CHAPTER 27
“We have too many meetings.”
“Our meetings are not effective.”
“Our meetings are full of boring status reporting.”
Sound familiar? If you’re like most of the leaders we work with, you’ve said one or all of these many, many times throughout your career.
Stop complaining! Think of your meetings like an athlete thinks of training for his sport. Anyone who has ever played a team sport knows that you have to practice together. As a rower, no amount of time that I, CrisMarie, spent rowing on an ergometer, lifting weights, and running was going to prepare me for a race. I needed time with my teammates in a boat on the water learning how to row together. We had to find our rhythm and learn to work with each other.
The same is true in business. No amount of time spent in your office or cubical designing your plan is going to change the business unless you consider your teammates’ insights, questions, and input. If you’ve hired smart, passionate people who are aligned around a collective goal, conflict should happen every time you gather around a table.
Meetings are where you get in the boat together. You make time for debate and discussion, and you use the energy of conflict to increase the team’s EQ (emotional intelligence) and IQ (intellectual intelligence). That only happens when the team talks together about the business and issues as they come up.
NO WONDER LEADERS COMPLAIN ABOUT MEETINGS
When Susan and I first chat with a leader, we ask, “How often does your team meet together?” We are amazed at how little time the team actually spends together. Sometimes leaders try to manage the team through one-on-ones. Even scheduled team meetings are often canceled.
“We’ve got too much going on and too many other meetings,” they reply. “Plus, I have monthly one-on-ones with everyone.” They believe that one-on-one meetings or gathering in small subsets will keep things efficient. Leaders assume that having one-on-ones will make their direct reports more effective at their jobs. While this may help a person in her individual area, it undermines and denies the importance and value of the team.
Teams that do meet together regularly usually do so weekly. When we ask how those meetings are going, they respond, “Well, everyone goes around and reports the status on their area. Actually, it can be pretty boring and not very engaging.” No wonder business leaders complain about their meetings!
The problem isn’t the meeting. The problem is the way the meeting is run.
Teams are a collection of diverse people. The benefit of a team is in the collective brainpower of an entire group. But if that group doesn’t interact or take time to learn and appreciate the power of the team, it’s like playing basketball with a team of great shooters who can’t pass the ball or run a play together.
Effective meetings are often uncomfortable, because tension develops as people throw out different ideas. Instead of status reporting (which we suggest saving for e-mail), discuss the important topics and let your best minds passionately figure out the solution. That puts you smack dab into conflict. And when you lean into that conflict, you get to the gold mine of innovative, creative, and profitable results. When meetings are done right, leaders will see the value of meetings and look forward to them.
THREE TOOLS FOR EFFECTIVE MEETINGS
In rowing, I (CrisMarie) needed to know what to focus on that would most improve my performance. In business, it’s important to know how to use conflict in the context of a meeting so that people eagerly engage. Here are three basic tools to help.
1. Team Norms: Rules for the Race
Team norms are not rules. They are a small set of behaviors which, if adhered to, will dramatically improve the WE and the business results. Developing team norms sets the expectations of how to behave in a meeting. Team norms are the rules for the race. To develop your team norms, your group needs to know what its problem areas are and build norms around those issues. In Chapter 20 we talked about five steps to build and use team norms. Now, let’s tie them to an example.
Step one: Brainstorm what is and isn’t working in your meetings. Use a whiteboard or flip chart. Start first with what works well. Here is how one client did this.
Step two: Discuss the impact these behaviors have on the team. When you take the time to ask, you will discover underlying causes to the behaviors. Ask, “How does this impact the team?” or “Why is this a problem?” This ensures you’re solving the right problem.
Step three: Identify the top three problem behaviors which, if shifted, would dramatically improve your meetings and team performance.
We say three because some teams have a long list of norms. Who can remember a long list? Choose only three problems to address. When you find improvement, you can move on to a new set of three. Our client’s team decided on the following:
The other two issues—not working well across departments and lacking clear roles and responsibilities—can be discussed and addressed as key strategic topics rather than made into team norms. Team norms are for persistent problem behaviors.
Step four: Turn those problems around to the desired behaviors. At this point, have an open discussion about what might be alternative healthy or productive behaviors. We use a neighboring flip chart so everyone can see both the unproductive and productive behaviors. Here’s an example of that same team’s ideas for productive behaviors.
Step five: Hold your team accountable. When someone doesn’t behave in alignment with your team norms, use the model from the WE: Check It Out! (Use only data and curiosity). For example, if someone is late to a team meeting, you can say, “I noticed you walked in ten minutes late. [Data] We have a norm that says we’ll be on time. [Data] What happened? [Curiosity]”
When the leader holds the team member accountable for the team norm, other people know that working hard to be on time was worth it, and they will keep doing it. This sets the context for people to feel worthy and engaged in a meeting. Make team norms matter. Talk about them, and check it out when someone behaves out of alignment with the team norms.
2. Turn Toward Conflict: Give Permission to Hang In
The fact is that most individuals are not comfortable with conflict. In a meeting people tend to turn away from it, ignore it, pretend it is not happening and carry on. Nothing could be less effective, especially because the people in the conflict—whether it is overt or covert—remain stuck in the conflict and, therefore, can’t fully access their creative brains.
As the leader, pay attention to the signs and signals of conflict. For example, someone raises his voice to repeat something or others lean back and look away. When you notice conflict, acknowledge it, check it out, and give the space and permission for people to deal with it. Let people know that conflict is okay, and even expected, and that opting in, hanging in, and working out their differences is powerful, even if it seems counter cultural. Reinforce the behavior by acknowledging good job, even if it doesn’t go well. This fosters an environment in which people will try it next time.
To reiterate, here are the four steps to turn toward conflict during a meeting:
- Pay attention to signs and signals that conflict is in the air.
- Acknowledge what you think is happening and check it out.
- Give space and permission to opt in, hang in, and work it through.
- Give them a good job, even if it didn’t go well.
3. Build on Ideas: Reflect Back What You Are Hearing
We want people to develop skills to build on each other’s ideas during conflict, not tear each other apart until the best person wins. A helpful tool that works beautifully in tense situations is reflecting back.
Reflect back what you’ve heard rather than restate your own point in another way. There are three steps for reflecting back:
- After listening, repeat what you’ve digested from what the other person said. (Don’t just say, “I hear you.”)
- Include what you’re picking up emotionally from what they are saying.
- Ask for confirmation: “Did I get it?” This gives them the space to clarify ideas or concepts if what you heard is not what they meant to say.
For example, “It sounds like you want to take a more conservative approach because you think my idea would threaten our current cash flow, and you’re frustrated that I keep bringing this idea up. Did I understand you correctly?”
Bridging differences helps get to innovation and creativity without breaking trust. It includes learning to build on each other’s input instead of sticking stubbornly to your own story. It takes listening, reflecting back, and checking it out. For most of us, this is a skill that needs to be developed, as opposed to something we do instinctively.
MEETINGS THAT MATTER
Meetings are where your team plays together. It’s where they get work done. Use the tools we covered in this chapter to make your meetings more effective. You can:
Create team norms, so people know the behaviors to avoid and the productive behaviors that are expected.
Follow the four steps to turn toward conflict, so you set the stage for people to follow.
Build on ideas by following the three steps for reflecting back what you heard.
We don’t pretend this is easy. It’s not. Behaviors lead to results. I (CrisMarie) did not get to the Olympics by being casual and ignoring my alarm at five o’clock every morning. Instead, I got up and worked out twice a day, six days a week, for six years. You can build a strong WE, and your team can produce innovative, profitable results in the business. It takes your commitment and discipline to hold you and your team to these higher standards day in and day out. When you do, your team’s ability to play together will skyrocket, as will their competitive advantage. Want your team to know and use these tools? Download Make Your Meetings Matter at www.Thriveinc.com/beautyofconflict/bonus.
What do you do when a big change is needed? How do you get people to change? Read on to find out.