Then there’s my Uncle Frankie,” I say, gripping the mic with both hands. “What a guy. Champion yo-yoer. What? You’ve never heard of the Yo-Yo World Series? You watch. It’ll be a sport at the next Olympics. My Uncle runs a diner out in Long Beach.”
There’s a smattering of applause, led by Mr. Burdzecki and family.
“Oh, you’ve been there? Well, I should warn you—Uncle Frankie yo-yos while he cooks. His extra-crunchy biscuits? Baked yo-yos. His spaghetti? Used yo-yo strings. His Ring Dings? Chocolate-covered yo-yos.”
I shield my eyes with one hand and peer into the crowd.
“Some of my friends from school are here today. Yep, there’s my pal Pierce. The guy’s a genius. He’s so smart, he’s counted to infinity. Twice. But, hey—the guy’s a little nerdy. It’s not like he’s busy doing anything else.”
The audience is really with me now. It feels better than guzzling a six-pack of Red Bull.
“And my other best friend is here, too. Gaynor. What can I tell you about Gaynor? The guy has a nose ring and tattoos. Couple of things you never want to hear in the tattoo parlor: ‘Eagle? I thought you said beagle.’ ‘There are two Os in Bob, right?’
“And then there’s my new friend, a very cool girl from school. The other day she got super serious and asked me if I could take a whiz. I’m serious. She wanted to know if I could pee.”
I toss up my hands to show how confused I was.
Then I imitate Cool Girl’s voice. “ ‘Be serious for five seconds, Jamie. I need to know. Can. You. Tinkle?’ So I went ahead and made her day. I peed my pants.”