Main Points:
My young husband walked our crying baby up and down, making that shshshshshing sound of comfort that parents know only too well.
Eliza Warren, How I Managed My Children
from Infancy to Marriage, 1865
As I was making my rounds at a local hospital, I saw Carol trying to calm a crying newborn in the nursery. Carol, a wonderful and experienced nurse, had wrapped the baby snugly, placed her on her side, and was softly whispering in her ear, “It’s okay. It’s okay.” She even offered her a pacifier, but nothing helped. I asked Carol if I could try soothing the baby. She describes what happened next:
“Sophia had been inconsolable for her first two days of life. After Dr. Karp offered to help he bent over Sophia’s bassinet, with his face near her ear, and emitted a harsh, continuous ‘shooshing’ sound for about ten seconds. That was it! Sophia stopped crying within the first few seconds of this magical sound and remained silent for the next two hours.”
Of course, one loud shhhh won’t keep an infant calm forever, but it was exactly what Sophia needed to get her attention long enough for Carol’s other calming methods to work.
Did you ever notice how the sound of the wind or the rumble of the ocean makes you feel relaxed and at peace? Shhhhing is so deeply a part of who we are that it’s even profoundly calming for adults.
For new babies, loud shhhhing is the “sound of silence,” the anti-cry. Shushing may seem a strange way to help a crying baby; however, so is turning on a vacuum cleaner. Yet that’s what many baby books suggest! What’s so special about that sound?
The answer is, this loud white noise imitates your baby’s experience inside the womb and switches on her calming reflex.
When I asked Nancy and Gary to guess what their baby, Natalie, heard inside the womb, Nancy said it was probably something like, “Hey, Gary, get over here!” Nancy was partly right. Fetuses do hear the muttering of voices and other “outside” noise. However, most of their daily entertainment is a continuous, rhythmic symphony of shhhh. Wave upon wave of blood surging through the arteries of your womb makes this harsh, whooshing sound, which is as loud and rough as a gale wind blowing through the trees.
How do we know this is what they hear? In the early 1970s, doctors placed tiny microphones into the wombs of women in labor and found the power of the sound was an incredible eighty to ninety decibels (even louder than a vacuum cleaner)! (You may have heard this womb noise when your doctor or midwife checked your fetus with an abdominal microphone.) To get a good idea of what this sounds like to your baby, try dunking your head under the bathwater while the faucet is turned on—full blast.
Don’t worry that your newborn baby might get overwhelmed by such a forceful noise. Although the sound inside the uterus is louder than a vacuum cleaner, your baby doesn’t hear it that loud. That’s because her middle ears are waterlogged with fluid, her ear canals absorb sound and are plugged with waxy vernix, and she has thick, inefficient eardrums.
These sound-damping factors last until a few months after birth. Gradually your baby’s hearing will improve as her eardrum changes from being like a piece of thick paper to a tightly stretched piece of cellophane that vibrates with any distant noise. However, for a while, her reduced hearing reduces the intensity of your shhhhing, or vacuum cleaner, to a comforting din.
Imagine your baby’s shock at birth when she emerges from that rich uterine world of loud quadraphonic whooshing into the quiet world of whispering and tiptoeing that parents create for their newborns. Sure, we may enjoy resting in a still room, but for your baby the silence can be deafening. And her muffled hearing will make your house seem even more stark and empty. New babies experience a type of sensory deprivation, and so it shouldn’t surprise us that they cry from excessive quiet. It’s as if they’re saying, “Please, someone make a little noise!”
Do you remember when your grade-school librarian shushed you? All humans go “shhhh” (or “ssss”) to say “Be quiet” to each other. This sound is one of the very few vocalizations understood by all humans, in every corner of the globe. And in many unrelated languages it’s the root of the word asking for silence:
| “chut” (Urdu) | “shuu” (Vietnamese) |
| “chutee” (Serbian) | “soos” (Armenian) |
| “tzrch” (Eritrean) | “teeshina (Slovenian) |
| “hush,” “silence” (English) | “toosst” (Swedish) |
| “hushket” (Arabic) | “chupraho” (Hindi) |
| “sheket” (Hebrew) | “shuh-shuh” (Chinese) |
| “stille” (German) |  |
Even the Japanese use shhhh as the root of their request for quiet: “shizukani” (although as a lover of Japanese food I might have guessed it would be “shu-shi”).
As strange as it may seem, I believe that the calming effect of shhhh is something that babies taught us. If it were not for the immediate reaction cave babies had to shushing, parents would never have noticed its tremendous value. I’m sure that once a Stone Age mom learned this great trick, she couldn’t wait to share it with her friends. And through the centuries, the discovery and teaching of this technique was probably repeated in every village and tribe around the world.
Unfortunately, most of us today haven’t had much experience watching women with their babies. That’s one of the reasons why so many parents and grandparents have forgotten this age-old, effective technique.
The Story of Shhhh: The Calming Sound That Babies Taught … Us
How did mothers from the Alaskan tundra to the swamps of Albania discover that this strange sound soothes screaming babies? No one is absolutely sure, but my guess is that it happened something like this:
About fifty thousand years ago, two Stone Age mothers were eating lunch together when one woman’s baby started to shriek. Her mom immediately leaned over her “cave” baby’s cradle and tried to calm her by squawking in her ear—the way she had seen a mother pterodactyl sucessfully calm her young. But the baby continued to cry.
When the poor child had just about wailed to the point of “Neanderthal-mania,” her mom’s friend asked if she could try something she had once seen another mom do to soothe her frantic baby. The “cave” mother handed her wild little “infantasaurus rex” over and watched in amazement as her friend held her tightly and made a harsh, shhhhing sound right in her infant’s ear. Like magic, the baby suddenly became calm!
As a nurse walked by the room of a first-time mother, the door popped open and the father emerged, pushing a bassinet that was practically vibrating from the cries of his red-faced, screaming baby. In an attempt to help the poor little girl, the nurse lovingly leaned her face over the baby and let out a “Shhhh” as loud and harsh as a burst steam pipe!
I’m confident that had she continued her shushing for a few moments longer, the infant would have calmed. But she was stopped in her tracks when the baby’s father yanked the bassinet away. Glowering at her, he said, “How dare you tell my daughter to shut up!”
Of course, this caring nurse was not telling the baby to shut up. But this father reacted as he did because he didn’t understand that the nurse was speaking in a different “language.”
In “adult-ese,” shhhh is a rude way of telling someone to be quiet or to shut up. However, in this case the nurse was speaking “baby-ese,” in which shhhh is a very polite infant greeting. All babies recognize the “word” shhhh, and they love it!
Mothers all around the world shush their babies in exactly the same way. Here’s how to do it:
1. Place your mouth two to four inches away from your baby’s ear.
2. With your lips pursed, start releasing a shhhh sound.
3. Quickly raise the volume of your shhhh until it matches the noise level of your baby’s crying. Try to sound like the world’s most irritated librarian! This is not a gentle or polite shush but a rough, harsh, insistent shhhh. But remember, your shushing will sound much louder to you than it will to your baby because her hearing is quite muffled. And besides, her own screaming gets broadcast at a jolting seventy to eighty decibels (louder than a vacuum cleaner)—and that’s blasting right next to her ears!
Some parents feel it’s callous and vulgar to shhhh their colicky baby or that it has an angry sound to their ears. However, to a baby’s ears, shhhh is a sound of love and welcome.
4. As mentioned earlier, calming your baby is like a dance—but she is leading. You aren’t guiding her into quiet, you’re following her there. So, don’t soften your shhhh until her decreasing cries show you she’s ready for it.
When you first try shhhhing, your baby should quiet within a minute or two. And, after you get really good at it, you may find she calms in seconds. However, once your fussy baby settles, she will probably need continuing, moderate white noise to keep her from returning to crying. This shouldn’t be a surprise to you. After all, she used to be serenaded by this loud sound 24/7, so needing it for a few hours, or even all night long, is a major compromise on her part.
(It’s fun teaching your older children how to shhhh. It makes them more involved in baby care, and they feel so proud when they can calm the baby’s cries just like daddy and mommy!)
Mary and Sigfried were delighted at how well shushing helped soothe their crying three-week-old baby, Eric:
“We never would have thought Eric could be quieted by such an annoying sound, but we’ve discovered the louder he cries, the louder our shushing needs to be. And, we can only lessen the intensity of our sound after he starts to quiet down.
“Shushing for two to three minutes can make us pretty dizzy. Yet Eric often seemed to need it for longer periods of time. Finally, after several days of taking turns shushing him, we realized that a sustained hiss from our music synthesizer was a perfect substitute for our flagging lung capacity. This sound works really well all by itself. And it’s one hundred percent successful when combined with swaddling and motion.”
Continuous intense shhhhing can be hard to do, so parents have invented methods of making white noise to entrance their fussy babies. For example, some Amazonian Indians present new mothers with a baby sling decorated with monkey bones that make a rattling white noise with her every move.
However, if you and your family are out of monkey bones, I suggest you acquire a mechanical sound assistant. Some people feel strange using these, but if you can drive a machine to work every day, why not use one to help make your baby happy? Here are ten useful shhhh substitutes that can help your baby in the throes of colic:
Testing Out Your Baby’s Shhhh Sensitivity
If your baby is fussy but not hungry, try this experiment to test her shhhh sensitivity:
Swaddle your baby and place her over your shoulder. Put your mouth right by her ear and shhhh softly for ten seconds. If she continues to cry, let your shhhh become louder and harsher.
When you have found the right sound she will quiet in seconds, as if suddenly entranced. Practice making the shhhh at different pitches and see what works best with your baby.
After your infant calms, gradually lower the volume of your sound. If she starts to wail again, just crank back up the intensity.
1. A CD with rough, rumbling womb sounds
2. A room fan or bathroom exhaust fan
3. A noisy appliance, like a hair dryer, air filter, or vacuum cleaner
4. A toy bear with a recording of the sounds of the uterus
5. Static on the radio or baby monitor
6. The clothes dryer with sneakers or tennis balls inside (never leave the baby alone on a dryer … she can fall off)
7. A noise machine with rough, rumbling womb sounds
8. A dishwasher
9. Running water
10. A car ride
Weird Noises You Can Make at Home (But Don’t Let Your Friends Hear You)
For soothing their newborn’s cries, Alise says her husband swears by a deep, resonating hum that’s a cross between shushing and the vibrations of a bouncy seat.
Tom and Karen discovered their son, Ben, quieted when they moaned. “He gets alert when I make a loud moan, like when I was in labor or like a bunch of Buddhist monks chanting together. Ben likes the sound to be deep and vibratory.”
Several noises other than a simple shhhh can help your crying baby come down for a soft landing. Some parents I’ve worked with make a rhythmic chant like Native Americans doing a rain dance (Hey … ho, ho, ho); others sound more like foghorns or buzzing bees.
Pediatrician William Sears recommends what he calls the “neck nestle.” You snuggle your baby’s head into the groove between your chest and jaw, with your voice box pressed against her head, and make deep groaning sounds in the back of your throat.
The best way to know exactly the right level of sound your baby needs is to gradually increase the volume and see how she responds.
These final tips will help you use your shhhh-ound investment wisely:
The Story of Tessa and the Vacuum Cleaner
Tessa, now five years old, is a “pistol”—smart, funny, and passionate. However, during her first weeks of life, she would get as frantic as a hurricane. Her parents, Eve and Todd, wrapped her, walked her, and even went for car rides, but nothing worked.
One afternoon, Tessa was really wailing but Eve couldn’t hold her because she had to get the house ready for company. So she left her baby to cry and began to vacuum. The instant the vacuum was switched on, Tessa became stone silent!
Eve bolted over to check her. Tessa was sleeping sweetly, her body relaxed. She wasn’t sleeping despite the ruckus but because of it! Amazingly, the womb experience that Tessa was missing most was “channeled” to her through the sound of Eve’s seven-year-old upright vacuum.
From that moment on, whenever Tessa went ballistic, her parents used the vacuum cleaner to soothe her. Eve and Todd began to joke that Tessa was receiving secret messages from the planet Hoover. This calming trick was so predictable that they began inviting their friends over during Tessa’s fussy time to watch the show.
Over the next six months, whenever Eve had to take Tessa to work with her, she always brought along a little portable vacuum to help Tessa settle in for a good long nap!
The Whys About the “S’s”: Questions Parents Ask About Shhhhing
1. Which sound will calm my cranky baby the best: a heartbeat, lullaby, or shhhh?
When your baby is resting peacefully, all of these can lull her into a deeper level of relaxation. However, if she’s really upset, the most effective calming sound is a white noise that imitates the turbulent “shhhh” of your womb.
2. How many hours a day can I use white noise? Is all night too much?
All babies sleep longer when their parents use white noise for all naps and nights. Even if you use it twelve hours a day, that’s a fifty percent cutback from what she heard in your womb. Babies also need hours of quiet to learn how to tune in to the normal sounds of your home, so just use white noise to calm crying and boost sleep. And don’t worry. Your little one won’t get dependent. In fact, it will be easy to wean her off when the time comes. (See Chapter 15.)
Jane’s six-week-old son, Josh, woke up fussing every two to three hours during the night until she began using white noise. “The first night I used a womb sound CD, Josh calmed down quickly and slept five hours. Then he fed and slept for another three hours!”
3. When should I wean my baby off white noise?
A baby could be weaned off white noise by three to four months of age, but I recommend it for at least twelve months for naps/nights. Soothing sound promotes good sleep, even through teething and growth spurts! Whenever you want to stop it just gradually lower the volume over one to two weeks. (See weaning the 5 “S’s” in Chapter 15.)
4. Does shushing lose its effectiveness if you do it too much?
You would think babies would eventually get bored with this sound, but they don’t. Just like milk, it continues to be comforting for infants for months and months.
5. I worry that white noise is too strong for my baby. Is it possible that, rather than calming her, it overwhelms her?
Please remember three things:
1. Your baby is accustomed to the loud noise of your womb, not the silence of your home.
2. You will always be right if you follow your baby’s lead. Only use loud sounds when she is screaming, and gradually lower the intensity once she calms.
3. If the sound is driving you absolutely nuts, try some earplugs!
The different types of shhhhing noises moms and dads come up with are inspired examples of parental ingenuity. Here’s how some parents I know used sound to guide their babies to happiness:
Patrick noticed that his son, Chance, was calmed by the sounds of aquarium pumps. So he mounted one on each side of his little boy’s crib. The noise and vibration helped Chance settle himself and fall asleep.
When Talia began screaming in the supermarket, I put my face right next to her ear and uttered a rough “shhhh” until she calmed. While this seemed rude to the people watching me, it soothed her in seconds.
Once, when Talia had a mini-meltdown at the local Federal Express office, I quieted her with this same technique. The shushing worked so well that a clerk asked me for a repeat demonstration. She told me her daughter had twins and was searching for an effective tool to relieve their crying.
Sandra, Eric, Talia, and Daniel
We turned on the radio for our fussy daughter, Camille, but instead of putting on soft music we tuned it between stations to get loud hissing static. We discovered Camille didn’t like the popping, crackly sound of static on the AM radio—she was an FM static aficionado only! Within a few minutes of tuning in to her favorite “non-station,” her face would soften and then she would close her eyes and drift into a peaceful sleep.
Hylda, Hugo, and Camille
Steve and Nancy’s six-week-old, Charlie, would only stay calm in the car if they played a CD with hair dryer sounds while they were driving. After he was four months old he no longer needed the CD to be able to tolerate car rides.
Not only did two-month-old William have serious fussy periods, but he slept so lightly that he heard every squeak in the house. His parents, Fern and Robert, discovered that the white noise of their room fan muffled the outside sounds and helped him sleep longer.
Annette calmed her baby, Sean, by calling him “Shhhh-ean.” It worked so well, the family joke became that when he was four years old, the little boy thought his name was pronounced “On”!
