1. Randall Patterson, “Students of Virginity,” New York Times, March 30, 2008, www.nytimes.com/2008/03/30/magazine/30Chastity-t.html.
1. I interviewed a diverse group of people for this project, and I’m grateful to those who shared their stories and engaged me about these deeply personal subjects. Some names have been changed to protect the privacy of those interviewed. The individuals quoted and interviewed in this book do not necessarily endorse the ideas I present here, and my interaction with them does not necessarily imply an endorsement of their beliefs and ideas. But it is their experiences that give this book flesh and bones, and their perspectives that enriched my writing at every turn.
1. Kathryn R. Klement and Brad J. Sagarin, “Nobody Wants to Date a Whore: Rape-Supportive Messages in Women-Directed Christian Dating Books,” Sexuality & Culture 21, no. 1 (2016): 205-23.
2. Christine Joy Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy: The Rhetoric of Evangelical Abstinence Campaigns (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011), 3.
3. Rebecca Lemke, The Scarlet Virgins: When Sex Replaces Salvation (Norman, OK: Anatole, 2017), 24.
4. Krystina Rankin, Twitter, November 24, 2018, 10:55 a.m., https://twitter.com/krystinarenae/status/1066420087358406656.
5. Claire Berger, Twitter, November 24, 2018, 10:05 a.m., https://twitter.com/ce_berger/status/1066392314245984257.
6. Brianna Lambert, Twitter, November 24, 2018, 11:16 a.m., https://twitter.com/look_to_harvest/status/1066410357181292544.
7. Kelly Wolfe, Twitter, November 24, 2018, 10:11 a.m., https://twitter.com/kellykwolfe/status/1066393822098264069.
8. Kaitlin Ruiz, Twitter, November 24, 2018, 10:53 a.m., https://twitter.com/Kaitlin_M_Ruiz/status/1066404435461636096.
9. Lucy Crabtree, Twitter, November 24, 2018, 10:27 a.m., https://twitter.com/tolivequietly/status/1066397900375302144.
10. Nadia Bolz-Weber, Twitter, November 26, 2018, 6:53 a.m., https://twitter.com/Sarcasticluther/status/1067068789915668480.
11. Joshua Harris, “A Statement on I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” accessed December 7, 2018, https://joshharris.com/statement/.
12. Daniel Avery, “Purity Expert Josh Harris Announces ‘I Am Not a Christian,’ Apologizes to LGBT Community,” Newsweek, July 29, 2019, www.newsweek.com/josh-harris-not-christian-dating-1451553.
13. This film is available for free online at www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybYTkkQJw_M and is also available for purchase on DVD at http://explorationfilms.com/survived/index2.php.
1. Amy Deneson, “True Love Waits? The Story of My Purity Ring and Feeling Like I Didn’t Have a Choice,” The Guardian, February 18, 2017, www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/18/purity-ring-virginity-abstinence-sexual-education.
2. Rebecca Lemke, The Scarlet Virgins: When Sex Replaces Salvation (Norman, OK: Anatole, 2017), 26.
3. Sara Moslener, Virgin Nation: Sexual Purity and American Adolescence (New York: Oxford University Press, 2015), 105.
4. Christine Joy Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy: The Rhetoric of Evangelical Abstinence Campaigns (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011), 127.
5. Debra Hirsch, Redeeming Sex: Naked Conversations About Sexuality and Spirituality (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2015), 120.
6. Daniel Darling, The Dignity Revolution: Reclaiming God’s Rich Vision for Humanity (Epsom, UK: Good Book, 2018), 24.
7. Linda Kay Klein, Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free (New York: Atria Books, 2018), 311.
8. Moslener, Virgin Nation, 112, 148.
9. Jessie Hellmann, “Abstinence-Only Education Making a Comeback Under Trump,” The Hill, March 08, 2018, https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/377304-abstinence-only-education-making-a-comeback-under-trump.
10. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 6-10.
11. Moslener, Virgin Nation, 6, 93, 159.
12. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 15.
13. “Chapter Forty-Seven,” Jane the Virgin, directed by Eva Longoria, aired October 31, 2016, on the CW.
14. Klein, Pure, 137.
15. Deneson, “True Love Waits?”
16. Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III, God Loves Sex: An Honest Conversation About Sexual Desire and Holiness (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2014), 44.
17. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 126.
18. Lauren F. Winner, Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2005), 154.
1. This idea is called “gender essentialism”; see Sara Moslener, Virgin Nation: Sexual Purity and American Adolescence (New York: Oxford University Press, 2015), 163.
2. Moslener, Virgin Nation, 98-99.
3. Moslener, Virgin Nation, 17.
4. Christine Joy Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy: The Rhetoric of Evangelical Abstinence Campaigns (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011), 10, 79.
5. Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 1997, 2003), 98.
6. John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2001), 91; Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook, 2000), 105.
7. Nancy R. Pearcey, Love Thy Body: Answering Hard Questions About Life and Sexuality (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2018), 146.
8. Rebecca St. James, Wait for Me: Rediscovering the Power of Purity in Romance (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2002), 5.
9. “Wait for Me,” lyrics by Rebecca St. James, Wait for Me: The Best from Rebecca St. James (ForeFront, 2003).
10. John and Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2011), xi.
11. Dannah Gresh, And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2012); Stephen Arterburn and Shannon Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook, 2009), 7-15.
12. Sarah Mally, Before You Meet Prince Charming (Cedar Rapids, IA: Tomorrow’s Forefathers, 2006), 39.
13. Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice, For Young Women Only: What You Need to Know About How Guys Think (Atlanta: Multnomah, 2006), 12-14.
14. Mally, Prince Charming, 158, 159, 171.
15. Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman: Notes to My Daughter on the Meaning of Womanhood (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 1999), 24, 31.
16. Eldredge and Eldredge, Captivating, 145.
17. Eldredge and Eldredge, Captivating, 114, 124, 127.
18. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 54.
19. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 14.
20. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 193.
21. St. James, Wait for Me, 17, 20.
22. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 9.
23. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 56.
24. Dannah Gresh and Julianna Slattery, Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2014), 9.
25. Rebecca Lemke, The Scarlet Virgins: When Sex Replaces Salvation (Norman, OK: Anatole, 2017), 78.
26. Mally, Prince Charming, 45.
27. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 137.
28. Eric Ludy and Leslie Ludy, Romance God’s Way (Longmont, CO: Makarios, 1997), 47.
29. Ludy and Ludy, Romance, 118.
30. Mally, Prince Charming, 184-85.
31. Mally, Prince Charming, 52.
32. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 98.
33. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 98.
34. Mally, Prince Charming, 33.
35. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 90; Mally, Prince Charming, 63.
36. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 35-39; Gresh, Bride Wore White, 86.
37. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 2, 75.
38. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 85-86.
39. Feldhahn and Rice, Young Women Only, 147.
40. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 55.
41. Mally, Prince Charming, 194.
42. St. James, Wait for Me, 53, 129.
43. Eldredge and Eldredge, Captivating, 234.
44. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 164.
45. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 23.
46. St. James, Wait for Me, 119-20.
47. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 163.
48. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 71-74.
49. Eldredge and Eldredge, Captivating, 79.
50. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 71-74.
51. Harris, Kissed Dating Goodbye, 99.
52. Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman, 158.
53. St. James, Wait for Me, 31.
54. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 76.
55. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 76, 134.
56. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 76.
57. Harris, Kissed Dating Goodbye, 99.
58. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 84.
59. Feldhahn and Rice, Young Women Only, 98.
60. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 98.
61. Lemke, Scarlet Virgins, 57.
62. Linda Kay Klein, Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free (New York: Atria Books, 2018), 3-4.
63. Jasmine Holmes, “Black Womanhood and the War Within,” Fathom, April 12, 2018, www.fathommag.com/stories/woman-enough-4.
64. Alia Joy, Glorious Weakness: Discovering God in All We Lack (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2019), 76.
65. Joy, Glorious Weakness, 85.
66. Eldredge and Eldredge, Captivating, 11, 17.
67. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 72.
68. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 63.
69. Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman, 68.
70. Mally, Prince Charming, 24.
71. Gresh, Bride Wore White, 86.
72. Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman, 76.
73. Mally, Prince Charming, 63.
74. Eldredge and Eldredge, Captivating, 39, 141.
75. Feldhahn and Rice, Young Women Only, 37.
76. Feldhahn and Rice, Young Women Only, 27, 28, 56-58.
77. Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman, 89.
78. Eldredge and Eldredge, Captivating, 40.
79. Eldredge and Eldredge, Captivating, 141, 151, 219.
80. Feldhahn and Rice, Young Women Only, 119, 123, 126.
81. Feldhahn and Rice, Young Women Only, 130-31.
82. Arterburn and Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle, 78, 148-49.
83. Arterburn and Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle, 79, 120.
84. Eldredge and Eldredge, Captivating, 231-36.
85. Mally, Prince Charming, 61.
86. Mally, Prince Charming, 54.
87. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 33, 89, 190, 193.
88. Feldhahn and Rice, Young Women Only, 25, 33.
89. Justin S. Holcomb and Lindsey Holcomb, Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011), 85.
90. Church and Society Council, “Living a Theology That Counters Violence Against Women,” revised version (Edinburgh: Church of Scotland, 2014), www.churchofscotland.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0017/20096/Living-a-theology.pdf.
91. Holcomb and Holcomb, Rid of My Disgrace, 85-86.
1. John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2001), 7-8.
2. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 12, 24, 27, 29, 84, 192.
3. “NEWS: Radical, Every Man’s Battle, Every Young Man’s Battle, and Every Young Woman’s Battle Receive ECPA Sales Awards,” WaterBrook & Multnomah, August 18, 2016, https://waterbrookmultnomah.com/news-radical-every-man%E2%80%99s-battle-every-young-man%E2%80%99s-battle-and-every-young-woman%E2%80%99s-battle-receive-ecpa-sales-awards/.
4. Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 1997, 2003), 22.
5. Christine Joy Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy: The Rhetoric of Evangelical Abstinence Campaigns (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011), 69.
6. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 16, 141.
7. Rebecca St. James, Wait for Me: Rediscovering the Power of Purity in Romance (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2002), 2.
8. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 9.
9. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 43.
10. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 44, 187.
11. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 101, 147; Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook, 2000), 70.
12. Arterburn and Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle, 62, 70.
13. Arterburn and Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle, 74.
14. Harris, Kissed Dating Goodbye, 91.
15. Arterburn and Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle, 13, 92, 105.
16. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 192.
17. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 18, 36, 192.
18. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 182.
19. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 17, 80, 82, 192, 185.
20. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 37.
21. Eldredge, Wild at Heart, 191-92.
22. Arterburn and Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle, 10, 11.
23. Arterburn and Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle, 125.
24. Arterburn and Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle, 130, 156, 162.
25. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 81.
26. Harris, Kissed Dating Goodbye, 15, 20, 65, 169.
27. Katelyn Beaty, “A Christian Case Against the Pence Rule,” New York Times, November 15, 2017, www.nytimes.com/2017/11/15/opinion/pence-rule-christian-graham.html.
28. Beaty, “Christian Case.”
29. Debra Hirsch, Redeeming Sex: Naked Conversations About Sexuality and Spirituality (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2015), 38.
30. “Kimmy Meets an Old Friend!,” The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, directed by Jude Weng, aired May 30, 2018, on Netflix.
31. Linda Kay Klein, Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free (New York: Atria Books, 2018), 235.
32. Daniel Darling, The Dignity Revolution: Reclaiming God’s Rich Vision for Humanity (Epsom, UK: Good Book, 2018), 15.
33. Darling, Dignity Revolution, 15.
1. Sam Allberry, 7 Myths About Singleness (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2019), 18.
2. Dannah Gresh, And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2012), 139.
3. Maura A. Ryan, “Faith and Infertility,” in On Moral Medicine: Theological Perspectives on Medical Ethics, ed. M. Therese Lysaught et al., 3rd ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2012), 867.
4. Ryan, “Faith and Infertility,” 867.
5. Stanley Hauerwas, “Salvation and Health: Why Medicine Needs the Church,” in Lysaught et al., Moral Medicine, 43.
6. Hauerwas, “Salvation and Health,” 43.
7. Ryan, “Faith and Infertility,” 868.
8. Coralie Cowan, “How John MacArthur Made Me Cry,” Life More Abundant (blog), September 22, 2006, https://lifemoreabundant.wordpress.com/2006/09/22/how-john-macarthur-made-me-cry/.
9. Jackie Hill Perry, Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been (Nashville: Good News, 2018), 11.
10. Perry, Gay Girl, 83.
11. Perry, Gay Girl, 87.
12. Christine Joy Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy: The Rhetoric of Evangelical Abstinence Campaigns (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011), 138.
13. Nancy R. Pearcey, Love Thy Body: Answering Hard Questions About Life and Sexuality (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2018), 148.
14. Wesley Hill, “General Session 3,” Revoice conference, YouTube video, July 30, 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvEUnnA8nFo.
15. Pearcey, Love Thy Body, 11.
16. Nadia Bolz-Weber, Shameless: A Sexual Reformation (New York: Convergent Books, 2019), 71.
17. Molly Jasinski, “What Ifs and White Dresses,” Rise (blog), March 26, 2019, www.nowsherises.org/rise-blog/what-ifs-and-white-dresses.
18. Lauren F. Winner, Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2005), 128-29.
19. Karen Swallow Prior, “Called to Childlessness: The Surprising Ways of God,” Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, March 6, 2017, https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/called-to-childlessness-the-surprising-ways-of-god.
20. Perry, Gay Girl, 190.
1. Christine Joy Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy: The Rhetoric of Evangelical Abstinence Campaigns (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011), i, ix, 8-11.
2. Sara Moslener, Virgin Nation: Sexual Purity and American Adolescence (New York: Oxford University Press, 2015), 26.
3. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, i, 53, 104, 188.
4. Rob Haskell, “Justin and Hailey Bieber Open Up About Their Passionate, Not-Always-Easy but Absolutely All-In Romance,” Vogue, February 7, 2019, www.vogue.com/article/justin-bieber-hailey-bieber-cover-interview.
5. Dannah Gresh, And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2012), 14, 127; Rebecca St. James, Wait for Me: Rediscovering the Power of Purity in Romance (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2002), 8.
6. Sarah Mally, Before You Meet Prince Charming (Cedar Rapids, IA: Tomorrow’s Forefathers, 2006), 193.
7. Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 1997, 2003), 83, 202.
8. Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook, 2000), 17.
9. Lauren F. Winner, Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2005), 86-89.
10. Sinclair B. Ferguson, The Whole Christ: Legalism, Antinomianism, and Gospel Assurance—Why the Marrow Controversy Still Matters (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2016), 49.
11. Joy Pedrow Skarka, “Having Painful Sex,” Fathom, February 12, 2018, www.fathommag.com/stories/having-painful-sex.
12. Caroline Judelson, “Woman Says Agonizing Condition Has Left Her Unable to Have Sex,” Fox News, June 26, 2018, www.foxnews.com/health/woman-says-agonizing-condition-has-left-her-unable-to-have-sex.
13. Winner, Real Sex, 119.
14. Niraj Chokshi, “What Is an Incel? A Term Used by the Toronto Van Attack Suspect, Explained,” New York Times, April 24, 2018, www.nytimes.com/2018/04/24/world/canada/incel-reddit-meaning-rebellion.html.
15. Joy Beth Smith, Party of One: Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2018), 6.
16. Smith, Party of One, 13.
17. Rebecca Lemke, The Scarlet Virgins: When Sex Replaces Salvation (Norman, OK: Anatole, 2017), 70-72.
1. Justin S. Holcomb and Lindsey Holcomb, Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011), 33.
2. Holcomb and Holcomb, Rid of My Disgrace, 215.
3. Sara Moslener, Virgin Nation: Sexual Purity and American Adolescence (New York: Oxford University Press, 2015), 122.
4. Christine Joy Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy: The Rhetoric of Evangelical Abstinence Campaigns (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011), 34.
5. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 50.
6. Sarah Mally, Before You Meet Prince Charming (Cedar Rapids, IA: Tomorrow’s Forefathers, 2006), 193.
7. Abby Ohlheiser, “The Montana Judge Who Blamed a 14-Year-Old for Her Own Rape Will Be Censured,” The Atlantic, June 4, 2014, www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2014/06/the-montana-judge-who-blamed-a-14-year-old-for-her-own-rape-will-be-censured/372185/.
8. Eliza Gray, “The Sexual Assault Crisis on American Campuses,” Time, May 15, 2014, 20-27.
9. Alexandra Brodsky, “Blame Rape’s Enablers, Not the Victims,” New York Times, October 23, 2013, www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2013/10/23/young-women-drinking-and-rape/blame-rapes-enablers-not-the-victims.
10. Abby Perry, “Prophetic Survivors: Ruthy Nordgren,” Fathom, January 28, 2019, www.fathommag.com/stories/prophetic-survivors-ruthy-nordgren; Matthew Myers, “Investigation Uncovers Hundreds of Sexual Abuse Allegations in Baptist Churches; Former Local Bible Teacher Cited,” 9 & 10 News, December 11, 2018, www.9and10news.com/2018/12/11/investigation-uncovers-hundreds-of-sexual-abuse-allegations-in-baptist-churches-former-local-bible-teacher-cited/.
11. Abby Perry, “Prophetic Survivors: Jules Woodson,” Fathom Magazine, September 24, 2018, www.fathommag.com/stories/prophetic-survivors-jules-woodson.
12. Perry, “Woodson.”
13. Danielle Young, “Don’t Let the Smile Fool You. I’m Cringing on the Inside,” The Root, November 6, 2017, www.theroot.com/don-t-let-the-smile-fool-you-i-m-cringing-on-the-insid-1819987586.
14. Gardner, Making Chastity Sexy, 86.
15. Holcomb and Holcomb, Rid of My Disgrace, 72.
16. Jonathan Trotter, “The Lies Modesty Culture Teaches Men,” Relevant, April 11, 2019, https://relevantmagazine.com/god/worldview/lies-modesty-culture-teaches-men.
17. Parts of this section previously appeared in Rachel Joy Welcher, “3 Lies About Sexual Assault the Church Must Stop Perpetuating,” Relevant, November 15, 2017, https://relevantmagazine.com/current/image-god-age-sexual-assault/.
18. Jessica Valenti, The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women (Berkeley, CA: Seal, 2010), 149-51. Ironically, Matt Lauer himself has more recently been accused of misusing his positional power to commit sexual assault against multiple women; see Ramin Setoodeh and Elizabeth Wagmeister, “Matt Lauer Accused of Sexual Harassment by Multiple Women,” Variety, December 12, 2017, http://variety.com/2017/biz/news/matt-lauer-accused-sexual-harassment-multiple-women-1202625959/.
19. Valenti, Purity Myth, 151.
20. Stephen Arterburn and Shannon Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook, 2009), 98.
21. Kathryn R. Klement and Brad J. Sagarin, “Nobody Wants to Date a Whore: Rape-Supportive Messages in Women-Directed Christian Dating Books,” Sexuality & Culture 21, no. 1 (2016): 219.
22. Morah Conant, Twitter, May 30, 2018, 12:35 p.m., https://twitter.com/owls2fly/status/1001910038737379328.
23. Harry Dreyfuss, “Actor Harry Dreyfuss: When I Was 18, Kevin Spacey Groped Me,” Buzzfeed News, November 4, 2017, www.buzzfeednews.com/article/harrydreyfuss2/actor-harry-dreyfuss-when-i-was-18-kevin-spacey-groped-me.
24. Parts of this section previously appeared in Rachel Joy Welcher, “3 Lies About Sexual Assault the Church Must Stop Perpetuating,” Relevant, November 15, 2017, https://relevantmagazine.com/current/image-god-age-sexual-assault/.
25. Holcomb and Holcomb, Rid of My Disgrace, 21-22, 28.
26. Sarah Bowler, “Bathsheba: Vixen or Victim?” in Vindicating the Vixens: Revisiting Sexualized, Vilified, and Marginalized Women of the Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel, 2017), 99-100.
27. Richard Bauckham, Gospel Women: Studies of the Named Women in the Gospels (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2003), 19.
28. John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2001), 190.
29. Richard M. Davidson, “Did King David Rape Bathsheba? A Case Study in Narrative Theology,” Journal of the Adventist Theological Society 17, no. 2 (2006): 93.
30. Davidson, “Did King David Rape Bathsheba?,” 91.
31. Bauckham, Gospel Women, 24.
32. Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 1997, 2003), 90.
33. David Powlison, Making All Things New: Restoring Joy to the Sexually Broken (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2017), 17.
34. Alexander I. Abasili, “Was It Rape? The David and Bathsheba Pericope Re-examined,” Vetus Testamentum 61, no. 1 (2011): 4, 10.
35. Bowler, “Bathsheba,” 84-85.
36. Davidson, “Did King David Rape Bathsheba?,” 88-89.
37. Bauckham, Gospel Women, 27.
38. Bowler, “Bathsheba,” 96.
39. Bowler, “Bathsheba,” 96.
40. Dannah Gresh, And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2012), 37.
41. Mally, Prince Charming, 195.
42. Bowler, “Bathsheba,” 81, 83; George G. Nicol, “The Alleged Rape of Bathsheba: Some Observations on Ambiguity in Biblical Narrative,” Journal for the Study of the Old Testament 22, no. 73 (1997): 43-44; Bauckham, Gospel Women, 27.
43. Bowler, “Bathsheba,” 81, 82, 95; Davidson, “Did King David Rape Bathsheba?,” 84.
44. Bowler, “Bathsheba,” 92.
45. Powlison, Making All Things New, 35.
46. Holcomb and Holcomb, Rid of My Disgrace, 109.
47. Katelyn Beaty, “A Christian Case Against the Pence Rule,” New York Times, November 15, 2017, www.nytimes.com/2017/11/15/opinion/pence-rule-christian-graham.html; Holcomb and Holcomb, Rid of My Disgrace, 29.
48. Arterburn and Ethridge, Every Young Woman’s Battle, 98.
49. Bowler, “Bathsheba,” 98.
50. Caryn Tamber-Rosenau, “Biblical Bathing Beauties and the Manipulation of the Male Gaze: What Judith Can Tell Us About Bathsheba and Susanna,” Journal of Feminist Studies in Religion 33, no. 2 (2017): 61.
51. Tamber-Rosenau, “Bathing Beauties,” 61.
52. Jeremy Posadas, “Teaching the Cause of Rape Culture: Toxic Masculinity,” Journal of Feminist Studies in Religion 33, no. 1 (2017): 177.
53. Rachael Denhollander, “Read Rachael Denhollander’s Full Victim Impact Statement About Larry Nassar,” CNN, video, January 30, 2018, www.cnn.com/2018/01/24/us/rachael-denhollander-full-statement/.
54. Jules Woodson, “I Was Assaulted. He Was Applauded,” New York Times, video, March 9, 2018, www.nytimes.com/2018/03/09/opinion/jules-woodson-andy-savage-assault.html.
55. Powlison, Making All Things New, 103.
1. Joy Beth Smith, Party of One: Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2018), 93.
2. Smith, Party of One, 94.
3. Nancy R. Pearcey, Love Thy Body: Answering Hard Questions About Life and Sexuality (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2018), 139.
4. Daniel Darling, The Dignity Revolution: Reclaiming God’s Rich Vision for Humanity (Epsom, UK: Good Book, 2018), 150.
5. Linda Kay Klein, Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free (New York: Atria Books, 2018), 34, 198.
6. Nadia Bolz-Weber, Shameless: A Sexual Reformation (New York: Convergent Books, 2019), 59.
7. Bolz-Weber, Shameless, 19-20.
8. Michael Green, 2 Peter and Jude: An Introduction and Commentary, Tyndale New Testament Commentaries (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1987), 217.
9. Sinclair B. Ferguson, The Whole Christ: Legalism, Antinomianism, and Gospel Assurance—Why the Marrow Controversy Still Matters (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2016), 157.
10. Ferguson, Whole Christ, 16.
11. Scott Sauls, “Sex, Scripture, and Modern Times,” blog, March 8, 2019, http://scottsauls.com/blog/2019/03/08/somethoughtsonsex/.
12. Bolz-Weber, Shameless, 16-17.
13. Ferguson, Whole Christ, 69, 81.
14. Ferguson, Whole Christ, 173.
15. Bolz-Weber, Shameless, 5.
16. Tish Harrison Warren, “The Church Made Vagina Sculptures Long Before Nadia Bolz-Weber,” Christianity Today, February 26, 2019, www.christianitytoday.com/women/2019/february/nadia-bolz-weber-church-made-vagina-sculptures.html.
17. Warren, “Vagina Sculptures.”
1. Jackie Hill Perry, Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been (Nashville: Good News, 2018), 116.
2. Abby Perry, “Prophetic Survivors: Ruthy Nordgren,” Fathom, January 28, 2019, www.fathommag.com/stories/prophetic-survivors-ruthy-nordgren.
3. Joy Beth Smith, Party of One: Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2018), 88.
4. Rebecca Lemke, The Scarlet Virgins: When Sex Replaces Salvation (Norman, OK: Anatole, 2017), 3.
5. Linda Kay Klein, Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free (New York: Atria Books, 2018), 193.
6. Debra Hirsch, Redeeming Sex: Naked Conversations About Sexuality and Spirituality (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2015), 40.
7. Nancy R. Pearcey, Love Thy Body: Answering Hard Questions About Life and Sexuality (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2018), 121.
8. Hirsch, Redeeming Sex, 71.
9. Hirsch, Redeeming Sex, 26.
10. Aimee Byrd’s book Why Can’t We Be Friends?: Avoidance Is Not Purity (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 2018) is great on this topic.
11. Sam Allberry, “May SSA Christians Have Non-Sexual Romantic Relationships?” The Gospel Coalition, March 23, 2019, www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/non-sexual-romantic-relationships/.
12. Lauren F. Winner, Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2005), 52.
13. Perry, Gay Girl, 101.
14. Nona Willis Aronowitz, “How to Get an Abortion If You’re a Teen,” Teen Vogue, June 6, 2019, www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-an-abortion-if-youre-a-teen; Yana Tallon-Hicks, “How to Have Sex If You’re Queer: What to Know About Protection, Consent, and What Queer Sex Means,” Teen Vogue, June 4, 2019, www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-have-queer-sex; Emily Depasse, “What to Say If Your Friend Has Herpes,” Teen Vogue, April 16, 2019, www.teenvogue.com/story/what-to-say-if-your-friend-has-herpes; Nona Willis Aronowitz, “When Is It Safe to Send a Partner Nude Photos?” Teen Vogue, May 2, 2019, www.teenvogue.com/story/when-is-it-safe-to-send-nude-photos-dtfo.
15. Pearcey, Love Thy Body, 118.
16. Pearcey, Love Thy Body, 127.
17. Barna Group and Josh McDowell, The Porn Phenomenon: The Impact of Pornography in the Digital Age (Ventura, CA: Barna, 2016), 85.
18. Russell Brand, “Actor Russell Brand Reveals Why He No Longer Watches Porn,” video, Fight the New Drug, August 7, 2017, https://fightthenewdrug.org/russell-brand-reveals-why-he-chooses-not-to-watch-porn/.
19. Pearcey, Love Thy Body, 128.
20. Barna and McDowell, Porn Phenomenon, 28, 29; Roxanne Stone, “Porn 2.0: The Sexting Crisis,” Barna, April 13, 2016, www.barna.com/porn-2-0-the-sexting-crisis/.
21. Fight the New Drug, “How Clicking Porn Directly Fuels Sex Trafficking,” video, accessed August 10, 2019, https://fightthenewdrug.org/media/how-porn-fuels-sex-trafficking-video/.
22. Rachel Welcher, Twitter poll, June 19, 2019, 7:54 a.m., https://twitter.com/racheljwelcher/status/1141358710947794944.
23. Samuel L. Perry, Addicted to Lust: Pornography in the Lives of Conservative Protestants (New York: Oxford University Press, 2019), 4.
24. Perry, Addicted, 19.
25. A.I.: Artificial Intelligence, written and directed by Steven Spielberg (Burbank, CA: Warner Brothers, 2001).
26. Perri Klass, “Why Is Children’s Masturbation Such a Secret?” New York Times, December 10, 2018, www.nytimes.com/2018/12/10/well/family/why-is-childrens-masturbation-such-a-secret.html.
27. Winner, Real Sex, 34
28. Eve Tushnet, “What Could Possibly Be Wrong with Christian Masturbation?” Christianity Today, February 24, 2016, www.christianitytoday.com/women/2016/february/what-could-possibly-be-wrong-with-christian-masturbation.html.
29. Abby Perry, “Woven: The Threat of a Female Body,” Entropy, May 22, 2019, https://entropymag.org/woven-the-threat-of-a-female-body/.
30. Kim Gaines Eckert, Things Your Mother Never Told You: A Woman’s Guide to Sexuality (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2014), 11.
1. Jessica Van Der Wyngaard, I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, available for free online at www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybYTkkQJw_M and also available for purchase on DVD at http://explorationfilms.com/survived/index2.php.
2. Van Der Wyngaard, Survived.
3. Daniel Darling, The Dignity Revolution: Reclaiming God’s Rich Vision for Humanity (Epsom, UK: Good Book, 2018), 15.
4. Lauren F. Winner, Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2005), 126.
5. Winner, Real Sex, 23.
6. Winner, Real Sex, 14.