Dear Friends and Family,
My mother was an optimistic, completely positive person. I grew up amid phrases like “Make lemons into lemonade” and “The glass is always half full.” Though she died several years ago, her long ago guidance has been vital for these challenging times.
A week ago, my sister-in-law Linda called from Georgia. I nearly dropped the phone when she announced, “Winnie, from the minute Nancy entered the hospital, I’ve been working to free up my schedule. I really want to see Nancy and help you, Jaret, and Jayna. I bought my ticket today. Can you pick me up at the airport tomorrow afternoon?”
Speechless, I paused to gather my thoughts. How could I tell her “NO” gently? I replied, “Jayna and I are doing great, considering everything. We alternate times at the hospital. Jaret has adjusted to Nancy being in the hospital. My partners, along with everyone else at work, have been totally supportive. There has been an unbelievable outpouring from friends locally—even as far away as New Zealand. Everyone wants to help. So for right now, Linda, we’re actually all right.”
I really wanted to say, “Don’t come now. We don’t need you.” Or more accurately, “We’re not ready yet.”
Linda ignored my request and informed me, “Anyway, I land at 2:40 in the afternoon, Winnie. After you check your schedule, let me know if I should call a cab.”
As is too often the case, I was all too wrong.
Linda arrived and has been a whirlwind of activity ever since. She fills in at the hospital when I am working and Jayna has a commitment such as her appointment at the University of Utah. She picks up garbage bags for the compactor. She has restocked our home refrigerator with real food. She does things like noticing that our houseplants are drooping like they’re living in a desert. And most importantly, she is taking Jaret under her wing.
I see evidence of her presence everywhere I look in Woodland. Actually, the first several days she was here, I rarely saw Linda because she has slept at the hospital with Jayna on the “every other night” schedule when I didn’t sleep in Nancy’s room. Nancy glowingly described it to me this morning as a “girls’ night in.” Even during the days when I am in Salt Lake City with Nancy, Linda has been busy being “Aunt-in-Chief.”
So when I don’t see Jaret in nearly three days, I ask Linda the same question many of you sympathetically ask me: “How’s Jaret doing?” I spend the day at work and go directly to the hospital to relieve Jayna for my “sleepover” with Nancy.
“Jaret’s fine. He and I . . .” and then she tells me of the many adventures she and Jaret have had the day before at the market, the toy store, or the park. She talks about his coursework, which she is now monitoring.
“In fact, Jaret and I have been talking and he has something to tell you. I thought I’d bring him here this afternoon after his classes. He wants to see you and his mom.”
When I returned from lunch in the hospital cafeteria today, Nancy was nearly asleep and Jaret was sitting on the rollaway bed engrossed in his Gameboy. He looked totally connected to Linda, whose shoulder was serving as a pillow for his head. Linda nodded at me and gently nudged him, “J, your dad is here.”
As sometimes occurs when Jaret is excited, he skipped the perfunctory “Hellos” and “How are yous” and burst into conversation about what was on his mind.
“You know, Dad. Mom has always done everything for me since I was a baby.”
Jaret’s assessment is accurate. Nancy has helped him with everything from daily living activities to his studies. She has been his chauffeur since Jaret doesn’t have a driver’s license. Most importantly, she has been his emotional bedrock. She has continuously showered him with the unconditional love necessary to build his self-esteem. But today, he showed the fruits of her years as a Super Mom.
“It’s my turn, Dad. I need to learn how to take care of Mom. Tell me what to do.”
This evening I treated Linda and Jayna to a special dinner. Jaret didn’t join us as he decided to stay with his mother. It was our first meal in a long time not consumed at the hospital cafeteria. I couldn’t help but notice the look of satisfaction plainly revealed across Jaret’s face. It was the same look he exhibited when he announced his intention to assume a more active role with his mom.
As we walked out the door, I heard Jaret ask, “Can I get you some cold water, Mom?”
Summary: My sister-in-law Linda has arrived in Utah to assist our family. She made me very aware that our glass is more than half full and, in fact, contains lemonade.
Much love,
Winnie