part0011

If so, you, fortunately, hold the key to switch off all—or most—of that drama. But first, let’s understand the basis of the drama-attraction cycle.

Our brains are remarkable, ingeniously creating chemicals to insulate and protect us from pain. The trouble is, some of these brain chemicals feel so good that they become addictive.

Let’s go back to the beginning. Our brains were wired to help our ancestors survive. We developed the ability to notice when something dangerous or out of the ordinary was brewing. So, we’re continually scanning our environment for unusual occurrences. It’s a self-protective mechanism, alerting us whether we need to run away from or fight whatever we’re facing. This is called the fight-or-flight response.

If you’ve had traumatic experiences where you’ve had to use your fight-or-flight response, your brain and body remembers this at a cellular and chemical level.

Likewise, if you were overwhelmed during a trauma, you may have reacted in a deer-in-the-headlights way. You froze in time, feeling helpless to save yourself. This freeze response is an ancient instinctive reaction in the face of overwhelming danger.

After the trauma, your body’s emergency system may be stuck in the “on” mode. This results in you overreacting to everything as if it’s an urgent matter. You panic when everything’s really okay.

Psychotherapist Pete Walker, author of Complex PTSD , has expanded the view of fight, flight, and freeze reactions to include an additional trauma response, called fawn. Fawning is the action of trying to please or placate someone to stay safe and get your needs met.

Most researchers define trauma as an experience in which you believe you’re going to lose your life, you feel completely helpless, or you’re filled with horror. Trauma can be anything that suddenly and completely disorients and disorganizes you. It’s an experience instilling mortal fear in you such that you no longer feel secure in the world.

The more traumas you’ve experienced, the more hypervigilant you become in scanning the horizon for danger. The ancient part of your brain that is built to notice unusual occurrences is stuck in the “on” position.

This means you’re jumpy, nervous, worried, and anxious . . . waiting for the next trauma to occur. You expect danger to be lurking just around the corner, and it’s difficult to concentrate on work, studies, or anything “ordinary.”

Your chronic anxiety wears on your nervous and immune systems, and reduces your happiness. By expecting the worst, you may unconsciously attract or even create it.

Researchers have found that those who have experienced trauma are much more reactive to stress than nontraumatized people. Once you’ve been traumatized . . .

Additionally, negativity may block you from noticing your internal warning system (intuition). We all have the ability to sense and avoid danger. So, even though you’re hypervigilantly looking out for it, you may inadvertently keep experiencing traumas because you’re disconnected from your own gut feelings, which would warn you away from dangerous situations.

Studies reported by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk (considered the granddaddy of trauma research) show that the body can adjust to its environment so that once-uncomfortable and dramatic situations become thrilling and pleasurable. He writes:

This gradual adjustment signals a new chemical balance has been established within the body. . . . Just as with drug addiction, we start to crave the activity and experience withdrawal when it’s not available. In the long run people become more preoccupied with the pain of withdrawal than the activity itself. (van der Kolk 2014)

Gambling similarly becomes addictive because the brain’s feel-good hormone dopamine is activated in uncertain situations. With gambling, you never know when pulling the handle of the slot machine will yield money and excitement. So you keep pulling that slot-machine arm.

Drama addiction is identical to gambling addiction in that dopamine is released in response to the anticipation of a possible reward. When there’s a perception of danger, stress hormones create a pleasant buzz, too.

If you grew up in a drama-filled home, this energy seems familiar and even comfortable. It’s what you know, and you may even feel that you can control and predict it.

Some theorists believe that drama addiction stems from neglect in childhood. If the only way you received parental attention was by dramatically acting out, this pattern can continue into adulthood.

In addition, high-stress situations at home, school, and work create addictive hormone and brain-chemistry patterns. For example, if you pushed yourself to excel in school, your brain and body became accustomed to high levels of adrenaline, cortisol, and histamine.

Stress hormones are secreted in response to perceived danger. They give a high, with benefits such as clear thinking, increased energy, and even superstrength (we’ve all heard the stories of petite mothers who were able to lift an automobile to save their children).

These superhuman feelings become addictive in the same way that people begin to depend upon caffeine for daily energy. No one needs caffeine or adrenaline, but a belief to the contrary can create a psychological dependency, in addition to any physical cravings.

Those who become addicted to stress chemicals like adrenaline, cortisol, and histamine suffer withdrawal symptoms when life is calm and without danger. Boredom sets in, and they unconsciously shake things up with drama to elicit the adrenaline high.

Stress hormones are helpful in dangerous fight-or-flight situations, because they enable you to take quick and decisive lifesaving action. But if the hormones are flowing constantly because of a perception that life is always dangerous, the results can include immune-system stress, elevated blood pressure and heart rate, acne, digestion issues, obesity, and decreased libido.

Those with a stress-hormone addiction approach life as a dangerous challenge. They’re constantly trying to beat the clock, go faster, accomplish more, and surpass the competition.

There are countless metabolic processes involved with stress responses. However, let’s briefly review the three major stress hormones that negatively impact us. Here’s a very simplified synopsis:

— Adrenaline , also known as epinephrine, is a hormone and neurotransmitter. It’s produced by the adrenals, which are two thumb-size glands sitting atop the kidneys near the lower back. Adrenaline is produced in response to fear, triggering the sympathetic nervous system, which means it spurs the body into taking action to escape or fight the frightening adversary or challenge. Adrenaline makes the heart beat faster. However, too much adrenaline over time can lead to heart disease and heart failure.

— Cortisol is a steroidal hormone produced by the adrenals. In stressful situations, cortisol increases blood sugar for energy, suppresses the immune system, and ensures that consumed food is stored as fat around the stomach. This is a primal response to stress, because in ancient times, drama was often followed by famine. Cortisol also increases the appetite, especially for sugar. Excess cortisol decreases collagen production, which is why stress leads to wrinkles. It also contributes to obesity and osteoporosis.

A 2015 study found that those with post-traumatic symptoms showed an increase in memory functioning when their cortisol was elevated. The opposite is true for people without post-traumatic symptoms. This may mean that those who’ve been traumatized become addicted to cortisol because it boosts cognitive performance, at least in terms of memory.

Levels of cortisol and other stress hormones also increase in those who are in marriages characterized by negativity. This may create a drama addiction to marital arguing and conflict (along with decreased immune functioning and wound healing).

Several studies have examined the cortisol levels of those who’ve been traumatized. In a global review of all these studies conducted in 2006, it was found that people who’ve experienced trauma have lower cortisol levels in their bodies than the general population. In particular, females who’ve experienced physical-abuse trauma (including sexual abuse) have consistently lower levels of cortisol.

Although cortisol is an addictive stress hormone that contributes to overeating and other issues, having abnormally low levels is also unhealthy. So those with post-traumatic stress and low cortisol aren’t receiving the hormone protection for their immune system. It’s a balance, where you don’t want your cortisol levels to be too high or too low.

— Histamine is a neurotransmitter produced by the mast cells and white blood cells, in response to allergens. The release of histamine triggers allergic reactions, such as swelling, bloating, hives, rash, runny nose, watery eyes, sneezing, and itching. Seasickness is also a product of high histamine levels.

Histamine isn’t a bad guy, though, as it promotes wakefulness and alertness. However, if we produce or ingest too much histamine, we may experience insomnia and anxiety. Excessive histamine affects the lungs, so it can cause shortness of breath and trigger a panic attack. Hypervigilance, a post-traumatic symptom, is produced by excessive histamine as well.

Consuming a lot of sugar, chocolate, nicotine, caffeine, and other stimulants increases adrenaline, cortisol, and histamine production. Also involved with drama addiction are the feel-good body and brain chemicals dopamine, serotonin , and oxytocin. These chemicals’ relationship to drama will be discussed throughout this book.

With all brain and body chemicals, it’s about balance. Too much or too little of any chemical upsets the whole system.

Burnout syndrome refers to people who are suffering from long-term exhaustion, depression, and a reduced interest in their work or life in general.

Studies show that burnout raises your stress-hormone levels, which can affect your cardiovascular health and increase your body weight.

Those who experience burnout display a significant reduction in their short-term memory and attention span. We usually think of burnout as being career related, picturing a person who works long hours, who is only at his or her job for money and not personal passion, or who dislikes the competitiveness or politics at his or her workplace.

The model of this phenomenon put forth by Dr. Geri Puleo, a leading researcher on the topic, shows that those prone to burnout are the “star players” at the company. They are the people who excel, are driven, and volunteer for extra assignments. Then they become angry and frustrated when their efforts aren’t sufficiently rewarded. This leads to apathy and a decreased enthusiasm about their work. The apathy is the precursor to burnout.

A major study of nurses found that those who had PTSD diagnoses were also prone to burnout syndrome. The reverse was not true (those who are burned-out do not necessarily have PTSD).

Sometimes burnout includes frustration and depression, where you feel burned-out about living with continual disappointments, often a result of unresolved trauma leading to a drama and stress addiction.

One study showed that having a spiritual belief system provides insulation against the development of burnout—something that the scientists call the “Mother Teresa effect” (Newmeyer et al. 2014).

Those who experienced childhood abuse develop hypervigilance as a survival skill. Tuning in to Mom and Dad’s mood allowed you to avoid provoking or intensifying their anger. An increase in histamine levels could also trigger hypervigilance. This gave rise to the “fawn” effect, discussed earlier, and you developed people-pleasing skills, where you used a false front to appease your parents.

Those who grew up “walking on eggshells” to avoid family arguments have difficulty recognizing this tendency in adulthood. They tiptoe through their relationships to anxiously avoid the minefield of conflict. They’re terrified that someone might be angry or disappointed with them. Their focus is on the other person’s feelings more than on their own.

An external focus to pick up on others’ moods is developed as a survival skill. Dr. Peter Levine describes how gazelles are alerted to danger if a single herd member is startled. When one runs from perceived danger, the rest of the herd follows. He surmises that humans are the same way.

Levine says that humans intuitively pick up on whether someone’s in a bad mood. We instinctively avoid angry people because they could be attackers. We also unconsciously notice people whose body language shows they are afraid, because their fear is a signal that we should run from danger ourselves (Levine 2010).

So, noticing others’ moods keeps us safe. Yet, it can also disconnect us from noticing our own thoughts and feelings. We’re so focused upon others that we don’t ask ourselves, How am I feeling right now?

In addition, those who have an external focus are more likely to succumb to “learned helplessness.” This is a mental state where you become depressed because you feel trapped, like there’s no escape. Those who have an internal locus of control—where you believe that you are in charge of your destiny—are less likely to develop learned-helplessness-based depression.

Hypervigilance also means that you become bored easily. A person who constantly scans the horizon for potential danger is alert to unusual conditions. Anything new is a sign that something’s not right. You scan right past everything that’s stable or commonplace.

So with hypervigilance, you’re searching for novelty. When things stay the same, your vigilance isn’t rewarded. You look and look for something out of the ordinary as a sign of danger, but all you see are the same situations you saw yesterday.

This is when boredom sets in, because all your hard work vigilantly scanning for danger isn’t paying off. Boredom is part of drama addiction, and has its basis in being a trauma survivor. So, hypervigilance may cause you to shake things up so that you have something new to focus upon. When life seems to be sailing along too smoothly, you turn it upside down.

Those who’ve been traumatized often have learning challenges, including trouble with memory and focus. Trauma survivors are easily distracted. They therefore have difficulty completing tasks.

Researchers believe that hyperarousal makes us less likely to notice or remember details. Our surroundings become a blur. In addition, constantly scanning the environment for something exciting or dangerous is distracting.

Difficulties with concentration are correlated with sleep impairment, especially insomnia, arising from hypervigilance. The insomniac person is always on alert, which increases his or her stress-hormone levels and heart rate, and turns on the sympathetic nervous system. One of the roles of histamine, released in response to stress, is to ensure that you’re wide-awake. These processes make relaxation and sleep difficult.

There are many similarities between the diagnostic criteria for attention deficit disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. Both involve learning and concentration difficulties, as well as restlessness, inattention, impulsivity, sleep disruption, poor memory, anger issues, impatience, addictions, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

The main difference is hypervigilance , which is unique to trauma survivors and isn’t part of the attention-deficit behavior spectrum. Hypervigilance, you’ll recall, is the process of constantly scanning the environment for possible danger.

Another distinction is the tendency toward flashbacks in those who’ve suffered a trauma . . . as they keep reliving it through sleeping and waking nightmares.

Most treatment plans for attention deficit never relate it to past trauma. Since the treatment of post-traumatic issues is different from that of attention deficit, it’s important to be aware of the trauma history of the individual. In Part II of this book, you’ll read the latest recommendations for treating attention-related post-traumatic issues.

The need for immediate gratification is prevalent in those who’ve been traumatized. There’s an urgency to numb the pain, especially when the situation is viewed as a dangerous crisis (even if it’s not in reality). Every problem seems like a dangerous crisis to trauma survivors, so they are often accused of overreacting.

Researchers find strong impulsive tendencies in trauma survivors, including overeating, binge eating, and the addictive use of alcohol and drugs. Impulsive shopping is also common in those who are trying to cover up their feelings and gain social approval with their purchases.

Tragically, impulsivity can lead to self-harm and suicide among trauma survivors. Researchers believe that self-harm is a way of expressing anger and pain. It’s a cry for help from those who don’t know how to directly ask for or accept it.

Unfortunately, research has verified that those who’ve been abused are more likely to be “revictimized” and suffer additional assaults. A study of abused and traumatized youths found that they were significantly more likely to experience subsequent abuse. This is especially true for children who exhibit a lot of anger. One bright light in the study was that children with supportive friends were less likely to experience revictimization.

Stress and drama addiction dulls your sparkle, and we’ll discuss effective ways for you to heal. For now, though, let’s continue exploring this paradigm.

If this discussion makes you uncomfortable, take your time reading these passages. After all, if you have suffered a trauma, your hypervigilance may make it difficult for you to focus.

Hypervigilance is one of the symptoms of the very real syndrome called post-traumatic stress disorder or post-traumatic stress reaction , which we will examine in the next chapter.