Appendix A
Quiet Influence Tactics
Self-improvement requires action and reflection. We can begin on either side—skill set or mind-set—but eventually we’ll need to develop both (see “Influence in Brief: Doing or Thinking?” here).
In this book I’ve tried to convey the influence mind-set while providing plenty of practical examples to inspire action. Sometimes, though, we just want a few tips to help us get started. To that end, here are tactics for each of the twelve quiet influence practices.*
1. Demonstrating care for colleagues
Be courteous and respectful in all your interactions
Be available to those who request your advice or help
Become familiar with other people’s jobs and responsibilities
Show appropriate interest in people’s lives outside work
Offer support without strings attached
Show awareness of and concern for the pressures and constraints others are facing
If you hurt someone’s feelings, apologize without making excuses
2. Encouraging others to express objections and doubts
Let others know you welcome questions and disagreement
When someone raises an objection, begin by encouraging the person to say more
Show interest in objections with your words, tone, and body language
Listen for and acknowledge the feelings behind the objection, not just the facts
Restate what you think you have heard and ask if you are correct
Wait to suggest solutions until you have fully understood the concern
Rather than asking for general feedback, ask how a specific plan might be improved
Influence in Brief: Doing or Thinking?
Do you start with the doing or the thinking? I gave this advice to a client who was struggling in meetings: when you get in trouble in a group, just look up and say, “What do you think?” So he does it ten times, and he realizes his meetings are more productive. That’s starting at the behavioral end. But when I teach facilitation skills, I say, “I can give you these techniques, but if you don’t believe there is real knowledge in the room, and that it is your job to mine the collective wisdom, you will never use them.”
–Joan Bragar
3. Exuding appreciation and good cheer
Maintain a pleasant, good-humored demeanor
Say “thank you” often and with sincerity
Express appreciation when others do something well
Avoid overdramatizing setbacks and problems
Welcome all feedback, both praise and criticism, as a gift that can help you do better
Avoid speaking disparagingly about people who are not present
Be the first to laugh at yourself
4. Taking time to develop a shared outlook
Arrange time for group members to get to know one another informally
Discuss how individual goals align with group goals
Jointly create a team mission statement and set of ground rules
Discuss members’ roles, responsibilities, and decision-making authority
Allow others the time they need to explain their ideas
Ask quieter group members for their input and advice
Tell others what you need in order to do your best work
5. Converting adversaries to allies by aligning interests
Signal your desire to work together rather than compete
Think in terms of interests (“We both want this project to succeed”) rather than positions (“I need at least 70 percent of the budget”)
Seek to understand your adversaries’ preferences, values, and assumptions
Be open about your own preferences, values, and assumptions
Emphasize points of reconciliation and alignment rather than differences
Early in a dispute, find a point on which you can agree
Share resources and information in the service of joint goals
6. Backing those who take the lead
Be just as willing to follow another’s plan as to advocate for your own
Support others in producing their best work
Show interest in gathering and developing others’ ideas
When you repeat or build on someone’s idea, acknowledge that you are doing so
Say “Yes, and . . .” more often than “No, but . . .”
Ask permission before revising somebody else’s output
Trust others to take charge of their own work
7. Finding ways to be effective in the face of aggressions
Accept the structures and rules you know you cannot change
Pursue what is in your best interest, not what feeds your ego
Eschew the dominant and submissive speaking styles in favor of the “social” style
Remain pleasant even as you advocate for yourself and your ideas
In confrontations, resist the temptation to counterpunch
Instead of trying to convince others, give others a chance to convince themselves
Keep discussions focused on ideas rather than personalities
8. Managing your own emotions and behavior
Use mindfulness meditation to help you observe your feelings with detachment
Take some time each day to reflect, plan, or learn
Respond calmly when your views or actions are challenged
Consider how your behavior might be contributing to a difficult situation
Develop the habit of pausing before you react
Admit your own errors and uncertainties
Strive to be the steadiest rather than the smartest person in the room
9. Doing the daily work with persistence and focus
Avoid pursuing fads and flavors of the month
Persist with your plans through the inevitable plateaus and dips
Explain how each person’s contributions matter to the overall effort
Set up a measurement system to track progress toward goals
When mistakes happen, learn from them, adjust, and keep moving forward
Regularly restate the mission: where you’re all headed and why
Remind others that big results come from many small steps
10. Attending to upstream factors more than downstream results
Work to build clarity, unity, and agility in every group endeavor
Focus on people factors more than on fast pace or perfect processes
Invest in building skills and knowledge—your own and others’
Analyze the root causes of failures and successes
Measure and celebrate interim milestones, not just end results
Keep an eye on the long term even when under pressure to produce in the short term
Check short-term fixes against your group’s vision and mission
11. Staying engaged when things get heated
Work with the resources and people you have
When things are going awry, name the issue you see and ask others how they see it
When in doubt, ask more questions
Address interpersonal conflicts directly and respectfully with the people involved
Remember that objections are a sign of engagement
Test your assumptions and be open to revising them
In heated situations, use “warm” (synchronous, face-to-face) communication methods
12. Walking away when influence is no longer possible
Realize that retreat is sometimes the best strategy
Watch for signs that your success as an influencer is rousing resentment
When a powerful person resents you, know that it is time to walk away
Once you’ve decided to walk away, resist the temptation to grandstand
If you can’t walk away yet, put all your energy toward seeking an exit
If you decide to fight, be certain you are fighting for a good and necessary cause
Always leave the party while it’s still fun