PREFACE
1. Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden, an anthology of women’s sexual fantasies, was considered groundbreaking when published in 1973 (New York: Trident Press; in paperback from Pocket Star Books, New York, 1991). She later published two more volumes of women’s sexual fantasies: Forbidden Flowers (Pocket Star Books, 1991) and Women on Top (Pocket Star Books, 1993).
CHAPTER 1
1. More than twenty years ago, Helen Singer Kaplan wrote that “sex is composed of friction and fantasy” (Psychology Today, October 1974). Since then, many studies have documented the universality of sexual fantasies.
In an article by Harold Leitenberg and Kris Henning (“Sexual Fantasy,” Psychological Bulletin, 1995, Vol. 117, No. 3, 469–96), the authors reviewed the research literature on sexual fantasy and concluded that approximately 95 percent of both men and women have sexual fantasies. They wrote, “Contrary to Freud’s assertion, sexual fantasy is not a sign of sexual dissatisfaction or pathology. Instead, sexual fantasies occur most often in those people who exhibit the least number of sexual problems and the least sexual dissatisfaction.”
2. We have explored individual women’s sexual fantasies within the context of their life experiences. Similarly, Gina Ogden, Ph.D., in Women Who Love Sex (New York: Pocket Books, 1994), stressed the significance of life experiences in shaping all aspects of women’s sexuality. “For women,” she wrote, “sexual function is more than a set of actions, more than the physiological events scientists know how to measure in the laboratory. It is a function of women’s whole lives.”
CHAPTER 2
1. Studies that have focused on gender differences with regard to sexual fantasy were summarized in the Leitenberg and Henning article, cited above. B. J. Ellis and D. Symons, Ph.D., concluded in a 1990 article (Journal of Sex Research, 27, 527–55), that women and men display “substantial sex differences in sexual fantasy.” Steven R. Gold and Ruth G. Gold, in a study on gender differences in first sexual fantasies, concluded, “Females would more often describe [their first sexual fantasy] as being related to a specific person or relationship, whereas males would more often describe the event leading up to the first sexual fantasy as being due to a visual stimulation or to nonrelationship sex play.” (Journal of Sex Education & Therapy, Vol. 17, No. 3, 1991, 207–16) J. K. Davidson’s findings about the five most popular sex fantasies of men and women were published in 1985 (Journal of American College Health 34, 24–32).
2. Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women, edited by Jayne Ann Krentz (Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press, 1992), is an anthology of essays by writers of romance fiction. In a 1984 study by C. D. Coles and M. J. Shamp (Archives of Sexual Behavior 13, 187–209), the writers concluded that female readers of romance fiction engaged in more frequent sex than nonreaders and were more likely to use fantasy to enhance sexual experiences.
3. In a study entitled “Sexual Fantasies, Gender, and Molestation History” (by John Briere, Kathy Smiljanich, and Diane Henschel, Child Abuse and Neglect, Vol. 18, No. 2, 1994, pp. 131–37), the authors explored the sexual fantasies of adults who had been sexually molested as children. They concluded: “Subjects with histories of childhood sexual victimization reported more sexual fantasies than did their nonabused peers…. Sexually abused women reported more sexual fantasies of being physically forced than did women without sexual abuse histories or men regardless of molestation history.”
4. In Making Violence Sexy: Feminist Views on Pornography (New York: Teachers College Press, 1993), a collection of essays edited by sociologist Diana Russell, Russell wrote, “Although rape, torture, and murder of women has not quite been institutionalized in the United States, these forms of violence have been institutionalized in the media…. Sexually violent images sell…. Watching movies of females being raped, tortured, and killed is now a favorite leisure activity for many Americans, particularly for teenagers” (260–61).
5. Rose Solomon, “Just Desserts,” in Ladies Own Erotica, by the Kensington Ladies’ Erotica Society (Berkeley, CA: Ten Speed Press, 1984), 151–52.
6. Marge Piercy, “Wet,” in Mars and Her Children (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1992), 128–29.
CHAPTER 3
1. In The Erotic Mind (New York: HarperCollins, 1995), author Jack Morin, Ph.D., explores the meaning of eroticisim and describes the importance of peak erotic experiences. He wrote, “By the time we reach adulthood we’ve all discovered that, by itself, sex can be little more than a collection of urges and acts. But the erotic is intricately connected with our hopes, expectations, struggles, and anxieties—everything that makes us human” (3).
CHAPTER 4
1. By Force of Fantasy by Ethel S. Person, M.D. (New York: BasicBooks, 1995), explores the many functions and purposes of fantasies of all types, including sexual fantasies. She wrote, “Fantasy … is a major mode of adaptation in which hope and investment and the future remain alive. Fantasy postulates a better tomorrow” (37).
2. The quote by Lonnie Barbach is from For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality (New York: Anchor Books, 1976), 77.
3. Rochelle Lynn Holt, “The Pleasure of Feeling Inside Your Body,” in Erotic by Nature: A Celebration of Life, of Love, and of Our Wonderful Bodies, David Steinberg, ed. (Santa Cruz, CA: Red Alder Books, 1988).
CHAPTER 5
1. In How to Make Love While Conscious: Sex and Sobriety (New York: A Hazelden Book, Harper San Francisco, 1993), author Guy Kettelhack discusses fantasy issues of significance to those who are in recovery.
CHAPTER 6
1. The sex therapy exercises referred to in Gale’s story, designed to help couples relearn touch in a more caring way, were developed by Wendy Maltz. She explains them in detail in her book The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse (New York: William Morrow, 2012, 3rd Ed.), and in an educational video, “Relearning Touch: Healing Techniques for Couples” (Eugene, OR: Independent Video Services, 1995).
1. In Sexual Dreams (New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1994), Dr. Gayle Delaney compares sexual dreams and sexual fantasies. She wrote, “Our sexual dreams are generally quite different from our sexual fantasies in several ways. Our sexual fantasies are usually erotically exciting, they unfold in a predictable manner, and they follow a fairly uncomplicated story line. Our sexual dreams, on the other hand, are sometimes not at all erotically exciting; there are usually all sorts of surprises, interruptions, and twists in the plots; and the story lines can be very complex indeed. Most of us call up sexual fantasies to turn us on, whereas our dreams come unbidden and sometimes shock the daylights out of us” (7).
CHAPTER 8
1. A more in-depth discussion of the conditions for healthy sexual intimacy was included in “The Maltz Hierarchy of Sexual Interaction,” by Wendy Maltz, first published in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (Vol 2, No. 1, 1995, Brunner/Mazel, Inc., 5–18).
CHAPTER 9
1. Research on guilt about sexual fantasies was summarized in the Leitenberg and Henning article, cited above. Specific studies dealing with partner issues include the previously cited study by Davidson and a 1986 study by Davidson and L. E. Hoffman (“Sexual Fantasies and Sexual Satisfaction,” Journal of Sex Research, 22, 184–205). Researchers B. Buunk and R. B. Hupka, in a 1987 study (“Cross-Cultural Differences in the Elicitation of Sexual Jealousy,” Journal of Sex Research, 23, 12–22), concluded that among subjects from seven different countries, women were less likely than men to feel jealous about their partners’ sexual fantasies.
2. The Masters and Johnson quote is from Masters and Johnson on Sexual Loving by William H. Masters, Virginia E. Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny (Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1986), 274.
CHAPTER 10
1. Sallie Tisdale, Talk Dirty to Me (New York: Doubleday, 1994), 87–88.
2. Among the many volumes of erotica catering to women readers and to specific racial and ethnic populations are: On a Bed of Rice: An Asian American Erotic Feast, edited by Geraldine Kudaka (New York: Anchor Books, 1995); Erotique Noire, edited by Miriam Decosta-Willis (New York: Doubleday, 1992); and Pleasure in the Word: Erotic Writing by Latin American Women, edited by Margarite Fernandez Olmos and Lizabeth Paravisini-Gebert (New York: Plume, 1994). Down There Press (San Francisco) regularly publishes new volumes of erotic writing for women. The Wise Woman’s Guide to Erotic Videos, by Angela Cohen and Sarah Gardner Fox (New York: Broadway Books, 1997), includes reviews of 300 adult films and sexual enrichment videos available from video rental stores or by mail-order. Passionate Hearts: The Poetry of Sexual Love, compiled and edited by Wendy Maltz, is an anthology of erotic poetry celebrating the joys of healthy sexual intimacy (Novato, CA: New World Library, 1996).
3. Tanith Tyrr, “Sacrament,” in On a Bed of Rice, edited by Geraldine Kudaka (New York: Doubleday, 1995), 95–96.
4. Stella Cameron, Sheer Pleasures (New York: Zebra Books, 1995), 223–324.