To further ground your understanding of social–emotional learning and emotional intelligence (SEL/EQ), consider this self-check on your own EQ in your administrative and leadership work:
1. How well do I know my own feelings?
How well do I know the feelings of my staff?
Board?
Students?
Think of a recent problem in the school. How were you feeling?
How were your children feeling?
How were others involved feeling?
2. How much empathy do I have for others, and how do I express it to them?
When was the last time I expressed empathy?
Am I sure others are aware of my concern for them?
Am I able to understand another’s point of view, even during an argument?
3. How do I cope with anger, anxiety, and other stresses?
Am I able to maintain self-control when stressed?
How do I behave after a hard day?
How often do I yell at others?
When are my best and worst times, and do these vary on different days?
4. What goals do I have for myself and my staff?
What plans do I have for achieving those goals?
5. How do I deal with everyday, interpersonal problem situations?
Do I really listen to others, especially by reflecting back to people what they are saying?
Do I approach social conflicts in a thoughtful manner?
Do I consider alternatives before deciding on a course of action?
Here is a beginning set of “standards” that can be applied to monitor and develop EQ in students. It takes the form of an “emotional intelligence report card” on which students of all grade levels can be rated, with attention to appropriate developmental levels as outlined in Elias et al. (1997). Use the following key to designate areas of strength and areas that need improvement:
A. Self-Awareness
1. Recognize and name one’s emotions
2. Understand the reasons for feeling as one does at various times
B. Management/Self-Regulation of Emotion
1. Verbalize and cope positively with anxiety, anger, depression
2. Improve impulse control, and reduce aggression, self-destructive, revengeful, antisocial behavior
3. Recognize strengths in and positive feelings about self, family, support network
C. Self-Monitoring and Performance
1. Focus clearly on tasks at hand
2. Set short- and long-term goals, modify performance in light of feedback
3. Mobilize positive motivation in self and others
4. Activate hope and optimism in self and others
5. Work toward optimal performance states, flow, and manage inverted U relationship between anxiety and performance in self and others
D. Empathy and Perspective Taking
1. Listen carefully and accurately
2. Increase empathy and sensitivity to others’ feelings
3. Understand others’ perspectives, points of view, feelings
4. Develop feedback mechanisms to improve the use of skills in everyday life
E. Social Skills in Handling Relationships
1. Manage emotions in relationships, harmonize
2. Express emotions effectively
3. Exercise assertiveness, leadership, persuasion, working as part of a team/cooperative learning group
4. Show consistent sensitivity to social cues
5. Display everyday social decision-making and problem-solving skills
6. Respond constructively and in a problem-solving manner to interpersonal and task obstacles
Elias, M. J., Zins, J. E., Weissberg, R. P., Frey, K. S., Greenberg, M. T., Haynes, N. M., Kessler, R., Schwab-Stone, M. E., & Shriver, T. P. (1997). Promoting social and emotional learning: Guidelines for educators. Alexandria, VA: Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.