GROWTH: MINING THE PAST FOR A BETTER FUTURE
When we as humans talk about growth, there is always an element of bettering oneself—getting bigger, becoming better, gaining more. We discuss the growth charts of our children. We worry about our individual emotional growth and personal path to our goals. We work on growing our nest eggs and retirement funds. In short, growth is about measuring where we are now and comparing that to where we once were and where we someday hope to be. It is a constant judgment that, in truth, can become wearying. After all, what’s wrong with where we are now?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. In fact, I would like to boldly state that you are exactly where you are simply because you are exactly where you are. Confusing, I know, but bear with me. Consider the fact that all of our past actions and experiences led each of us to this exact moment in time. To you, reading these words, and me, writing them down. If any aspect of your life in the past had been different, you might never have picked up this book. You might never have thought that growth was possible. You might not have married your significant other or pursued your current career. You wouldn’t be living your life, this life. Oh no, you’d be living someone else’s life.
Our present actions and conditions are direct descendents of our past. We cannot undo the past. It is there, it has happened, and it cannot be changed. Our conscious minds may forget about the past, but we can never outrun or outmaneuver it. It simply keeps stride, subconsciously shaping all of our thoughts and feelings, actions and reactions, words and deeds. Our experiences, both good and bad, have brought us to this exact moment in time, infiltrating our present as quickly and thoroughly as any rampant virus. We may overcome the common cold in our body but the anti-virus cells remain, ever vigilant, forever on the lookout for intruders. Even though they may go into hibernation and may never be called on again, the anti-virus cells—the experiences and lessons learned—stay in our body, forever changed by one incident in the past.
So you have arrived here, at this moment at exactly the right time for you. Old or young, it doesn’t matter, for you are on your life course and yours alone. No one can dictate your life. When I was a junior in college, I had a friend who took a year off from college. When her mother was shopping at the local grocery store, she ran into the mother of one of Chrissy’s high school chums. This woman gasped when she heard Chrissy was not in schooling for a whole year. “But, how will she catch up?” she blathered, clearly distraught. And you know what Chrissy’s mother said? She said, “Catch up to what?” She realized that Chrissy’s life was her own and that she didn’t need to follow a prescribed societal notion of life after high school. College can be done in four years or five years or eight years. Or maybe not at all. After all, it’s your life.
Therefore, while our past guides our present, it does not define it. We can move beyond our experiences, our conditioning, our mental lapses and trigger points, to be exactly who we are and who we want to be. This is the essence of growth. It’s not about being dissatisfied with your current life; rather, it’s about crafting the life that you want to live, both now and in the future. Growth encourages you to throw away the notions, ideas, and actions that don’t mean anything to you so you can create space for the things you love.
Growth gives you space to look at your past through the lens of your memories and decide which experiences served you and which ones did not. Granted, you can’t remove the aspects of the past that were detrimental to you. After all, they are woven into the very fiber of your body, mind, and soul. However, you can lessen their negative impact by staring at them face-to-face and acknowledging their existence in your life. You can dig deep into your soft, squishy, inner core to see where these incidents have hidden their insidious ideas and where they currently manifest in your life. Perhaps you simply can’t go to the movie theater due to a persistent fear of the dark that has haunted you since you were locked in the closet as a joke by your older brother. Maybe you believe you can’t sing because your cousin told you so when you were twelve. Or perhaps you refuse to wear black after having experienced a tragic funeral at a young age. Whatever the past experience, we all have aspects of some event still affecting our lives.
But the important question is: how do we reduce the impact of a negative experience from the past? Some people like to symbolically “get rid” of such incidents by writing letters and burning them or burying objects that represent the experience. Unfortunately, the past can’t be removed. It can be transmuted and changed, but it can’t be forcibly lifted from the recesses of your memory. It’s there and it’s not going anywhere. So, the trick is to utilize this experience for the good of yourself, the good of your family, and the good of your community. With the singing example mentioned above, you might begin by singing along with the radio, when you know you are alone. Eventually, over time, you might graduate to singing along with the radio when other people are in the room. As you begin to understand that singing is an expression of the soul, an emotional release, a way to connect to others around you, you may decide to sing in your church choir or with a community theatrical group, attuning yourself to the world around you. And then, as you become more and more confident in your singing expression, you will be able to encourage others to sing, helping them move past fears of ridicule or censure.
At that point, you will have experienced growth. Not for the sake of change. Not in order to achieve and succeed. Not in order to accomplish a goal. Rather, your growth occurred as a natural expression of your past and your present. Beginning with one random comment from your cousin from your past, you were able to alter its effect on your present in order to create a more comfortable existence for yourself and for your community. Growth on an individual scale is fabulous, but true growth should exceed the limitations of the self. If you are really growing and integrating the past for the benefit of all, then you have tapped into the unconscious reality of wyrd or orlog. You are taking the threads of your past life and modifying them so they fit your current reality. That is the essence of true growth, the shaping of old individual experiences into new futures affecting all. Welcome the rebirth!
ENERGY RETURN
One of the most difficult aspects of growth is delving deep into our psyche in order to see the experiences of the past that are currently shaping our reality. It’s messy. It’s nasty and often deals with issues and problems that we’d just as soon forget. Sometimes looking at the past can bring up even greater traumas, negatively influencing our current lives. If this should happen to you, get the help of a trained professional that you trust. Your best friend will likely lend a sympathetic ear, but she won’t know how to help you through the psychological pain. Find a therapist. Ideally, he or she should have some sort of spiritual or New Age focus in order to understand your need to integrate and utilize the past for positive benefits in the present. You can often find listings for such therapists at your local New Age shop or through a regional New Age magazine or newsletter.
After you have looked at past experiences that are negatively affecting your life, you might find yourself with feelings of bitterness or resentment toward the people who orchestrated those experiences. If you choose to dwell on them, these feelings can lead to self-pity and an attitude of martyrdom. This benefits nobody! Not the person in your past, not your community at large, and most certainly not you! Self-pity is just an excuse to wallow in the past and not take responsibility for your present and future. The past happened; you can’t change it, but you do have control over your life in the present. Other people are to blame for experiences in your past but they cannot be held responsible for your present and future. Their control over you has ended. Don’t give control back to them! It is time to realize your power and wield it for the good of yourself and of the world.
Coming into your power and reshaping your relationship with the past has far-reaching consequences. Before you begin your growth quest, you should be aware that growth in one aspect of your life usually influences other aspects of your life. Be prepared for alteration and change in all its many forms. Change can sometimes be unsettling, but know that in the long run, you are crafting a more fulfilling life for yourself. The bumps and bruises along the way will seem like nothing once your present and future reflect the things you love rather than the rippling images of the past.
MANTRA
I am the resurrection.
The Breath of Life revives me.
Although a minor deity in the Egyptian pantheon, Heqet is a very powerful goddess who participates in major transition times in a person’s life. Usually depicted as a woman with a frog head, a woman with a frog headdress, or an actual frog, she is the protector and helper of women in the throes of childbirth as well as one of the guides who attends the soul (or Ka) after death. In the last sense, she is deeply entrenched in the notion of resurrection or re-birth, as the ancient Egyptians believed that the Ka was reborn in the afterlife. In the first, she perpetuates her role as goddess of fertility and creation.
Figure 4: Name of Heqet in Hieroglyphs
Above all, Heqet is associated with the concepts of germination and birth. She is the beginning and the end of the cycle that brings life to the world. With her assistance, seeds sprout and babies are born. As the wife of Khnum, the god who molds human bodies on his potter’s wheel, she gives the newly created child the breath of life before placing it in the mother’s womb. Both Khnum and Heqet are visible on the birth colonnade of Hatshepsut in her Mortuary Temple at Deir el-Bahri in Egypt. This colonnade shows the mother of Hatshepsut (Ahmose) being led to the birthing room by Khnum and Heqet. They hold her hands and Heqet walks in the lead, turning her head as if to assess the condition of the expectant mother.[1]
Heqet continues to display her creative power in the story “Khufu and the Magician,” which is found on the Westcar Papyrus and dates from the Second Intermediary Period, around 1500 bce. In this story, Raddjedet, wife of a priest of the sun god Ra, is pregnant with triplets who are destined to become kings of Egypt. As her birthing time nears, she begins to experience difficulty, so Ra requests the aid of deities of childbirth and creativity. Isis, her sister Nephthys, the birthing brick goddess Meskhenet, and Heqet are dispatched to the side of the laboring mother-to-be. The four travel under the guise of musicians and dancers, with the god Khnum as their manager.
When they arrive at the house, they are immediately ushered into the birthing chamber. Isis and Nephthys flank the birthing woman, at her head and feet, while Heqet hastens the birth. Before each child is born, Isis commands they leave the womb and enter the room. After each birth, the child is cleaned and the cord cut, presumably by Nephthys and Meskhenet, since Heqet and Isis seem to be busy with the birthing mother. Meskhenet then presents the child to Khnum, who gives health to the baby.[2] All five gods have important roles to play in the birth of a child, but it is Heqet who works with the mother to bring the child into the world. She is in the thick of the birthing process, using her hands to guide new life into the world. Unlike Isis and Meskhenet, who provide encouragement and necessary implements for the birth, Heqet simply brings herself. It is not her voice or her tools that matter but her actual presence. Heqet is the midwife for the laboring mother-to-be, attending to the task at hand with her knowledge and skill. Heqet’s unique role in this story (one of the few surviving stories of childbirth from ancient Egypt) has led some modern goddess-lovers to believe that some of Heqet’s priestesses served as midwives. However, no tangible evidence has been found to verify this claim.
Heqet further cements her connection to fertility and creation with her totem animal, the frog, which appears along the swollen Nile in great numbers, heralding periods of grain germination and fruitfulness. To the ancient Egyptians, the frog came to represent growth, new life, and abundance, linking Heqet not just to human reproduction but to vegetation and grain production as well.
The frogs’ connection to the Nile River in particular, and to water in general, further strengthens Heqet’s relationship with fertility. Water is often equated to femininity, the Divine Feminine, and the organ that often defined women in the ancient past, the womb. Indeed, the frog (and its land-locked cousin, the toad) were often thought to be the manifestation of the goddess’ uterus, which may have led to the belief of the “wandering womb” concepts found in Egyptian, ancient Greek, and Roman texts.[3] Several anthropomorphic statues with frog bodies and human heads have been found throughout Europe dating from the fifth and sixth millennia bce. These statues specifically mark the vulva of the frog-woman with a triangle, indicating her importance in reproductive activities and thus with the uterus and the vulva.[4] Belief in the fertile powers of frogs continued into the nineteenth century ce, where a frog was found next to the Madonna on a votive tablet and a tombstone of a frog with a flower bursting forth from its head mirrored a terra cotta figurine, nearly 8,000 years its senior.[5]
The flower depicted on both frog artifacts could have been a lily, often associated in ancient Egypt with birth and rebirth. Ancient Egyptian women commonly wore amulets of a frog sitting on a lily in the latter stages of their pregnancies.[6] The blue lily (or blue lotus) grows in abundance on the Nile River and is a symbol of regeneration and rebirth. Every evening, the flower closes its petals against the chilly night air and every morning it re-awakens, opening its blossom to the warm sun. As the lily sinks its roots in the mud and muck of the river bottom, it is also a potent reminder that life (the flower) springs from death (the decaying vegetation). Therefore, the blue lily is a flower of rebirth in the afterlife, as well as birth in this life. The blue lily is often depicted next to Osiris, the Egyptian god of resurrection. The four sons of Horus, who guard the canopic jars of the deceased, stand on Osiris’ lotus. There is even a spell in the Egyptian Book of the Dead entitled “Making the Transformation of the Lotus,” which was said over a dead body in the belief that it would assist in the journey of the Ka to the Land of the Dead.[7] A large, wall-sized image of Heqet is apparent in the Osiris Chapel or Suite in the Temple of Seti I at Abydos. In this scene, offerings are being made to Heqet, who, in this instance, is serving in her role as intercessor for the dead.[8] Frog amulets were also placed on dead bodies in the hopes that the resurrecting power of Heqet would aid the Ka in its final journey. Frog terra cotta lamps found in Egypt often have the words “I am the resurrection” stamped on them, further testifying to Heqet’s restorative power.[9]
Heqet is a goddess of change, of movement from one phase of life to another. Birth, rebirth, creation, resurrection—Heqet holds power over them all, ushering souls into new stages of existence. Heqet is the small, frog-shaped mother goddess who understands the complications of female anatomy. She breathes life into new bodies and helps those bodies as they exit the womb. As we each exit this life for the next, the same guiding hands are there to aid us in transitioning to our new existence. Ushered in or out of this mundane world, our bodies feel the gentle pressure of Heqet’s stable, secure hands. She is the constant as we manifest on this plane or other planes of existence. Comfortable in the spiritual world and the material world, Heqet leads us to lives beyond our imaginations, from the womb world of water to the granular dirt of the Earth to the spiritual breeze of the Otherworld and back to the womb. Circular and cyclical, we can count on Heqet’s support and assistance as we grow beyond our current boundaries, face our fears, and move forward.
Pathway to Heqet
When in Egypt, do like the Egyptians! Wear a frog amulet! But not just any frog amulet. (You knew there was a catch, didn’t you?) Try to find a frog pendant that truly speaks to you and reminds you of the fertile and rejuvenating power of Heqet. The amulets of the ancient Egyptians were most likely made out of an organic material, such as wood, bone, ivory, or stone. And these, my friend, are not easy to find in the modern era. Silver frogs and silly frogs, dangling frogs and grinning frogs, there are numerous frog pendants on the market, but not many of them evoke the majesty of a goddess. Your best bet is to search on-line auction sites, pawn shops, second-hand stores, and antique shops for unusual frog jewelry pieces. If you are handy with beading, you can also create your own frog amulet necklace using semi-precious frog charms and beads. These can be found at your local beading shop or craft store. If you start to become desperate and you can’t find or create a suitable amulet, consider purchasing a personalized Egyptian cartouche necklace. A cartouche is a name plate written in hieroglyphics. With this option, your amulet would have the added benefit of connecting directly to Egyptian culture and history. Cartouche pendants are fairly inexpensive (as low as $20) and you could have the word “Heqet” or “frog” written on it, in order to connect to the goddess.
Once you’ve purchased or crafted your Heqet amulet, make a pot of herbal tea using only flowers from the blue lotus in Egypt. You will have to buy these herbs on-line at a shamanic website or special order them through your local herb shop. Make sure that the blue lotus you purchase uses the scientific name Nymphaea caerulea; this is the plant associated with the Nile River. Other lotus varieties utilize other scientific names—you don’t want those! While beautiful and sweet smelling, they do not connect to Heqet and the concepts of resurrection and rebirth.
Allow your herbal tea to cool and pour it into a bowl of your choice. You should be able to immerse your entire amulet in the tea. Place your amulet in the tea mixture and envision the essence of the blue lotus merging with the energy of your amulet. You are bringing together the two aspects of Heqet—Birth Mother and Rebirth Guide. If you are pregnant and wish to use this amulet to bring health and a positive birth experience to yourself and your baby, place your hands over the bowl and focus on your goal. Really see yourself and your baby whole and well. Visualize your perfect birth experience. Be sure to include as many details as possible, including the people who will be in the birthing room with you, the tools or implements surrounding you (such as birthing stools, tubs, massage oils), and the environment in which your baby will enter the world.
After steeping your amulet in the blue lotus tea, remove it and allow it to drip dry. This will seal in your intentions, as well as the effects of the blue lotus flower. (Rubbing with a towel will simply wipe the power of the blue lotus away.) Once dry, slip your Heqet amulet on and be prepared to connect with this fascinating, caring goddess as you strive for inner growth!
MANTRA
Life! Life!
Love! Love!
Sex! Sex!
Growth! Growth!
If you’re looking for a goddess with a green thumb, look no further: Pomona is your girl! As the caretaker of orchards and flowering trees, Pomona works intimately with living plants, getting her hands dirty. She does not command from on high. Instead, she works directly with the soil and the mud, with the saplings and the ancient trees to entice sweet fruits from their barren branches. With knowledge and love, Pomona lives among her charges, caring for them and honoring them for the delicacies they offer to the world.
The story of Pomona was written down almost two thousand years ago by the noted Roman poet, Ovid, who focused on her courtship with the god of change, Vertumnus. Change, when shaped by Vertumnus, does not dissolve into chaos. Rather, Vertumnus oversees the changing of the seasons, the exchange of trade, the turning of a river channel, and, most especially, the “change in nature from flower to ripe fruit.”[10] Being concerned with vegetation and fruit, Vertumnus is aptly suited to the fair Pomona, but she would have none of him. In fact, she was uninterested in any attachments to men, be they satyrs, fauns, or gods. By the time Ovid tells his tale, Pomona has already refused the proposals of Silvanus, a fertility god of wild fields and forests, and Priapus, a well-endowed god of gardens and livestock. She devotes her life to the care of her orchard. Through pruning and shaping the branches of her trees and providing water to thirsty roots and leaves, Pomona shows her love. With a pruning knife as her sacred tool, Ovid tells us that she knows exactly how to graft tree branches together in order to bolster a nursling and create richer fruit. In short, Pomona is completely content living by herself, in her orchard, without a man. But Vertumnus will not leave her alone.
As a god of change, Vertumnus has the ability to shift his appearance. He can assume any form he desires. As time passes and it becomes apparent that Pomona does not return the love of any man, Vertumnus begins to visit her grove in various guises. He shows up as a reaper with baskets full of corn, bringing in the harvest bounty. He arrives as an ox-handler, sweating after a day of plowing. He appears as a fisherman with rod, a soldier with sword, and an apple picker with a ladder. He strolls by as a dresser and pruner of vines and as a field hand fresh from bundling up the new mown hay. These disguises might represent the passage of time, as they correspond to seasonal activities. The reaper could be seen as signifying autumn, while the plowman could be spring, and the fisherman, summer.[11] They are not recalled by Ovid in any seasonal order, but the disguises may have been remnants of an older myth that is not remembered in all its totality. In any event, Vertumnus makes every excuse to visit the fair Pomona but, true to her first love (the orchard), she barely glances his way as she cares for her trees.
Finally, Vertumnus dons the grey hair, colorful kerchief, and staff of an old woman, a disguise that would have symbolized winter. Pomona invites the old lady into her orchard. Vertumnus enters and, after praising the orchard, immediately kisses Pomona, “as no true old woman would have done.”[12] Using a metaphor of a vine and an elm tree, Vertumnus attempts to persuade Pomona that marriage is an amenable state. He further presses his case for marriage by relating all of his own virtues to Pomona, while still pretending to be the old woman. Pomona listens well to her elder, showing respect and deference, but she is unimpressed by the idea of marriage. Finally Vertumnus launches into a sad tale of unrequited love that ends badly for both man and woman. The man, who loves ardently, is spurned so frequently that he eventually takes his own life by hanging himself at the gateway of his love. The unmoved woman, upon viewing his funeral procession, turns into stone, the hardness of her heart spreading out to encompass her entire body, turning her into a statue.
Yet, even this story does not sway Pomona from her love of solitary life. With no further arguments and nothing left to say, Vertumnus throws off the dress of the old lady and appears to Pomona in all his glory, young, virile, and handsome. Ovid describes him as “the glowing likeness of the sun, when it overcomes contending clouds, and shines out, unopposed.”[13] Overwhelmed by the godhood of Vertumnus, Pomona immediately feels passion for him and agrees to become his wife. Together Pomona and Vertumnus work side by side, tending the orchards and fruit trees of the world.
Throughout Ovid’s tale, Vertumnus is regularly described as a “god,” while Pomona is labeled as a “hamadryad” and a “nymph.” A hamadryad is a female elemental spirit that is directly tied to one particular tree. She is charged with the care and protection of that tree and, should that tree die, the life force of the hamadryad dies as well. A hamadryad is a specific type of dryad (elemental tree spirit), and dryads are a particular type of nymph. A nymph is a broad term for a female nature spirit. They are usually depicted as living in forests, seas, lakes, or other natural settings. Nymphs, as the name suggests, are often highly sexual, serving as the consorts of satyrs and enticing the devotions and love of men, fauns, and even gods. It is obvious that while Pomona nurtures and provides like a goddess, she also teases and taunts with the best of the nymphs. She does, after all, have numerous suitors, play hard to get, and inspire deep devotion and passion. Her magic lies in the earthiness of the ground, of sex and fertility and growth and substance. The goddess Pomona lives and loves and lusts along with humanity. She is deeply rooted in the construct of Mother Earth and all the inhabitants of the planet.
Yet the terms “hamadryad” and “nymph” have their roots in Greek mythology, not Roman mythology. To the Romans, both Pomona and Vertumnus were listed as numina, or spirits of place. The worship of numina (numen, singular) was an important aspect of Roman religious life that varied slightly from the honoring of the more well-known nymphs and satyrs of Greek mythology. Numina were afforded a great place in Roman spirituality and represented a deeper well-spring of power. The childlike antics and one-track minds of the Greek nature spirits are subsumed by a presence that brings holiness to a physical object or place. The numina confer sacredness and bridge the human world and the world of the gods. Everyday objects and everyday places become holy, bringing religion out of the temple and into the fields and orchards.
Pomona had just such a sacred grove, called a Pomonal, which was located near Ostia, the ancient port of Rome. One of the fifteen flamina—Roman priests who kindled the sacrificial fires—was dedicated to her and was called the Flamen Pomonalis. It is generally believed that her main festival day was on November 1; Vertumnus had his festival on August 23. Since the growing season began in October for Mediterranean Italy, Pomona’s festival focused on the turning of flower into fruit. Offerings to the deities and numina of fire and rain were given in the hopes of assuring a full and complete harvest. By comparison, the focus of Vertumnus’ festival was thankful in tone and content. Since the harvest had already occurred, the offerings thanked the deities and numina for their aid in providing such a full and ready harvest. Together Pomona and Vertumnus assure a plentiful harvest for the people. As a giver of food and drink, Pomona is almost always depicted with a basket or cornucopia of ripe fruits. These symbols indicate her focus of ensuring a healthy, satisfying, and full crop.
By her very actions, Pomona shows her love and her caring. Pomona provides for the masses, giving healthy fruit—apples, dates, plums, pears—to the world. She shows the virtues of independent thought by living alone for so long and focusing on her personal interests and desires. At the same time, Pomona’s innate fruitfulness reminds us that we are all sexual beings. We all are searching to make a connection with others, especially those of like mind. Pomona does not open her orchard gates to just anybody. Oh no! She waits for the opportune time and the right man to arrive, he who will complete her and aid her in her lifelong goal. Pomona teaches us that we can be true to ourselves while allowing others, who have our best interests at heart, into our lives. That is the recipe for growth toward a happy life. That is the recipe for a fruitful existence. Be true to yourself while opening your heart to love.
Pathway to Pomona
There is something about an apple that evokes deep-rooted feelings and emotions. We have so many superstitions and legends surrounding that blessed fruit. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” It is the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge in the Garden of Eden. It lures us away from everyday life as the symbol of the mystical Island of Avalon and the five-seeded pentagram fruit of modern goddess-worship. The apple is far more than a delicious morsel; it is a gateway to the truth, the past, the Otherworld, the inner you. The apple, like Pomona herself, bridges the world of humanity with the world of the gods. It is a conduit of power and wisdom.
So, access that knowledge and eat an apple! While Pomona cares for all trees in her orchard, the apple is especially sacred to her. Her name is derived from the Latin word pomum, meaning “fruit.” but the French word for apple, pomme, deliciously reflects her bounty. Apples, nuts, and grapes were especially present at her harvest festivals.[14] So, the next time you want to connect to the fruitfulness of the goddess Pomona, crunch into a sweet, firm apple. Even better, pick your own apples at a local orchard and then enjoy this healthy, satisfying snack. And, as you munch, consider the juiciness of your apple, so representative of Pomona’s enticing beauty and her attraction to the opposite sex. Allow the tartness to tingle on your tongue and relish the sauciness of Pomona’s demeanor in dealing with her erstwhile suitors, especially Vertumnus. Finally, enjoy the fullness of the apple, the way it quenches your thirst and fills your belly, so representative of Pomona’s quest to be true to herself while opening her heart to love. The apple reminds us that we can indeed achieve our goals on our own terms, if we allow ourselves to grow and change. We can have it all!
MANTRA
I am the flower
And I am the owl.
I bend to my will.
(My will be done.)
There is nothing more difficult to accept than change. Daily life assumes a relaxing, natural rhythm and then WHAM! Something occurs to destroy your bubble of peace and security. We can thank Blodeuwedd (blo-DY-weth) for that. The goddess Blodeuwedd welcomes change, alteration, transformation, and variation. Not content with a devoted husband, a beautiful castle home, and a secure life, Blodeuwedd chooses the excitement of true love over the sanctuary of marriage. She realizes that a refuge can just as easily become a prison.
In The Mabinogion, the Welsh medieval mythological epic, Blodeuwedd is created by Math ap Mathonwy for his nephew, Lleu Llaw Gyffes. Lleu has been cursed by his mother Arianrhod with never having a human wife so he turns to his uncle, Math, a great magician, who crafts a woman out of flowers. Whether crafted from three flowers (those of the oak, broom, and meadowsweet) or nine flowers (those of oak, broom, meadowsweet, primrose, cockle, bean, nettle, chestnut, and hawthorn), it is obvious that Blodeuwedd is a being unlike any other in our world. As such, she lives outside the restrictions that humanity places on itself and, instead of succumbing to society’s laws, bends society to her laws.
After her birth, Blodeuwedd is immediately married to Lleu and they settle into the castle of Tomen Y Mur in Wales. All seems well but, before long, Lleu decides to visit his uncle, leaving Blodeuwedd by herself. Left to her own designs, Blodeuwedd looks for something more than her hum-drum life as the wife of a medieval lord. She settles her sights on a hunter, Gronw Bebyr, who coincidentally happens to be hunting near Tomen Y Mur. Blodeuwedd invites Gronw and his men to spend the night inside her castle. (You see where this is going, right?)
Over dinner, Blodeuwedd and Gronw exchange glances and are immediately overtaken with love for each other. Their love is so sudden and so sharp that they sleep together that very night. For two days and nights, Blodeuwedd and Gronw live in an ecstasy of bittersweet love, constantly looking over their shoulders, hoping Lleu will not arrive home. With those acts of love-making, Blodeuwedd achieves a measure of satisfaction she has never felt before. She begins to realize her own power and her own ability to choose and act according to her own wishes. For two days, Gronw suggests that he should leave and Blodeuwedd counters with the phrase “Thou wilt not go from me.”[15] Unbelievably, Gronw obeys, solidifying Blodeuwedd’s newfound confidence in herself. On the third day, Blodeuwedd gives her consent to Gronw’s departure but agrees with his plan to find out how to kill her husband so she may be free to marry her new lover.
The very day that Gronw departs, Lleu arrives home, blithely unaware of his wife’s intentions. That evening, Blodeuwedd takes control of her marriage by refusing Lleu’s amorous attentions. When her husband questions her about her obvious distress, she tricks him into telling her the arrangements and conditions necessary to kill him. (Remember, Lleu is the child of the goddess Arianrhod and thus no mere mortal.) Immediately, Blodeuwedd sends the instructions to Gronw and waits a year for Gronw to craft the killing spear. Once the year passes and the spear is made, Blodeuwedd, once again, takes control of her own life and tricks Lleu into constructing the scenario necessary for his death. (Lleu actually builds the necessary structures and demonstrates the necessary actions to kill him.) Naturally, Blodeuwedd had depended on Lleu’s congenial nature, as Gronw is already in the necessary position to kill her husband. Throwing the spear, Gronw pierces Lleu with the poisoned tip. Blodeuwedd and Gronw then believe Lleu is dead, but he has actually shapeshifted into an eagle and flown away.
With Lleu gone, Blodeuwedd and Gronw are free to be lovers, and they move into Tomen Y Mur together. Blodeuwedd has followed her own mind and created her own reality. However, the outside world has its own set of rules and intrudes on the lover’s nest. Gwydion and Math, relatives of Lleu, discover his transformation through their magics. They bring Lleu back to Math’s castle, where they nurse him to health. Once whole again, the three men descend upon Tomen Y Mur, but Blodeuwedd has already fled to a nearby mountain. Alas, she is no match for the two magicians and one warrior. They catch up to her, and Gwydion changes her into an owl, a bird that is feared by all other birds. Gronw does not escape Lleu’s wrath either, and ironically is killed by Lleu with a spear. Blodeuwedd’s bid for independence and true self is thwarted. Or is it?
Through her relationship with Gronw, Blodeuwedd comprehends there is more to her character than she originally surmised. She has power but with that power comes awesome responsibility and a necessary acceptance of all sides of her complex personality. She is not all flowers and springtime and happiness. She has a strength of will and a personal agenda that goes beyond her role as Lleu’s wife. She is greater than she imagined, more full and whole than her original flower-bride conception. Blodeuwedd is the owl as well, bringing midnight and darkness and death. Without her dalliance with Gronw, Blodeuwedd would never have thought to cuckold her husband and plan his death, despite the fact that these actions were always within her capabilities. Reaching into the dark places of her true self, Blodeuwedd unlocks her inner needs and desires and seeks to manifest them in her life.
Blodeuwedd teaches us that balance and transformation are necessary aspects of life. She grants us permission to accept our darker halves, to realize that we have power beyond that which we can comprehend. Fanciful, sexual, and lively, Blodeuwedd encourages us to live life to the fullest and to acknowledge our faults along with our positive attributes. We are all created of flowers and owls. If we only have the courage to change and unite our two halves, we will be amazed by our innate strength and power.[16]
Pathway to Blodeuwedd
Just as Blodeuwedd summoned up the courage to change her life for the better, so can you change to further your personal growth. Take a look at your life. A good, long look. And become aware of something that makes you unhappy. Perhaps it’s your hair or your weight or your job or your family. Maybe it’s all of these things but, for right now, just focus on one aspect. Choose the one thing that really frustrates you but doesn’t appear overwhelming. Now, make the decision to change. That’s right, take that one aspect of your life that upsets and frustrates you and alter it so it fits your agenda, your world-view, your will. Don’t question your decision or your choice. Don’t get bogged down in the details, just make the choice to change.
Once you’ve chosen the aspect of your life, look at it rationally. How can you go about changing so that your life suits you better? Maybe you go to a new hairdresser or join a gym. Perhaps you make a pact to go to yoga every Monday or to buy a new outfit. You may choose to look through the want ads or take a college class. It doesn’t matter what you decide to do as long as it propels you toward your goal of growth and change. It’s time for you to act, to take charge of your life! It is yours! Not your boss’. Not your mother’s. Not your children’s or your husband’s or your best friend’s. Your life. What are you going to do with it?
RITUAL FOR GROWTH:
WELCOMING THE POSTITIVE
Suggested Ritual Days
Last Friday in April: U.S. National Arbor Day, as declared by the Arbor Day Foundation
May 18: Plant Conservation Day, as declared by the Association of Zoological Horticulture and Botantic Garden Conservation International
Items needed
a Chia pet
a sunny window
Whether you wish to create life in the womb, nurture a garden, or change your life situation, growth requires a willingness to move beyond the status quo. You have to leave your comfort zone and try something new. This can be difficult. It requires courage as you embark on a new adventure, a new way of life. You may flop and end up on a muddy patch of ground instead of a bountiful garden, but you’ll never know unless you try. Chances are, there’s a garden inside you just waiting for the opportunity to burst free. It will take work and commitment to nurture and sustain this garden, but your life will be much richer because of it. And don’t forget—you’ll have fun too!
On a day when you first feel the warming spring breezes, throw open your windows and breathe them in. Really allow the spring air into your lungs. Take deep belly breaths, totally filling your body with air. Hold your Chia pet in your hands while you do this. When you feel energized by the spring air, run outside (slamming the door behind you with reckless abandon) and frolic in your yard. Run around, skip, hop, gambol, swing, slide, and, in general, behave as though you are a second grader released from a long day of tedious math equations or reading assignments. This is your chance to remove the everyday drudgery and remember the exuberance of life, the freedom of growth and rebirth. Take as long as you’d like.
Before you fall down from exhaustion, settle yourself outside and prepare the first step in your Chia pet instructions. Hold the seeds in your hands and state your desire for growth. You can be as specific or general as you like; however, if you simply request “change,” you never know what kind of change the universe will provide for you. After infusing the seeds with your intent, add water to them. As you add the water to the Chia seeds, think of all the positive aspects of your life that will help you to grow and achieve your goals. State aloud the names of your helpful friends and family members and all of your skills and positive qualities and characteristics. This is not the time to be modest! Go ahead and flaunt your stuff! When the time comes for you to stir the seeds, imagine that you are a part of the whirlpool of the cosmos, the spiral of time and space. You are connecting to the Otherworld, through a numinous Chia pet bridge.
Set your seeds aside for twenty-four hours. The next day, use your hands to spread your cosmically attuned, personally infused seeds on your Chia pet, really focusing on your goal. Every day, check the water level of your Chia pet, making sure to nurture and nourish your seeds. You are symbolically propagating and caring for your goals and life vision. As the seeds grow, so does your own personal growth.
Now, don’t be dismayed if your Chia pet plant dies. This is simply a message to remind you to take time for your growth. Your growth is not stymied! You are not stuck! Instead, the death of your Chia pet can make you more aware of your own needs. Take some time to figure out why your Chia pet plant did not flourish. Is it because you didn’t spend any time at home and thus ignored it? (This could indicate a refusal to carve out time for yourself.) Or did mold and mildew grow on your pet, destroying the seeds? (This message could indicate a toxic presence in your life, an attitude, past event, or even a person who is undermining your quest for growth and an authentic life.) Re-visit the issue represented by the death of your plant and make the choice to change your concepts and ideas. Then, try again! Eventually your plant will thrive and so will you!
[1]. “Deri el-Bahri, Mortuary Temple of Hatshepsut.”
[2]. Seawright, “Tales of Magic in Ancient Egypt.”
[3]. Gimbutas, Language of the Goddess, 251.
[4]. Ibid., 252–253.
[5]. Ibid., 254.
[6]. Seawright, “Heqet, Frog Headed Goddess of Childbirth.”
[7]. Santos. “The Magical Blue Lotus,” 281–283.
[8]. Rome, “The Temple of Seti I and the Osireion at Abydos.”
[9]. Budge, Egyptian Magic, 63.
[10]. Kelley, The Book of Hallowe’en, chapter 4.
[11]. Ibid.
[12]. Ovid, The Metamorphoses, “Vertumnus Woos Pomona,” Bk. XIV, 623–697.
[13]. Ibid.
[14]. Goddess Chess Blog, “The Goddess Pomona.”
[15]. Jones and Jones, Mabinogion, 59.
[16]. Much of the story of Blodeuwedd first appeared in Goddess Afoot!, 44–47. For more information and intimate workings with Blodeuwedd, Goddess of Personal Growth and Change, including a guided meditation and ritual, please see chapter 3 of Goddess Afoot!