Table of Contents

1. Cover
2. Title Page
3. Copyright
4. i want to tell you some stories...the way i remember them
   1. hungry dogs run faster
5. let’s start with something crazy
   1. five years at a cuckoo’s nest
   2. cuckoo’s nest east
   3. double specials
6. dirt poor for a while
   1. robert caro or walter isaacson, i’m not
   2. you’re slipping, james
   3. my favorite dad story
   4. i don’t even know grandpa patterson’s first name
   5. the altar-boy story
   6. kissing veronica tabasco
   7. taking piano lessons from a nun in a convent
   8. the moviegoer
   9. the first color tv
   10. let’s play some ball
   11. play hard or go home
   12. “i know you better than you know yourself”
7. unpublished
   1. living in the big city
   2. the fightin’ irish
   3. sucker-punched
   4. writing 101
   5. the fillmore east story
   6. the end of art as i knew it
   7. three days of peace & love & loud music & rain
   8. hippie writer in the deep south
   9. the mystery thickens
   10. my time as a trappist monk
   11. good morning, vietnam
   12. master of english lit
8. mad men
   1. i was in advertising—but i’ve been clean for over thirty years
   2. life on the way, way upper west side
   3. the next raymond chandler?
   4. my first, and last, autograph session
   5. a penthouse with no kitchen
   6. the last of “moon river”
   7. making thirty-second movies
   8. one night in chicago
   9. newburgh on my mind
   10. the best ad line i ever wrote
   11. when you’re going through hell—just keep going
   12. when insanity feels like sanity
   13. the hamburger wars
   14. the hellfires get even hotter
   15. hitch up that little grasshopper
   16. life after miller high life
   17. the fine art of negotiating
   18. life lessons
   19. escape from new york
9. i guess i’m a writer now
   1. passion keeps you going…but it doesn’t pay the rent
   2. starting at the top
   3. norman mailer and james baldwin—fisticuffs
   4. in the days when people actually used landlines
   5. robert parker’s spenser
   6. new york writers walk the walk
   7. america tells the truth, finally
   8. the jane stories
   9. still jane
   10. still jane, for another couple of minutes
   11. writer’s block
   12. alexis cross
   13. speaking of bookstore windows
   14. the book-tour boogie
   15. book tours, they just won’t go away
   16. change is good, but change is hard
   17. ohhhhk-lahoma!
   18. fire in the hole
   19. sorry, i’m not jay-z
   20. people actually read in sweden
   21. the murder of stephen king
   22. fear of public speaking
   23. i want to be bono, if only i could sing on key and was better-looking
   24. outline, outline, outline
10. name-dropping
    1. that’s john updike sitting over there, eating clams
    2. cruise control
    3. the stars are out
    4. stories told around amazon’s campfire
    5. tennis, anyone?
    6. texas-style
    7. the power of stories, and john grisham
    8. collaborating with president clinton
    9. golfing with presidents
    10. you called the president what?
    11. the tv camera doesn’t like writers much
    12. just another idiot wandering planet earth
11. still a hungry dog
    1. hollywood called
    2. hollywood shorts
    3. alex cross goes hollywood
    4. the book is always better than the movie (except for the godfather, and maybe goodfellas—oh, yeah, and forrest gump)
    5. the president is missing, hollywood-style
    6. murder of a small town
    7. to tell the truth
    8. you can’t make this stuff up
    9. a letter to the new york times
    10. meet jimmy
    11. what i blabber about to kids at elementary schools across the country
12. the secret to writing suspense is—
    1. —play with the reader’s mind
    2. here’s to the critics!
    3. the great cowriting mystery, solved
13. nobody moves, nobody gets hurt
    1. the movieholic
    2. here’s a tip for other writers
    3. jock stories
    4. that catholic-school training really sticks with you
14. love stories
    1. hugs
    2. nan and pop
    3. those blue fortune cookies
    4. gone but not forgotten
    5. mj
    6. mystery lady
    7. still dating—after all these years
    8. people who need people
    9. my best friend, my girl, my sweetheart of sweethearts
    10. sue speaks for herself
    11. sweet lorraine
    12. the other love of my life
    13. prep school
    14. dolly, hello
15. i’m not sure if any of this really happened
    1. the country-club set
    2. born to be wild
16. i’m afraid you have terminal cancer
    1. the grim reaper—we’ve met a couple of times, once at my birth
17. 5,000 a plate to listen to me? seriously?
    1. i was a tv star for a minute and a half
    2. i end a lot of speeches with this story
    3. the five balls
    4. a drive-by book signing or two
    5. finally, some good writing in this book
    6. gotcha, james!
    7. been around the block a few times
    8. take some chutzpah, add a pinch of hubris
    9. hey, i’m writing here
18. and now, a word from flaubert
    1. how it feels to be a writer
19. oh no…there are more stories after the end
    1. if you’re skimming the book looking for your name, it might be here
    2. dog-eared and well-loved books
    3. the $0-a-plate lunch
    4. nan always said, “don’t hurt your arm patting yourself on the back”
20. i saved the best for last
    1. pop still whispers in my ear
21. Discover More

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