MAKING THIS WORK IN YOUR LIFE
If you skipped the first two sections of this book because you want to take action, please: go back to Part 2. Get the framework before you jump to action. Then, once you’ve learned about taking aim on a challenging situation, gathering information, and working through the four cornerstones, join me here to take action, rinse and repeat.
Parents tell me, “I’ve tried everything and nothing’s worked.” I walked in those shoes for more than a decade before I discovered that the key to success for my kids started with understanding, not solutions; it started with me, not them. Diving into quick fixes for a child’s symptoms sacrifices effectiveness. It leads to wasted time, damaged relationships, and missed opportunities as children and teens become resistant to suggestions and refuse offers of help.
If children and teens don’t gain self-awareness and skills to self-manage in high school, they likely won’t turn to their parents for guidance when navigating the adult world.
According to all leading major medical associations (American Association of Pediatrics, the American Psychiatric Association, etc.), best practice treatment plans should provide support and training for parents. Still, most parents:
• routinely lack information about comprehensive treatment;
• are rarely directed to effective support to help them calm the chaos; and
• lack guidance to personalize treatment to their family’s circumstances.
Many providers don’t understand what’s recommended by the term behavior therapy, nor the depth of what parents really need for help. Countless providers have told me they shy away from referring parents to behavioral supports because they don’t want to offend parents and they fear the parents won’t be receptive. It’s kind of like a cardiologist not telling a patient to quit smoking because they just don’t think they’ll be compliant.
The old paradigm that all it takes to manage complex kids is a prescription and a star chart is just not true. If we want to effectively bring these kids into the process of self-management, we’ve got to understand their situation better, so that we can help them learn to manage it thoughtfully. We’ve got to enroll them to want to take action on their own behalf.