People often have low tolerance for tension and ambiguity. Conflict causes tension, both within ourselves and with others. It generates ambiguity about a person or team’s focus and makes us feel out of control. So, rather than tolerate conflict, people cope by trying to defuse the tension. They attempt to control the conflict in the best way they know: by avoiding it. We call this opting out.
Avoiding conflict seems like a good idea at an individual level. After all, who wants to experience the discomfort, other people’s reactions, or the tension of conflict? But avoiding conflict is detrimental to a team because it stalls team creativity.
In this section, we’ll go into detail about opting out. While people find many ways to opt out, the three most typical styles are as Superstar, Accommodator, and Separator. We’ll show you why each time you make the choice to opt out and avoid oh, sh*t! moments, you undermine, eliminate, and defuse the potential energy that drives team creativity. Even though you feel better in the short-term because the tension and ambiguity are gone, the result is that creative energy also escapes, like air out of a balloon.
If you’ve been opting out, the likelihood is you’ll keep opting out. Heck, you’re human! The key, however, is to recognize when you are making that choice and notice the impact so you can make a different decision when you want to or are ready to. We’ll show you how to recognize, notice, and decide to opt-in to conflict in this section.
Let’s start with a story that shows the huge bottom-line cost when teams opt out.