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How to choose: travelling alone or with friends
One of the biggest decisions facing any traveller is whether or not to go it alone. There are several factors to consider before making this choice and sizeable pros and cons for each, but, all things being equal, you’ll probably want to travel solo, at least for some portion of your trip. Even if all things aren’t equal and there’s someone you’d really like to travel with, read through this section to find out the risks and learn how to minimize them.
Why you should at least consider travelling alone
Obviously, this is the more intimidating path. But it’s also the most potentially rewarding. And it’s not nearly as frightening as it may sound.
1. Travelling solo does not necessarily mean you’ll be travelling alone for the bulk of your trip. Quite the opposite, in fact. Most solo travellers just end up travelling with different people for different legs of their journey. Everywhere you go, from museums to hostels to cafés, you’ll run into other solo travellers who’ll be delighted to travel with someone and, because there are often significant price breaks on rooms for pairs, there’s a good chance you’ll be sharing accommodation. Even the shyest travellers find the dialogue easy to start: you already have your travel destination and independent spirit in common, not to mention doubtless shared frustrating experiences. At times, it can almost be more difficult to find periods to be on your own. For those who are still uncertain about their ability to meet travel partners on the trail, you can, virtually everywhere, sign up for a group tour along the way and surround yourself with an entire platoon of companions.
2. You learn about yourself. You’ll find out what your likes and dislikes are, and be able to act on them. Often travellers spur each other on to check off a “to do” list (with no one looking, maybe you’ll give that famous museum a miss and rent a bike and head for the countryside instead). You’ll spend more time writing your journal, taking photos, reading, studying the culture –absorbing more of the country you’re travelling in.
3. You’ll be less distracted by a friend and more likely to notice the small things happening around you. As a single traveller it can be easier to blend in, and you’re less likely to be attracting attention by speaking English with your partner. Single travellers attract single travellers.
4. You’ll be approached by more locals. They’re often anxious to meet foreigners but can be intimidated by couples, feeling reluctant to interrupt a conversation or intrude. Which means solo travellers are much more likely to return home with an address book filled with great contacts from around the world.
Is it safe for women to go alone?
Women can and do travel solo throughout the world. Some countries and regions make this quite easy, and thus provide a better starting point: northern Europe, Australia, New Zealand, the USA and Canada. In southern Europe and parts of Latin America, catcalls are common, but you’ll rarely feel threatened. Dressing and safety tips can be found in the security chapter. In much of the world, however, you’ll be seen as an oddity. All backpackers are a bit of an oddity (forsaking our creature comforts and spending more money than many locals will ever possess to wander about the globe with our worldly possessions in a nylon sack), but people may assume you have left your husband and children behind to undertake this journey. So long as your wardrobe is conservative, you’ll often be afforded the same status as male travellers in most developing countries you visit, but expect numerous enquiries. It’s helpful to have a story for the men (such as you’re meeting your husband in the next town), but many questions will come from women, which is a great conversation-starter and can offer interesting insights.
The possibility of rape and robbery should be taken seriously, but these are risks that can be minimized (see Chapter 15). Most likely the harassment you get will be a mild irritant – an admirer on a long train ride who thinks he can charm you with a six-hour story, for instance. The trick is being able to distinguish between a tactless man and a dangerous one. Always trust your instincts. If any man makes you feel at risk, simply move to a train compartment where there are more safe-looking people (preferably women or other travellers), head to a more crowded street, pop into a busy store or stop a police officer.
If you’re heading overland into a country or region that you’re a little unsure of, you can almost always find a trustworthy travel companion (a male companion can help limit the harassment directed at you) to accompany you for at least a few days, if not longer, provided you’re going in the same direction. It may take a day or three to find the right person, but in places where the hassle factor is high, such as arriving in Morocco from Spain, a male companion can make things much easier, especially if you tell people that he’s your husband.
The benefits of bringing a companion
Travelling with a friend isn’t all bad. In fact, there are some nice benefits: minimized culture shock; medical security (they can help get you to a doctor if you get sick or carry you back to the hostel after you’ve passed out in a bar); money saved when staying in double rooms and taking taxis. For many, though, a travel partner’s most important role is offering moral support for the never-ending onslaught of new situations to face. And helping avoid the fairly frequent party-of-one meals or having your ear bent by some garrulous locals.
How it can risk your friendship
Twenty-four hours a day of reassurance and sharing for months on end can put a serious strain on any relationship. Having to make decisions constantly, often in uncomfortable conditions, can strain the tightest bonds. Remember: compromise means that on this “trip of a lifetime” you probably won’t get to see everything you want, and certainly not at your own pace. Just because you’re the best of friends, or even partners, there is no guarantee you’ll travel well together. Something else for friends travelling together to keep in mind: if you think it would be nice to stumble on some romance on the road, you had better pray you meet twins going in the same direction, because your friend isn’t going to want to hang around while you fall in love.
How to keep the travel friendship from unravelling
If you do decide to go with another person, give yourselves the option of separating for a while. Even just a morning or afternoon apart every few days can be enough breathing room to sustain a travel relationship. A better bet, however, is to build some solo time into the trip. Perhaps a week or two apart every other month: sign up for different courses or adventure activities in the same region or tackle a city separately. Pick a meeting time and figure out a few fallback ways to get in touch in case one person can’t make it, such as email or a note at a certain hostel.
What to look for in a travel partner
First, you want someone with the same budget. If you don’t see eye to eye (or wallet to wallet), it’s going to be a straining trip. If one person is going down the comfort route while the other is on a tight budget, you won’t be staying at the same places, eating at the same restaurants or doing as many activities together. Or, more likely, you will, but neither of you will be having a good time doing it. The one on a tight budget will feel like a scrooge, always getting their budget pushed too far, having to eat plain rice at a nice restaurant or sit outside while the other goes to a string of expensive museums. The one on the bigger budget will be roughing it more than they’d like, yet feel they’re shamelessly indulging in front of their companion the entire time.
Having checked if your budgets are in alignment, then see if your itineraries are. Talk about what you hope to do during a typical day. Will you get up early and aggressively pound the pavement of a city, or sleep until noon, then linger in a café and read a book? Will you be pursuing cultural activities or flopping on beaches? Are you keeping things flexible or planning all the details? These are not the sort of things you want to discover after you’ve started travelling.
Does it make sense to find a travel partner before leaving?
Not really. Many people find the prospect of travelling alone so daunting they try to line up a travel partner before leaving. They place personal ads in travel magazines, newspapers and on websites. These correspondence-arranged partnerships may work out, but all too often they don’t: heading out on the road together is like getting married after one blind date. There’s no need to do this, especially without taking at least one short local trip together first. You’ll meet so many travellers during your trip, it’s much more natural and sensible to make friends first, travel for a while without commitment and only continue together as long as it’s working out. This is extremely common and no one gets insulted if and when you part ways.
Travelling with a crowd
With more than two people you’re going to find yourself taking votes, which is a fine way to run a democracy but a maddening way to set an itinerary. Whether you leave with a group or simply snowball into an international party on the move, beware: you’re going to be about as subtle as a G-20 protest rally. Another potential problem is getting anything done. Before you can all head out to explore a famous museum together, a few people will have to use the bathroom, someone will have to fix a button that’s about to fall off, someone else will need to mail a postcard, two others will have to stop at a bank and one will have to bargain for a souvenir on the way. What’s more, you’re going to have a difficult time finding hostels, buses and restaurants that can accommodate all of you. It’s nice to find a social group, but instead of corralling yourself into a tour group, a better idea is to pick a bar or restaurant in the next town and a time and say you’ll meet there. Then everyone breaks up and goes their own way.
TRAVELLING SOLO
My first trip alone was to Europe. I was 22. It was probably the three most eye-opening weeks of my life. I realized, for starters, that I could go to another continent and be entirely self-sufficient. I could travel from country to country, from one foreign language to another, order a meal, get a night in a room and make friends with people all over the world. Learning I could do all that on my own was a revelation. If I had gone with a friend, I wouldn’t have returned home with the same sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
worldhum.comI did not travel alone for my entire journey – I travelled with another traveller for part of it (a friend flew out to join me for two weeks) and I joined a few organized tours. The best fun and most rewarding, though, was travelling solo.
Friendships on a long organized tour
This locks you in with a group for the duration of the tour, for good and bad. Such trips tend to bring out the best in some and the worst in others. Life-long friendships are common, but so are group conflicts, and you won’t be likely to see much about the latter in the brochure. So make sure you ask about how much time is available away from the group, then take advantage of it when you get the chance.