The Mentor Mambo

There is no better way to plan for success than to glean wisdom from artists who have already done it. If you’ve done your research in week 4, you should already know the key players in your chosen field, and now it’s time to reach out to them. Wisdom from mentors can give you an important edge in your path to success. Having friends in high places can not only be beneficial to the mentee but mentors also get the benefit of feeling great about passing down their wisdom. Did you know that a lot of very successful people have mentors? Steve Jobs (the cofounder of Apple and many other things) was the mentor for the founder of Facebook (Mark Zuckerberg),¹ Oprah was Lindsay Lohan’s mentor,² and before that, Oprah herself was mentored by the late Maya Angelou.³ Wouldn’t we all have liked to have been a fly on the wall in those meetings? Now was Maya Angelou solely responsible for making Oprah the megastar mogul that she is today? Not likely. But I’m guessing she definitely helped provide advice along the way.

First things first, though. What, exactly, is a mentor? The short explanation is that a mentor is any person who has already accomplished a version of what you plan to accomplish. Mentors can not only provide advice on how to pursue your goals but also introduce you to other influential people in the industry, give you direction during confusing times, motivate you when times are tough, or even hire you! Most important, a mentor should be your role model for how to act, communicate, and present yourself to your artistic community.

Here’s the difficult part: finding a mentor can be a bit tricky. Some folks might not be interested in coaching aspiring artists. And others just might not have the time. One of your challenges in this chapter will be developing the bravery to ask (and sometimes be rejected). Remember, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. The path toward finding a mentor can be a little dicey, and learning to ask for what you want can be scary, but I guarantee you will come out braver on the other side. And hopefully, eventually, you will nab a mentor (or two)! (Incidentally, learning to ask for what you want in life is a skill that can translate to a plethora of situations and is something everyone should attempt to acquire.)

A key thing to keep in mind when you contact famous or busy people is that you should always respect their time. Be concise and specific in your communication and remember to tell your potential mentor your why from chapter 2 (so you can play the “Pizzicato Polka” on their heartstrings). Remember that this person has very limited time, so questions like “How did you get into acting in film?” are not as quickly answered as “What would be the one piece of advice you would give to someone auditioning for a lead role in a romantic comedy?” Specificity is key when asking questions of busy people. Come up with questions that can be answered in a few sentences or less so that they can give you great advice and get out quickly. Additionally, if you have not done your research, and you ask a prospective mentor a question that is easily answered on the Internet, you’re more likely to be turned down. Busy people appreciate it when people who approach them have done their research. It not only saves prospective mentors time that would be spent explaining their past but it’s also flattering.

There are many ways to approach your accomplished artist. Want to be a dancer on Broadway? Ask a thoughtful question and send it in a direct message on Instagram to an ensemble member in your favorite show. Want to be an indie film actor? Buy a pass to a film festival and bring your list of questions to the Q-and-A sessions at the end of the screenings. Again, your mentor should love paying it forward, so if a prospective mentor seems not so interested, you should look elsewhere. You should also be realistic when choosing your future advice-giver. If you want to be a singer/songwriter, it might not be the best use of your time to reach out to Adele. You’re welcome to roll the dice, and you may just luck out and roll a seven on the craps table, but you might also want to have a few more who are not Grammy-winning international superstars in mind.

When you choose who you would like to be your mentor, don’t just e-mail a message like, “Hey, my name is Fred. Do you want to be my mentor?” Consider this as you would any potential dating relationship. You wouldn’t propose to a complete stranger on your first date (or at least most of you wouldn’t), so why would you ask a complete stranger to be your mentor? Develop a relationship first! Reach out with a flattering DM or e-mail, ask a few thoughtful questions, and see if you get a response. If you do, then great! Continue to “date” your mentor until you feel that the time is right to “pop the question.” There is no official mentor paperwork or secret handshake when you lock down a mentor, but it’s great to have someone officially give you the thumbs-up and show willingness to help you out on a semiregular basis. If this happens, you have more than likely already proven yourself to be a thoughtful, focused, upstanding citizen who will not be overly annoying or high-maintenance.

When and how you communicate with your mentor is imperative to lock down. Much like dancing the mambo, you need to “feel out” your dance partner. The mentor mambo is all about taking into account the subtleties of communication and reading between the lines. If you get a terse response, your mentor or prospective mentor is probably busy, and you should lay off the communication for a while. Similarly, if your mentor or prospective mentor is enthusiastic, feel free to be enthusiastic as well. Here are a few things to keep in mind in this communication:

Keep up with what your mentor or prospective mentor is doing, and make sure to comment on any recent accomplishments you’ve heard about when you reach out. (But don’t be creepy. “How was your colonoscopy?” and “How much money did you make on that last film?” are obviously inappropriate questions.)
After your initial encounter, you might want to consider letting your prospective mentor know a little bit about yourself and what you’re up to. Any good mentor wants to feel that his or her hard-earned advice will not go to waste.
Send updates on any advice that is given. Mentors do not like for their hard-earned advice to be sucked into a black hole of noncommunication. If, for instance, your mentor suggests that you sing a particular song at an upcoming audition, let your mentor know how it went the next time you chat.
Offer added value to their lives! You’d be surprised how far a thank-you card, a crocheted scarf, or an offer of free tickets to your upcoming show/film festival will go. You don’t have to wine and dine your mentor, but it would be nice from time to time to show your gratitude in some form other than an e-mail.

Finally, you should keep track of your communication with your mentor. While you may think you’ll remember everything you send to your mentor, you also may not. If you keep a little record of the date you communicated, what you said, and any feedback given, you will stave off the risk of asking the same question twice or contacting your mentor too much (or too little!).

The purpose of finding a mentor is to have someone in your corner who has been there and done that. The performing arts are not rocket science, but there is a lot to be learned if you’re a newbie. Do you have to have a mentor to be successful in the performing arts? No. Does it help your chances of becoming successful if you do? Yes. This book alone will not make you famous, but if you follow the advice in these pages, you are more likely to be successful than if you don’t. And why not take every opportunity you can to enhance your visibility, your network of artists, and your knowledge of your industry?

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY. . . .

I have mentored many, many young people in my day and I have, at one point or another, gotten them all jobs in the industry. (And a few of them are my go-to baby-sitters.) If I look from an outsider’s perspective, I can see that there are a few reasons for this. First, my mentees are usually at the forefront of my mind. In one week, one mentee texted me to ask my advice on a choreographer with whom she had had a falling-out. Another mentee e-mailed me and asked if I had suggestions for a 1960s song that she might sing for a particular appointment with a casting director. A third mentee reached out to see if I might recommend an ENT doctor in the area. I’m always happy to give these folks advice. And as they are present in my mind, when a friend calls asking for recommendations for casting or for new projects to fund or for just an assistant on set, these people are the first people I think of. Additionally, because I have put a good amount of work into these lovely young people’s careers, I want to show them off to the world: “Look at these great people I have helped along their ways.” Similarly, when I was performing on Broadway in my first original cast, the daughter of one of my mom’s friends reached out to me via e-mail, asking some great questions about my career and the industry. I was so flattered that I not only responded but also invited her to the theater for a backstage tour. Doing another person a favor actually makes you like the person more. This exact reason is why the mentor model is so successful and rewarding for both the mentor and the mentee.

DAY 1

Today you will be choosing the artists you would like to consider as potential mentors. You can look back at your notes from your research in earlier chapters for ideas, but also take time to brainstorm other potential people who might seem a little outside the box. Say you want to be a television director. Your mentor does not particularly have to be a successful television director but could also be a producer or a network executive. Your mentor also does not necessarily need to be someone who is older than you. If they’ve been there and done that, age generally doesn’t matter. Think past the proscenium and think about who has the skill set or overall wisdom to help you improve.

Set your timer for today’s exercise and start compiling ideas. It’s okay for now if you don’t have all of the information you might need to contact these people. If one of the people you write down in your brainstorming reads something like “that guy with the mohawk who writes all of those creepy plays about decapitation,” it’s great. And at least you’ll definitely know how to search for him tomorrow, when we get to the research section!

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DAY 2

Now it’s time to do some more research. Today you’ll choose your top three potential mentors and find out everything you can about them. How did they get started in their career? Where are they from? Are there any interviews you can find with them? What do their Twitter and Instagram feeds look like? Do they seem like they would be open to starting a conversation with a developing artist? Find the most current information you can dig up. But keep it professional. (Don’t be a cyber stalker; that will not be likely to nab you a mentor.) As you research, take notes. Divide your allotted time today into three parts and see how much you can learn about your person in that time.

Mentor Contender #1

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Timer set for _______ minutes

Notes:

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Mentor Contender #2

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Timer set for _______ minutes

Notes:

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Mentor Contender #3

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Timer set for _______ minutes

Notes:

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DAY 3

Today you’ll choose your mentor! Well, you’ll choose the first person you’ll plan to pursue to eventually maybe be a mentor. Remember, the first person you approach may not be interested. Or the person may be interested but may not have the time to help you out. Have you heard the phrase, “It’s not about you, it’s about me”? Well, that is just as applicable to finding a mentor as it is to dating, so don’t get disgruntled if it doesn’t work out the first time. Having said that, let’s give it a go!

Look back at your research from yesterday. Which of your three candidates did you relate to the most? Which seems willing to help someone else out? Who seems the most accessible and relatable to your most prominent chosen career path? Which person seems like the type of person you would want to spend time with? You’ll be spending at least a little bit of time with your mentor, so if one potential mentor’s voice makes your skin crawl, you should probably choose someone else.

You should also remember that this is someone who should be at least kind-of accessible. Your mentor should be a person who is currently climbing the same ladder of success that you’re climbing (same industry or career path) but is usually just a few rungs higher than you and not at the very top. If you’re a dancer in college who wants to join a ballet company and work your way up through the ranks to eventually be a principal dancer, you might want to consider choosing a dancer in the corps de ballet of your favorite company to reach out to rather than Misty Copeland. You would be surprised how many people forget to climb the rungs of the ladder between starting out and megastardom. Your best bet is to find the person who is the perfect balance between knowledgeable and experienced and free enough to take the time to mentor you.

Quick note: If you are a little unsure of exactly which of your goals from earlier chapters you want to pursue, it doesn’t matter. You’re keeping your options open, and that is great. Don’t feel trapped in one specific career path. You can always go back and change your mind. But you don’t know if things will work out if you don’t wholeheartedly give it a try.

So let’s go for it.

My first-choice mentor is: ______________________________________________.

Take a break for now, and tomorrow we will reach out and start your mentorship journey.

DAY 4

Now let’s choose how you plan to engage with your future mentor. Do you have a mutual friend who might be willing to connect you via e-mail to make an introduction? Who do you know who might know your future mentor? Is there a place you might be able to meet your mentor in person? Does the person you have in mind teach a class somewhere that you might attend or sign autographs at a stage door where you might introduce yourself? The arts industries are usually pretty small worlds once you get into them, so check out your research from earlier this week and ask yourself, Do I know anyone who has worked on any of the jobs that my potential mentor has done?

Do you know anyone in the cities that your mentor has worked in who might know someone who could connect you? Have you played the Kevin Bacon game? Well, play it with yourself and your mentor. A personal connection, even if it’s far removed, is always better than a “cold introduction.”

If a friend from your improv comedy team reaches out to you to say that her sister’s friend’s daughter wants to e-mail you because she has been following your career and wants to do multicam comedies like you, you’re more likely to do your friend a solid and reply than you are to reply to a random DM on social media. That is not to say that a DM is a bad thing; it just has a lower rate of response. If you can’t find someone to introduce you, that’s okay, too. You’ll just need to lay some groundwork first. First, make sure to follow your person. Second, make sure to engage with the person’s posts when appropriate (but again, don’t be a creeper). Only then should you reach out and e-introduce yourself.

When you’ve decided which way you will be reaching out to your mentor, you should then craft your letter. Here’s a great sample mentor introduction for a person who does not have an introduction or personal connection to her prospective mentor:

Hi, Donna! My name is Greta Fisher, and I’m a senior at Florida State University studying acting. I have been watching your car insurance commercials for years and you are absolutely hilarious. It’s so cool that you are a recurring character on multiple national network commercials! I am graduating in May, and I am so excited to move to Los Angeles in hopes of being a commercial actress (like you!). I hope to make the world a more joyous place by making as many people laugh as I can. Do you have any recommendations for a place in LA to study acting that would help me get better at commercial auditions? Thank you in advance for your help! I’ve attached a picture of me and my cat (I love your cat’s Instagram as well, by the way!) Take care!

Why is this a great letter? First, Greta introduces herself and identifies herself as an aspiring artist. Then she indicates that she is familiar with Donna’s work and expresses admiration for it (without being weirdly gushy). Next, she states the fact that she hopes to enter the same industry and finally (and most importantly) asks a very specific easily answerable question. If you don’t ask a question, you won’t get a response, and you won’t incite a conversation. And remember, if it’s a broad question that will require more than a paragraph to answer, assume that your potential mentor will not have time to answer it. Then Greta states a brief version of her why. Finally, Greta smartly attaches a picture in an attempt to establish a connection between herself and her mentor that is not related to the industry. This makes Greta seem more human, because Donna can see Greta’s smiling face, and it hopefully establishes a human connection in addition to the industry connection.

Now it’s your turn. If you plan to engage with your mentor in writing, you can draft your letter/message below (remember to keep it short):

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DAY 5

Now that you’ve engaged your mentor, today we will be setting up a log to track your communication with your mentor. I like to call today’s entry “how not to be annoying.” You’re probably not an annoying person in general, but if you e-mail or message your mentor too much, you could be viewed as such. Again, it’s like dating. After you e-mail, meet, or message your mentor, wait. If you wait a week and don’t hear anything back, you can reach out again. If you don’t get an answer after a second attempt at contact, it’s time to pursue another mentor. And that’s fine! It’s not a personal affront to you; your prospective mentor is probably just busy or doesn’t check messages that often. And if the person is too busy to reply to your first message, then he or she would probably not have been a good mentor anyway. Choose another person and start again.

If you do get a message back from your person, that’s great! Now you have to use your Spidey sense to gauge whether you should respond or not. Did your person ask you a question in return or just answer your question? If there’s a question, you should respond in the next few days. If not, you should wait until you either have some new information to relay or you have another question. After two or three answered questions, I’d recommend an offer of something. Offer tickets to your next show, send a small gift, repost a few of your prospect’s promotional posts, or do something else that might add value to the person’s life. If your future mentor has spent enough time to answer two or three of your questions, you should find a way to pay the person back. You could even find an article or online resource that pertains to something the possible mentor is interested in. For instance, if your person has a kid in New York, share the Kid on the Town website, which points people to cultural events that are kid-friendly. You don’t have to spend a ton of money and wine and dine these folks; you just need to find a creative or useful way to add value to their lives. Here’s how you should track your mentor communication below.

Date	Communication	Question/Comment/Offer	Outcome
March 2, 2020	E-mail	Do you recommend I get my Actor’s Equity card before moving to New York?	E-mailed back: Don’t get it yet. (No Question)
March 25, 2020	E-mail	Do you have a voice teacher you recommend in New York?	No response
April 1, 2020	Comment on Instagram post	I love your new album! Do you have a voice teacher you recommend?	Responded on Instagram
April 18, 2020	E-mail	Offer for free tickets to my off-Broadway musical	Responded: Can’t attend but good luck
April 30, 2020	E-mail	Will you be my mentor?	Yes! E-mail me any questions you have

It may seem like a waste of time to be this specific about tracking communication, but sometimes we can lose track of time. Six months could go by in a flash and before you know it, your mentor has forgotten about you or changed contact information. Or you don’t remember that you contacted him or her five times within two weeks, asking the same question. Either way, if you keep track of communication, you can make sure to be respectful of your mentor’s time and thoughtful about how and when you reach out. We will discuss more about networking in later chapters, but in the meantime, keep track of your communication.

Date	Communication	Question/Comment/Offer	Outcome

NOTES

1. Ilan Mochari, “Steve Jobs’s Early Advice to Mark Zuckerberg: Go East,” Inc., September 29, 2015, https://www.inc.com/ilan-mochari/visit-india-creativity.html.

2. Michelle Darrisaw, “Lindsay Lohan Credits Oprah for Positively Transforming Her Life,” Oprah Magazine, October 18, 2019, https://www.oprahmag.com/entertainment/tv-movies/a25834367/lindsay-lohan-oprah-beach-club-interview.

3. Lesley Messer, “Oprah Winfrey Remembers Her Mentor Maya Angelou,” ABC News, May 28, 2014, https://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/oprah-winfrey-remembers-mentor-maya-angelou/story?id=23901061.