When my mother passed away, I was the only one who offered a eulogy. She was a difficult person because her illness made her paranoid. She criticized even loved ones and rejected her children’s spouses and her grandchildren. I gave the eulogy at a gathering of close family after the funeral. I first offered a confession about how difficult it was to love her. Then I thanked God for her, challenges and all.
At the heart of our Christian faith is our gratitude to God for all good things, especially the good news of Jesus Christ. Even life’s challenges can be causes for celebration. They help us grow and provide situations where God’s glory can be made manifest in our weaknesses. The apostle Paul calls us to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thess. 5:18).
We gather for important milestones, like weddings, graduations, baptisms, and award ceremonies, rightly expecting one or more speakers. At funerals, we remember and give thanks for the deceased. We need speakers to help us mark the occasions.
This chapter considers speaking at special gatherings. It discusses how to introduce speakers, speak impromptu, and speak at common occasions such weddings and funerals.
Introduce Speakers
I encourage mentees to practice servant speaking by volunteering to introduce speakers, such as in classes, at work and civic events, and in churches. Few people volunteer; opportunities are abundant. Sometimes opportunities arise at the last minute, even at the event. These are essentially impromptu speaking opportunities. We will not usually volunteer unless we commit ourselves in advance to take advantage of such opportunities.
IN THE SPOTLIGHT
Introducing a Speaker
(select and vary tips based on the situation)
Speak Impromptu
We all are called occasionally to impromptu speaking—speaking on the spot, with little time for preparation. Impromptu speaking is sometimes called off-the-cuff speaking—referring to the practice of jotting notes on one’s sleeve.
The first time I recall being asked to speak impromptu was at a wedding. The groom stood at the mic and suddenly asked me to talk about my role in bringing the couple together. I briefly told the story.
IN THE SPOTLIGHT
Impromptu Speech
On another occasion, my church took a congregational vote to offer a position to one of two potential pastors. The ballot counters reported that the two candidates had received an equal number of votes. Elders said there was nothing in the congregation’s bylaws about how to proceed. We all sat in silence, stunned and confused.
A founding member of the congregation stood up and gave an impromptu speech, suggesting that we should pray, trust God, and vote again. Who could disagree with such a wise suggestion? He prayed, the congregation voted again, and one candidate gained a majority. A faithful church member saved the day with fitting words. He was just the right person, respected by everyone. As far as I could tell, we all went home in peace and gratitude.
The best impromptu speaking comes from our hearts. We quickly size up the situation and then say something in tune with what people expect.
Speak at Celebratory Occasions
Beyond standard speeches to inform and persuade, we can speak with delight at special occasions—occasions to celebrate, commemorate, inspire, and entertain.
Aristotle and other ancient rhetoricians studied epideictic oratory—a broad term that included speaking at many kinds of popular ceremonies in ancient Greece and Rome. Speeches sometimes were designed to criticize opponents as well as to praise friends. The Greek origins of the word “epideictic” suggest something that is fit for displaying or showing off. In other words, a ceremony was a time for impressive speeches.
Identify the Occasion
Occasions mark our lives. We hear that we are receiving an award—or that a dear friend is—and the accomplishment will be celebrated at a special ceremony. We learn that our parents or grandparents are having a special anniversary—with a party that we would not miss. We receive an invitation to a beloved coworker’s retirement celebration—and we are eager to give thanks with others. We discover that a couple we admire is getting married—and we want to rejoice with them at the wedding. We mourn a relative’s passing, but we know she was a faithful person who served others throughout her life—and we look forward to the funeral as a celebration.
Such important events can convey great meaning and build communities of gratitude. “As human beings,” says Frederick Buechner, “we also know occasions when we stand outside the passing of events and glimpse their meaning. Sometimes an event occurs in our lives . . . through which we catch a glimpse of what our lives are all about and maybe even what life itself is all about.”1
Delight the Audience
Showy rhetoric seems to conflict with servant speaking. How are our neighbors served if we are trying to impress them? On the other hand, some occasions do call us to speak with greater flair and even infectious delight. These occasions usually provide a context and purpose for being a bit showy. We can simply have more fun. Eugene H. Peterson writes, “No lover was ever celebrated enough, no death ever mourned enough, no life adored enough, no achievement honored enough.”2
When we speak at a graduation party, for instance, we need to be enthusiastic and complimentary. Everyone knows that our job is to praise and highlight the graduate’s accomplishments.
Even when we offer eulogies at funerals, we can serve the gathering by speaking emotionally about what the person meant to us. At a Christian funeral, we can simultaneously praise God for the person and draw attention to the ways God blessed us through him or her.
Highlight Endearing Quirks
Often it is fitting to poke fun at some of the subject’s quirks. We might playfully point out some of the person’s idiosyncrasies or eccentricities, especially if everyone knows about them and they are more endearing than objectionable. We address foibles, not failings.
Imagine a funeral where everyone spoke only glowingly about the deceased. Would it be authentically joyful? Would it be appropriate to address the fact that the deceased tended to be tardy—and that we were glad he finally showed up on time for an event? Our point would not be to criticize but to remember together that he too was human. Still, we need to be sensitive about whether such a comment is more likely to amuse or offend. By contrast, at a retirement party the same human quirk probably could be addressed anecdotally without fear of offending attendees.
Celebratory speaking, then, can honor both the subject (person or institution) and the audience by capturing everyone’s shared humanness as imperfect people who nonetheless bless others. We all are like the honoree in that we too have our quirks. And we all are like the honoree in that we accomplish things and delight others.
SERVANT SPEAKING TIP
When trying to describe a person’s quirks for a celebratory speech, imagine yourself with the same quirks. Would you consider your language endearing or demeaning?
Celebrate to Remember
Addressing an audience at a celebratory occasion borrows meaning from ancient forms of worship. The word “celebrate” has religious connections. We “celebrate” the Lord’s Supper as a memorial of Christ’s death and resurrection.
In other words, when we celebrate an occasion, we join with others in remembrance and thanksgiving. We “perform” the celebration, including our speech. We are somewhat like worship leaders, conducting a ceremony for all the participants. In the Roman Catholic Church and other traditions, a participant in the Mass is called a “celebrant.” Celebration suggests a kind of ritualistic remembering, honoring, and praising.
One of the most famous celebratory speeches of all time was given by Jesus at the Last Supper, where he created a new occasion for us to observe. When we celebrate Communion, our leader usually recalls Jesus’s words for us. The leader verbally (with words of remembrance) and nonverbally (with the Communion elements) guides us into celebratory participation.
SERVANT SPEAKING TIP
When planning a celebratory speech, use all fitting verbal and nonverbal means of expression to make the occasion memorable. Speak about what you would like to remember, and presumably what others would as well.
Focus on the Subject
When we share special moments, we need to draw attention to the speaker rather than to ourselves.
In one of my commencement addresses, I told stories from my own education. I intended to help the graduates identify with how God used me beyond my educational accomplishments and professional expectations. I sought to paint a picture of God’s good plans for the graduates that far surpassed what they believed they could accomplish on the basis of their formal education. But I focused too much on myself and not enough on the graduates.
IN THE SPOTLIGHT
Celebratory Speech
Similarly, at a funeral, one of the deceased woman’s business partners offered a eulogy about working with her. Even though his anecdotes were appropriate, he wrongly framed his remarks in terms of himself. He ended up highlighting what it was like for the deceased to work with him rather than what she was like at work. Because of the way he structured his comments, he became the subject of the eulogy. The audience learned more about him than the deceased.
Use a Unifying Theme
Many of the best celebratory speeches are variations on a theme. When we speak at a wedding, retirement party, or baptism celebration, for instance, we need to focus on one MAIN IDEA in tune with the purpose of the event.
When I spoke at my brother’s sixty-fifth birthday celebration, I wanted to highlight his courage and hard work. I chose a theme tied to a popular television series, Survivor. I said that my brother overcame far more than most of us knew. He triumphed over deep hardships and became a successful entrepreneur who served many employees and an entire industry.
Add Positive Humor
It seems comical that rhetoricians would actually dissect humor. The more we analyze humor, the less funny it becomes. Comedians work hard on their phrasing and timing, but they still have to come across spontaneously. They need to tell a joke so well that everyone thinks they are the first ones to hear it. And everyone has to get the point of the joke.
Celebratory events cry out for such immediately appreciated humor. We strive to deliver. Our purpose is not just to be funny but also to open hearts.
SERVANT SPEAKING TIP
When speaking to honor an organization, examine its mission statement for a fitting theme for your address.
When pastors tell a funny personal story near the beginning of a sermon, they open congregants’ hearts to the sermon and the entire worship celebration. Even unplanned humor opens hearts. An accidental malapropism—using the wrong word for a similar one—can open hearts: “King David skillfully played the leer—I mean lyre.”
Not all humor is appropriate at every event—especially unfitting satire, off-color remarks, and stock jokes. Thousands of joke books and websites offer poor humor: “One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.” “Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? Because he had ‘no body’ to dance with.”
SERVANT SPEAKING TIP
Avoid using the internet to quickly find tired or trite jokes and stories. Instead, use humorous personal anecdotes related to your theme and preferably from the life of the person or the history of the organization being honored.
Employ Playful Speech
Closely related to humor is using language playfully. This is tricky. We can easily be silly rather than fittingly clever. Because celebratory events are generally lighthearted even if somber—such as a funeral—we have more rhetorical space for playing with language.
Augustine, like earlier rhetoricians, believed that speakers ought to use any appropriate verbal means to engage audiences. He employed catchy witticisms in sermons. Even when speaking in a “plain style,” he wrote, “believers should take steps to be heard not only with understanding but with pleasure and assent.”3
Celebratory speaking can be like play—open, imaginative, and fun. When we speak playfully, we speak more freely from our deeper feelings. We are less bound by formal rules of speech.
In short, wordplay—using words playfully, usually humorously, to delight others—is a significant part of celebratory rhetoric. We might use puns, rhymes, alliteration (matching sounds at the beginnings of words), neologisms (made-up words), and words with multiple meanings.
Was Jesus a punster? Apparently so. For instance, in the parable of the growing seed, he said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man [adam] scatters [zara] seed [zera] on the ground [adama]” (Mark 4:26).4
IN THE SPOTLIGHT
Augustine’s Wordplay—Pleasing or Silly?
Garry Wills, Saint Augustine (New York: Viking, 1999), 70.
Analyze Occasions
Many speeches occur at occasions—common, somewhat ritualistic social events. They include public lectures, business presentations, speaker introductions, wedding toasts, and eulogies. Coaches must be inspirational speakers to keep players working hard together. Pregame and postgame speeches are rarely public, but they are important occasions.
SERVANT SPEAKING TIP
To prepare for a person-specific celebratory speech, develop a list of words that describe the person. Look up synonyms to find just the right playful language that will delight the audience.
One of the benefits of crafting speeches rhetorically is narrowing down our speaking tasks to recurring types of events with established social conventions—common ways of speaking, listening, and relating to audiences at specific kinds of occasions. We humans organize the world into occasions that provide guidelines for what to expect and how to act.
Preaching is one of the most common speaking practices in the world and usually occurs as part of a worship service. Yet delivering a sermon in most Protestant services is different than offering a homily at most Roman Catholic Masses. Protestant preaching tends to be longer and more explicitly exegetical and expository (interpreting and explaining the meaning of Scripture). In both cases, the ministers learn how to preach appropriately for their own traditions’ worship occasions.
When we are called on to give an infrequent speech such as a wedding toast, we can research how to speak at such an event. What makes for a good as well as fitting toast? Once we have a sense of the occasion, we can think about how to address our specific relationships within that context.
We might also consider the relationships involved with our audience and us. Perhaps the audience already knows us. Members of the audience might be the honoree’s family, friends, colleagues, or even adversaries.
We might need to know about any tension or divisions among the audience. How might we speak across the divisions? How can we speak primarily to one group in the audience without alienating others?
The university graduate who gave the wedding toast (see sidebar) was just beginning a speaking life. He might be called on years later to speak at his mother’s funeral—a very different occasion. Or he might end up in a sales career, making client presentations. He might be asked to give his testimony at church. Perhaps his high school would ask him to speak to students about his field of work. These are typical speaking situations. His experience with the wedding toast helped him gain life experience defining an eventful occasion and relating to a particular audience.
Among other things, he learned to be fittingly brief. Long celebratory comments—including toasts—usually defeat our purpose. Rebbe Naphtali of Ropshitz captured the importance of brevity, suggesting that we make the introduction concise and the conclusion abrupt—with nothing in between.5
Conclusion
When I arrived at my mother’s hospital room the night before she passed away, I took her hand and said, “Mom, it’s me. I love you and Jesus does too.” She lightly squeezed my hand, opened her eyes for the last time, and slipped into unconsciousness. I went to sleep in peace that night, knowing that I would positively eulogize the mother who caused me and others considerable grief. She passed away that night.
Speaking to close family after my mother’s funeral was a challenge. I knew I needed to give thanks for her. She was made in God’s image. She tried to love me while struggling with her disease. I spoke from a place of forgiveness. Since we Christians dwell in church cultures of praise and worship, we can be among the most celebratory servant speakers in society. Blame-free celebration is in our spiritual DNA. We are forgiven. We forgive. We give thanks. Again and again.
FOR DISCUSSION