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Practice Makes Better, Not Perfect

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

Christopher Robin

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

For years doctors dismissed her symptoms as stress related, but Leta was convinced her “ulcer” wasn’t just an ulcer but cancer, and hearing about my diagnosis motivated her to push for an answer. Tragically, she was right.

Leta lived just a year and a half after her diagnosis, but in those eighteen short months she was the poster girl for Thrivers everywhere. With three boys she loved fiercely and a husband trying to deal with his new role as caregiver, she chose to grab life and squeeze every last drop out of it. Even when the cancer spread and the end was in sight, she refused to roll over and give up, choosing to wrestle more life, laughter, love, and connection out of those months than many of us do in a lifetime.

As we sat on her back porch, her new pixie cut more red carpet than chemo ward, she turned to me with a mix of resignation and determination.

“This might be crappy, but it’s not going to beat me.” She exhaled wearily before breaking into a smile as she pushed herself up to wrap her fourth grader in a bear hug as he walked in from school.

Despite the endless treatments, surgeries, and side effects that often left her too weak to get out of bed, she continued to fight. Yes, fight the cancer, but ultimately fight to find true life in what life she had left.

Did she have endless optimism and gumption the rest of us lack? Nope.

Did she have moments when all she wanted was her old life back? Heck yes.

Did she feel the despair of knowing she’d never see her boys as men? All too well.

Did she ever want to give up? I’m sure.

Did that stop her? Not on your life.

Was she any different from you and me? Absolutely not. She was a southern woman with a gift for home decorating and loving well, but she would be the first to tell you she was no superhero—just an ordinary woman who chose to carve an extraordinary life and legacy from the prognosis that had shattered her world.

I know exactly what she’d say if she had the chance to hand you a drink and sit with you on her back porch, because she wrote these words just months before she died. She’d look you in the eye, grab you by the shoulders, and with a smile say, “Live big. Love hard. Kiss and make up. Plant a flower. Adopt a dog. Paint something orange. Start cocktail hour a little early. Buy the convertible.”1

Because she did.

Thrivers Aren’t Superheroes

In the pages of this book you’ll meet other people like Leta who somehow, despite being sucker-punched by a life they never expected, have found a way to live life to the full without waiting for rainbows and butterflies to make everything better. All of them have struggled with the lies no one’s immune to, and they do their best to hold on to the truths they need to move forward. Like Leta, they are just like us. Not a superhero cape or pair of tights in sight, just a set of well-worn practices tucked in their back pocket.

Now that we’ve dismissed the lies for what they are and found solid ground in the truths that anchor us in the storm, let’s dig into these practices. They are the key to living well whenever life falls apart, and I’m excited to dive in and begin to watch as your shoulders relax and you laugh a little more each day. But before we do, there are a few things I want you to know. They’re kind of important, so lean in and listen well.

You’ve Got What It Takes

When we’re facing down the reality of hard circumstances, it’s tempting to escape into a hole or roll over and accept our new lot in life, because we just don’t feel strong enough to do anything else and we’ve no idea which way to turn next. Pain is all-consuming. Worry is debilitating. Grief for loved ones and what-could-have-been wraps itself around us like a ten-ton blanket. Dwarfed by these mountains, it’s no wonder we feel weak and powerless.

But you are stronger than you can ever imagine.

You are, friend. You are strong. You may have teeny biceps or hide your flapping bingo wings in long sleeves, and you might not be change-the-world strong, but I know for sure you are change-your-world strong. Not big, bulging Arnie or “Go ahead, make my day” strong, but small, simple “Let’s go ahead and make a moment” strong.

How do I know? Because you’ve already taken the first small step—you’ve picked up this book and read this far, for starters. And you’re not giving up, giving in, or going home. I know you want more, even if you’re not sure what more looks like, how on God’s green earth you’re going to grab it, or whether you’ve got the strength to even take the first step. But you’re here. I love that about you. Like I said, you’re stronger than you think, and I’d bet my last tea bag you’re braver and smarter than you know too.

You’ve Got the Power

How do I know you’re stronger, braver, and smarter than you think? Because you’re not in this alone. God sent you the Holy Spirit, your own personal Counselor, Advocate, and Comforter who’s with you 24/7.

When the kids were young, my car battery died just after I’d locked and loaded three hungry, whiny under-fives into their respective car seats in my supercool mama-van. It wouldn’t start. It wouldn’t budge. I was stuck. I’m a pretty stubborn woman, and I was tempted to push us home, and with enough time, grit, and determination I might just have made it. But what I really needed was a fully charged battery.

Trying to jump-start our overwhelmed lives without the power of the Holy Spirit is like pushing a two-ton minivan full of screaming kids uphill, in the rain, barefoot. It might be possible, but not only is it exhausting, it’s totally unnecessary when there’s a free battery sitting in the boot. Even I’m not that stubborn.

We’re not alone in this, and we’re not limited to our own strength to do these practices. The Holy Spirit within us, whom we have access to 24/7, loves nothing more than equipping us, guiding us, comforting us, teaching us, and giving us strength, power, peace, and reassurance. It’s through the Holy Spirit’s power that these practices become more than just good ideas for feeling better; they become Spirit-fueled habits for living abundantly.

As a former science teacher, I love the power and simplicity of a pulley. Whether you’re raising a flag, lifting a paint pot up the side of your house, or lifting a hippopotamus out of a ditch, a simple pulley lets you reverse the direction you’re pulling (down, not up—so much easier) and reduce how hard you need to pull (saving those teeny biceps of ours). I know, I’m nerding out here, but finding the rubies in the rubble of our lives can feel like lifting Betty the hippo out of a ditch, and we need all the additional help we can get. Yes, we have the practices we need to do it, but God has given us the most brilliant pulley, his Holy Spirit, who makes the lifting so much easier it blows me away.

Let’s not leave the Holy Spirit outside in the rain while we struggle on alone, denying ourselves his power. Why would we say “No thanks, I’ve got this” when we have the Creator of the universe, the Maker of the heavens and the earth, with us? We have his Son, who sees us as we reach through the crowds to touch the hem of his robe, and his Holy Spirit, who counsels, comforts, guides, and empowers us.

You might feel too weak to lift your head off the pillow, or maybe you’re tempted to just give up and accept financial ruin. But with the Holy Spirit helping us each time we use one of the practices, our efforts are multiplied and life shines a little brighter. He’s given us a spirit not of fear but of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Tim. 1:7). Let’s use it. Let’s allow it to work in us and through us and turn these practices into power practices. It’s everything we need for life (2 Pet. 1:3)—a full life in him.

So Go For It

As I lay in the chemo chair, drugs that could strip paint pumping into the port just above my right boob, I’d pray for God to wave his magic wand and take it all away. He didn’t, but what he did do was give me the strength to pick up my mat (John 5:8), come to him (Matt. 11:28), and push through the crowds and touch his cloak (Mark 5:27). He equipped me to step toward him and into the life he’d promised me.

Are you in? Are you willing to do the same?

Willingness is all Jesus ever asks of us. Willingness is hope, trust, faith, and action all bundled into a tentative yes. Like the distraught father who brought Jesus his demon-possessed son and pleaded, “I believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24), we can say with full confidence, “I am willing, help my unwillingness!” and he will.

Each chapter going forward covers a different practice, and in each one you’ll hear from three different people: me (I know, we’ve already been introduced), one of my Thriver friends, and an often-forgotten woman of the Bible. Each one has used the practices in some way or another to find more when life handed them less on an empty platter. Then there’s a chance for you to dig deeper in the questions, followed by a short prayer you can make your own. I’d love for you to treat this book like a workbook, highlighting bits that challenge you or stand out, scribbling notes in the margin where God nudges you with a thought, maybe chatting it through with friends you trust. Wouldn’t it be great if this book was battered, bruised, and worn out from all the life you’re living? I’d love that.

Remember this: those folks you see on your chemo ward, the ones who seem to have this rather disarming peace and contentment about them, or that lady at church whose laugh lights up the sanctuary as she sits with her severely disabled son—they aren’t stronger, luckier, or more full of faith than you. And I’m certainly not, that’s for sure.

We are just ordinary folks who’ve taken some practices and, with God’s help, are finding the rubies in the wreckage of our crazy, messed-up-right-now lives. And you can too.

I am a Thriver.

I believe life doesn’t have to be pain-free to be full.

I reject the lies of the world about who and whose I am.

I embrace the truth that I am loved, seen, and enough, and that God loves me, isn’t mad, and will never leave.

I’ve got this because God’s got me, and together we can do more than I could ever do alone.