12
When you arrive
One of the best ways to take advantage of your time on the road is to vary the way you travel down it. How you get around, whether it be in the air, through the water, on wheels, or on the back of an animal, will shape the memories you bring home. And that doesn’t just apply to transport. You can be adventurous or timid in your choice of accommodation, what you eat, even the toilets you decide to use. It’s always going to be easier to travel in the style you are accustomed to at home, but making the choice (often several times a day) to try the local alternatives will ultimately enrich your trip. This chapter provides you with a little taste of what lies ahead.
Don’t forget to take interesting transport
The thing to remember on this type of journey is that travelling is just as much about getting there as arriving, or maybe even more. This may not be apparent when you’re sweltering on an Indian train that has broken down for twelve hours, so it’s important to remind yourself regularly.
One way to do that is to take unusual transport. When you’re sailing down the Nile on a felucca, it’s a little easier to relax with the fact that you’re moving barely faster than driftwood. The frustration comes when you’re trying to get somewhere quickly, so the slower you try to go the less frustrating it is likely to be. In fact, the level of frustration may be directly linked to the difference between the speed you should be going and your actual speed. A four-hour delay on a nine-day trip up the Amazon by cargo ship won’t faze anyone in the slightest. Sit four hours on an airport runway, and people’s ulcers start to bleed.
If you have the chance, skip the air-conditioned bus and try… well, anything. Here’s a guide to getting yourself around.
Bicycle
Bikes can be rented nearly everywhere, and in some cities they’re actually free. And where they can’t be rented, you can pick up a low-tech model for a trifle. Take advantage of this. It’s an ideal way to get to know an area, particularly the ones set up to accommodate cycles: you can stop whenever you get the urge yet you’re more inclined to venture further, well off the main tourist routes, which will afford you some of the most interesting views. For tips on longer bike journeys, see Chapter 3.
Bicycle rickshaw
You can’t ride in one of these and not feel like a hardened traveller. The problem is you may also feel like a slave-driver. Propulsion never looks easy for these malnourished pedallers, but they often throw in a few extra grunts to help justify the price. There’s no meter, so always fix the price before you depart. In European city centres, modern bicycle rickshaws are appearing, and some of them are free (a trade-off for being covered in advertising).
Bus
You’ll find some buses are as aerodynamic as a Formula 1 car, have spacious, fully reclining seats and attendants serving almost-edible food. Air conditioning and express routes are also options (beware of the movies, though, which are often loud and in the local language). If you need to cover some ground and get a good night’s rest, it can be worth the extra few bucks. When boarding older buses, choose your seat carefully if you can. Try to get a window seat near the front (but not at the very front) on the side that’s not getting direct sunlight (take a moment to figure this out before you step onto the bus). That way you can control the temperature with the window, minimize the greenhouse effect, get a view of where you’re going and still have a few rows in front of you to cushion any collision. And remember to ask if they have a working toilet on board when buying your ticket.
Camel
Camels, though they conjure up Lawrence of Arabia adventures, are about as tempting to ride over long distances as they are to French kiss. As Jacqueline Kennedy said on her trip to India, “A camel makes an elephant feel like a jet plane.” Sometimes there is just one rein, fashioned to a nose ring on one side, affording the rider an easy pull to go in that direction, but rendering it near impossible to make it go the other without a 359-degree rotation. In other words, be sure to ask for two reins.
Canoe
A convenient step up from their dugout brethren, the modern canoe can be rented affordably in an astounding number of countries, and provides an easy way to leave just a few footprints while you travel. From the Boundary Water Canoe Area in North America to the hippo-packed Zambezi river, you get the best possible views of the area with little more than a guide or a good map.
Car
Read the section on transport for car essentials and see the “Where to go” section of the book for specific tips on buying, selling and renting cars as you travel.
HOW TO TRAVEL RESPONSIBLY
There’s no denying that travelling impacts the environment – in fact, the very best thing you can do to combat global warming is to never leave home at all unless you’re doing it on foot or on a bike. But back in the real world, we enjoy travelling and are not willing to give it up. Here are a few things you can do to minimise your impact and travel more responsibly:
- Stay longer. Unless you’re driving a 1960s gas-guzzler around the world with only you in the car, the filthiest part of your trip is going to be your flights. Repeatedly flying across the Atlantic or Pacific is releasing more CO2 than you want to know about. Solution: Save up for one longer trip instead of several short ones.
- Take the train. Even if the electricity powering the train was produced by burning coal or oil, your contribution to global warming will always be less than if you took the plane.
- Bike. Environmentally conscious city councils who can afford it (mostly in Europe) have been pouring millions into making their towns bike-friendly. Make use of that, and get some exercise and a better look at the town while you’re at it. The only downside is the rain, but chances are there is a café you can linger in while it passes.
- Plant trees. They suck CO2 right out of the air, so if you plan to work with a forest conservation group or similar during your trip, you can free yourself of guilt for at least a few minutes of that eight-hour flight.
- Carbon offset. Especially if you can’t do the above, you should think about carbon offsetting your trip. Do your research, though – some carbon-offsetting schemes are much more effective than others, and you may prefer one which invests in clean technology to one which plants trees. Some only calculate flight offsetting, while others also cover trains, cars, buses etc.
- Recycle. Some countries are better at this that others – take some time to figure out what goes where in public rubbish bins.
- Clean up dive sites. Okay, this one won’t reduce global warming, but it’s a nice way to give back to the local diving community and help make sure the reefs are still alive for your next visit. Many shops will give you a free dive if you help out.
Cruise ship
This doesn’t fit the traditional traveller image. The cabins aren’t conducive to drying hand-washed laundry, the staff don’t appreciate people walking down the corridors in just a towel, and body art and piercing may frighten some of the other passengers. But this can be a way to connect certain legs of your trip at a decent price.
Dhow
These wooden sailing boats are very similar to feluccas, although they’re slightly more seaworthy. They’re usually found hugging the coast of eastern Africa: trips are common near Zanzibar and in Lamu, Kenya, with camping along the surrounding islands, although the latter has been hampered by recent terrorist attacks nearby. They come in all shapes and sizes, from three-person dinghies to commercial fishing vessels. The faster ones employ a counterbalance beam. If you’re allowed, crawl out onto it for an exhilarating ride.
Dugout canoe
They look and sound exotic, but most tip or take in water easily, and they’re about as convenient to portage, weight-wise, as an automatic cash machine. Best if you have someone along who knows how to balance it and avoid crocs.
Felucca
These ancient wooden sailing boats are most commonly associated with the Nile. Most travellers book tours in Aswan for three-day trips north, sleeping on the boat’s cushioned decks. They’re among the slowest sailing boats you’ll ever encounter, but the tranquillity is unsurpassed. Don’t forget to bring a good book.
Ferry
You may have a hard time trying to circumnavigate the planet by ferry, but
they do connect a rather substantial part of the earth’s shorter shipping
lanes. Some are barely afloat and others are nearly as luxurious as their
cruise-ship cousins, with hot tubs, saunas, movie theatres and discos, and
all are more expensive if you try to bring along a car. For a website
listing links of ferry lines around the world, try 
routesinternational.com. Those prone to sickness should make sure
they’re staying on decks well away from the engine room, where diesel smells
can increase the chances of unwanted weight loss.
Horse
Equestrian travel can be incredibly romantic and exciting. You can take an African safari by horseback, cross mountains in the saddle or canter along the beach. But, in the words of Ian Fleming, “A horse is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle.” Make certain, therefore, you get a little practice before you head out on a longer journey, and spend some time getting to know your steed’s signals before you need to interpret them in an emergency.
Jeepney
These converted 1940 US Army Jeeps are a little too unique to be lumped together with the other minibuses; they have become one of the Philippines’ most recognizable symbols. The Filipinos stretched Jeep bodies to three or four times their original length, added rows of cushioned seats and about twenty kilos of glitz and paint.
HITCHHIKING SAFETY
In some countries, it’s relatively safe to hitch, in others it should never be done. Your guidebook will help explain where it is and isn’t an option, but there are several things you can do to minimize the risk, starting with your choice of hitchhiking spot. At petrol stations near the highway, you can simply approach the drivers who look most trustworthy – families, couples and single women drivers. Of course, to get rides with these people, you’ll have to look presentable and trustworthy yourself, which means a shower, clean clothes, no sunglasses and a smile.
If you do have to stand on the side of the road, don’t just hop in a car because it pulls over. That’s only how it works in the movies. You want to go to the driver- or passenger-side window (you may have to open the passenger-side door) and ask the driver where they’re going. Use these few moments to see if the person looks, well… normal. Scan for open alcohol containers and smell for alcohol on the driver’s breath. If they look rough or drunk, just say thanks, but that you’re actually headed to a different place and walk off.
Once in the car, if you sense that the driver may be drunk, over-fatigued, dangerous or is driving too aggressively, ask them to let you out at the next petrol station. If there aren’t any around, have them drop you at an intersection (where cars are more likely to slow down), or just get out as soon as possible. If the driver turns off the main road and starts heading in a new direction without telling you, ask to get out of the car immediately. If you feel you are in serious danger and the driver won’t stop to let you out, try hopping out at an intersection when the car stops or slows down. Another good tip is never to put your bag in the boot (trunk) so you can easily hop out with it.
Hitching is never a good idea for women travelling alone, but especially so if you can’t find a ride with a family, couple, or single woman driver. Simply put, make sure you’re never the only woman in the car.
Hitchwiki ( hitchwiki.org) is a good
place to find info about hitchhiking, mainly in Europe, while Hitchbase ( hitchbase.com) is a
user-driven database of good spots to hitch rides worldwide.
Minibus
Better known, depending on the location, as a beemo, dolmus, dollar van, matatu or songthaew, these privately owned small vans or pick-up trucks function as city buses and inter-city transporters. They aren’t always cheaper than city buses, but they run more frequently and can be much easier to locate. It’s not uncommon to find eighteen people crammed into one designed to hold seven, with the tout still trying to take on passengers. Your best bet is to grab a window seat near the front, opposite the sliding door, just in case the oxygen levels start to drop. Too close to the sliding door and you’ll have a buttock in your face for the duration of the journey, most likely that of the designated fare collector (also charged with the task of corralling as many people as possible aboard) who generally prefers to stand and hang out of the door.
Motorcycle
There are probably two hundred safer ways to navigate the planet, but few that offer the opportunity to do so in leather. Helmets and protective clothing are a must as road conditions and other drivers are often completely unpredictable. There’s some advance planning necessary to drive across some borders, but we’ve got those details, plus overseas car- and motorcycle-buying tips, covered.
Motorized rickshaw
Mate a scooter with a golf cart and then drive it across Asia, and you get a motorized rickshaw. You may recognize these yellow and black mini-transports from James Bond’s Octopussy, and you’ll certainly hear them coming. The mosquito-sounding engines get them going quick enough to somehow enter the flow of traffic. Meters exist, but they don’t always work, or must be cross-referenced to some indexed price list. So consider learning the going rate and making a deal for the ride beforehand.
Ocean-going cargo ship
They come in all shapes and sizes, but few are appealing to the eye from the outside. The cabins can be another story, as more owners’ cabin are being refitted for travellers. Getting on board can be no small feat, with advance planning and fees generally involved. If this seems appealing, you won’t want to miss details on costs and what’s involved in booking such a trip (see Travel by cruise ship vs freighter).
On foot
There’s no better way to get around than with your metatarsals. Pounding the pavement gives you the pulse of a place. According to author Wendell Berry, “Our senses were developed to function at foot speeds.” Put another way, if you move though a new place faster than a few kilometres per hour, your eyes, ears and nose won’t be able to register all the information they’re getting. There are two classic variants of hoofing it: pick up a map, or simply wander until you’re lost.
Overland trucks
Bouncing revamped military trucks for adventure travellers who prefer a bit of handholding when crossing remote sections of the globe.
Plane
Check your email before flying to see if there have been any changes to your flight. While you’re online, you may as well take the opportunity to print out a boarding card. Most carriers will have English-speakers manning the phones, but have the hostel receptionist or tourist office help out if you experience a language barrier. And remember to confirm your in-flight meals if you have any special dietary considerations.
On long flights, request a seat by the window if you plan to sleep, preferably near an emergency exit, and take anti-jet lag precautions so you don’t sleepwalk through the first week of your trip. Contact-lens users should either switch to glasses during the long flight or bring extra solution to combat the dry cabin air. If you hope to get bumped up to business class, make sure you dress smartly. Rather, try not to look or smell like an independent backpacker.
With local carriers, you may not experience the sort of professionalism you get on flights at home (if, indeed, you get such service at home). And the planes may not look that professional either. If you’re nervous about flying with these companies, that’s normal, but remind yourself that it’s statistically safer than other modes of transport, including walking. Flying during daylight may help with some of your worries.
River cargo ship
Smaller than their ocean-going sisters, and generally much easier to get passage on, river ships are a far more casual affair. On Amazonian ships, you string up a hammock on deck and sleep elbow to elbow. Thanks to an extensive canal network, much of Europe can be navigated by inland boats as well. Some are overhauled luxury vessels for tourists, some are private mobile homes, and some are commercial barges. Look for passage on all three.
River kayak
These are short, rugged, and tip more easily than a toddler on rollerblades, so it’s best to take a course when getting started. Because handling is so sensitive, most kayakers prefer their own boats. However, on a long trip you’ll probably just have to make do with what’s available on site. If you stick to the rafting epicentres, you’ll find there’s good equipment on hand and, depending on your skill level, you may be able to catch free rides with rafting trips working as a safety kayaker.
Sea kayak
Both the hardshell and the collapsible variety have merits, depending largely on how you’re able to transport them. They’re increasingly available for rent, so enquire before you drag yours halfway around the globe. You’ll also need to check with airlines to see what additional fees are involved when taking them on board.
Subway/Underground
No matter how little there is to see out of the window, make an effort to try out the subway once or twice. It’s an integral part of any big city’s character. Some offer incredibly high-speed and efficient transport (Kuala Lumpur, Copenhagen and Dubai have driverless trains, as does London’s DLR), some are overdue for repair and some are simply underground marvels. The lines in Moscow, St Petersburg, London, Tokyo, Hong Kong, New York, Washington DC, Singapore and Stockholm are particularly worth a look.
Taxi
At home you might order a taxi or flag one down for a personal and usually short ride. You can do that on the road as well. But in developing nations, some taxis function more like minibuses, and the driver will commonly supplement his journey by giving as many people rides as possible along the way without deviating from his course. These are known as shared taxis or colectivos.
In other cases, you may (particularly if you can arrange a group of three or four travellers) decide to hire a taxi for an entire day, maybe longer. It’s surprisingly cheap, and may make the most sense if there’s a border crossing where the alternative is to take a bus followed by a long walk, or if there are a number of interesting sights located just outside the city centre. Check your guidebook to find out if the taxis are strictly regulated by meter or whether bargaining is necessary. If you need to bargain, arrange a price before starting out, but don’t pay until it’s over. Fuel should be paid separately to keep your driver from cruising along at an energy-efficient 10kph, refusing scenic detours, and trying to convince you that the air-con doesn’t work.
TAXI THRILLS
A fight breaks out between the taxi drivers outside of my hotel in Cairo when they see me exiting. Eventually, I decide on one. I meticulously set the price before entering, though I still know I’m getting ripped off. The taxi takes off like a springbok with a bum full of dynamite. The drive is reminiscent of a computer game, only with bad smells. There are wall-to-wall beaten-up cars, five lanes of traffic (at least five) on a two-lane road. I can actually hear the taxi sucking in its breath as we pass between two other cars. Green means go in Cairo. Apparently so does red. And pedestrians are fair game. The driver tries to sell me a hubble-bubble pipe, demonstrating how it works as we hurtle through the city centre. I find it difficult to pay, as my hands are shaking so much. I find one aspect settling, and I try to cling on to it as I count the bills and coins: a bungee-jump would have cost fifty times the price.
Train
Remember to check that the train car you are boarding has the name of the city you are going to posted on the side, especially in Europe. If the individual car says “Hamburg” on it, that’s where it’s going. But that doesn’t mean the entire train is going to Hamburg. In fact, there’s a good chance it isn’t. Trains drop off some cars and pick up others along the route, so you can easily end up someplace you hadn’t counted on. It’s tempting, especially with rail passes, to save money with a few nights on the train. But find out why that’s not a great idea (see Buying a train pass before you leave home) and check out the “Where to go” section of this guide to learn about supplementing your pass with other cost-effective travel.
Old locomotives are wonderful, if you can find any that haven’t been turned into tourist rigs. They make you feel like a traveller, assuming they eventually get you where you’re going. Some, like second-class Indian trains, give an excellent taste of the culture, while others provide jaw-dropping vistas you can’t get from the road.
With the high-speed models (China’s maglev trains, Japan’s bullet trains,
France’s TGV, Germany’s ICE, Spain’s AVE), it hardly feels like you’re
moving, never mind travelling. Until, that is, you catch the 300kph blur out
the window. When high-speed trains are involved, it’s almost always cheaper
to get some type of rail pass. (It may even be cheaper to fly.) There’s a
monopoly on the food, so plastic-wrapped sandwiches are priced like
Michelin-star meals; fortunately, though, the rides don’t last that long, so
a few pack-along snacks should see you through. For worldwide rail links see
routesinternational.com.
Since most train stations have a tourist office (or are located just next to one), don’t forget to pick up a free map before conquering the town.
Tuk-tuk
Thailand’s answer to discount taxis. These enlarged high-powered golfcarts appear to have been decorated by someone on an acid trip; judging from the typically rapid lane changes and high-speed U-turns, it’s probably the driver.
Water taxi
Found everywhere from Venice to Stockholm to the Bahamas, they’re usually priced for vacationing millionaires, so make sure it’s a special occasion before you flag one down.
Accommodation
Bolivia is a little too far to travel to stay at a hotel that looks just like the one down the street. Besides, your budget is likely to suffer from even one night’s plush rest at an internationally recognized hotel, which are typically priced for business travellers. It may take some time to get used to staying in budget digs, but it’s more rewarding than it might initially seem. There’s a sense of camaraderie that you simply won’t find at the Ritz. You can swap tales at breakfast, make dinner together, play backgammon – it’s a nomadic commune of sorts. The atmosphere changes from place to place, even day to day if enough new travellers pull in. You can also seek more interesting places from time to time: a hostel in a cave; a bed in a backyard tree house; an underwater hotel. Even if these unconventional digs cost a little more, it’s usually worth the experience.
Camping
Traveller camping falls into two categories: free camping, which is
usually illegal but pretty easy to do outside of big cities; and paid
camping, at designated campsites with amenities or in
people’s back yards ( campinmygarden.com). If you
plan to go down the free camp route, you’ll probably need to give big cities
a miss. Many of the city parks and beaches are too dangerous to sleep in, or
too likely to be patrolled by police. Either way, you’re in trouble. In
smaller towns, you can usually find a field, perhaps even a remote part of a
park, if you’re discreet. Some designated campsites are quite extravagant,
with a restaurant, supermarket and pool, but even the smaller ones can be
surprisingly expensive – especially in Europe. For just a little more, you
can often rent a walk-in tent with a “real” bed.
THE ART OF STAYING CURIOUS
Why on earth should you go out of your way to try some sport or activity you’ve never heard of and will probably never do again? Why bother with the slow, less comfortable modes of transport? Why go anywhere near a squat toilet or, for that matter, a Vietnamese ear-cleaner armed with what seems to be shish-kebab skewers?
Because if you’re not doing something new, you’re doing something you’ve done before. If you’re not taking local transport, you’re taking Western-style transport. If you’re not using the local language (or hand gestures and phrasebooks), you’re probably speaking with professional guides and concierges. If you’re not staying in places with local standards, you’re staying in places with Western standards. If you’re not eating local food, you’re probably eating food you know from home. If you’re not using the local toilets, you’re using Western ones. The creature comforts (and language) of Western life are now available virtually everywhere, and if you don’t go on a creature-comfort diet, you’ll be getting a Disneyfied view of the place you’re trying to see. It’s often the inconvenient and uncomfortable elements that give travel its extra dimension, and separate the Sphinx in Las Vegas from the one in Egypt, the gondola ride in the Epcot Center from the one in Venice.
Farmstays
The name conveys the gist. You stay on a working farm where the family has
made a few rooms available to those who are willing to pay for the
experience. There’s a significant range in comfort and price, but many of
them dip well into the budget range. Some offer courses in riding or
gardening; many provide family-style meals; and you can sample everything
from grape-growing to a full cattle ranch. They’re typically available in
Australia ( aftagriculturaltourism.com.au), New Zealand ( truenz.co.nz/farmstays)
and Europe ( eceat.nl, farmhouseaccommodation.co.uk and responsibletravel.com),
as well as other parts of the globe ( farmstays.org).
Free accommodation around the world
Yes, this has appeared in other sections of this guide because it affects so many things – budget, cultural immersion, etc – but the emergence of couchsurfing may be the single biggest advancement in budget travel since the guidebook came along.
Guesthouses/pensions/B&Bs
These are typically private homes or flats with a few spare rooms or bungalows in the back yard. They’re often run by older people whose children have moved out, and who are looking to earn a little extra money by letting travellers into their private living space. This means showing a little more respect and courtesy than you might employ at a hostel. Even if it is rather lacking in services, keep in mind you’re living in someone’s home.
With the success of Airbnb.com,
everyone seems to be opening a pension in their house/flat or renting their
places out while they’re away to earn a little extra money (see How to benefit from the sharing economy).
Independent hostels
Independent hostels come in as many different shapes and sizes as rocks, which, coincidentally, is what some of them seem to use to stuff their mattresses. You’ll find some setups extremely professional, particularly in Australia and New Zealand, where they’ve either been taken over by franchises or all read the same youth-hostel-starter-kit handbook. Some have great bar scenes with cheap food and people dancing on the tables in the evenings; others feel like giant, anaesthetized dormitory-type buildings with concierges. Others are blissfully charming and serene with hammocks and sofas, and a chance to dine with the owners. They can be either centrally located or fiendishly remote, with little commonality other than being the cheapest digs in town. Special discounts cards can help as well.
International youth hostels
No, you don’t have to be a certain age to stay at a youth hostel. Being
young at heart is enough. Official IYHs (all 4000-plus of them in more than
ninety countries; hihostels.com) are part of an organisation, which means there are
certain standards, although it does not mean the standards are terribly
high. Nearly all of these are well cleaned, some practically sterile, with
dormitory-style rooms and separate quarters for men and women, self-service
kitchens, common rooms and lockers, and a cost of £10–45/$15–70 per night.
Some are equipped with pools, hot tubs and barbecues, while others are about
as basic as their tree-and-hut logo. Even though they like to tout their
lighthouse property in California and the tall sailing-ship af Chapman hostel in Sweden, IYHs don’t usually earn many
points in the architecture, cosiness or roaring-social-life departments.
Most are located a little way out of the centre of town – and don’t be
surprised to find that some have a curfew (they kick everyone out for a few
hours during the day for cleaning and/or shut the doors around midnight).
There are almost always other budget alternatives, but if this sounds like
your cup of discounted tea, pick up the £5–15/$8–23 membership card. If not,
you’re still welcome, but will pay slightly more, eventually accruing enough
stays to pay for membership. Try to book in advance if you know when you’re
arriving, especially in high season. IYHs can book for one another, so as
you’re checking out, you can ask them to book your accommodation for the
following night in the next town.
In most hostels you can choose between a single room, double room, small dormitory or larger dormitory. The more people in your room, the cheaper it gets. It also means less privacy and more noise. You can assess the trade-off depending on how much sleep you want and how your budget is doing.
Sleeping rough
Ah, the last resort of the traveller, the safety net that leaves your back out of alignment, the experience that will help you overcome whatever was annoying you about hostels. At some point, it’s likely you’ll spend the night on a park bench or in a train station or airport lounge.
Even if you never do, it helps mentally to brace for the possibility. You probably won’t be the only one doing this, so when it looks inevitable, start trying to secure a good spot. What’s a good spot? You’ll know it when you see it, if there is one. Not too hidden, not where people have to step over you, not right under bright lights. Corners are usually quite nice, and frequently coveted. You may be inadvertently borrowing the resting place of a “regular” – so be forewarned that many of them don’t take kindly to this. Look for newspaper or cardboard to place under you; a cold marble floor will drain your body heat and make it difficult to rest. If you’ve got a travel partner, take turns staying awake. If not, make sure you’re bear-hugging your backpack while you sleep. Alternatively, look for an all-night snack shop or bar and sip tea or coffee until the sun creeps up, then find a more comfortable place to sleep at a park or a beach.
Eating
No matter what level of comfort you choose to travel in, you don’t want to circle the globe without sampling local cuisines. Check out the markets, or follow your nose into a tiny restaurant and discover anything from Brazilian moqueca stews to hand-rolled pasta in Sicily to tongue-sizzling Indian curries. There’s no need to be paranoid about what passes your lips. If it looks truly vile (greenish drinking water), you might want to give it a miss. And, in developing nations, shellfish for sale anywhere but right off the fishing boat should probably be skipped. Otherwise, eat, drink, be merry, and pack some lightning-fast cures for diarrhoea.
MCDONALD’S
On the one hand, there’s simply too much wonderful food out there to justify a trip to the Golden Arches. On the other, McDonald’s has some rather exotic (albeit processed and chemically enhanced) dishes in addition to the old classics. For example, in New Zealand there’s the Kiwi Burger, a quarter-pound cheeseburger with beetroot and eggs. In Uruguay, there’s the McHuevo, a hamburger with a poached egg and mayo. India has the Maharaja Mac, a lamb burger. Turkey has the Köfte Burger, a spiced patty inside a bun enriched with yoghurt mix. The point is, if you absolutely must get your McFix while you’re on the road (and these places are packed with travellers), you can at least give yourself a push to try something new.
Hostels
They know their customers’ budgets better than anyone. Many hostels offer extremely cheap stews, sandwiches and plates of pasta. The ones that don’t may provide cooking facilities. Team up with another traveller, or an entire group, head to the supermarket and make a meal together.
Restaurants
Eating at restaurants can run up your expenses quicker than almost anything else, so choose where you eat with care. As comforting as it may be to dine with other travellers, you’ll often get a better deal ditching the guidebook, heading to the poorer parts of town and checking out places that don’t take credit cards and are packed with locals. Here’s one good tip: ask a construction worker for a recommendation. They’re usually experts on cheap, filling meals.
Street vendors
Don’t believe the intestine-quivering rumours. Not every street snack leads to a week in squatter solitary. In fact, buying food from street vendors is a wonderful way to supplement your diet; some travellers manage to exist entirely on these often exotic snacks. And since you can see the food getting thoroughly cooked, it can be safer than some restaurants. You can get fried grasshoppers and scorpions in China, which have more crunch than taste; delicious fried bananas with cinnamon in Indonesia; luscious pineapple on a stick in Thailand; salted cucumbers in Turkey; and warm and spicy bhajis in India.
Traveller cafés
You can’t miss them. They’re filled with travellers, plus the ubiquitous banana pancakes, mango milkshakes and toasted cheese sandwiches served to the beat of a Van Morrison song. These oases for the Western palate are what keep many travellers sane. They also keep many travellers from venturing into more interesting dining and drinking establishments.
Personal hygiene
Staying clean on the road is a challenge at times. The times it becomes particularly rough are during the back-to-back long-transit rides (an overnight bus ride followed by a long plane trip); walking in hot, humid cities; and when you’re not feeling well. If you can’t handle the toilets, that can be a problem too. Either way, relief can be found.
Airport wash stations
Many airports now have showers available for a fee (sometimes ridiculously high, but still worth it depending on your travel grime factor). Some have a sauna and gym as well. You may have to hunt around a little, as they’re not as well situated as the duty-free items and postcard vendors. Even if you have to put your yet-unwashed clothes back on, a refreshing shower can be an enormous boost. And you probably have some spare coins to get rid of anyway. If you don’t take the opportunity during a long haul, the smell is only going to get worse. The budget route, of course, is simply to wash in the restroom, perhaps with a paper-towel shower, and swing by the duty-free and take a squirt of perfume before the next leg of your journey.
The bus “shower”
On nicer bus rides, particularly around Turkey and the Middle East, don’t be surprised if an attendant comes by and offers you a splash of unisex perfume or some fragranced towelettes. They’re not as nice as the warm flannels distributed by many airlines, particularly considering they have the olfactory properties of toilet-bowl cleaner, but it’s still better than having nuclear BO. Individually wrapped moist tissues function better since they also remove the dirt and odour rather than simply masking it. Bring some of your own just in case.
Turkish bath – the marathon sweat
A perfect remedy for travel grime – the accumulated film that covers your body after weeks with low-pressure showers. These medieval bath houses are mild steamrooms with washbasins, sometimes a hot pool and a steamier section. Most offer – for an additional fee – a joint-cracking, back-popping, skin-blasting “massage” that will leave you feeling like a boneless chicken. On exiting, you can cool down wrapped in towels with a refreshing yoghurt drink.
Japanese bath – boil yourself clean
No trip to Japan is really complete without a dip at a “sentō” or its outdoor cousin, the “onsen.” These public baths are sometimes as elegantly crafted as temples – or as commercial-looking as shopping malls. They offer scalding water, some with herbal mixes or stimulating electric shocks, and often a freezing plunge pool too. It’s as cultural as it is therapeutic, relatively inexpensive (the outdoor ones are often free) and will keep you clean in a country that practically demands it.
What you really need to know about toilets
Alert readers may notice this section is slightly longer than the ones above. That’s because using a foreign toilet is rather more complex than catching a taxi or finding a traveller café. That said, you might want to check out these tips (see Diarrhoea) to avoid visiting the toilet too often. Meanwhile, here’s a look at a few of the more common models you may end up facing.
DON’T KNOW SQUAT
What gets lost, I think, amid all the fretting and complaining about toilets in the so-called Third World is this: it’s just a hole.
A hole, and nothing more.
It’s an undeniably elegant design, brilliant in its simplicity – a place to poop, I posit, that far surpasses anything we have in the United States.
This notion is reinforced on almost all my trips. Usually, the last place I use a bathroom in the US is at the airport. You know the type of stall – one where you have to place a sheet of what looks like deli paper on the seat, and then lower yourself gingerly down so the paper doesn’t become a slip’n’slide, and then sit there while the electric-eye flush mechanism is triggered three or four times for no apparent reason, often dampening your nether regions, and then, of course, with all this careful hygienity, you have to grab the lock on the stall door – the one spot you can be certain that every unwashed hand has been placed – and then head to the sinks and hope the electric eyes work there, and then, finally, dispense yourself a paper towel by grabbing a lever that, once again, everyone has touched, thereby negating your hand-washing.
After I land – in Africa, in Asia, in Central America – my toilet facilities usually consist of this: a hole.
A hole, and nothing more.
A place where no fleshy parts make contact with any toilet parts.
Why it’s not common knowledge that Third World toilets are superior to all other toilets comes down to one notion – we don’t know squat.
That is, we don’t know how to squat. We come from a baseball land – we squat like catchers, up on our toes. This is wrong. Proper hole-squatting technique demands a flat-footed stance. It’s difficult at first, I’ll confess, but if you work on it at home it’ll soon become second nature.
So, first get the squat down.
Next, go travel.
And then you, too, will learn to love the hole.
The infamous squatter
The idea with these is that you are supposed to squat over the hole and, like a B-2 bomber, hit the target. Place your feet on the small foot-size platforms provided and align your hole with the one in the floor, which usually means facing the same way you would on a Western toilet. There’s rarely anything to hold on to, or anything you’d want to hold on to, so the obvious danger is simply losing your balance and falling backwards. The less apparent danger is that squatting causes your trouser pockets to become somewhat inverted, so your valuables may go sliding irretrievably down the hole. And if this doesn’t sound challenging enough, remember you may have to hold a flashlight or torch in your mouth since these lavatories often don’t have decent lighting or, sometimes, any lighting at all.
And by the way, there’s no toilet paper. Most of the world goes without. If you look closely, you’ll see there’s a little plastic bowl and a water tap in every stall next to the hole. The idea is you wipe with your left hand (no, I’m not kidding) then wash it off under the water. There’s probably no soap, so you can choose to wash with soap later, bring your own or do like the locals and just use the right hand for eating and shaking hands. Or just bring your own toilet paper. How to flush the hole is not entirely apparent. There’s no little handle to push. No knob to turn. You have to fill up the plastic bowl a few times and dump the water into the hole and let water displacement take care of the rest.
The almost-Western toilet
This one looks like a Western model, but it was installed by someone who may not have fully understood the instructions that came with the assembly kit. Or lacked the necessary tools. If you’re lucky enough to find one with a seat, you’ll notice it’s usually secured by something with the strength of chewing gum, so if you don’t sit down exactly straight, the seat detaches and you slide right off the porcelain rim, which – take it from me – can be pretty painful.
More commonly, however, the plastic seat is missing altogether. This means that you’re back to squatting again. Only now it’s more difficult because you can’t do a regular squat; you have to do a “standing squat” so you can clear the rim of the toilet. This usually entails bracing yourself with one hand on the wall behind you, which is highly exhausting for your arm and leg muscles and often makes them cramp painfully.
A few of these bathrooms do come equipped with paper, but it’s usually the sort that Rambo would be afraid to use. Some provide strips of newspaper or a glossy magazine on a nail. So, while you’re sitting there (or semi-squatting) use your time wisely by crumpling and uncrumpling the paper until it’s almost tolerable. This takes about twenty minutes with the glossy stuff, so you may want to start working on it before you actually get to the toilet. (In an emergency, simply employ this technique with a few of your guidebook pages.) Whatever you use, if there’s a little waste bin beside the toilet, fold the paper over to keep it tidy, then put it there. Don’t even think of throwing your used paper into the toilet. These loos, though they may look vaguely like ours, have a violent reaction to any sort of paper.
The high-tech Japanese toilet/bidet
Most of these models have more wires than Keith Richards’ guitar, morefeatures than a scientific calculator and the comfort of a beanbag chair. These commodes do just about everything but brush your teeth, although I’m sure technicians are working on that now.
The control panel is sometimes built in next to the throne and sometimes on a remote-control device attached to the wall with a Velcro patch, so you could conceivably remove it and flush the toilet from across the room. Itautomatically raises and lowers the seat with the press of a button. Anotherbutton creates a natural, camouflaging noise when you need it. A quietvacuum under the seat continuously pumps any noxious emissions through an air filter and a dial controls the temperature of the seat. There are three separate buttons for the rinse cycle: one is exclusively for women, the second creates a gentle rinse of the backside and the third calls up a power spray. When you push one of these, a small plastic spigot creeps out from underneath the rear of the seat and commences cleaning. You can, of course, adjust the temperature to your liking.
Higher-end models also feature a pulsating “massage” spray. Then there’s the built-in blow-dryer to complete the treatment. Whatever you do, don’t jump up if you push the wrong button or the whole bathroom might be doused with water. Most are equipped with some kind of emergency stop button. Make sure you can find it before you begin your journey.