Do not lay on top of your mate like a dead stone. To avoid squashing, distribute bulk onto your elbows. This allows both parties ample pelvic movement. Caress entire body. Start at the toes and work your way up to the head area. Lick between each individual toe. Partners like that. Lick your way up the thigh but don’t leave a snail trail. Break up journey with dry terse kisses. Approach the anus with caution. Kiss and grip the butt cheeks but do not under any circumstances pull the cheeks apart and root. At the right moment it can be highly erotic for your partner to be on their stomach, legs spread, and have their anus lightly licked. You will see that the anus is shut tight and doesn’t appear to want company. Not so. With your tongue you can say, “Hey, you shy eye socket, no one’s going to hurt you,” and soon enough it will relax, and the rusty door will creak open. Do not poke. During intercourse, be creative and peruse outside the anus with a lone finger and tenderly insert it into the hole itself. The sensual man does not put it in deeper than an inch. Don’t twist, wiggle, or rotate. The point of having a finger inside the anus is to massage the anal wall. Think of an underwater bass player. Handling a woman’s breasts is very tricky. Do not squeeze. Lick them with the tip of your tongue, but do not make a mess. A bosom is not food. Do not slobber. Don’t spend too much time on one breast. Alternate, left to right. Under no circumstances should you chew, gnaw, or suckle. Remember, you are not nursing. Next is breathing, kissing, and licking ears. Be aware of your saliva. Breathe through your nose even when your mouth is open. You don’t want to huff out a blast of sour exhaust. Kissing. Do not flop your fat wet cow tongue into partner’s mouth. Form tongue into a point and probe with subtle curiosity, similar to how an insect would investigate with its feelers. Do not swab the teeth, gums, or throat. Apply the pointed tongue principle to the ears. The ear is sensitive. A whispered word or slurp can sound like a satanic explosion. Licking the nostril induces a repulsive aquatic sensation. If you feel you are reaching orgasm too soon, take a deep breath and think about the horrors of the world: slaughter, train derailments, worms eating out donkey’s eyes, or mundane things like gas and electric bills, laundry, bank, phone Mom, or think of something neutral like solar energy. You must breathe or you will die. After ejaculation, do not immediately dismount. Remain in position for 60 seconds. Allow the pot roast time to cool. Remain silent. Do not say wow, thank you, or I’m sorry. Not even I love you, which can have a disastrous effect. Allow the miracle of time to work its magic. No television. No bathroom, even if you have to (easily taken as a hostile gesture). Lie there like you are in a trance. Sighing is good. Caress partner’s belly. Kiss belly. Kiss face area. Follow these tried and true methods and you’ll be a superlative and sought after lover.