Totally embarrassed, I bolt out of school before the final bell even stops ringing.
I don’t hang out with Pierce and Gaynor. I don’t say good-bye to Gilda. I just roll my sweaty butt down the boardwalk to Uncle Frankie’s diner.
“So how was your day?” he asks.
“Terrible. This morning, when I put on my underwear, I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.”
“Jamie?”
“Yeah?”
“That’s a Rodney Dangerfield joke. You told it last weekend to Mrs. Nicolo. I’m asking about your day, not Mr. Dangerfield’s.”
“It was horrible. I choked.”
“Did you try the Heimlich maneuver?” cracks Uncle Frankie.
It makes me smile. “That’s pretty good,” I say. “I may steal it.”
“Be my guest. Anything I can do to help.”
I sigh and get serious. “Today in ELA, I had to give a speech, and it was going pretty good right up to when it wasn’t. I panicked, Uncle Frankie. My mind went totally and completely blank. I choked.”
Uncle Frankie gives me a knowing nod, like he’s been there, done that.
“You know, Jamie, I read this magazine article once. It said the fear of public speaking is second—only to the fear of death—in the dread-and-anxiety department.”
“I guess that’s why comedians say they’re ‘dying’ when nobody laughs at their jokes.”
“Whoa. Hold on, kiddo. Everybody laughs at your jokes. I’ve heard ’em.”
“Only if I don’t freeze up first. Like, if there was a little pressure on me. Or an audience of more than one or two.”
“So allow me to pass along some advice a customer—a guy who teaches public speaking at City College—told me once. He said everybody gets stage fright. The key to beating it is practicing the three Ps.”
“You’re saying I should do more bathroom humor?”
“Jamie?”
“Sorry.”
I nod.
“Hang on a second,” says Uncle Frankie. He goes to this drawer where he keeps junk, like the halves of broken yo-yos and extra spools of yo-yo string. “This speech teacher—he gave me a pamphlet for a seminar he leads.” He hands me the slim brochure. “Take it home, Jamie.”
“Great. Now even my favorite uncle is giving me homework.”
“Only because I love you, kiddo.”
I smile when he says that. “Yeah. I know.”