Self-esteem is how we think about ourselves. It has two main aspects:
Self-esteem seems great when we’re on the upside—thinking we’re better than someone else or feeling successful. But when we’re on the downside of self-esteem, it can be like pouring gasoline on the fire of Unkind Mind.
Now consider whether your high self-esteem, or pride related to these traits, has a downside. For example, do you feel stressed out when you don’t act, behave, or perform as you or others expect? Here are some examples that may clarify this concept:
Trait:I am tough.Downsides:Sometimes it’s exhausting to be tough.Sometimes I want to be supported and comforted.Sometimes my toughness is covering my pain.Trait:I am nice.Downsides:I often put other people’s needs before my own.I don’t take good care of myself.I do things I don’t want to do.Every trait has a downside and an upside. What are the downsides of the three traits you listed that give you high self-esteem?
The good news is, it’s possible to ride the roller coaster of better than versus worse than and success versus failure without taking it all quite so seriously. We can learn to truly enjoy our strengths and successes, and accept our weaknesses and so-called failures, without letting them define who we think we are. We can learn to hold these experiences lightly, with kindness and curiosity. It is helpful to remember that the experiences of feeling better than others or successful, and the experiences of feeling worse than others or like a failure, are all temporary, and none of them define us.