A PERSON OF INFLUENCE HAS . . . INTEGRITY WITH PEOPLE
Jim says: A few years ago, while my wife, Nancy, and I were on a business trip to Europe, we celebrated her birthday in London. As her gift, I decided to take her to the Escada boutique to buy her an outfit or two.
She tried on a number of things and liked all of them. And while she was in the dressing room trying to decide which one to pick, I told the salesperson to wrap up the whole lot of it. Nancy tried to protest; she was embarrassed to buy so many things at one time, but I insisted. We both knew she’d get good use out of the clothes.
A couple of days later, we took the long flight out of Heathrow Airport in London to San Francisco International Airport. After we landed, we got in line for the inevitable customs check. When they asked what we had to declare, we told them about the clothes Nancy had bought and the amount we had spent.
“What?” the agent said. “You’re declaring clothes?” He read the figure that we’d written and said, “You’ve got to be kidding! I’ll have to get my supervisor. Nobody declares clothes.” He looked frustrated. “Go ahead and pull everything out and sort it according to what it’s made of.”
It must have taken us a good forty-five minutes to sort everything out and tally up how much we’d spent on each type of item. The duty turned out to be quite a bit—about two thousand dollars. As we were putting everything back into our suitcase, the agent said, “You know what? I think I know you. Aren’t you Jim Dornan?”
“Yes,” I answered. “I’m sorry, have we met before?” I didn’t recognize him.
“No,” he said. “But I’ve got a friend who’s in your organization. Network TwentyOne, right?”
“That’s right,” I said.
“I’ve seen your picture before. You know,” the agent said, “my friend has been telling me that I’d really benefit from connecting with your organization. But I haven’t really listened. Now I’m thinking I should reconsider. He might be right after all. See, most people I see every day try to get all kinds of things through customs without paying duty. But you guys, you’re declaring stuff you could have gotten through with no problem. That’s sure a lot of money you could’ve saved!”
“That may be true,” answered Nancy, “but I can spare the money for customs a lot more than I can spare not having a clear conscience.”
As we stood in line that day, it didn’t even occur to Nancy or me that anyone there might know us. And I think that is what a lot of people think as they cut corners in life. “Who will ever know?” they say to themselves. But the truth is that other people know. Your spouse, children, friends, and business associates all know. And more important, even if you cover your tracks really well, and they don’t know what you are up to, you do! And you don’t want to give away or sell your integrity for any price.
GENUINE INTEGRITY IS NOT FOR SALE
You can see character issues coming up in every aspect of life. Years ago, for example, financier Ivan Boesky openly described greed as “a good thing” while speaking at UCLA’s business school. That flawed thinking soon got him into trouble. When his unethical practices on Wall Street came to light, he was fined $100 million and sent to prison for three years. Just about everywhere you look, you see examples of moral breakdowns. TV preachers fall morally; mothers drown their children; professional athletes are found with drugs and prostitutes in hotel rooms. The list keeps growing. It seems that many people view integrity as an outdated idea, something expendable or no longer applicable to them in our fast-paced world. But the need for integrity today is perhaps as great as it has ever been. And it is absolutely essential for anyone who desires to become a person of influence.
In his best-selling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey wrote about the importance of integrity to a person’s success:
If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other—while my character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity or insincerity—then, in the long run, I cannot be successful. My duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do—even using so-called good human relations techniques—will be perceived as manipulative.
It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success. Only basic goodness gives life to technique.1
INTEGRITY IS ABOUT THE SMALL THINGS
As important as integrity is to your business success, it’s even more critical if you want to become an influencer. It is the foundation upon which many other qualities are built, such as respect, dignity, and trust. If the foundation of integrity is weak or fundamentally flawed, then being a person of influence becomes impossible. As Cheryl Biehl points out, “One of the realities of life is that if you can’t trust a person at all points, you can’t truly trust him or her at any point.” Even people who are able to hide their lack of integrity for a period of time will eventually experience failure, and whatever influence they have temporarily gained will disappear.
Think of integrity as having benefits similar to that of a house’s foundation during a huge storm. If the foundation is sound, then it will hold up against the raging waters. But when there are cracks in the foundation, the stress of the storm deepens the cracks until eventually the foundation—and then the whole house—crumbles under the pressure.
That’s why it’s crucial to maintain integrity by taking care of the little things. Many people misunderstand that. They think they can do whatever they want when it comes to the small things because they believe that as long as they don’t have any major lapses, they’re doing well. But that’s not the way it works. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary describes integrity as “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.” Ethical principles are not flexible. Theft is theft—whether it’s $1, $1,000, or $1 million. Integrity commits itself to character over personal gain, to people over things, to service over power, to principle over convenience, to the long view over the immediate.
Developing and maintaining integrity require constant attention. Josh Weston, chairman and CEO of Automatic Data Processing, Inc., says, “I’ve always tried to live with the following simple rule: Don’t do what you wouldn’t feel comfortable reading about in the newspapers the next day.” That’s a good standard all of us should keep.
INTEGRITY IS AN INSIDE JOB
One of the reasons many people struggle with integrity issues is that they tend to look outside themselves to explain any deficiencies in character. But the development of integrity is an inside job. Take a look at the following three truths about integrity that go against common thinking:
1. INTEGRITY IS NOT DETERMINED BY CIRCUMSTANCES
Some psychologists and sociologists today tell us that many people of poor character would not be the way they are if only they had grown up in a different environment. Now, it’s true that our upbringing and circumstances affect who we are. But the older we are, the greater the number of choices we make—for good or bad. Two people can grow up in the same environment, even in the same household, and one will have integrity and the other won’t. Ultimately, you are responsible for your choices.
2. INTEGRITY IS NOT BASED ON CREDENTIALS
In ancient times, brick makers, engravers, and other artisans used a symbol to mark the things they created to show that they were the makers. The symbol that each one used was his “character.” The value of the work was in proportion to the skill with which the object was made. And only if the quality of the work was high was the character esteemed. In other words, the quality of the person and his work gave value to his credentials. If the work was good, so was the character. If it was bad, then the character was viewed as poor.
The same is true for us today. Character comes from who we are. But some people would like to be judged not by who they are but by the titles they have earned or the position they hold, regardless of the nature of their character. Their desire is to influence others by the weight of their credentials rather than the strength of their character. But credentials can never accomplish what character can. Look at some differences between the two:
CREDENTIALS |
CHARACTER |
are transient |
is permanent |
turn the focus to rights |
keeps the focus on responsibilities |
add value to only one person |
adds value to many people |
look to past accomplishments |
builds a legacy for the future |
often evoke jealousy in others |
generates respect and integrity |
can only get you in the door |
keeps you there |
No number of titles, degrees, offices, designations, awards, licenses, or other credentials can substitute for basic, honest integrity when it comes to the power of influencing others.
3. INTEGRITY IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH REPUTATION
Certainly, a good reputation is valuable. King Solomon of ancient Israel stated, “A good name is more desirable than great riches.”2 But a good reputation exists because it is a reflection of a person’s character. If a good reputation is like gold, then having integrity is like owning the mine. Worry less about what others think, and give your attention to your inner character. D. L. Moody wrote, “If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself.”
If you struggle with maintaining your integrity, and you’re doing all the right things on the outside—but you’re still getting the wrong results—something is wrong and still needs to be changed on the inside. Look at the following questions. They may help you nail down areas that need attention.
QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU MEASURE YOUR INTEGRITY
1. How well do I treat people from whom I can gain nothing?
2. Am I transparent with others?
3. Do I role-play based on the person(s) I’m with?
4. Am I the same person when I’m in the spotlight as I am when I’m alone?
5. Do I quickly admit wrongdoing without being pressed to do so?
6. Do I put other people ahead of my personal agenda?
7. Do I have an unchanging standard for moral decisions, or do circumstances determine my choices?
8. Do I make difficult decisions, even when they have a personal cost attached to them?
9. When I have something to say about people, do I talk to them or about them?
10. Am I accountable to at least one other person for what I think, say, and do?
Don’t be too quick to respond to the questions. If character development is a serious area of need in your life, your tendency may be to give answers that describe how you wish you were rather than who you actually are. Take some time to reflect on each question. Then work on the areas where you’re having the most trouble. And remember this:
Many succeed momentarily by what they know;
Some succeed temporarily by what they do; but
Few succeed permanently by what they are.
The road of integrity may not be the easiest one, but it’s the only one that will get you where you ultimately want to go.
INTEGRITY IS YOUR BEST FRIEND
The esteemed nineteenth-century American writer Nathaniel Hawthorne offered this insight: “No man can for any considerable time wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one.” Anytime you compromise your integrity, you do yourself an incredible amount of damage. That’s because integrity really is your best friend. It will never betray you or put you in a compromising position. It keeps your priorities right. When you’re tempted to take shortcuts, it helps you stay the right course. When others criticize you unfairly, it helps you keep going and take the high road of not striking back. And when others’ criticism is valid, integrity helps you accept what they say, learn from it, and keep growing.
Abraham Lincoln once stated, “When I lay down the reins of this administration, I want to have one friend left. And that friend is inside myself.” You could almost say that Lincoln’s integrity was his best friend while he was in office because he was criticized so viciously. Here is a description of what he faced as explained by Donald T. Phillips:
Abraham Lincoln was slandered, libeled and hated perhaps more intensely than any man ever to run for the nation’s highest office. . . . He was publicly called just about every name imaginable by the press of the day, including a grotesque baboon, a third-rate country lawyer who once split rails and now splits the Union, a coarse vulgar joker, a dictator, an ape, a buffoon, and others. The Illinois State Register labeled him “the craftiest and most dishonest politician that ever disgraced an office in America. . . .” Severe and unjust criticism did not subside after Lincoln took the oath of office, nor did it come only from Southern sympathizers. It came from within the Union itself, from Congress, from some factions within the Republican party, and, initially, from within his own cabinet.3
Through it all, Lincoln was a man of principle. And as Thomas Jefferson wisely said, “God grant that men of principle shall be our principal men.”
INTEGRITY IS YOUR FRIENDS’ BEST FRIEND
Integrity is your best friend. And it’s also one of the best friends that your friends will ever have. When the people around you know that you’re a person of integrity, they know that you want to influence them because of the opportunity to add value to their lives. They don’t have to worry about your motives.
We saw a cartoon in the New Yorker once that showed how difficult it can be to sort out another person’s motives. Some hogs were assembled for a feeding, and a farmer was filling their trough to the brim. One hog turned to the others and asked, “Have you ever wondered why he’s being so good to us?” A person of integrity influences others because he wants to bring something to the table that will benefit them—not put them on the table to benefit himself.
THE BENEFIT OF INTEGRITY: TRUST
The bottom line when it comes to integrity is that it allows others to trust you. And without trust, you have nothing. Trust is the single most important factor in personal and professional relationships. It is the glue that holds people together. And it is the key to becoming a person of influence. Trust is an increasingly rare commodity these days. People have become increasingly suspicious and skeptical. Bill Kynes expressed the feelings of a whole generation when he wrote,
We thought we could trust the military,
but then came Vietnam;
We thought we could trust the politicians,
but then came Watergate;
We thought we could trust the engineers,
but then came the Challenger disaster;
We thought we could trust our broker,
but then came Black Monday;
We thought we could trust the preachers,
but then came PTL and Jimmy Swaggart.
So who can I trust?4
At one time you could assume that others would trust you until you gave them a reason not to. But today, with most people you must prove your trustworthiness first. That’s what makes integrity so important if you want to become a person of influence. Trust comes from others only when you exemplify solid character.
People today are desperate for leaders, but they want to be influenced only by individuals they can trust, persons of good character. If you want to become someone who can positively influence other people, you need to develop the following qualities of integrity and live them out every day:
• Model consistency of character. Solid trust can develop only when people can trust you all the time.
• Employ honest communication. To be trustworthy, you have to be like a good musical composition: your words and music must match.
• Value transparency. People eventually find out about your flaws, even if you try to hide them. But if you’re honest with people and admit your weaknesses, they will appreciate your honesty and integrity. And they will be able to relate to you better.
• Exemplify humility. People won’t trust you if they see that you are driven by ego, jealousy, or the belief that you are better than they are.
• Demonstrate your support of others. Nothing develops or displays your character better than your desire to put others first. As our friend Zig Ziglar says, help enough other people to succeed, and you will succeed also.
• Fulfill your promises. Never promise anything you can’t deliver. And when you say you’ll do something, follow through on it. A sure way to break trust with others is to fail to fulfill your commitments.
• Embrace an attitude of service. We have been put on this earth not to be served, but to serve. Giving of yourself and your time to others shows that you care about them. Missionary-physician Sir Wilfred T. Grenfell held that “the service we render to others is really the rent we pay for our room on this earth.” People of integrity are givers, not takers.
• Encourage two-way participation with the people you influence. When you live a life of integrity, people listen to you and follow you. Always remember that the goal of influence is not manipulation; it’s participation. Only as you include others in your life and success do you permanently succeed.
It has been said that you don’t really know people until you have observed them when they interact with a child, when the car has a flat tire, when the boss is away, and when they think no one will ever know. But people with integrity never have to worry about that. No matter where they are, who they are with, or what kind of situation they find themselves in, they are consistent and live by their principles.
THE BENEFIT OF TRUST: INFLUENCE
When you earn people’s trust, you begin to earn their confidence, and that is one of the keys to influence. President Dwight D. Eisenhower expressed his opinion on the subject this way:
In order to be a leader, a man must have followers. And to have followers, a man must have their confidence. Hence, the supreme quality for a leader is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in the army, or in an office. If a man’s associates find that he lacks forthright integrity, he will fail. His teachings and actions must square with each other. The first great need, therefore, is integrity and high purpose.
When people begin to trust you, your level of influence increases. And that’s when you will be able to start impacting their lives. But it’s also the time to be careful because power can be a dangerous thing. In most cases, those who want power probably shouldn’t have it, those who enjoy it probably do so for the wrong reasons, and those who want most to hold on to it don’t understand that it’s only temporary. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
To keep your ambition in check and the focus of your influence on helping and serving others, periodically ask yourself this question: If the whole world followed me, would it be a better world?
BECOME A PERSON OF INTEGRITY
In the end, you can bend your actions to conform to your principles, or you can bend your principles to conform to your actions. It’s a choice you have to make. If you want to become a person of influence, then you’d better choose the path of integrity because all other roads ultimately lead to ruin.
To become a person of integrity, you need to go back to the fundamentals. You may have to make some tough choices, but they’ll be worth it.
COMMIT YOURSELF TO HONESTY, RELIABILITY, AND CONFIDENTIALITY
Integrity begins with a specific, conscious decision. If you wait until a moment of crisis before settling your integrity issues, you set yourself up to fail. Choose today to live by a strict moral code, and determine to stick with it no matter what happens.
DECIDE AHEAD OF TIME THAT YOU DON’T HAVE A PRICE
President George Washington perceived that “few men have the virtue to withstand the highest bidder.” Some people can be bought because they haven’t settled the money issue before the moment of temptation. The best way to guard yourself against a breach in integrity is to make a decision today that you won’t sell your integrity: not for power, revenge, pride, or money—any amount of money.
MAJOR IN THE MINOR THINGS
The little things make or break us. If you cross the line of your values—whether it’s by an inch or by a mile—you’re still out of bounds. Honesty is a habit you ingrain by doing the right thing all the time, day after day, week after week, year after year. If you consistently do what’s right in the little things, you’re less likely to wander off course morally or ethically.
EACH DAY, DO WHAT YOU SHOULD DO BEFORE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
A big part of integrity is following through consistently on your responsibilities. Our friend Zig Ziglar says, “When you do the things you have to do when you have to do them, the day will come when you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them.”
Swiss philosopher and writer Henri Frédéric Amiel maintained, “The man who has no inner life is the slave of his surroundings.” “Slaves” is the right term to describe people who lack integrity because they often find themselves at the whim of their own and others’ changing desires. But with integrity, you can experience freedom. Not only are you less likely to be enslaved by the stress that comes from bad choices, debt, deceptiveness, and other negative character issues, but you are free to influence others and add value to them in an incredible way. And your integrity opens the door for you to experience continued success.
HAVING INTEGRITY WITH PEOPLE
• Commit yourself to developing strong character. In the past, have you made it a practice to take full responsibility for your character? It’s something that you need to do in order to become a person of influence. Set aside the negative experiences you have had, including difficult circumstances and people who have hurt you. Forget about your credentials or the reputation you’ve built over the years. Strip all that away, and look at what’s left. If you don’t see solid integrity in yourself, make the commitment to change today.
Read the following statement, and then sign the line below:
I commit myself to being a person of character. Truth, reliability, honesty, and confidentiality will be the pillars of my life. I will treat others as I expect to be treated. I will live according to the highest standards of integrity amid all of life’s circumstances.
Signature:
Date:
• Do the little things. Spend the next week carefully monitoring your character habits. Make a note to yourself each time you do any of the following:
• Don’t tell the whole truth.
• Neglect to fulfill a commitment, whether it’s promised or implied.
• Leave an assignment uncompleted.
• Talk about something that you might have been expected to keep in confidence.
• Do what you should do before you do what you want to do. Every day this week, find two items on your to-do list that you should do but that you have been putting off. Complete those tasks before doing anything on the list that you enjoy.