BIRTH BLESSINGWAYS:
A CEREMONY OF SUPPORT AND
HONOR FOR THE MOTHER-TO-BE
by Lily Mayall
The blessingway, inspired by Indigenous traditions, is a ceremony to support the mother through her birthing and to welcome a new soul into the community. It is usually held before the birth. The woman’s close friends (most usually female) come together to perform a ritual to honor her passage into motherhood, and to empower her for the birth.
There are many types of blessingways and choices of activities for the ritual. It’s important for the expectant mother to participate in organizing the ritual and choosing which activities she would find most comfortable and nurturing. The choice of location is an important one, as the space needs to be beautiful and quiet. The doula, midwife, or a close friend may facilitate the ceremony and prepare the space.
An altar is typically set in the center of the circle with a beautiful cloth, a candle, sacred items, and, if desired, items symbolizing each of the four directions. A feather, for example, may symbolize the East, which represents air, and so may be placed toward that direction. The South is fire, the West is water, and the North is earth.
Each guest is asked to bring an item for the mother-to-be that symbolizes something that will help her in her labor, and that is imbued with a wish for her as a mother. Often people bring beads, so they can be incorporated into a necklace or bracelet to be worn by the mother during labor. The word item in this context does not have the connotation of a standard gift. Rather, it is a small token, within which one invests an intention for the mother. Similar items, if gathered for the baby, are often turned into a mobile or a dream catcher.
A typical ritual begins with all of the participants gathered in a circle. A smudge stick of sage, sweet grass, or cedar is passed around the circle to cleanse the energy, align with the sacred, and help each participant become completely present and grounded. The facilitator explains the blessingway and presents the format of activities. Often the Four Directions, as well as Above, Below, and Center, are welcomed and the sacred circle is formed.
One often-enjoyed activity involves the passing of a ball of colorful yarn around the circle, starting to the left of the pregnant woman. Each person wraps it around her wrist and holds the ball as she gives a blessing to the expectant mother, tells a helpful birthing tip or shares a birthing story. She may then contribute her bead or symbolic gift, placing it in a bowl that is passed with the string. The ball of twine is passed to the next person on the left to continue around the circle until all are joined in a web of support and love for the pregnant mother. She may choose to say something at this time before she goes around the circle, cutting the string between each person. Each person can then tie the two ends of her (or his) piece of string together and wear it as a bracelet as a reminder to hold the woman with them until she has delivered her child. The bracelet is removed once the baby is born.
Another activity that is deeply nurturing for the expectant mother has her sit in a very comfortable chair where she can fully relax. Her feet are gently scrubbed with corn meal by a close friend. This is very grounding. Her feet are then soaked in warm water. Once dried with a towel they are massaged with fragrant oil (lavender or a fragrance of her choice). Other participants may wish to massage her arms, face, or even belly if she is comfortable with that level of intimacy. Others may brush her hair. Knowing she will nurture her child for many years to come, this is a time for her to receive nurturing from those who love her. Singing at this time always unites all the women. Recommended songs include “How Could Anyone” by Libby Roderick, and “For Each Child That’s Born, a Morning Star Rises and Sings to the Universe Who We Are” by Y. M. Barnwell.
The whole event is usually very moving, as everyone participates in the support and care of another woman, as women so naturally do for each other.
The blessingway ceremony usually ends with gratitude being expressed to each direction. Everyone grounds themselves and the sacred circle is reopened, often with the singing of “May the Circle Be Open but Unbroken” or another holding the similar intention. The song continues to circle, as everyone prepares to feast and play together, feeling spiritually and emotionally connected.
Creating a body cast that incorporates the pregnant woman’s belly and breasts can be done at the blessingway or at another time close to the end of the pregnancy. It is a special way of remembering the exquisite shape of the belly, and for eventually showing the child her shape when she was inside. Coating the areas to be covered in gypsum strips with Vaseline (especially the pubic hair area) is important so the cast can be easily removed. The negative mold can be cast in concrete (or bronze!) to ensure a more permanent memory.
Blessingways provide a link through time to all birthing women who have gone before us, and unite us in sisterhood through our own birthing experiences and experiences with motherhood.
How Could Anyone11
Lyrics by Libby Roderick
How could anyone ever tell you
You were anything less than beautiful?
How could anyone ever tell you
You were less than whole?
How could anyone fail to notice
That your loving is a miracle?
How deeply you’re connected to my soul.
Connected: strung and sung together by yarn and song!
Lily, both a mother and a grandmother, and resident of Nelson in the Kootenay region of eastern BC, has presided over many blessingways and has assisted at many births.