part0029

D rama is an addictive habit with a physiological basis, just like other destructive addictions. The tragedy is that drama addiction is created during painful and frightening situations, and each new drama perpetuates the original trauma’s ongoing harmful effects.

Fortunately, there is a healthy way out. First and foremost is being aware of your internal signals. When you become angry, frustrated, lonely, competitive, panicked, and so forth, observe yourself. Don’t immediately react to these trauma-based habits.

As we’ve discussed, those who’ve been traumatized are more apt to have stressful experiences and react to those stressors in extreme ways. Knee-jerk automatic reactions to stress include the tendency to panic, dramatize, dissociate, try to control, and fight back. However, as the research shows, these patterns are ultimately unhealthy for your body and for your relationships.

There are life stressors that we can’t control. Nevertheless, we can have control over our reactions to stress.

When you find yourself relapsing into dark yin or dark yang patterns (competitiveness, controlling, self-destructiveness, self-doubts, addictions, and the like), that’s a signal to add more light to your life. Even when a dark mood convinces you that you don’t deserve happiness or you feel that inner peace is impossible, it’s essential to take action to restore your inner glow.

Taking action helps you discharge pent-up energy, especially if your original trauma resulted in a “freeze” response. Even small actions such as standing up and walking, or stretching your arms, will allow you to release pent-up emotions in healthful ways. This will reduce the levels of stress hormones in your body.

If you’re upset, don’t hold your feelings in or try to block awareness through addictive behaviors. Instead, take action to express your feelings in positive ways, such as writing song lyrics, journaling, exercising, painting, or dancing. Many successful creative people find that their darkest moments are inspiration for their songs, books, paintings, and such.

It also helps to write a letter to the person you’re upset with. Pour out your feelings, and hold nothing back. Then, in a ceremonious way, burn the letter. You can also send a more restrained version of the letter to the person, after waiting a day or two for a cooling-off period. This way, your letter will reflect your ongoing feelings instead of reactive emotions.

So (1) notice your emotional and physical feelings, and then (2) take action to disperse and channel these feelings in productive—or at least nonharmful—ways.

As you’ve read throughout this book, almost all of us have been touched by traumatic circumstances. However, we don’t need to let our past dictate our future. We can’t allow the fear energy behind abusive situations to “win.” We each need to take charge of our own health and happiness. And by doing so, we’re also slowing or stopping the trauma-drama cycle around us. This is a major blessing to our loved ones and, ultimately, a contribution to our world.

When you sparkle, you inspire others to do the same. You become a candle bringing much-needed light to our world. Other people recognize your sparkle, even if they don’t understand why. Your sparkle triggers a recollection within others that could be their catalyst for regaining their own.