Contents

Foreword

—Christopher Willard, PsyDCambridge, Massachusettsauthor of Mindfulness for Teen Anxiety and Growing Up Mindful

Introduction

How to Put This Book to Work for Your Family

What Teens Want Most (But Won’t Admit)

1: Anger in Teens: The Problem and the Solution

The Ancient Context for Anger

Where There’s Smoke: What Sparks Teen Anger

Mental Health Factors in Teen Anger

Anger Can Serve as a Mask for Depressed Mood in Teens

Anger Can Give Teens a Way to Escape Intense Experiences of Anxiety

Anger Can Develop as a Self-Protective Mechanism When Teens Have Experienced Significant Loss or Trauma in Their Lives

Anger Can Be the Primary Clue that a Teen Has Suffered or Failed in Some Way in Relationships with Peers

Deciding If It’s Time for Professional Help

It Takes Two to Get Tangled in Anger

The Anatomy of Parent–Teen Communication

What Makes a Communication Breakdown?

The Destructive Dance Between Parents and Teens

What Is Mindfulness and How Does It Help?

But You Already Know Mindfulness

What Positive Psychology Brings to the Table

The PURE Method of Dealing with Communication Breakdowns

Basics of Mindfulness

Basics of Positive Psychology

Your Parental Agenda

2: Presence: Mindfulness of the Senses for Managing Heat from Teens

Mindfulness: The Oxygen of Effective Parenting

Mindful Parenting Self-Assessment

How Mindfulness Soothes Tough Interactions with Teens

More Than Deep: Anchoring with the Breath

Having an In-the-Body Experience During Tough Exchanges with Teens

Seeing Clearly: Concentration and Clarity of Mind

Opening Up: Body Awareness Skills for Defeating Tunnel Vision

The Parental Lap: Acceptance Skills for Holding the Good, the Bad, and the Otherwise

Time Issues: Forget the Cushion, Just Practice!

Your Parental Agenda

3: Understanding: Creating Clarity in the Cycle of Teen Anger

The Core Question: Are You Willing?

Identifying Your True North as a Parent

The Costs of Miscommunication

The Heirs of Our Actions: Emotional Patterns in Parenting

Understanding Your Own Emotional Patterning

Sticks and Stones: Understanding How Teen Behavior Affects the Parent

The Universal Errors in How We See Bad Behavior

Distancing Yourself from Distorted Thinking About Your Teen

Learning to See Behind Behavior

The Courage of Compassionate Communication

Your Parental Agenda

4: Responsive Leadership in Parenting Angry Teens

Seeing Beyond Power Moves and Pitched Battles

Giving Leeway

And Yet Standing Your Ground

Confidence Amidst Chaos

Fueling Yourself for Action

On Target in Managing Your Teen’s Behavior

Speaking the Truth to Your Teen

Attuning to Your Teen By Tuning Out

Being the Calm: Co-Regulation Skills for Managing Behavior

Building Your Teen’s Problem-Solving Skills

Holding the Line with Unsafe Behavior

Your Parental Agenda

5: Empowering Change for You and Your Teen

Self-Compassion: Moving Past Self-Blame

Revving Up: Inner Power

From Garbage to Flowers

Attunement to Your Angry Teen

Inviting the Choice to Change

Eyeing the Prize in Your Teen

Your Parental Agenda

Conclusion: Bringing It All Together with the PURE Method

Matching PURE Skills to the Moment at Hand

Coaches Can’t Quit

Maintaining Your Momentum

Working with Professionals

Acknowledgments

References