Accidental Sales Manager, The (Paling), 15
accountability, 10–11, 73–74, 195
Activate Your Brain (Halford), 146
active listening, 70
adversity
in fast-growth organizations, 43–44
humor in dealing with, 151–53
optimism in face of, 41–42
for sales “climbers,” 39
Adversity Quotient®, 36
Adversity Quotient (Stoltz), 36
advice, empathizing before giving, 101–2, 187–88, 190–92, 216–17
Africa, Bob, 206
age, attention span and, 206
agendas, sales meeting, 221
agreement, empathy vs., 109
Ahrendts, Angela, 177
all-around sales managers, 12
Alternative Board (TAB), 61
American Cancer Society, 119
Amhaus, Eric, 62
amygdala (reptilian brain), 93
distractions in, 166–67
and J curve of skill adoption, 203
overcoming objections and, 107
self-limiting beliefs in, 127
stress response by, 147
tactical breathing to calm, 99
Angelou, Maya, 6
Apollo 13 (movie), 185
Apple, 173
arrogance, 69–71
Ash, Mary Kay, 81
Asheboro, North Carolina, 140
asking questions
with aggressiveness, 57
to change belief systems, 125–27
with curiosity mindset, 185
for emotion management, 97–99
in sales meetings, 224
assertiveness, 51–59
aggressiveness vs., 56–57
and behavioral styles vs. EQ skills, 52
interview questions about, 58–59
for sales managers/coaches, 192–98
sales results and, 54–56
of successful salespeople, xvi
attention, empathy and, 102–3, 188
attitude, control over, 148
Avila, Charles, 204–5
awareness, xviii, 117–18. see also self-awareness
Bacon, Reverend, 137
Bannister, Roger, 114
Barlow, Janelle, 218
Barnett, David, 206
basal ganglia, 203
Beare, Scott, 67–68
Beautiful Mind, A (movie), 185
behavioral styles, 52
belief perseverance, 124
beliefs of salespeople, 114–31
about company, 121–22
about products or services, 123–24
about themselves, 118–20
action plan for improving, 130–31
coaching to improve self-awareness and, 128–29
improving self-talk and, 124–25
perception vs. past experience as basis for, 125–27
and performance, 114–17
sales manager’s awareness of, 117–18
storytelling to change, 129–30
Berkshire Hathaway, 60
Bierce, Ambrose, 90
Blakely, Sara, 139–40
Blue Angels, 67–68
BluSky, 14
boomers, resiliency of, 47, 48
Bossidy, Lawrence, 17
Boyd, Kline, 181–82
brain, energy use by, 203–4. see also specific structures
brainstorming, 222
Branson, Richard, 173
breathing, tactical, 99
Buddha, 40
budget, uncovering prospect’s, 53
Buffett, Warren, 60–61
“buggers,” 64–65
burnout, 143
busyness, productivity vs., 164
calendar, guarding your, 170–73
calendar blocking, 160, 167–70
“campers,” as salespeople, 38–41
caretaking sales culture, 194–95
Caruso, David, 177
change
aversion to, 10
J curve of, 201–2
learning to adapt to, 63–64
self-awareness and, 94–95
character, 24
Chariots of Fire (movie), 134–35
Checklist Manifesto, The (Gawande), 207
checklists, 207–9
Cheung, Stephen, 115
Chicago Bulls, 88
Chief Executive Network, 61
chief marketing officer, 213
“climbers,” as salespeople, 38–40
Cloud, Henry, 77–78
coachability, 66–72
growth mindset and, 68–69
humility and, 69–71
interview questions to determine, 72
self-regard, self-esteem, and, 67–68
coaching, 199–212
ability to apply, 31
action plan for improving, 212
assertiveness, 57–58
to change belief systems, 125–27
with checklists for sales, 207–9
feedback in, 66–67
to improve performance, xv
J-curve of skills adoption, 201–5
and learning while multitasking, 205–7
neuroscience of sales mastery, 200
role performance as target of, 137
in sales management, 7–8
sales managers’ skills related to, 9–10
self-awareness and beliefs as targets of, 128–29
on soft skills, 83–87
with storytelling, 209–11
see also Sales EQ of coaches
Colorado National Speakers Association, 151–52
company, beliefs of salespeople about, 121–22
competition, beliefs about, 118, 121–22
complex work, checklists for, 207–8
consistency, trust and, 180
consultative selling skills (hard selling skills), xv, 20, 54, 83–85, 123
continuing education, 63
control
stress and, 145–49
conviction, about value provided, 123–24
Cook, Tim, 173
Cookie Monster, 28–29
Corporate Executive Board, xvi, 67
corporate sales managers, 11–13
Costner, Kevin, 22
Covey, Stephen, 163
Crucial Conversations (Patterson, et al.), 192–93
CSO Insights, xv
curiosity mindset, 184–87
Curious Mind, A (Grazer), 185
customers
causes of switching by, 214
extended sales team in meetings with, 217–18
see also sales meetings with customers
customer service manager, 213, 218
Dare to Lead (Brown), 103–4, 184
debriefings, empathy in, 190–91
decision step, assertiveness in, 54
declarative memory, 205
deep thinking, timing of, 173–74
delayed gratification, 28–34
with changing self-limiting beliefs, 125
and honoring your calendar, 171–73
interview questions about, 33–34
Marshmallow Study, 28–29
in sales management, 84
and sales results, 29–33
and time management, 164–66
differentiators, 123
difficult conversations, 10–11, 52, 192–95
director of operations, 218
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor, 1
downtime, for coaches, 183–84
Draft Day (movie), 22
dual-task interference, 157
Duckworth, Angela, 64
Dungy, Tony, 23–24
Dunning, David, 208
Dunning-Kruger Effect, 208
Dweck, Carol, 68
early risers, 173–74
Ei Sales Management Training Program, 153, 194
Eleven Rings (Jackson), 88
Elton, Chester, 67–68
emotional connections, 103–6
emotional contagion, 21
Emotional Intelligence (Goleman), 93
EmotionalIntelligenceForSalesLeadership.com, 6, 79, 175
Emotional Intelligence for Sales workshops, 144
emotional intelligence skills (EQ skills)
behavioral styles vs., 52
benefits of improving, 227–28
coaching to improve, 83–87
example demonstrating, 3–5
qualifying job candidates based on, 20–21
see also specific skills
emotional triggers, 95–97
emotion management, xviii, 88–100
action plan for developing, 99–100
asking questions for, 97–99
as neuroscience of effective selling, 92–94
reframing for, 95–97
and sales results, 90–92
self-awareness and, 94–95
tactical breathing for, 99
and trigger-response-regret loop, 89–90
Empact, 61
action plan for increasing, 113
and bringing up “sales elephants,” 107–11
coaching with, xvii, 128, 187–92
demonstrating, 104–6
and emotion management, 98
for extended sales team, 215–17
and focus, 159
before giving advice, 101–2, 187–88, 190–92, 216–17
and influence over others, 103–4, 107–9
and meeting after the meeting, 109–10
of sales managers, xvi
when dealing with objections, 106–9
energy use, by brain, 203–4
EntreLeadership (Ramsey), 23
EQ Edge, The (Stein and Book), xvi, 41
EQ skills. see emotional intelligence skills
European Journal of Social Psychology, 203
excuses, 183
execution, 163
exhaustion, 25
expertise, ability to teach and, 199–200
experts, at team sales meetings, 225
extended sales team, 213–20
action plan for supporting, 220
building relationships with, 218–20
empathy for, 215–17
face-to-face meetings with customers by, 217–18
external locus of control, 43–46
extreme empathy, 215–16
Facebook, 32–33
failure
embracing, xviii
reframing, 139–40
resiliency and, 36–37
self-limiting beliefs based on, 127
FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation), 88
fear(s)
and meeting after the meeting, 110
of missing out, 155–57
and passive-aggressive coaching behaviors, 196
reframing to manage, 96–99
and stress, 147
and truth-telling conversations, 193–94
Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), 88
feedback
in coaching, 66–67
embracing, xviii
humility and, 70–71
response to, 70–71, 77–78, 134, 135
field sales managers, 11
Fierce Lessons exercise, 138
fight-or-flight response, 56, 91–93, 107, 183
Find a Way (Nyad), 130
five-hour rule, 61
fixed mindset, 68
Flanagan, Dan, 14
focus, 155–61
action plan for improving, 161
attention, empathy, and, 159
during coaching/sales development, 157–58
on elements within your control, 147–49
and fear of missing out, 155–57
productivity and, 160–61
sales revenues, learning and, 158–59
Focus (Goleman), 159
FOMO (fear of missing out), 155–57
Franklin Covey, 160
fun, in sales and sales management, xvii–xviii
Gallagher, 49
Gates, Melinda, 217
Gates Foundation, 217
Gawande, Atul, 207
GE (General Electric), 9
goal setting, 134
Google, 157
Gordon, Pam, 199
Gostick, Adrian, 67–68
gratification. see delayed gratification
gratitude mindset, 148, 150–51
Grazer, Brian, 185
Grenny, Joseph, 192–93
Grit (Duckworth), 64
Grodnitzky, Eve, 66
growth mindset, 68–69
habit formation, 203
Hackman, Gene, 117
Halford, Scott, 146
happiness, 174
hard selling skills, xv, 20, 54, 83–85, 123
Harvard Business Review, 174
Harvard Business School, 115
Hebb’s law, 200
helicopter parenting, 47–48
hidden decision makers (HDMs), 211
Hinkle Field House, 117
hippocampus, 205
hiring, 19–27
analyzing current process, 26–27
clarifying nonnegotiables before, 23–24
reality testing in, 22
for Sales EQ competencies, 20–21
sales managers’ skills in, 9
self-awareness in process, 25–26
Hogan Assessments, 69–70
Hoosiers (movie), 117
HubSpot, 143
humility, 69–71
humor, 151–54
ICD-11 (International Classification of Diseases), 143
identity, role vs., 136
imposter syndrome, 86
Indianapolis Colts, 23
indifference, 214
influence, empathy and, 103–4, 107–9
insanity loop of sales management, xiv–xv, xvii
internal locus of control, 42–43, 45–46, 146–47
International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), 143
internships, 49
interview questions
about assertiveness, 52, 58–59
about delayed gratification, 33–34
about learning, 65
about perseverance, 49–50
to determine coachability, 72
intuition, ignoring, 25–26
IT director, 213
Jackson, Phil, 88–89
J curve of skills adoption, 201–5
job candidates
ability/desire to learn of, 62–63
prospecting and recruiting, 75
qualification of, 20–21
reality testing for, 22–23
job-hopping, 32–33
Kahneman, Daniel, 174
Keller, Gary, 222
Kleiner, Perkins, Caufield, and Byer, 160–61
Konrath, Sara, 103
Kruger, Justin, 208
Lakewood Church, 222–23
Landy, John, 114
Last Word, The (movie), 132
late starts, team sales meetings with, 221
leaders, key traits of, xvi
learning, 60–65
for “buggers,” 64–65
candidate’s ability/desire to learn, 62–63
culture of, 61–62
and focus, 158–59
interview questions about, 65
knowledge transfer in, 199–200
from mistakes, 137–39
by sales managers, xiv
self-limiting beliefs about, 118
and stress, 144–45
in value-added partner approach, 63–64
while multitasking, 205–7
likeability, 56
LinkedIn, 228
listening, active, 70
locus of control, 42–46, 146–47
Los Angeles Lakers, 88
“love,” hiring mistakes due to, 25
major account selling, 31–32
Malloy, Jimmy, 30
Mandela, Nelson, 139
Marshmallow Study, 28–29
Marshmallow Test, The (Mischel), 28
Maslow, Abraham, 61
McCord, Patty, 68
McCormack, Mark, 87
McMillan, Ron, 192–93
meditation, 88–89
meetings. see sales meetings
memory, declarative, 205
mentorship, 181–82
Milan High School Indians, 117
Miller Heiman, xv
mindfulness meditation, 89
mind mapping, 167–70
mindset
about tough prospects, 149–51
curiosity, 184–87
delayed vs. instant gratification, 165, 166
fixed vs. growth, 68–69
of humorists, about adversity, 151–53
Mindset (Dweck), 68
Mischel, Walter, 28
mistakes, 132–42
action plan for improving reaction to, 142
coachability and admitting to, 68
fear of failure and, 133–35
in hiring, 25–26
and improving self-regard, 135–36
learning from, 137–39
normalizing failure, 140–42
reframing failure, 139–40
and role of salesperson vs. self-worth, 136–37
Moment of Lift, The (Gates), 217
multitasking, 157–58, 166, 205–7
Muncie Central High School Bearcats, 117–18
National Academy of Sciences, 205
National Speakers Association, 140–41
Necessary Endings (Cloud), 77
Netflix, 68
neuroplasticity, 200
Neuroscience for Leadership (Swart), 203
Never Split the Difference (Voss), 88
next steps, setting up, 56, 224–25
Nike, 227
nonnegotiables, hiring based on, 23–24
Nooyi, Indra, 173
normalization of failure, 140–42, 204–5
Nyad, Diana, 129–30
objections
unspoken, 107–11
office manager, 213
1 Financial Training Services, 218
one thing, focusing on your, 222–23
One Thing, The (Keller), 222
One Year Uncommon Life Daily Challenge, The (Dungy), 23–24
opportunity, self-limiting beliefs about, 118
Orange Revolution, The (Gostick and Elton), 67–68
organizational skills, 162–63
Osteen, Joel, 222–23
outside experts, at team sales meetings, 225
Paling, Suzanne, 15
paraphrasing skills, 104–5
passion, 64–65
passive-aggressive behavior, 52, 57, 196
past experience, beliefs based on, 125–27
Patterson, Kerry, 192–93
pauses, taking, 97–99
people pleasing behavior, 134
Peppers & Rogers Group, 214
PepsiCo, 173
perception, beliefs based on, 125–27
perfection trap, 133–34
performance
and beliefs of salespeople, 114–17
poor, root cause of, 86
positive self-talk and, 114, 115
responsibility for, 77–78
of salespeople, xiv–xv
perseverance, 35–50
belief, 124
interview questions about, 49–50
and locus of control, 42–46
optimism, sales revenues and, 41–42
and passion, 64–65
for quitters, campers, and climbers, 37–41
resiliency, sales revenues and, 36–37
and sales degrees, 48–49
for sales managers, 47–48
pessimism, 41–42
Pie Consulting and Engineering, 62
pivot questions, 125–27
playbooks, sales managers’, 13–15
Poldrack, Russell, 205
coaching to improve EQ skills of, 83–87
curiosity mindset for coaching, 184–86
examining beliefs about, 184
example, 73–75
firing, 78–79
getting to root cause of problem with, 86
and prospecting/recruiting practices, 75
response to feedback by, 77–78
time-management skills of, 163
work ethic of, 75–76
PopSockets, 206
positive affirmations, 89
Powerful (McCord), 68
PowerPoint presentations, 210
prefrontal cortex, 93, 98, 158, 173
productivity, 162
busyness vs., 164
and focus, 160–61
of team sales meetings, 223–24
product knowledge “wars,” 91
products, beliefs about, 123–24
prospecting, 9, 29–30, 75, 165
qualification of prospects, assertiveness in, 54–55
“quitters,” as salespeople, 37–38
radical honesty, 68
“raise your hand” cultures, 67–68
Ramsey, Dave, 23
rational thinking, 147
reality testing, 11, 15, 22, 172
reappraisal, 96
red flags, in hiring process, 25–26
reflection, 94–95, 104, 183–84, 188
relationship building, 33, 194, 218–20
reptilian brain. see amygdala
retention, multitasking and, 205
Rich Habits (Corley), 60
Robbins, Tony, 60
Rock, David, 158
Rometty, Ginni, 1
Rotter, Julian, 43
sales
checklists for, 207–9
as fun activity, xvii–xviii
sales activity, control over, 147–48
sales culture
caretaking, 194–95
effect of arrogant salespeople on, 69
emotional contagion in, 21
for emotionally intelligent salespeople, 5–6
firing top performers for failure to adopt, 78
learning in, 61–62
“raise your hand,” 67–68
sales degrees, 48–49
“sales elephants,” bringing up, 107–11
Sales EQ competencies, xv. see also emotional intelligence skills (EQ skills)
Sales EQ of coaches, 179–98
action steps for improving, 198
assertiveness, 195–98
curiosity mindset, 184–87
in difficult conversations, 192–95
downtime and reflection to improve, 183–84
emotion management, 180–82
empathy, 187–92
mentorship for, 181–82
trigger-response-regret loop, 182–83
sales ghosts, reframing to deal with, 98–99
Sales IQ, xv, 20, 54, 83–85, 123
Sales Leadership (Rosen), 131, 184
salesleadershipdevelopment.com., 228
sales management
coaching as part of, 7–8
delayed gratification in, 84
as fun activity, xvii–xviii
insanity loop of, xiv–xv, xvii
sales managers, 7–15
accountability for, 10–11
awareness of salespeople’s beliefs, 117–18
challenges for, xiv
hiring and selection skills of, 9
perseverance for, 47–48
processes and playbooks of, 13–15
Sales EQ of. see Sales EQ of coaches
in sales meetings with customers, 12–13
successful, xvi
training and coaching skills of, 9–10
types of, 11–12
sales meetings with customers
assertiveness in, 54–56
delayed vs. instant gratification mindset in, 166
emotion management in, 90–92
emotions in, xvi–xvii
extended sales team at, 220
extended sales team in, 217–18
focus for, 156
meeting after, 109–10
sales managers in, 12–13
sales meetings with team, 221–26
action plan for improving, 225–26
effects of improving, 222–23
emotionally intelligent, 3–5
outside experts at, 225
running your, 223–25
teaching mind mapping in, 167–69
sales organizations
beliefs of salespeople about, 121–22
emotional intelligence in, xiii–xiv
fast-growth, adversity in, 43–44
insanity loop of sales management for, xiv–xv
learning culture for, 61–62
normalizing failure in, 141–42
salespeople
accompanying, on calls, 12–13
beliefs of. see beliefs of salespeople
benefits of improving emotional intelligence for, xvi–xvii
performance of, xiv–xv
role performance vs. self-worth for, 136–37
successful, xvi
see also sales team
sales process
analyzing current, 26–27
lack of assertiveness in, 54–56
playbook for, 13–15
sales revenues
and assertiveness, 54–56
and delayed gratification, 29–33
and emotion management, 90–92
and focus/learning, 158–59
and perseverance/optimism, 41–42
and perseverance/resiliency, 36–37
and stress, 144–45
sales skills development
delayed gratification in, 30–31
feedback for, 77–78
focus during, 157–58
J curve of skill adoption, 201–5
in team sales meetings, 222
sales team
emotionally intelligent, 3–5
extended, 213–20
see also sales meetings with team; salespeople
Sandler, David, 136
Sandler Sales Institute, 136
sandwich generation, 143
“sandwich method” of delivering feedback, 71
selection skills, of sales managers, 9
self-actualization, 61
self-awareness, xviii
about mistakes, 138
about nonnegotiables, 24
about perseverance, 47–48
about self-limiting beliefs, 120, 122, 124, 128–29
in dealing with poor performers, 73–74
in emotion management, 94–95
in hiring process, 25–26
for salespeople, xvii
in stress management, 145–46, 150
self-control, 28–29. see also delayed gratification
self-esteem, 67–68
self-improvement, learning for, 60–61
self-limiting beliefs of sales managers
downtime and reflection on, 183–84
self-awareness of, 120, 122, 124, 128–29
self-limiting beliefs of salespeople, xviii, 118–27
about company, 121–22
about products or services, 123–24
about themselves, 118–20
coaching to improve, 86
improving self-talk to decrease, 124–25
perception vs. past experience as basis for, 125–27
self-talk based on, 115–16
self-regard, xvi, 67–68, 135–36
self-talk
after failure, 133
and beliefs of salespeople, 124–25
curiosity mindset for, 184
emotion management and, 89–90
and J curve of skill adoption, 203
of optimistic vs. pessimistic people, 42
storytelling to improve, 129–30
in victim mentality, 150
self-worth, 136–37
Seligman, Martin, 41–42
services, beliefs about, 123–24
Sesame Street, 28
Sesame Workshop, 28
“S” framework of empathy, 188–89
Sherman, Ryne, 70
Simmons, Michael, 61
Smith, Beth, 26
Socrates, 94
soft skills. see emotional intelligence skills (EQ skills)
Southwestern Company, 14
SPANX, 139–40
Splash (movie), 185
Stanford University, 28
Stevens, Angie, 45–46
Stoltz, Paul, 36–39
storytelling
changing beliefs with, 129–30
coaching with, 209–11
and displaying empathy, 189, 190
and humor for stress management, 153–54
normalizing failure with, 140–42
and self-limiting beliefs based on perceptions, 125–27, 187
stories as root cause of emotional reactions, 96–97, 184
stress management, xviii, 143–54
action plan for, 154
changing victim mentality for, 149–50
developing skills for, 146–47
and feeling out of control, 145–46
focusing on elements within your control, 147–49
gratitude mindset for, 150–51
humor for, 153–54
and humorist’s mindset about adversity, 151–53
and impact of stress on sales results, 144–45
Swart, Tara, 203
Swiss cheese method, 162
Switzler, Al, 192–93
TAB (The Alternative Board), 61
tactical breathing, 99
tasks, accomplishing similar, 160
team building, in sales meetings, 222
technology, xiii
displaying empathy while using, 102–3
effective salespeople’s use of, 160–61
and focus, 155–58
frequency of use, and age of user, 206
resilience and, 47–48
use of, during coaching, 205–7
testimonials, 225
Thinking Fast and Slow (Kahneman), 174
time management, 162–75
action plan for improving, 175
and delayed gratification, 164–66
and distractions for “reptilian” brain, 166–67
for early risers, 173–74
guarding your calendar, 170–73
mind mapping to build calendar, 167–70
Tommy Boy (movie), 91
tough prospects, mindset about, 149–51
training, in team sales meetings, 222
training skills, of sales managers, 9–10
trigger-response-regret loop
for coaches, 182–83
and emotion management, 89–90, 93–94
triggers, emotional, 95–97
truth-telling conversations, 192–95, 197–98
Twitter, 157
University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), 205
University of Michigan, 103
validation skills, 104–5
value-added partner approach to sales, 63–64
Varsity Spirit Corporation, 45–46, 121–22
veteran salespeople, self-limiting beliefs of, 119
victim mentality, 149–50
Voss, Chris, 88
vulnerability, xvi
warehouse manager, 213
Washington, Booker T., 81
Welch, Jack, 9
What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School (McCormack), 87
White, Karyn Ruth, 152
white space, in calendar blocking, 169
Why Can’t I Hire Good People (Smith), 26
Winfrey, Oprah, 60
Winfrey, Sam, 64–65
“wing-it” sales meetings, 224
Wood, Marvin, 117–18
Wooden, John, 199
Young Presidents’ Organization, 61
young sales professionals
“camper” vs. “climber” types of, 39, 40
coaching for, 85
job-hopping by, 33
resiliency for, 47–48
self-limiting beliefs of, 119
Your Brain at Work (Rock), 158
“Your worst sales hire” exercise, 19–20
YouTube, 157
Zuckerberg, Mark, 32–33