Is it time for another good bar joke yet? Okay. An elk walks into the Sip ‘N Dip in Great Falls, where there is a mermaid tank located behind the bar, and people are sipping colorful cocktails and listening to Piano Pat play the hits. The elk says to the Mermaid sitting next to him, “Did you hear about the bailiff who moonlighted as a bartender? She served subpoena coladas.”
Montana
The Montana state motto is “The Last Best Place,” and it is nicknamed the Treasure State for its natural beauty. These claims are hard to refute, as anyone who drives the Going-to-the-Sun Road in Glacier National Park will attest that it happens to be one of the prettiest drives in America.
I love it if you get a drink at a bar, and upon the first sip, it is so enjoyable, you have to say (pounds hand on table), “That is a pounder!” I love pounder drinks.
—Dave Arnold, author, Liquid Intelligence, co-owner, Existing Conditions (Manhattan, NY)
Grizzly bears, Lewis and Clark, and the country’s largest collection of dinosaur fossils (at the Museum of the Rockies) are a big part of Big Sky Country. And that’s when people aren’t talking about spotting elk, antelope, pelicans, sage grouse, moose, wild buffalo, snow geese, golden eagles, loons, deer, and swans. There are more cattle in Montana than there are people. And I haven’t even mentioned the fish! Which reminds me—creek is pronounced “crick” in Montana. The word spendy means “expensive” here, used the same way as the word pricey.
Don’t forget to swing by the historic Montana Bar, a beautifully preserved western bar in downtown Miles City, or Charlie B’s in Missoula, open pretty much all day, serving Cajun food next door at the Dinosaur and offering what Esquire says “is the nicest place in the country to find a beautiful woman who can gut her own trout.”
Bozeman is a wonderful college town with many choices for food and drink, notably Plonk, Haufbrau House, Crystal Bar, and Copper Whiskey Bar & Grill. (Plonk also has a location in Missoula, and both are worth a visit.)
Enbär in downtown Great Falls specializes in house craft cocktails highlighting state distilleries (Gulch in Helena, Montgomery in Missoula, and Spotted Bear in Whitefish, to name a few), and incorporates celebrated philanthropic endeavors into its lively bar atmosphere, such as Toast to a Tuesday, where 10 percent of the drink sales go toward a local nonprofit.
Silver Star Steak Company in Helena balances a list of impressive classic cocktails with a wide variety of Martinis, and don’t miss out on Gulch Distillers’s wonderful portfolio of hand-crafted spirits, offering a varied list of creative spirits such as a reserve gin with elevated citrus and apricot notes, a bourbon cask spiced rum, and a fernet made with chamomile, saffron, rhubarb, mint, and Montana grains. The celebrated tasting room offers cocktails with house-made syrups, fresh citrus, and locally grown herbs.
If you’re stopping by a distillery also known for its cocktails, such as Montgomery Distillery in Missoula, fair warning: Montana law dictates that only two drinks are allowed during any distillery visit. Make ‘em count!
BAR SNACK
Virginia City, founded in 1863, is still considered one of the more complete original towns of its kind in the United States. While it is known as a backyard to Yellowstone today, it was a destination spot at the turn of the nineteenth century for theatre and vaudeville, mining for gems and gold, shopping at the mercantile exchange to try on eighteenth century wardrobes and mining gear, and hanging out at the Bale of Hay Saloon, the oldest bar in Montana
Montana Spirit
It’s worth noting that Glacier Distilling Company was conceived during a Montana snowstorm in the winter of 2009–10. The founders took inspiration from a Glacier National Park bootlegger named Josephine Doody, who produced an un-aged rye whiskey around the 1900s. They now assemble a wonderful variety of organic and GMO-free corn-based alpine whiskies and fine spirits such as Trail of the Cedars absinthe, made with potdistilled Montana wormwood.
Montana’s Oldest Bar
Virginia City is only 198 people, and the Bale of Hay Saloon, located on the western side of town next to the Opera House, keeps its locals happy with microbrews, original period artwork, live music, billiards, and ghost tours. The bar is absolutely beautiful. Bale of Hay is open only from mid-May through September, so get there while the summer sun is working its magic.
Montana Beverage
STATE FACT
In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to go fishing at all. Sheesh.
Montana Bucket List Bar
There’s no question this is one of the great bucket list bars in America. Open since 1962 and famous for its tiki-themed décor, swimming mermaids, and Piano Pat, the octogenarian piano virtuoso who brings the crowds to their feet when she gets a chance to tickle the ivories in a rendition of “Ring of Fire” for all the Mai Tai drinkers. The Sip ’n Dip’s signature drink is the Fishbowl, a sweet, boozy blue cocktail served in a fishbowl for a group of friends. Piano Pat performs Wednesdays through Saturdays. And she can play the hits, but she has her own request: No more “Sweet Caroline,” if you please.
Montana Cocktail Bar
Given the states proximity to fresh mountain water and hearty grains, whiskey holds a special place in Montana’s history, with female home-steaders getting involved with making spirits as a means to supplement their limited farm income. Copper celebrates the nostalgia with a nice blend of more than 150 selections, combining international whiskies with local Montana-based distilleries. But don’t let the name derail you: Copper is a well-known restaurant destination as well, and serves elevated pub food—and yes, it even has fried cheese curds, which makes this Wisconsin boy proud. The cocktail menu is playful and inventive, featuring Old Fashioned, Manhattan, Flip, and Moscow Mule variations, and notable Highballs such as “Best Whiskey Coke Ever,” with a cardamom-infused bourbon.
Evel Mule
Inspired by Evel Knievel, Butte, Montana’s hometown son, and Moscow Mules across America, this spicy sipper is here to bring out your inner daredevil. Evel Knievel was many things: insurance salesman, con man, fashion icon, purported kidnapper of his future wife of forty years, painter, and danger-seeking stuntman who attempted riding motorcycles over cars, buses, and bridges. If this cocktail could be a message, it would say: “Welcome to Danger City, population: you.”
1 ounce Glacier Distilling Cabin Fever (or Fireball)
1 ounce Gosling’s dark rum
½ ounce fresh lime juice
3½ ounces Fever-Tree ginger beer (classic or smoked)
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Garnish: lime wheel or lime wedge
Combine the ingredients in a chilled Old Fashioned or highball glass with ice. Garnish with the lime.
Black Diamond
Montgomery Distillery is the kind of family-run place you might hope to own and/or work in at some point in you life, because the people surrounding the company seem just too wonderful to ignore. This cocktail diamond elevates a simple Vodka Sour variation with honey and herbal notes and runs the table with the black pepper—an underappreciated cocktail ingredient—at the end.
¾ ounce fresh lemon juice
Leaves of one 3-to 4-inch fresh rosemary sprig
1½ ounces vodka
¾ ounce honey syrup (this page)
3 to 4 turns freshly ground black pepper
Garnish: fresh rosemary sprig
Put the lemon juice and rosemary leaves (about 10) in a shaker and muddle them. Add the vodka, honey syrup, pepper, and ice, cover, and shake until chilled. Fine strain into a chilled coupe glass. Feel free to add a couple more twists of pepper to the top. Garnish with the rosemary.
BAR SNACK
Yellowstone is largely in Wyoming, but actually spreads into the southern part of Montana. Don’t miss Boiling Springs, located at the northern part of Yellowstone, where hot springs flow into a cold ass river. You can actually be wading through water that is making one half of your body heat up while the other side can feel as though it’s freezing. I don’t believe there’s a cocktail that wields similar characteristics, but if you ever see Dave Arnold, ask him. The confluence of temperatures are drastic enough that one’s body temperature radically changes when moving a few inches, which is important to recognize, as all the elk surrounding you on the shoreline are shaking their heads and silently judging you, like a Geico commercial.