We are often unaware of what we’re thinking and feeling. And even if we’re aware of what we’re thinking and feeling, we sometimes pretend that we aren’t, because we feel bad, embarrassed, or ashamed about our thoughts and feelings. It’s helpful to remember that everybody has thoughts and feelings, that thoughts and feelings come and go, and that most of our thoughts and feelings aren’t unique.
One Friday morning as I was guiding a class of tenth graders through Thought Watching practice (see chapter 13), two girls chose to chat and file their nails. As I led the practice, I meandered down the aisle and eventually stood by their desks. Continuing to lead the practice, I simply said, “Notice your thoughts. For example, you may be thinking about your homework or your plans for the weekend, or you may be thinking Why the F is she standing by my desk?” They stopped talking.
After the practice, the more courageous of the two asked somewhat suspiciously, “Can you read minds?” I said, “No, I can’t read minds. But I have a mind, and my mind is very much like your mind. I’ve spent a lot of time watching my mind, so I have a pretty good idea of what your mind might say.” By being completely real about what I would have thought if I were her, I helped her be aware of her thoughts and understand that they were very ordinary. This increased her curiosity about mindfulness and also increased her willingness to practice.
I am sharing this example with you so that you realize that we all have these types of thoughts—F you, He is such an a-hole, I just want to deck him, I can’t live like this, I give up—and that with practice, we can learn to watch these thoughts and then choose whether we act on them or not.
For the next week or so, I encourage you to bring kind and curious attention to the process of thinking, to notice patterns and habits of thinking, including whether your thoughts are true, kind, and helpful. It is enough to simply rest in stillness and quietness and observe your thoughts; there is no need to change them, fix them, or make them go away. When we rest in stillness and quietness and observe our thoughts, we are less caught up in them, and we can see ourselves, others, and events in our lives more clearly. Experiment with these practices for the next week or so and see what you discover:
Mindfulness is ~
Curious: a way of exploring both your inner world and the outer world.