I live in Boston, a city with one of the highest densities of therapists in the country, and travel to conference after conference, meeting therapists of all stripes. Here’s what I’ve found: there are very few really bad therapists, very few really good therapists, and many well-meaning but mediocre therapists. Not bad ones, mind you, and not dumb ones either—almost all have great ideas, passion, and solid credentials.
I’ve met family therapists who can talk a good game at a conference, who can throw around jargon about neuroses and complexes, but don’t do much for you or your kid. I know therapists whom kids love to see but who struggle to make concrete recommendations to parents. And I know therapists who hand out sticker charts and reward systems that just end up in the family recycling bin. Then there are the therapists whom parents love but with whom kids sit in stonewalling silence for fifty minutes straight during one-on-one sessions. I’ve met plenty of prescribers with Ivy League diplomas who hide behind their prescription pads in the face of angry teenagers and hopeless families.
I’ve also read dozens of parenting books in my own quest to be a better therapist, meditator, writer, or parent, books that could have been boiled down to a few PowerPoint slides at best. To be honest, there are only a handful that I would recommend beyond their introductions—and I know hundreds of hopeless families hungry for help.
And then several years ago I met Mitch, read his first book, and heard him give a talk. We met up at a local lunch spot; we swapped stories about writing, teaching, therapy, and family. Five years later, Mitch is one of my best friends and a colleague and collaborator I respect above almost any other—especially when it comes to tough kids. Part of what makes Mitch special is that while he is smart (he does have the Ivy credentials) and has a toolbox of techniques, he doesn’t turn away from the heat of family conflict. Rather, he marches in like a first responder, ready to face whatever comes his way. At the same time, he’s a fully authentic human being who brings all of himself to both his own family and the families he works with. His warmth and charisma shine through even in his writing—no easy feat.
What you’ll find in this book is Mitch at his best. Clear and compassionate, human and humorous, and most of all, eminently practical in his approach to dealing with angry teens. What Mitch offers are lessons in how you can be the best parent you can be for your teen, not the best parent according to someone else’s five-step miracle recipe for a calm kid.
Little can feel more frightening than an out-of-control child raging at us. When anger burns over in adolescence, you may worry that your dreams for your teen will go up in flames too. What you’ll get from this book is the wisdom and compassion to cool the flames of anger in your family, yourself, and your teen.
Mitch will challenge you—there will be work for you to undertake—but he will challenge you compassionately. And Mitch will never send you out there without first giving you what you need. The wilderness camp I attended as a young man (probably not unlike where some angry teens end up) had a saying: “There’s no such thing as bad weather, just inadequate gear.” Mitch will give you the gear you need to weather any storm with your angry adolescent.
In chapter 1, Mitch offers you the lay of the land, helping you to understand your teen, yourself, and your patterns as a family. In chapter 2, he gives you critical gear from mindfulness and positive psychology, and explains how to use it both on a regular basis and in emergencies. In chapter 3, Mitch offers you a map and explains how to chart your course forward while avoiding the dangers along the way. In chapter 4, Mitch hands you the reins and you learn the leadership skills you need to navigate your journey. Finally, in chapter 5, you and your family learn to empower each other, so that you can again enjoy the lifelong journey of growing together.
Happy reading! And more than that, may your family soon be happy again.
—Christopher Willard, PsyDCambridge, Massachusettsauthor of Mindfulness for Teen Anxiety and Growing Up Mindful