When we bring mindfulness to our relationships, we become more aware of the value of each individual – and endeavour to treat everyone with mutual respect. In so doing we may find that we become less judgemental and intolerant, and more accepting and trusting of both ourselves and others. Mindful relationships are without strings or conditions, and offer the freedom simply to be yourself. And, perhaps most importantly of all, mindfulness in relationships helps you to truly listen: to hear what is really being said at the time and to respond appropriately. In this way each relationship is fresh and spontaneous, evolving in the moment. It is not based on past experience. It simply is.
The qualities of a mindful relationship – love, acceptance, tolerance and trust – are embodied in healing crystals, which, combined with mindfulness practices, can benefit all our relationships, not just a marriage or partnership, but also our ties with children, parents, friends, co-workers, bosses and employees.
Unconditional love is sometimes regarded as meaning that you idolize your partner and accept abuse, allowing yourself to be walked all over. This is martyrdom. Unconditional love offers acceptance and profound regard. It is not about desire or expecting something in return, but about allowing. What crystal mindfulness helps us to realize is that we can be within our own space, still loving and accepting, but unaffected by the behaviour of another and not overwhelmed by their needs and emotions. You allow them to be who they are and that does not impinge on you.
In a mindful relationship you do not play the blame game, nor do you idealize. Instead, you stay with what is. You can recognize the pearl that is in the other person’s heart, be aware how they could be ‘if only…’, and let that thought go. You do not need to change them because you accept them as they are in that moment. When you stay mindful and allow your chosen crystal to support you, you empathize dispassionately, neither getting pulled into ‘their stuff’ nor projecting your own. And then a truly loving and equal relationship is possible.
In a mindful relationship, you:
• listen, hear
• are fully present
• don’t assume or interpret
• are respectful
• are engaged, lively, spontaneous
• demand nothing
• are aware of thoughts and feelings
• support and reflect, while not enabling or forcing
• allow others the space to be, as they are in each moment
• see the relationship as it is in that moment
• are compassionate and non-judgemental
• do not play the blame game
• live in the present, not the past
Rose Quartz (page 80), Rhodochrosite (page 82), Rhodonite, Mangano Calcite and Green Aventurine.
Rose Quartz, traditionally associated with love, is perfect for encouraging mindfulness in relationships.