How to Tell Quickly If Someone Will Be Your Next Best Customer or Valued Contact
RYAN’S STORY PART 2
The last time we encountered Ryan he was in a park leaving a signal. The red thumbtack he inserted into a designated bench would indicate to his colleague that things were going as planned and it was time to take the mission to the next step. The first step in this process was simply Ryan giving off the appearance that he was just a regular attendee at the conference. That’s why he was going to attend the lectures just like everyone else—and do something to make sure others saw him. It wasn’t a huge conference, so it was important that he be seen and noticed by other attendees. Otherwise Ryan could have ended up raising suspicion.
June 04, 20XX, 11:30 a.m.
I was in my second lecture of the day, and I still didn’t see Thad. I was looking around the room and noting who was there, making sure not to draw attention to myself. I was growing a bit anxious, as the conference—aka ISOKRATES—was only a few days long, and there was no room for error.
The morning’s schedule featured several lectures and panel discussions on different topics, spread out over a few buildings at the university. Unfortunately, Thad wasn’t listed as a speaker at any of them. I’d have to search him out without making it obvious I wanted to speak to him. I was pretty sure he was the guy I was looking for, but I wouldn’t really know if he suited the purposes of my assignment until I had the opportunity to assess him. Could he be motivated to help me? Could I convince him that giving me information was something he could do? And what motivated him? What would make it worth it to him to take the risk of sharing this information? Did he have the right character for our purposes? These were important questions to which I needed answers. If Thad didn’t work out, I’d have to start from square one, looking for someone else who might fit the criteria of my requirement.
When the lecture was over, I started walking to the exit when I sensed a change. I learned very quickly that scientists are fairly reserved people, so it was clear that something was going on. The level of chatter increased around me, and some people seemed to be in a hurry to pick up their belongings and get out of the room. I didn’t sense panic—I sensed excitement, similar to the buzz that surrounded Thad during the previous night’s reception. When I walked out of the lecture hall, I watched everyone else exit and walk across the street. I asked a woman who appeared to be a student where they were all going. She mentioned that it was a tradition that everyone gathered at a local restaurant for lunch. When I replied that I hadn’t had much opportunity to sample the local foods, she suggested I join her and her friends. I accepted her kind offer.
When we arrived at the restaurant, everyone, including Thad, was laughing and eating and drinking. Even better, Thad was alone at the bar and not engaged in an active conversation. This was my chance. I made my way through the crowd until I was standing next to him. “Oh, hi. You’re Clive’s friend, right? We met yesterday, I’m Ryan.” Thad stuck out his hand and I shook it. But I also took my other hand and clasped it over both of ours. I quickly and very lightly shook his hand in both of mine, careful not to grasp his hand too hard or for too long. I only wanted him to register the fact that my handshake was unique. I didn’t want to cause any alarm. His smile suggested he interpreted this gesture as I had hoped—as a minor intimacy, a sign of friendliness.
[ SPY TIP ]
CREATE AN IMPRESSION WITH A SIGNATURE HANDSHAKE
If you want to make an impression on someone immediately, shake their hand in a unique way. It’s crucial you do this in a manner that’s casual, confident, and easy—otherwise this could come off as strange and have the complete opposite effect. A unique handshake sends a direct signal to the other person that you’re coming to them in a friendly manner. When done correctly, it’s a nonthreatening demonstration of intimacy and a diplomatic win.
I needed to jump-start small talk, so I said, gesturing to the large crowd, “Is it always this hard to get a drink here?” Thad smirked but didn’t respond further. I had to try something else. “It’s really beautiful here. I’ve also found everyone to be very welcoming. I wish I would have brought my wife and kids.”
Thad looked up, he seemed hesitant but then he said, “I don’t travel very much, but I agree, it really is beautiful.” His shoulders opened up, his feet turned slightly toward me, and he graced me with a genuine smile. “My family would like it too.” I had an in.
“Do you have kids?” I asked him.
“I have a twelve-year-old son and a fifteen-year-old daughter. As great as it is to be at this conference, I have to admit I miss them.” Thad added, “It really is hard being away from my family. I’m definitely not used to it.”
Now I really felt like I was getting somewhere, so I asked, “Does your work prevent you from traveling?”
Thad looked slightly uncomfortable but said, “Well, it’s very complicated for me to travel. I’m not really allowed to travel much due to the nature of my work.” That sounded suspicious to me, like Thad wasn’t allowed to leave his country very often. What was it about Thad’s work that made it difficult for him to travel? It was another clue that I was talking to the right person.
I wanted to get more specific information from him, but I had to be extra careful about what I said next. “Wow. You must be doing some very important work if your organization can’t let you go! What do you do?”
He crossed his arms over his chest, a sign of self-protection. “I’m just a researcher. I mostly work with particle physics.”
Bingo. “Oh really? That’s something I’ve always been curious about. I’d love to hear more about that sometime.”
It was time to change the topic. “Do you think you’ll have any opportunities to see the sites around here before you leave?” I asked. “I can’t decide what I want to see the most.” Thad mentioned something about a museum he had heard about, but he wasn’t sure if he’d have time to go. The bartender was finally ready for our order, so I asked Thad what he was drinking. He said he had sampled a local drink yesterday and that he highly recommended it; there was nothing like it back home where he was from. I told him that it sounded great and I’d like to try it. He ordered two glasses. I quickly dropped cash on the bar to pay for them before he could even reach for his wallet. He nodded appreciatively just as a small group of students was jostling to talk to him. I thanked him for the tip and shook his hand the same way I did before, also looking him right in the eye. I walked away to talk to another group. This was the perfect time to exit the conversation, because I knew it wasn’t possible to monopolize his time without others noticing.
8:30 p.m. Dinner reception
After lunch, I attended another lecture. I even asked a question at the end so that people would remember seeing me. I had carefully planned the question in advance with a little help from my team back in the States. I needed to appear like I was a legitimate attendee. When it was over, I made small talk with some others in the hallway. Then I discreetly made my way back to my room to take some notes and get dressed for dinner. I was thinking about my next move. Every conversation I had with Thad needed to be deliberate and handled with care. While I was now confident Thad held the key to the technology the United States anxiously wanted access to, I didn’t know enough about his character to determine whether or not he’d be a good asset. Knowing he had a family was a start, but what else made him tick?
At the dinner table I made conversation with everyone seated there, but while others at my table were casually enjoying their meals, I was carefully observing Thad. I was assessing everyone who was present, determining whom I might want to talk to further. While assessing, I was making mental notes about who was at his table, who approached him, were any of the servers hovering around too much? A couple of times I made an excuse to get up—either to go to the men’s room or get a drink. Each time I took note of the cars parked outside. I didn’t see anything suspicious. But I did notice a woman get up from her table about the same time I did. I saw her walk the length of the room, positioning herself so that she could see where I was going. I’d have to watch her; it was entirely possible she’d been sent to keep tabs on Thad. When I saw her go back to her table, she seemed to focus on another man who also stood up. This was a good sign; it meant she didn’t suspect me specifically.
A few speeches were made and then, finally, dessert and coffee were served in the next room. Once again, Thad was in great demand. I watched him from across the room for a few minutes, then made my way over to him. “How’s it going? I just wanted to tell you that I loved that drink you recommended! I hope you’ll let me buy you a drink sometime.” Thad seemed pleased that I liked his recommendation.
I knew it would be a long night, because I planned to wait until all the other guests had left. I needed to get Thad to myself. Finally, as many people were going back to their rooms, I saw Thad putting on his coat. He looked tired. I approached him with an idea. “I don’t know about you, but I can never sleep when I travel.” He admitted he couldn’t sleep either. “Hey, since we’re not going to sleep anyway, let me take you out for that drink.”
[ SPY TIP ]
GET THE FIRST MEETING
Once you’ve established that having a meeting with someone will be useful to you, it’s crucial to set up that meeting right away, as it increases your chances for success. A spy will casually say, “Hey, what are you doing right now? Let me buy you lunch.” Or “I’m free next Tuesday for dinner, I’d love to take you to your favorite restaurant.” When done with confidence and just the right amount of pressure, this tactic for landing a meeting is incredibly persuasive. Remember, the object is to get the first meeting; it is not yet time to sell anything. The pitch comes later.
Thad looked doubtful, but then he said, “Sure. Why not?” I told him I had to run back to my room but that the bar in my hotel was lovely and quiet. It was the perfect place to relax and have a conversation. We agreed to meet there in fifteen minutes.
My only concern was the blond woman from dinner. She could mess up everything. I had deliberately chosen a locale that I believed would ward her off. My hotel was small, the bar was very intimate, and there was no chance she would be able to keep her presence unknown to me. Luckily, it worked. Fifteen minutes later, Thad and I were sitting in leather club chairs, discussing everything from our families, to our hopes for our children, and even our love of vintage watches. We said good night just around midnight. The evening had gone exactly how I had hoped. This subsequent in-depth conversation with Thad proved to me he was a good person and that he wasn’t going to be motivated by money—it would take something much more significant to get him to share his secrets. But I thought I knew what made him tick. Thad wanted the best and brightest opportunities for his children. It would take a little more time until he fully trusted me, but I planned to make him an offer that would be extremely attractive to him and his entire family.
I needed to get on the phone with my people back in the States immediately to get the ball rolling.
THE ART OF ELICITATION
Spies are better at making conversation than just about anyone in the world. Someone like Ryan can easily have a chat with a diplomat, CEO, politician, prince, queen, or just an incredibly wealthy person. The person they’re talking to might live in a castle, have his own airplane, and drive a Bentley—but it doesn’t matter. Ryan could blend in well enough to appear as if he might live a similar lifestyle (and I can assure you, he doesn’t). When Ryan was talking to Thad, it appeared he was just having a friendly, casual conversation. He brought up some general topics that are considered normal when you first meet someone. But something much deeper was going on than your typical getting-to-know-you chat. Ryan was actively eliciting information from Thad. A spy will have undergone literally hours of training on how to direct a conversation to pull information from someone. Every question Ryan asked Thad was deliberate. Ryan was almost like an orchestra conductor, adjusting his comments and body language to evoke particular responses. His main goal was to collect information from Thad without ever asking a direct question. Ryan was able to elicit the information he wanted without raising any suspicions and potentially scaring off the target.
Any of my colleagues will tell you that elicitation is a true art form, but Anthony was surprised by how information was elicited from him during training: “I will never forget thinking how I was above all of this in my training—that no one would get me. Then I was shown the video footage of my training, and I thought wow, that guy read me like an open book. I had to laugh. I was embarrassed, but I also realized how powerful elicitation can be when it’s done well.”
Elicitation works because most people generally want to be helpful and kind. It’s not our nature to say no when asked a question, especially when it seems innocent enough. The truth is, most of us have used elicitation at some point in our lives. Have you ever wanted to surprise your wife with a great birthday gift, and you’ve asked sneaky questions to trick her into telling you what she wants? If you have, you’ve used elicitation. These very same kinds of tactics can be an enormous asset in the business world. When you’re a salesperson or entrepreneur, it can feel like you’re spending an enormous amount of time developing relationships with potential customers. Countless hours (and lots of dollars) are spent on dinners, breakfasts, and golf outings—not to mention the follow-up emails, social media posts, phone calls, and cold calls that need to be made. To make matters worse, it can be an enormous amount of time and effort only to end up back at square one: The customer doesn’t place an order or the deal isn’t closed. But what if, by putting some simple spy tricks into practice, you could quickly eliminate that customer who isn’t going to buy from you or that contact who isn’t going to be useful? What if you could pull the right information from someone to figure out if they were your next customer?
In the spy world, there is no room for wrong turns. Devoting resources toward the wrong target can derail an entire operation. That’s why spies are trained in various elicitation tactics to draw information they want from a person without that person having any idea it’s happening. Spies are assessing people, pulling out key bits of information to help them decide if it’s beneficial to develop the relationship further. While a spy is also likely to use elicitation during the development phase, the process usually starts when he’s trying to assess a potential target. He’ll use a variety of techniques to get a person to start talking. Some tried and true tactics would include the following:
Flattery: It might sound cliché, but flattery can take you further than you might imagine in the spy world. Spies are expert at doling out a compliment in a manner that makes a person feel good, doesn’t come off as too much—and also places them in a position to provide information. For example:
“Your company must really value your expertise, otherwise they wouldn’t send you to this conference. You must be one of the best in the business.”
A comment like this may get someone to open up about their position at their company, share information about their area of expertise, or even talk about a project on which they are working.
Mutual Interest: If you want to find a way to get a stranger to open up to you, find a topic that matters to both of you. You’d be surprised how much information someone will willingly share once they see that you also have knowledge in this area. For example:
“I completely agree, the changes in home security technology are crazy right now.”
This sort of statement gives off a signal that you operate in their world too, and therefore it’s safe to discuss this topic with you. You’ve given the impression you are knowledgeable on this topic, so the person you’re eliciting feels they aren’t telling you anything you don’t already know.
Leading with a Question: This is a simple tactic that lays the groundwork for a more detailed discussion. It often works because many people enjoy being at the center of a conversation. For example:
“Have you always been with the same engineering firm?”
This question will prompt a person to share information about their previous work history. If it turns out they’ve worked at the same firm for a long time, the door is now open for further questioning. What do you like about that firm? Have you ever thought of leaving?
The Ignorance Ploy: Human beings are helpful by nature and tend to enjoy providing information to someone who is asking. For example:
“I’m completely new to database building. What do I need to do to begin to understand all this?”
Confessing ignorance on a topic is likely to result in someone happily educating you. Pleading ignorance often results in being given all of the information you need.
THE HOURGLASS CHAT:
How to Quickly Extract the Information You Want from Someone
If we take a closer look at Ryan’s story, we’ll notice something interesting. Every time Ryan got a bit of useful information out of Thad, he changed the subject. While at first glance this might appear counterintuitive, it is actually a part of a process spies use called macro to micro, or “the hourglass conversation.” By starting with a broad general topic, narrowing in on a specific topic, and then going broad again, you can quickly pull incredibly valuable information from someone without them suspecting you’re prying. You might ask them about their kids at the beginning of the conversation, then switch to their work (or the real information you want), then you go back to a general topic like where they like to vacation or their favorite foods. People often remember the beginning and end of a conversation—but not the middle. This is why spies ask the probing question in the middle of the conversation. This is how they can determine if their target has what they want without coming off as suspicious. In the business world, you can use it to assess someone’s interest level in your product, what their needs are, what makes them tick, or even if they’re thinking about using your competition. I share this knowledge to empower us all as businesspeople—to make useful and beneficial contacts more quickly. Just remember (and as any spy will tell you), being completely self-serving often results in a failed operation. If you want colleagues to share information with you, be prepared to give back with good intentions. With some practice, the hourglass technique is fairly easy to execute, and it can save you hours of time when it comes to prospecting new clients or customers.
Ryan needed to determine if Thad really had the level of expertise in his field that he was believed to have. That doesn’t mean Ryan needed to personally understand Thad’s work in depth, but he needed to determine if what he was working on fit the criteria. He also needed to figure out what made Thad tick and try to get a pulse on whether he was a trustworthy individual. He couldn’t just blurt out, “Tell me all about your work. Is it really capable of changing the world or causing international security issues? And, given a choice, which do you prefer, money or guns?” Just as you can’t say to someone you’ve met at an event, “Before I invest a lot of time and money into this relationship, can you just tell me how much of my product you’re really going to buy?” As refreshing as that approach might be, we all know it’s not socially acceptable. (It’s an excellent way to lose a customer and make yourself look like a jerk.) But the same techniques Ryan used to tease the right information out of Thad can be used to feel out whether or not a potential contact is going to move forward with a deal.
HOW TO USE THE HOURGLASS TECHNIQUE
Step One: Have a Clear Objective
This technique will not help you if you have no idea what information you’re looking for. Spies do their homework to have as much background information on people as possible. They’re not going in cold. Arm yourself with as much information as you can before moving forward for the best results. In Ryan’s case, he wanted to determine:
Step Two: Micro: Deliver a Low-Key Provocative
When Ryan had the opportunity to have a direct conversation with Thad, he opened it with a low-key provocative. This is, quite simply, one-on-one small talk with the added goal of acquiring a bit of information from the person to whom you are speaking. It’s very important to avoid topics that would ignite any passions, deeply held opinions, or something that might be offensive. Topics such as politics or current events should be avoided. Your goal is to find a common topic you can probe further a bit later. Ryan chose the topic of Thad’s family. He delivered the following low-key provocative:
“It’s really beautiful here. I’ve also found everyone to be very welcoming. I wish I would have brought my wife and kids.”
A low-key provocative is a statement that comes across as nonthreatening. This part of the conversation should feel easy and pleasant. Some general examples of low-key provocatives include:
Assess and Observe
When he told Thad that he wished his wife could see the area, and Thad responded that his wife would also like it, he had successfully elicited the information that Thad was married. With a very innocuous follow-up question, Ryan also learned that Thad had children. Family was their commonality. Ryan was also careful to observe any visible physical cues. When Thad talked about his family, he exhibited positive body language, signaling that he felt comfortable and happy when talking about his family. He warmed up to this conversation by opening up physically—his feet faced toward Ryan, his chest relaxed, and he smiled. All of this information would be useful to Ryan later on as he attempted to pull more specific information from Thad.
The Four Indicators: A Place to Get Started
Of course, spies like Ryan have spent years fine-tuning their instincts. This is a skill that improves with time and practice. When you’re just starting to exercise these skills in business, it might feel overwhelming. Where do you begin? How do you know what to look for? To make things easier as you’re warming up to these skills, I suggest simply getting to the bottom of what someone really wants. Too often we’re so busy pitching our business or services to a potential client that we never stop to think about what they’re looking for or what they need. Focus on the following four areas:
Price: Can you manufacture what they’re buying for less? Can you offer the same service at a discount?
Speed: Can you provide quicker service? Is your production turnaround time faster than what they are currently experiencing?
Customer Service: Are they dissatisfied with the service they’re receiving? Can you provide better, faster, more reliable customer service?
Guarantees/Warranty: Do you believe in your work to the point where you can provide a fantastic guarantee? What can you offer?
Focusing in on these basic but very important areas can help you get started. If you’re talking to the VP of manufacturing at a company and he mentions stress at work because their product line is behind schedule, probe for more information and see if you can solve his problem. If someone is losing clients because of inconsistent customer service, jump in and talk about how you’d handle that scenario. Like my colleagues still in the field who are digging deep to find out who might be their next biggest asset, I’m always gently pushing to see what a businessperson really wants or needs—and how I might be the one to provide it. Make a point to listen carefully and pay attention during these conversations. Notice how the other person responds physically throughout your conversation—evidence of positive body language can help you determine where you should push further or if you should back off.
Signs of positive body language might include:
Step Three: Micro: Narrow Down the Conversation
Once Ryan had settled on a comfortable broader topic with Thad, he could take things further by narrowing in. It was now time to ask a more direct question. Ryan pushed Thad on why he didn’t travel frequently and mentioned that his work must be very important if it prevented him from traveling. Ryan was trying to get Thad to open up about where he worked and why he was prevented from traveling. It would be unusual for a person to open up widely about something so personal; if he’s a valuable asset to their country and is not granted complete freedom as a result, it could even be dangerous. The idea here is to tip the domino of the conversation, to touch on it just briefly to see if it elicits a response.
Assess and Observe
When Ryan turned the subject to why he couldn’t travel, Thad’s physical demeanor changed again. Instead of being open and happy, he seemed uncomfortable, and his posture turned inward this time. While Ryan might not have gotten very specific information about why Thad didn’t travel regularly, it was confirmed that something prevented him from doing so.
Signs of negative body language might include:
Step Four: Macro: Broaden It Back Out
As soon as Thad showed discomfort around the topic of travel, Ryan reverted back to a broad topic. They were talking at the bar, so Ryan could effortlessly switch the conversation back to something as simple as what they would order to drink. They had a very brief conversation about local drinks, Ryan paid the bill, shook Thad’s hand the same way he had the night before, and left Thad to talk to some students. The abrupt switch of conversation was deliberate, and here’s why: People will generally remember the first topic of conversation they had with another person as well as the last—but everything in the middle is likely forgotten. That means that Thad was more likely to remember the warm and fuzzy conversations about his family and would associate Ryan with positive conversations. The part about travel that prompted negative feelings would be completely forgotten. Ryan would have repeated this process until he felt he was getting the appropriate information he needed to assess Thad.
[ SPY TIP ]
CASH IS KING: SPIES ALWAYS PICK UP THE CHECK AND PAY CASH
It’s not unusual for most people these days to go for days or even weeks without touching actual money. Everyone uses debit or credit cards these days—and now it’s becoming more common to pay using a smartphone. This is simply the opposite of how any intelligence officer is going to operate. To this day I pay cash whenever possible, and I’d never think of leaving the house without cash in my wallet. Spies never rely on debit cards and credit cards. Spies always carry cash, and you should too.
First, a simple twenty-dollar bill (or a few of them) can get you out of many unexpected jams. In the intelligence world, you might quickly slip a restaurant owner a few bills just to let you slip out the back door of their kitchen so you won’t be detected by someone who is following you. I once was involved in a minor car accident. It wasn’t my fault, but the other driver was irate and clearly not a rational person and I was in a hurry to get somewhere. He was screaming and yelling at me while my family was in the car. Two twenty-dollar bills got him quiet immediately, and we both went our separate ways.
Most important, a spy is never going to let a potential asset pick up the tab. He’s also going to pay it in cash—not matter how big the bill is. You will never see a spy dropping his credit card on the table. Even in the age of technology, paying cash is a symbolic gesture. It signals to others that you are flush with money, it’s no object, and, most important, it creates a dynamic where the other person feels indebted to you. Once again, this is a situation where basic human nature is a spy’s best friend. Most people feel grateful when someone picks up a bill. Even if they don’t have the money to reciprocate, they are likely to repay that gesture in a different form. In the spy world, this favor could be returned in the form of information or a warm connection to an important person. In the business world, such gestures also translate into a sharing of information and contacts, or they create an obligation to provide information should it be needed later on.
SPY TECHNIQUES IN ACTION:
How I Used the Hourglass Conversation to Land a Gig with a Billionaire
A few years ago, I was at an exclusive event, and I happened to know that an incredibly wealthy businessman was also going to be present. I knew that this person had been receiving death threats (this is more common with high net-worth individuals than you’d think), and I thought I was the perfect person to provide security for him. If this guy hired me to protect him or teach him some techniques to keep himself and his safer, I knew it could lead to more lucrative jobs. I couldn’t just walk up to him out of the blue and announce that I was the best and he should hire me. In fact, since everyone in the room seemed desperate to talk to him, I didn’t walk up to him at all. Instead, I talked to his girlfriend, who essentially acted as an access agent. I started the conversation broad, discussing the food and why we were at the event. After a few pleasantries, when I could tell she was open to speaking to me, I narrowed the conversation down to security. I told her I ran a security company, and I couldn’t believe how many threats were being made against high net-worth people. The girlfriend confided in me that she was seriously worried about her boyfriend’s safety. She felt that he didn’t take it seriously enough, and she was looking to bring people in since he wasn’t going to do it himself. After receiving this gem of information, I went broad again. I took the conversation to the topic of favorite hobbies and said it was nice meeting her but I had to go. Later on, I did make a point to reconnect with her. I called her two days later. She remembered meeting me, was glad to hear from me, and ended up hiring my company. I provided training to her billionaire boyfriend as well as his entire board of directors.
The hourglass conversation worked brilliantly. The girlfriend hired me because I made her feel comfortable around a topic that caused her anxiety. I wasn’t pushy or demanding, since I knew that people were constantly trying to get her boyfriend to buy their services or invest in their company. I showed empathy and concern. A great side lesson here is that you never know who has the real hiring authority and who can get the deal done.
SPY TRAINING TAKEAWAY:
The Ability to Assess Your Own Strengths Equals Success
While it’s true that a good spy can talk to almost anyone, that doesn’t mean spies aren’t trained to understand their own strengths and weaknesses. To survive they need to have a strong, innate awareness of areas in which they are likely to run into trouble. James, a colleague of mine who spent years working in clandestine operations (these guys go on the most secret of all missions), had to successfully perform some of the craziest exercises imaginable in order to graduate from his training program. In one particular exercise, he had to go to a local mall and, within a fairly short period of time, convince someone to give him the last four digits of their social security number or the PIN number to their ATM card. During this exercise a senior officer was monitoring him closely, so there was no chance he could get the info by (a) threatening to harm the person or (b) explaining he was in the middle of a crazy training exercise and could they just give him their PIN number? The information had to be elicited from the person using every trick in the book. James figured out fairly quickly how to get this information from someone. The ticket for him was to approach a middle-aged female cashier. He approached when there was no line and there weren’t any customers around. He bought an item, making sure to share that it was for his wife. He added a few comments about how great she was and how their anniversary was coming up and he hoped she’d love it. The cashier rang up the item and told James how much it cost. It was $63.23. He said, “Really? That’s so funny! Those are the last four numbers of my social! Huh, what do you think the odds of that are? You know, would you believe the only way I can remember it is to remember that my dad died when he was sixty-three and I met my wife when she was twenty-three?” More often than not, the cashier would reciprocate and share how she remembered her social security number—and he’d have the information and pass his class. James realized early on in the process that he had the greatest success eliciting this kind of information from middle-aged women. When he tried it with younger women, he flopped. Men of any age? Even worse. He didn’t get anywhere. Aware of what worked best for him in that scenario, James used that knowledge to succeed and nail the exercise. He didn’t have an ego about it and didn’t waste his time trying to pull the same information from a thirty-year-old man.
If there’s one lesson you learn early on in the spy world, it is that you can’t always be everything to everyone. If you’re not the kind of person who can connect easily with a drug lord you’re trying to take down, you’ll get killed. You put ego aside for the sake of the mission and get the right person for the job. Don’t let your company miss out on a business opportunity because you aren’t accessing your own strengths. Spies on TV can do anything, but the real bravery—in the intelligence world as well as in the business world—comes from knowing when someone else must take the lead.
[ SPY ALERT ]
What Would You Do If Someone Were Trying to Get You to Spill Your Business Secrets?
While, again, any spy will tell you that you must “give to get,” you want to remain in control and share information with others only when you feel it is appropriate to do so. If someone is trying to elicit information from you, here are some instant, easy-to-use deflectors that will get the person off your back: