Don’t Be Afraid to Admit Mistakes or Show That You Don’t Know
President Kennedy famously said, “Success has many fathers; failures are orphans.” In the previous chapter we focused on the first part of the saying, and my advice to you was to spread credit around as much as you can. This section will deal with the second part of Kennedy’s observation: “failures are orphans.”
Admitting failures and mistakes is one of the toughest things to do. Rarely in life do people just accept and admit full responsibility. If they cannot outright deny responsibility, they will urgently provide reasons as to why the mistake isn’t their fault, or the mistake is minor, or was entirely beyond their control. Generally, denial is driven by two reasons. The first and most prevalent is that we believe we will be punished for a failure or mistake. The second has to do with our ego. We all want to be perceived as being smart, and admitting to a mistake may hurt our image.
I believe admitting to mistakes is even tougher for the smarter people and those who are quick on their feet and able to come up with good excuses under fire. I was one of those people. I never made mistakes and never failed—not me, not with my innate ability to dissect complex problems and provide different perspectives and logic “on demand.” Of course, I’ve had plenty of failures and made many mistakes, but was always able to explain them away successfully—or so I thought.
In military boot camp and the early years of military service, not committing a mistake became a “survival” necessity. Every military person will tell you that you should never volunteer for anything, nor admit fault for anything. My “excusing away” skills became sharper and better honed during those years—the necessity was greater and required it.
The first time I learned differently happened in what I thought was a very innocent way. I didn’t even actually fail or make a mistake that needed to be excused away in my view. It happened at Booz Allen when I started my consulting career.
On one of my first projects, I was responsible for collecting some specific data and doing some analyses. In one of the progress report sessions with the client, I presented my analyses and conclusions. The client asked whether I looked at something. I hadn’t and immediately explained why I hadn’t, and why the investigation would have not yielded a different conclusion. The client was a senior executive, very wise and polished. He looked at me and said, “Oh, okay, but do me a favor: Take a look at it, just to be on the safe side.”
After the meeting was over, when we got back to the office, the senior partner on the engagement called me into his office. As soon as I sat down, he said, “You did a nice job at the client’s today, but never try to cover up a mistake again.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “I didn’t make a mistake; the analyses were correct and so were the conclusions. Didn’t everybody agree with them?”
“Yes, but that’s not what I’m talking about,” he said. “I’m talking about your answer to his question about whether you did the analysis he asked you about.”
I was shocked. How did he notice? I thought to myself.
He continued, “Never, ever cover up for anything. You make a mistake, you admit it! You miss something, you admit it! You forget something, you admit it! You don’t know an answer, don’t make one up. Admit it! Otherwise, you’ll lose all credibility, and this is unacceptable at Booz Allen.” His tone of voice was not one of anger or disappointment. It was a tone a teacher would use to teach a student about right from wrong.
He then said, “The best way to deal with the various mishaps is to say, depending on the mishap, ‘I’m sorry; I’m not sure I know the answer. Let me get back to you,’ or ‘No, I didn’t do it. Let me get back to you,’ or ‘I see your point. I may have been wrong. I’ll make the necessary corrections; thank you for pointing it out.’”
Two major things stuck with me from this experience. I couldn’t get over the fact that he noticed. I was so smooth about it, and my logic was so compelling. Not to mention the fact that the client accepted it completely. It was beside the point that he wanted me, as a favor, to look at it, just in case. The second thing was even more astonishing to me. I did it to make sure that the client didn’t think I had made a mistake, or was stupid, yet the senior partner told me that I lost credibility. Talk about day-and-night difference in outcomes. I never made the same mistake again!
At Booz Allen, it was a pretty standard rule that was taught to all: There is nothing wrong with making a mistake or being wrong. But it is absolutely unacceptable to ever try to cover it up or not own up to it. The credibility of the individual and the firm was at stake. Over the years, I’ve learned how much wisdom was embodied in those words and directives. I never again tried to deflect or excuse away anything. As I progressed with my own career and had many people report to me, I can tell you with certainty that there is nothing wrong with admitting mistakes or failures. We all make them. If fully owned up to, they’ll be forgiven by superiors. But never attempt to deflect, excuse, or cover up a mistake or failure. Your credibility will be compromised.