14
Sarabeth Lewis was smart. Teena knew this. Sometimes her parents liked to ask, “Whatever happened to that smart Sarabeth you used to hang out with?” The idea that Teena herself might have been smart was uninteresting to them. To them, Teena didn’t need to be. They always figured she’d go into real estate like Mike McAuley, not because he couldn’t wait to work alongside his daughter, but more because he wanted to put their faces on bus benches with the slogan he’d come up with when she was in eighth grade, FATHER + DAUGHTER = OUR FAMILY VALUES ARE YOUR FAMILY’S VALUE. If ever she’d been sure she wasn’t a daddy’s girl, it was in that moment.
So, yes, Sarabeth was smart, and Teena was expected to lend her face to her father’s business. But she knew she was cut out for something else. Something great. The problem was, she wasn’t sure exactly what that thing was.
That was partly why she was upset when her fling with Leo had suddenly ended. Except for some drunken complaints about her father, she’d never had a chance to show him that she was more than just the popular girl he’d successfully bagged. Meanwhile, she’d come to see him as so much more than just some perpetually high pizza boy, and the more she learned about how smart and interesting he was, the more she wanted him to see her the same way.
And now Sarabeth, a shoo-in for Ermer valedictorian, had just appropriated the container of alien goo like she was the only person in this van who could possibly save the world. And that Leo and Evan seemed to think the same way.
“Can I check it out?” Teena asked Sarabeth, prompting the guys to turn around.
Teena raised an eyebrow. It was hard to raise it, given that her face was tight with goo from the greenies. Their blood probably had skin-firming potential. Too bad Greenie Guts would make a particularly gross late-night infomercial.
Sarabeth heaved a sigh. “I’ve examined it from every angle,” she said. “It doesn’t look like anything I’ve ever seen. And it just smells like coffee.”
Clearly, she, too, was skeptical of what Teena had to offer. Like a person couldn’t wear the best clothes, have the nicest hair, know how to do a good smoky eye, and still be smart and substantive. If they made it out of this alive, maybe Teena would start a non-profit organization to help rich, attractive, popular girls prove they had more to offer than money and looks.
Still, Sarabeth put the container down on the seat between them, nudging it toward Teena. The purple goo was slick and shiny, even in the dim parking structure. Teena picked up the container and pulled the lid off. She dipped one finger into the purple gelatin, which was cool to the touch.
“What are you doing?” Evan’s voice went up a few octaves. “We don’t know what that might do to you.”
It was cute, the way he worried about her. But that was Earth-under-attack hormones talking, she knew. In response, she simply smirked at Evan and pulled her fingertips apart. As she thought, the goo dripped into her palm. It wasn’t as sticky as the greenie blood—more like an outer-space vinaigrette.
“So, you guys remember Nathalie Oliverio, right? May she rest in peace.” An image of Nathalie’s burnt but pretty corpse flashed through Teena’s mind, and she shivered. “Well, she always had this wicked oily skin. Like, it was almost impossible to even put makeup on her. It would literally slide right off. So she got Oil Rig, a Gussy Me Up product. Do you know it, Sarabeth?”
Sarabeth nodded, ducking into the back of the van. “Yeah, it’s a best seller,” she said, starting to dig around in the cardboard Gussy Me Up boxes stored on the floor of the van. “But we don’t have any.”
Teena waved a hand dismissively, like this was no big deal. She didn’t think it was, really. “It’s okay. All Oil Rig does is dry up greasy skin. There are other products that might dry out skin in the same way. Sarabeth, can you see if there’re any bottles of Otherworldly cologne back there?”
Sarabeth heaved a large box onto the seat next to Teena. As the box sank down, Teena rose. “There’s tons of that stuff back here,” Sarabeth said, counting boxes. “It was a huge Gussy Me Up failure. My mom can’t give it away.”
“Probably because one spritz and you feel like a lizard,” Teena offered. She looked at the boys, who were both wearing looks of bemused puzzlement. This pleased Teena to no end. Carefully, she tore the tape off the cardboard box Sarabeth had put next to her. Inside, the silver-and-blue boxes of Otherworldly cologne were packed tightly, never before touched. She tore away the plastic and pulled out the bottle, a dark blue orb topped with a silver star. Spritzing the air first, she breathed in. “That is the most awful perfume I’ve ever smelled,” she declared. And it was. It smelled like the water in a vase holding a bouquet of flowers that had gone moldy. “However, watch and learn.” Like a game-show bimbo, she spritzed two pumps of cologne onto the alien slime.
Almost instantly, the slick, shiny substance turned to gray dust.
“Oh my god,” Sarabeth said, amazed and with a hint of jealousy in her voice, Teena thought. “I can’t believe it. Their membrane is a protective coating, and I bet if it dies, they die.”
“Pretty sweet work, Teena,” Leo said from the front seat, and for once she didn’t feel like a piece of meat in front of him. He turned around and looked her right in the eye. Her whole body got a little floaty, realizing he’d honestly meant the compliment.
“That will really help, Teena,” Evan said. He leaned in to look at the dust in the jar, making hopeful eye contact with her.
“Yeah, again, who knew your extensive beauty regimen would come in handy?” Sarabeth said. The backhanded compliment didn’t bother Teena in the least. She was glad to have gotten to Sarabeth. Yes, she knew they were supposed to be getting along right now, but she only had to be nice to Sarabeth’s face. And besides, how benevolent was Sarabeth when she wanted to monopolize all opportunities to be Little Miss Brainiac?
“Spoken like someone who’s never had a makeover,” Teena said, firing back in her sweetest voice. “If we make it through this, we’re definitely doing something about those eyebrows.”