the most difficult to articulate, especially to those who will also be affected (read: family), and so they are overlooked and even ignored. But they shouldn’t be. If we can’t find a way to add passion for our work back into our days, then it truly might be time to look elsewhere. “Passion is what motivates people. To some extent, your job shouldn’t feel like a job. If you can’t think of any reason you would do your job other than receiving a paycheck, it’s clear you’ve lost your passion [or you never had it in the first place].”23
There are only two options. And for such a complex question, both can be answered by posing the question just mentioned. If you weren’t getting paid, would you still choose to have your job? With that answer in hand, there are several choices you can make.
When one man’s small, family-owned company was purchased by a huge international firm, the writing was on the wall—changes were on the way and it wasn’t going to end well. Then began the horrible days of waiting for the axe to fall—again and again. One by one (or, sometimes, even in twos or more) he watched his friends and longtime colleagues being walked to the door. Business pundits even came up with a cute acronym for the process . . . they calling it being RIFFED (stands for “reduction in force”).
There’s an immeasurable impact that stress has on us. It feels like worry, fear, uncertainty, and loss all rolled into one. That’s why some people choose to leave where they are ahead of time; they simply can’t stand the wait.
“If you can stick it out until the economy picks up and the demand for your skill sets strengthens, you’d be better served”25 by hanging around. Unless, of course, the uncertainly is doing horrible things to your life outside of work.
The question to consider, though, is what job is safe from the ambiguities of job security and what exactly does that promise? In today’s ever-changing world, we all know deep down that “the job that’s secure today could be gone tomorrow.”26 Just ask someone who planned on remaining a bank teller, cashier, newspaper reporter, or travel agent if they thought five or ten years ago that they had imagined all the workplace changes we’ve seen.
Your options, then, are to find security not in the name of your current company or organization or even in your title—but in yourself, your skills, your passion, and again, your Values. The chances are that those are elements of your character that will never go out of style.
For nineteen years, one staff member ate more meals with a particular coworker than she did with any of her family members. The connection between colleagues on the job is a close one—and a critical one. There is no shortage of people who have said they left a great job, with wonderful pay and lots of leadership vision and support, simply because they couldn’t work another day with a specific (or even a group of) coworkers. Consider some possible reasoning to support this:
So, no, you’re not crazy to be thinking of leaving because you don’t like your coworkers. It’s perfectly normal to seek places to spend our time where we are comfortable and to avoid those where we’re not.
There’s room for improvement in every situation and, as Gandhi once said, we can start by being the change we want to see. Face conflicts head on with professional communication. Seek compromises and mutual understanding of differences. Look for training or coaching opportunities to strengthen your team, beginning with yourself. Then, in the end, only you can judge whether there’s hope for improvement or realize that some differences are just unresolvable.
A quick scan of the available literature on work-life balance covers a multitude of research, including everything from brain functions on adequate sleep to romantic implications. Geez. And most thought it was just another trendy business catchphrase. Not so.
Although this seems to be one of the more difficult reasons to admit you’re quitting, people are starting to put more and more stock in the realization that they can have it both ways—a great career and a happy family. Especially with today’s two-party breadwinners, with technology supporting distance work and with a sharper awareness of the physiological implications of stress, people are demanding balance. How can you tell if it’s missing? You can start with your health.
If your “work, people or culture are unhealthy . . . it has a negative impact on us physically and mentally.”28 For example, you might be:
Another complication of negative work-life balance is that, quite obviously, since life is involved, the problems don’t stop with you. Not being able to spend time with family, missing important family engagements, and simply not being there when you are home take a terrible toll on happiness.
While you probably can’t single-handedly change the operating culture of your workplace, you can try—before giving up entirely—to make some balance changes in your own corner of the world.
If none of these options are possible and you can’t think of any other ways to enjoy both your work and your life, then you just might want to start looking for an employer who recognizes the value of that combination.
In a book I wrote in 2011 (Be a Great Boss: One Year to Success), I started off by stressing the need for a positive attitude in the workplace. I noted that we should all seek and contribute to an attitude of “positivity, respect, support and encouragement.”30 I even shared an all-time favorite quote, “Attitude is your paintbrush. It colors every situation,”31 to further emphasize how broad and all-encompassing this one characteristic can be.
And yet attitude may be the most pervasive reason given for people leaving their jobs. It’s so basic. Respect—workers want to be valued, not talked down to and not overlooked or ignored. Opportunity—workers want (say again) to succeed, so that they can enjoy that heady sense of accomplishment that comes with a job well done. Kindness—enough said.
Of the ten possible reasons for quitting your job treated in this chapter, I have to say this one is the deal breaker, the watershed, the baseline requirement. Only you can take the temperature of the human attitude at your workplace. Value yourself enough to make it a critical measurement.
Respect people, values, and contributions and expect others to do the same.
A word or two, before we move your renewal on, about how to leave if that is indeed what you eventually decide to do.
Although it may sound tedious, some of my favorite pieces of advice, along with these timeworn traditions of decision-making, should be critical final steps before making what could be the best—or the worst—decision of your career:
You’ll likely either be euphorically happy or dismally depressed when you wake up to realize you don’t have anywhere to go. But while today’s calendar might be empty, tomorrow’s probably won’t, so keep yourself ready to reenergize and move forward. In Downgrade Your Job, Not Your Life, author Trent Hamm offers some really great tips for this in-between jobs stage:
Since you’re committed to renewing yourself in every sense possible, make selecting where you will next work a part of that package. Now that you know for sure what you didn’t like, make sure you don’t settle for anything less than what you do like! How do you know if your next decision will be the right one? Have confidence in yourself, you now have:
This chapter is based on the premise that you’re already somewhere. If you’re not yet, maybe because you’re a recent grad or someone just entering the job market, then these pluses and minuses should still be a great help in your decision-making.
I think, at this point, it’s worth reviewing the Confucius quote that opened this chapter: “No matter where you go, there you are.” In short, there is no perfect spot from which to begin your renewal. As a result, every spot can be perfect.
Don’t let your where decision slow you down. State now, by writing in the lines below, why where you are right now is the perfect spot from which to move forward.
Where I am right now is the perfect place from which to launch by renewal, because whether I decide to stay or go, all things considered,
Now, recopy your answer onto Line #9 in Your Renewal Plan in the back of the book.
Feeling a little nervous? That’s natural. You’re getting much closer to actually doing something about what’s been in your heart for a long time. After piecing together all the elements currently in your life and committing to add even more, it’s normal to become a bit overwhelmed. Couldn’t you just get up tomorrow morning and keep doing the same thing? Sure, but, in the next chapter, a review of WHY you’re doing all this will convince you that’s not a good idea at all.
“Making a big life change is pretty scary. But, know what’s even scarier? Regret.”35
NOTES
1. Kimanzi Constable, “5 Signs You’re Not Happy with Your Life (and What You Can Do About It),” HuffingtonPost.com, October 2, 2015, www.huffingtonpost.com/kimanzi-constable/5-signs-youre-not-happy-with-your-life-and-what-you-can-do-about-it_b_8166980.html.
2. Jacquelyn Smith, “14 Signs It’s Time to Leave Your Job,” Forbes, September 4, 2013, www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/09/04/14-signs-its-time-to-leave-your-job/#4691a28e706f.
3. Ibid.
4. Adam Grant, “The One Question You Should Ask about Every New Job,” Sunday Review, New York Times, March 28, 2016, www.nytimes.com/2015/12/20/opinion/sunday/the-one-question-you-should-ask-about-every-new-job.html?_r=0.
5. Scott Thompson, “The Importance of Non-Financial Rewards for the Organization,” Small Business Chron 2016, http://smallbusiness.chron.com/importance-nonfinancial-rewards-organization-45146.html.
6. Wikipedia, 2016, s.v., “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs,” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs.
7. Ibid.
8. Amitai Givertz, “Should I Stay or Should I Go? 7 Arguments For and Against Leaving Your Job,” Salary.com, www.salary.com/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-7-arguments-for-and-against-leaving-your-job/.
9. “7 Reasons You Hate Your Job,” Inc.com, “People,” October 29, 2014, www.inc.com/jayson-demers/7-reasons-you-hate-your-job.html.
10. Ibid.
11. “Why Good Employees Leave?” David W Richard, TheLayoff.com, December 15, 2013, https://www.thelayoff.com/t/tbnQdtP.
12. Grant, “The One Question.”
13. Givertz, “Should I Stay.”
14. “7 Reasons.”
15. Smith, “14 Signs.”
16. Givertz, “Should I Stay.”
17. “7 Reasons.”
18. Patrick Jones, conversation, 1989.
19. Shala Marks, “4 Negative Effects of a Disorganized Company,” Recruiter.com, August 12, 2013, https://www.recruiter.com/i/4-negative-effects-of-a-disorganized-company/.
20. Quote Investigator, September 2, 2014, http://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/09/02/job-love/.
21. Trent Hamm, “About,” The Simple Dollar, 2016, www.thesimpledollar.com/about/.
22. Ibid.
23. “7 Reasons.”
24. “7 Reasons.”
25. Givertz, “Should I Stay.”
26. Ibid.
27. Kate McFarlin, “Importance of Relationships in the Workplace,” Small Business Chron 2016, http://smallbusiness.chron.com/importance-relationships-workplace-10380.html.
28. Smith, “14 Signs.”
29. Alexander Kjerulf, “5 Signs Your Body Wants You to Quit Your Job,” Care2, 2016, www.care2.com/greenliving/how-your-job-makes-you-sick.html.
30. Catherine Hakala-Ausperk, Be a Great Boss: One Year to Success (Chicago: American Library Association, 2014), 2.
31. Ibid.
32. Smith, “14 Signs.”
33. “Downgrading Your Job, Not Your Life,” The Simple Dollar, “Careers,” March 1, 2011, www.thesimpledollar.com/downgrading-your-job-without-downgrading-your-life/.
34. Darcy Eikenberg, “To Stay or Leave Your Job? Four Secrets to Help You Decide,” Red Cape Revolution, January 31, 2013, http://redcaperevolution.com/secrets-to-stay-or-leave-your-job/.
35. Lawrence, “Making a Big Life Change Is Pretty Scary. But Know What’s Even Scarier? Regret,” Tofurious Marketing Strategies for Smart Creatives, August 3, 2012, http://tofurious.com/quotes/making-a-big-life-change-is-pretty-scary-but-know-whats-even-scarier-regret/.