We should teach our children about Passover by answering questions that were asked by imaginary children who were made up by adults trying to imagine what children might ask about Passover if they ever stopped looking at their iPhones.
* * *
The wise child might ask: “What are the statutes and laws and rules that Adonai our G-d has commanded us?”
We should tell this child the Passover story in excruciating detail. We should read this child the entire book of Exodus, reciting every single statute and law, including all the dietary laws such as “Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk.” When we are finally done answering the wise child’s question, everybody will be very tired, and the brisket—which started out hot and juicy and was to be the main course of the Seder meal—will be as moist and tender as a UPS truck tire. And the wise child, if he or she is truly wise, will never ask this question again.
* * *
The wicked child might ask, “So it’s okay to cook an older goat in its mother’s milk?”
Not really! That was just a little Passover humor.1 But seriously:
The wicked child might ask: “What does the Passover service mean to you?”
The wicked child is basically saying that he or she does not consider himself or herself part of the service. We respond to this child by giving him or her a very fatty slice of brisket.
* * *
The simple child might ask: “What is this?”
To this child, we respond, “With a strong hand, Adonai our G-d brought us out of Egypt.” And the simple child might then say, “No, I meant, what is this thing crawling on the Seder plate?” This is an opportunity to have a group discussion about the importance of thoroughly washing the shank bone.
* * *
Finally, we have the child who does not know enough to ask a question.
We explain to this child that the secret is to take a declarative sentence, then simply reverse the order of subject and verb.
I am chopped liver.
What am I, chopped liver?