Author tours aren’t as glamorous as you might think, not even if you’re John Grisham or James Patterson.
You fly into Boston, or Charlotte, or Miami, or Phoenix, Charleston, San Francisco—but usually all you get to see is some mall with a big chain store. Maybe a charming side street with an independent bookstore.
And the local radio station, of course. Lots of radio stations. And lots of DJs who haven’t read your book, so they’ll start the interview like this: “James, tell us what the new book is about.”
The people who chauffeur you around are known as escorts. (Not that kind of escort. Although my friend Nelson DeMille’s second and third marriages were to book-tour escorts. Hey, it gets lonely out there on the road.) Most of them are friendly, talkative, and helpful, and they’re almost always book lovers.
The escorts will gladly tell you all about their city. I always ask, “Who’s the nicest author you’ve ever brought around town?” Hands down, it was the late Mary Higgins Clark. “And who is the worst?” Two names came up again and again. One was a fabulously successful Brit novelist, the other a thriller writer from Norway. I’ll leave it at that.
I’ve never had much trouble on the road—in fact, most of the crowds are enthusiastic and fun to hang out with. Hey, they’re fans. One time in DC, though, this one guy asked question after question after my talk. I signed a lot of books, then I snuck out the store’s back door with the Little, Brown public relations person, Heather Rizzo.
The same guy was hanging out next to our car. Shit. Then it got worse.
He wanted to show me his favorite new gun, and that’s what he did. I’m not really a gun person, but he was holding a Glock 43X. He gave me the rundown. “Fills up your palm, James. Great carry gun. Good stopping power.”
At this point, Heather and I wanted to get the hell out of, well, Dodge.
I kept smiling and talking. “Nice. Great carry gun. Alex Cross uses a Glock. No, no, no. I don’t need to hold it. I’m good. We have to run to the airport. See you next time we’re in town. Lower your weapon.”
Actually, the next time I did a signing in Washington was with President Clinton, and he brought the Secret Service. They brought along their own guns.
While I’m on the subject of book tours, two of my favorite public relations people deserve a shout-out. Heather Rizzo guided me around the country for years. She now works with Michael Connelly. Smart. Erinn McGrath is currently my very wise and patient handler, as she was during the somewhat turbulent whirlwind tour with President Clinton, when Erinn really earned her stars and stripes.