SATNAM CAME BACK at half past nine, saying that Shafi’s condition had improved and that he was keen to meet Krishna.
Krishna had already sought permission from the Baba to be away for a few hours that night. The Baba had readily agreed and given her his blessings, ‘I pray to the Almighty that this child devotes her life to the welfare of the public.’
Munni was asked to sit next to the Baba as Satnam and Krishna headed for ward no. 5. It was a large hall with about fifty beds stretching from one end to the other in rows. Large ceiling fans were whirring overhead, often stirring the clothes and bedsheets of patients as they tried to counter the stifling August heat. Many of the relatives and attendants of the patients had parked themselves on the grounds outside the hospital building while a few had spread simple bedsheets on the floor and were getting ready to call it a day. Some were still moving around as they attended to the needs of their patients. Many of the patients were groaning in discomfort and occasional cries of pain could be heard from some of the beds. Each attendant was focused on his own patient, and none seemed to have the time or inclination to pay any attention to patients in adjacent beds.
As you entered the ward and went past the first three beds on the right, the fourth one was occupied by Shafi. Satnam was leading the way, with Krishna following a couple of steps behind him. As she approached the bed and set her eyes on the patient’s face, she recoiled in shock. Her feet were unsteady and she could hear her heart pounding against her chest. It took all her effort to brace herself and seal her lips to prevent them from crying out.
‘Did Bhaji deceive me on purpose?’ That was the first question that came to her mind. ‘Was Shafi merely another name for Yusuf?’
The patient’s shirt had been removed. His fair skin and well-built torso were shining like translucent glass under the hospital light. Heavy bandages covered his broad chest all the way from the left shoulder to his ribs on the right. His right hand was similarly bandaged all the way up to his wrist. A large leather amulet suspended from a slim chain dangled awkwardly against his bare chest and caught Krishna’s eye. Looking at it, she wondered, ‘Yusuf was always so stridently opposed to any kind of holy threads or amulets. How is he wearing such a bulky amulet around his neck? Am I imagining stuff? Is this really Yusuf?’
‘Shafi!’ Satnam called out as they approached the bed. ‘This is my foster sister Krishna Kumari.’ Turning towards Krishna, he added, ‘I don’t think I need to tell you anything about this gentleman. You already know everything about the active role he is playing in our council, even though you’ve never seen him before.’ There was a twinkle in his eyes and a mischievous smile flickered on his lips as he made the perfunctory introduction. Krishna looked at his face and immediately understood.
The patient opened his eyes with a start and seemed momentarily blinded by the bright hospital light. He narrowed his eyes to focus on the person standing near the bed, the nonplussed look on his face suggesting that he wasn’t quite sure if he was seeing a mirage.
His lips quivered briefly as he tried to form words. And when a word finally emerged from his lips, it carried the intensity that would accompany the sudden discovery of a long-lost treasure. ‘Naseem! Naseem…?’ Unable to complete the sentence, he was on the verge of sitting up in the bed if Satnam hadn’t moved forward quickly to restrain him.
His voice removed any residue of doubt from Naseem’s mind. She looked guardedly at Satnam, her eyes telling him, ‘Bhaji! That was quite sly of you.’ Satnam responded to her through his own eyes, his respectful and embarrassed face conveying, ‘Krishna! Yes, I’ve had to be sly. But it was in pursuit of a higher cause.’
Krishna folded her hands and lowered her eyes in a formal gesture of greetings but remained silent. Looking closely at his face, she knew that she was seeing her childhood companion.
An uncomfortable silence persisted. Krishna’s unease was writ large on her face as she struggled to balance her tumultuous emotions towards the patient with the presence of her foster brother beside her. After reigning in her galloping heartbeat and re-establishing a semblance of control over herself, she checked the anxiety in her tone and asked, ‘I learned from Bhaji this afternoon that you’ve been wounded quite badly. Are you better now?’
‘Thank you,’ the patient responded after controlling his own emotions. ‘The pain was pretty severe but the doctor’s given me an injection and it isn’t too bad right now.’ Krishna had pulled up a stool close to the bed to speak with him.
‘Krishna!’ Satnam intervened with the urgency of one who’s suddenly remembered an important errand. ‘Munni must be getting rather impatient by now. I’d better hurry across to her.
‘Your cot is over there,’ he pointed towards a corner of the verandah before turning towards the high bedside table. ‘There’s milk in that thermos. The medicine is in the little bottle next to it. And that’s the water,’ he said as he signalled towards an earthen pitcher on the floor with an inverted glass resting on its slender neck. ‘The medicine is to be administered every three hours and you can also try to give him some milk in small amounts. The doctor’s room is there across the ward, just in case you need to call him.’
‘Krishna,’ the patient coughed a bit and spoke as soon as Satnam had left the room. ‘Excuse me, but can I look at your right hand for a second?’ He looked closely at Krishna’s face to see if she was irritated by his request. But his fears vanished when he saw Krishna pull up the sleeve of her right arm. ‘There’s no need for that,’ she replied. ‘I am who you think I am.’ And she showed the word ‘Naseem’ engraved in Urdu letters just above her wrist.
‘Ah! Naseem!’ the patient croaked with a lump in his throat. ‘Is that really you that I am seeing,’ he sobbed with tears welling up in his eyes.
‘For sure,’ she smiled as she reached out to stroke his forehead. ‘As sure as that ceiling fan above your head.’
‘You still haven’t forgiven me, Naseem?’ he soaked in the warmth of her touch as he spoke.
‘Let’s leave those things for now,’ she leaned over him gently. ‘You’re looking quite frail.’
‘I won’t ask you anything else, Naseem,’ he continued. ‘All I need is your assurance that you’ve forgiven me.’
Heaving a painful sigh, Naseem looked into his yearning eyes and responded, ‘Yusuf! I would have been much happier if I’d been able to erase you from my heart. But … but…’ The patient felt the warmth of a couple of teardrops as they dropped on his face. There was no need for any further questions.
‘Naseem,’ he placed his hand gingerly on hers and asked in a faltering voice. ‘Allah is truly Almighty. He’s given me the chance to see the one I thought I wouldn’t see again until doomsday…’ He paused abruptly as he looked at Naseem’s face. The eyes that had been showering love on him a few moments ago were now hurling daggers at him. Her expression had changed from affection to loathing.
‘Naseem,’ Yusuf called out in fear.
Krishna was silent, but a voice within her appeared to be screaming, ‘Alas, Yusuf! How I wish you had been a real human being.’
Unable to bear the look on her face, Yusuf appealed, ‘It appears that you still haven’t been able to forgive me.’
Krishna considered her dilemma. She had come there to nurse an ailing patient; instead, she had encountered the love of her childhood. And after all these years, she still hadn’t been able to decide if her love for him exceeded her loathing for his actions. Right now, the loathing seemed dominant, but looking at Yusuf’s condition, could she really tell him, ‘Yusuf! The fact is that I do hate you!’ Wouldn’t that be like the final nail in his coffin?
‘Yusuf! Let’s leave this issue for now. We’ll talk about it at another time,’ she replied in a bid to evade the topic.
‘No, Naseem,’ Yusuf pleaded in a tone that might have melted the hardest stone. ‘Who knows if I’m going to survive these wounds. Or I might slip into unconsciousness and find myself unable to ask or convey anything. Since Allah has ordained that we were to meet once again, there are a few things that I must share with you and you will have to listen to me. God knows if I’ll have the strength to speak after an hour or two. God knows if…’
Krishna’s resolve crumbled before his words. She kept her palm on his lips to prevent him from speaking but he didn’t stop. Pushing her palm away with his left hand, he continued, ‘Naseem! Even you aren’t fully aware of all the disgraceful and terrible ways in which I have hurt you. Allah can burn me in all the seven fires of hell for a hundred years and it would still be insufficient punishment for my sins. But there is one sliver of hope for me. Our Prophet has told us that Allah will forgive the gravest of sins if there is true repentance. Naseem! There were many occasions when I repented before you and still went astray. But this last attempt at atonement has been so severe that I have not strayed a moment from my path. It made me leave my job in the police. It drew me into the noble work of the Unity Council. And I think it is because of the blessings from my penance that I’ve had the opportunity to see my Naseem one more time.’
Krishna didn’t realize that while listening to him, she had subconsciously abandoned the stool and was sitting beside him on the bed, her hand gently caressing Yusuf’s head. The raging fires of hatred had subsided, extinguished perhaps by the flow of tears from Yusuf’s eyes.
Most of the patients in the ward had gone to sleep and the frenetic activity of the attendants had also diminished. The silence in the ward was broken only by the persistent whirring of the fans and by the quiet conversation between Yusuf and Naseem.
‘Enough, Yusuf. Enough,’ she whispered as she rested her head on his chest. Her tears started to soak the bandages on him.
‘No, Naseem. I haven’t started my real story yet. The night is young and now that God has given me this opportunity, I intend to go on until I’ve told you everything, until I’ve relieved myself of this burden that I’ve been carrying. And please don’t worry about my condition, Naseem. As long as you are here with me, even Death won’t be able to touch me.’
‘But who was the guru that inspired you to undertake such a penance, Yusuf ji?’ she said with a ghost of a smile on her serious countenance.
‘I did find a wonderful guide,’ he said as he reached out towards the amulet dangling from his neck.
‘Oh, that’s wonderful. May Allah provide such a guide to the whole world.’
‘The world is blind, Naseem. It doesn’t have the eyes to spot the guides.’
‘And you do?’
‘Absolutely! I do.’
‘And can you show me too?’
‘Why not?’ he caressed his amulet as he spoke. ‘Here it is.’
‘That’s just an amulet.’
‘No, Naseem. It’s the eyes I spoke about. The ones that allowed me to find a great guide. If you are interested in seeing it, please help me unfasten it from my neck.’
Krishna bent forward and untied the chain from his neck, taking out the amulet and handing it to him.
‘Can you undo the seams and open it for me?’
‘Who in the world would want to undo the seams of an amulet?’
‘I no longer need this amulet. You are the one who needs to see. Please unravel the seams,’ Yusuf urged her with a tinge of excitement.
The seams were tough and Krishna had to use her teeth to cut through some of them before she could open the leather sheath. Inside were two tightly bound wads of paper, one with about six pages and the other one a bit bulkier with nine or ten pages. They were letters that had been folded carefully and pressed into the leather amulet. Krishna recognized them at first glance and looked quizzically at Yusuf. ‘What? These letters … these letters are the ones … one written by you and the other one written by me. But how did they fall into your hands? They were in my little trunk, the one that I was carrying with me when we left home. It was with me until it was stolen by the marauders who attacked us…’
‘Please don’t be afraid,’ Yusuf interjected even as a trace of anxiety now flitted across his brow. ‘I’m going to disclose everything to you.’ He lowered his eyes as he spoke.
The appearance of the letters from the amulet was nothing short of a magician pulling a rabbit out of his hat. She lapsed into a pensive mood.
‘But how did you get hold of the letters? They were in my little trunk,’ Krishna asked again.
‘Somehow or the other, they fell into my hands. Along with your trunk.’
‘Along with my little trunk?’
‘Yes.’
‘But my trunk was looted from me when I was accompanying Bapu ji!’ a nonplussed Krishna again found herself repeating the same thing.
‘You are absolutely right, Krishna. Because I was a part of the gang of marauders that looted your caravan,’ he spoke without attempting to hide his shame.
‘You were a part of that gang?’
‘Yes.’
‘So, it was your gang that murdered both my brothers and abducted my bhabhi?’
‘It wasn’t exactly my gang. But I was certainly with them as a policeman facilitating their operations.’
‘You were with those bandits?’ Krishna was flabbergasted as she looked at him. He still hadn’t raised his eyes.
‘I am not going to hide my crimes, Naseem,’ he said with the same tone of mortification.
‘But I never thought that even you would stoop to that extent,’ Krishna had tears in her eyes as she spoke.
Yusuf started to offer his defence. ‘I also didn’t think I would. But Naseem! When you spurned me and when the people of my own village abused me and drove me out, when my blood brother reneged on our friendship, I was a broken man. I wanted to die. But before that, I wanted to see a few words in your own handwriting conveying that you had forgiven me. That’s why I wrote this six-page letter to you. And you wrote a ten-page reply, which unfortunately never reached me. Had I received that letter, I wouldn’t have turned into the monster that I became, I wouldn’t have sullied my hands with human blood, I wouldn’t have become a willing partner in loot and plunder. But you didn’t send me your reply and I concluded that it must be Boote Shah who had prevented you from replying, who was trying to turn you against me.1
‘Let me say that I became a crazed person after that. The Muslim League had launched a jihad against Hindus and Sikhs in Rawalpindi. I was aflame with my own fires of rage and revenge. Naseem! I won’t deny any of my crimes. I had sworn that I won’t rest easy until I had packed Naseem and Boote Shah and the rest of his family into the gateway of hell. As a policeman, I had no reason to be afraid of anyone. In addition, the police were also being encouraged by the Muslim League to help our Muslim gangs when they went out to raid Hindus and Sikhs.’
Krishna listened in silence. The whirring of the ceiling fan continued in its tuneless raga. In Krishna’s mind, the fan had turned into a fighter aircraft that was circling overhead, ready to unleash its bombs on the people below and blow them into smithereens. She felt her own flesh turn into stone. The heart that was so full of empathy and affection for Yusuf was turning into an artillery shell that could be fired at him at any moment. Her eyes were once again burning with anger and animosity.
Yusuf paused for a second, looking left and right to make sure that no one was listening to their conversation. There was no cause for worry. It was quiet and everyone around them appeared to be in deep slumber. But even if someone had been awake and wanted to listen in, the whirring of the fan would have made it hard for them to understand anything.
After looking around, Yusuf returned his gaze to Krishna. He could discern the tumult within her as he spoke, ‘Naseem! Please allow me to continue for a few more minutes. Once I finish, I’ll gladly accept any punishment that you want to dish out to me. But for heavens’ sake, do stay with me until I complete my narration.’
‘No!’ Krishna heaved herself off the bed. ‘I can’t listen any longer. Whatever you’ve done is fine. I really shouldn’t have expected anything different from…’ Her voice started to tremble as she spoke, as though her words were turning into tears even before she could utter them. She wanted to dash out of the room, to grow wings and fly far away, to never ever see his face.
As she took the first step away from the bed, Yusuf’s voice snaked around her legs like a chain that prevented her from leaving. ‘Naseem! Go if you want. If it’s my funeral procession that you’d like to see, inshallah, your wish will be fulfilled, and you will hear about it first thing in the morning…’
She took a step back and sat down at the same spot on the bed as earlier. This time it felt like she was sitting on a bed of nails.
‘Go on,’ she said sarcastically. ‘So, you were resolute in wreaking vengeance upon your enemies?’
‘This is no time for sarcasm, Naseem,’ Yusuf’s voice was muffled under the weight of his own burden. ‘I have just a few more things to add.’
‘Hurry up then. I must get back to Bapu ji,’ she replied coldly.
Yusuf picked up the threads where he had left off. ‘Two of my friends and I decided to join a group of three of these marauders. A man in uniform and carrying a gun, whether he is from the police or from the army, is of great value to these looters. Our presence allows them to carry out their own operations with impunity. And they pay us back by allowing us to take whatever we want from their plunder.
‘That night, we set off in the dark from a village near Rawalpindi and reached the Sirnihalli caves where we waylaid a party of khatris. We finished off all of them, carried away a few and looted everything they’d brought with them.’
‘Ah! You brutes!’ Krishna cried. ‘Such bravery. Congratulations! Anyway, carry on.’
Yusuf didn’t allow her comment to distract him from his narrative. He could feel the anger building inside Krishna and was afraid that she might leave before he had finished. Deciding to opt for brevity, he continued, ‘The whole operation was over quite quickly. We gathered the entire loot in a different part of Sirnihali. That’s when we heard that several military units had been spotted around the area. Everyone was worried about being caught by the army and the loot was quickly distributed among the members of the gang. Since we were in such a hurry to leave the area, we picked up trunks, suitcases, and other stuff without even bothering to open them and see their contents. As part of my share, I got two trunks and a bedroll. One of these was your little trunk, Naseem. And the other, heavier one belonged to Baba Bhane Shah.’
Naseem’s eyes lit up when she heard about the heavier trunk. ‘So that also fell into your hands? What did you do with it? That contains…’ she asked breathlessly.
‘I told you that I’ll tell you everything,’ Yusuf interjected. ‘I took all of it to my house and locked the door carefully. I then proceeded to break the lock of the heavier trunk. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that much gold in one place. I was delirious with joy when I saw that I had several kilos of gold in my custody. Along with some really expensive clothes, cash, and other things. That’s it, I told myself. I can enjoy the rest of my life in comfort. I’ll never have to work again.
‘The trunk also had some stamp papers and other documents and after reading these, it was clear that the trunk belonged to Bhane Shah. How does that matter, I told myself. It’ll take care of my needs. And it also quenched my desire for revenge against Bhane Shah’s family. I was satisfied that I had accomplished my mission beautifully. But all my plans came to an end once I opened the little trunk.’
‘Came to an end?’ Krishna sneered with undisguised distaste. ‘Why did they come to an end?’
‘Will you please listen,’ Yusuf carried on. ‘There was nothing of any value in the little trunk. Just a few pieces of silver jewellery and some ordinary dresses. But it had the two letters that spelt an end to all my plans. I had never imagined that Naseem would preserve my letter so carefully. And there was also the letter that you had written in response.’ Yusuf felt a strange constriction in his chest as he described the discovery. ‘I read your letter from beginning to end. And that’s how my transformation began. I don’t have the words to describe it. Would you please pass me the letter for a minute?’
Krishna gave him the bulkier of the two letters. Using only his left hand, Yusuf leafed through the first five pages and placed his finger at a specific point on the page. ‘Can you please read this part?’ he asked.
Krishna took the paper, observing the pencil lines on one side of the page as she started to read. ‘Oh Yusuf, do you really think that Naseem’s heart is made of stone? Alas! I wish I was as stony-hearted as you. Yusuf! Each time I’ve filled my heart with love and placed it in your footsteps, you’ve either spurned me or trampled upon my heart through transgressions so foul that I had to step back. Did you ever pause to think of how Naseem’s heart throbs for you, how it pines for you? But Yusuf, you could never become mine!
‘Your letter has once again opened some old wounds. Every limb in my body is crying out for you and every fibre of my being is wailing Yusuf, Yusuf! But look at my misfortune. I’ve never had the pleasure of seeing the real Yusuf. My mind’s eye has a clear image of Yusuf, but I’ve never been able to discern him in your personality. The Yusuf that I visualize is the son of Prophet Yaqub, though I have no desire that my Yusuf should occupy high office in the Pharaoh’s Egypt. I was merely yearning for one who has some of the attributes of Prophet Yusuf, one who is righteous, who is pure like the water of Zamzam. Will you ever fulfil this yearning, my good Yusuf! I promise you that if you do so, I will forever be the slave who bows her head at the dust beneath your feet…’
She finished reading the page and kept it on the bed before raising her eyes to look at Yusuf. There was a glow in his eyes, an indescribable light that could actually persuade Naseem to become a disciple at his feet. Krishna’s heart was suddenly suffused with an intense reverence and love for Yusuf.
‘And what else?’ Naseem’s tone was far gentler now.
Yusuf tried to move a little in his bed, possibly because he was getting tired of the way he was lying down. Naseem propped him up with both hands and helped him turn on his side. He started, ‘Naseem, reading this letter of yours gave me a fair bit of peace and comfort. But it gave me even more torment as I lamented the sheer gravity of my misdeeds. I could never have imagined that Naseem would have left her home to accompany Baba Bhane Shah. I guessed that maybe Naseem’s little trunk got mixed up with the baggage of Bhane Shah and Boote Shah when they left their home.
‘What irony! I was dying to see the same Naseem against whom I had once craved for revenge. I wanted to immediately run to Chakri and see Naseem, thinking that this time it might be easier for me to get hold of you. In my mind, Bhane Shah was the biggest obstacle between us and he had now been removed from the scene. Moreover, you had always considered me as a useless, good for nothing fellow. I told myself that once Naseem learns that Yusuf is worth some twenty or twenty-five thousand rupees, she is the one who will be straining to seek a marriage with me. I’d also taken a solemn vow that I would never again deviate from the straight and narrow. I would make sure that I become the person that Naseem always wanted me to be. I told myself that she’s forgiven my transgressions so many times in the past; I am sure I’ll convince her to forgive me one last time. And I would never mention that my wealth actually belongs to Bhane Shah. It’s possible that Naseem may recognize some garments or jewellery, but so be it. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, I told myself.
‘I found it hard to stay put. My heart was urging me to fly to Chakri and as luck would have it, I came across a military truck that was headed towards the place. I hitched a ride with them and found myself in our village a few hours later.
‘I was taken aback by what I saw there, Naseem! Those people had burnt down your home once they learned that you and your brother had fled along with Bhane Shah and his family. The entire Khatri neighbourhood was in ruins and the fate of Gurudwara Gulab Singh was no different. There was just one thing that provided some kind of balm to my tortured soul and that was the young mango tree which stood unharmed in your courtyard. I spent a lot of time sitting under the shade of that tree. A couple of neighbours came over and invited me to come to their place but I declined. To be honest, I was absolutely heartbroken and in no mood to speak to anyone once I’d learned from the neighbours that Naseem and Aziz had decided to accompany Bhaba Bhane Shah and his family in their exodus from Chakri. The residents of our village were busy carting off anything of value that still remained in the homes of the Khatris. Some were loading bags of grain while others were making off with large bundles of utensils and clothes. Even doors, windows, and planks of ceilings were being carried away.
‘I spent the afternoon under that mango tree thinking where I might find a lorry that would take me back to ’Pindi so that I could try to locate Naseem. I had a hunch that she might be among the women who had been abducted when we raided that caravan. In that case, I might find her among the women who were being held at the house of Honorary Magistrate Subedar Rustom Khan. I didn’t anticipate any danger, knowing that Naseem would be safe once her captives became aware that she is a Muslim. But I did want to reach ’Pindi as soon as possible.
‘The destruction of all the Khatri homes meant that the road could be seen from a long distance. It allowed me to sit under the mango tree and keep an eye out for any lorry that might be heading towards Chakri. My attention was focused on the road when I was startled by the sound of footsteps in the courtyard. I recognized the girl and asked, “Jeeva? What brings you here?”
‘Jeeva was holding a flattened envelope, one that appeared to have been made at home by someone cutting and pasting bits and pieces of paper. She handed it over to me with the words, “Sister Seema left this with me as she was leaving and asked me to give it to you.”’
‘Really?’ Krishna exclaimed. ‘And where is that letter? It isn’t among the ones that came out of the amulet.’
‘You’ll have to undo the seams at the bottom of the amulet to find that,’ Yusuf smiled.
Krishna picked up the amulet from the bed and rolled her fingertips over its lower half to feel its contents before using her teeth to unpick the seams.
‘It’s there, isn’t it?’ Yusuf asked.
‘Indeed, it is.’
‘Would you please read it out, too?’ Yusuf pleaded. The letter wasn’t too long and the writing gave the impression that it had been scribbled in great haste.
Krishna started to read, ‘Yusuf! Thoughts about you are holding me back at a time when I am preparing to leave this home and this land forever. My journey would have become a lot easier if I’d been able to see you just one more time. Or at least to know from someone that you are fine, that you are still present in this world. That would have been enough solace for me. As I get ready to leave this place with Aziz, to guide Bapu ji’s walking stick towards a new path, I want you to know that I am missing you badly. Alas! I wish I had responded to your letter. But I couldn’t. You had held out such dire threats in your letter. Ah! My Yusuf! I’ll say it once and I’ll say it a thousand times over that I forgive you for everything you’ve done. I just hope that this letter of mine gets into your hands. That’s my last wish!
‘Yusuf! Why did you have to write those terrible words about your desire to embrace death. For the sake of Allah and for the sake of our Prophet, please don’t do any such thing. Naseem still wants to become your companion and this is a desire that won’t dim even when she heads towards her grave. What a pity, Yusuf, that you couldn’t make this unfortunate girl your companion. You simply couldn’t produce the virtues that would have dragged my heart towards your feet. But let me assure you, Yusuf, if you couldn’t make Naseem your companion, nor will anyone else. Ever.
‘Ah, my soulmate! How I need you today as I struggle helplessly to save my Bapu ji and his family from the depredations of these brutal plunderers. My brother Aziz is with me, but it would have been so much nicer if you, too, had been by our side. How I wish that you had come forward to valiantly defend us, to escort us to safety. Had that been the case, I would have readily offered my heart to you. I would have gone to Bapu ji and sought his permission for our union. Alas! I don’t have the good fortune to enjoy such bliss.
‘Farewell, Yusuf. Stay happy, wherever you are. And should this letter somehow make its way into your hands, please try to honour one last wish of mine. The world around us has become a killing field. Brothers are turning upon each other with vengeance as they thirst for blood. I would urge you to do whatever you can to bring an end to this terror. Do try to spread the message of religious amity in order to cure our Punjabi brothers of the venom that has seeped into their veins. And when you do turn your life towards this cause, you will know that you have saved your Naseem from burning in the fires of hell. Naseem will then be yours till eternity.
‘Leaving now with the fervent desire to see you again,
‘Your Naseem.’
Yusuf listened intently as Krishna read out the letter. As she looked at him after finishing the letter, tears were flowing from both pairs of eyes.
A thick silence hung in the air, broken only by the ceaseless whirring of the fans. The light from both pairs of eyes had blended into each other like the air being circulated by the two fans. Feelings like shame, embarrassment, aloofness, and hatred had been cleansed from the hearts by the saline waters of the four eyes. But a small corner of Krishna’s heart still nursed some reservations as it asked, ‘But … but…’
‘And then?’ Naseem asked anxiously to learn about the denouement of the story.
Yusuf resumed, ‘Reading your letter cleansed any remaining filth from my heart and a voice rose inside me, “Naseem! Inshallahtala I will be the person that you wanted to see me become when you left your home.” I didn’t have to wait long before a military lorry came that way and I was able to make my way back to ’Pindi. The first thing I did was to visit the house of Rustom Khan. I knew him well since he belonged to a neighbouring village and I was able to gain access into the section of the house where all the abducted women were being held captive. I was sure that I would find you among them but instead, I found Rukman bhabhi.’
‘Bhabhi was there? What happened after that? Did you try to rescue her?’ Krishna was breathless as she shot off these questions.
‘Easy! Easy!’ Yusuf chided. ‘I’ve promised to tell you everything, haven’t I? But it must come in its proper sequence.
‘Rukman bhabhi started wailing and clung to me the moment she saw me. Since several men were present in the room at the time, I had to signal to her to be patient and that I would try to rescue her at the earliest. I continued my search of the premises but unfortunately, there was no sign of the one I had gone looking for. I reluctantly arrived at the conclusion that poor Naseem must have been killed during the massacre at the caves of Sarnihali.
‘I went to plead before Subedar Rustom Khan and was able to persuade him to release Rukman and allow her to come with me. How can I describe her condition to you? She’d been crying incessantly once she learned about Boote Shah’s death. But she had no idea of what had happened to you and the Baba.’
‘And where did Bhabhi go after that?’ Krishna pressed him to learn more about the fate of her foster brother Boote Shah’s wife.
‘She didn’t go anywhere. She’s been under my care and supervision ever since that day.’
‘Under your supervision? How?’ Krishna asked with a worried look on her face.
‘I’ll explain how,’ Yusuf continued. ‘I gave her all the empathy and care that I could muster in order to console her and also calm her down. My living quarters weren’t very large, but they were adequate. I reached there with Rukman bhabhi in the dark of the night and arranged a Muslim attire for her. By next morning, I had announced to my neighbours that my elder sister had come to visit me for a while. I also took an oath on the holy Quran in her presence that I would treat her like my real sister and that I would continue till my last breath to search for Naseem and Baba ji. After that, I handed the trunk containing the gold and jewellery to her.’
‘Yusuf! Ah, my dear Yusuf!’ Naseem was in raptures as she caught hold of Yusuf’s left hand and held it in her palms. ‘You are indeed the real Yusuf. I can see the son of Prophet Yaqub in you today.
‘But go on. What happened after that?’ she persisted. ‘What a huge sacrifice you made! Please tell me the rest quickly. My heart is desperate to hear the whole thing.’
‘I was very happy to find Rukman bhabhi. But Naseem! Every day’s delay in finding you meant an extra day of torment for my soul. There was a part of me that kept saying that you must have been killed that night.
‘I left for Sarnihali the next afternoon, telling Rukman bhabhi that I was headed in search of Baba ji, Aziz and Naseem. I advised her to call herself Fatima just in case someone came over.’
‘As you know, the caves at Sarnihali are spread over miles and I spent hours combing them without finding any sign of anyone. I finally ran into a local shepherd boy who told me that a number of bodies had been buried in a large pit covered by a clump of leaves and twigs. I removed the foliage with the help of the boy and examined each one of the bodies. Naseem, your brother Aziz was among them, as was my blood brother Boote Shah. The Chaudhry’s son Fatta was also buried in the same place. But there was still no sign of the one I was looking for.’
‘It was Bapu ji and I who had buried all those bodies,’ Krishna wiped the tears from her eyes as she spoke.
‘You buried them?’ Yusuf winced as a sharp pain shot across his shoulder. ‘But please don’t lose heart, Naseem. Maybe that was the duration of life that the Lord had ordained for them.’
‘And then,’ Krishna prodded with barely concealed anxiety.
‘Then what?’ Yusuf replied wearily. ‘I searched high and low, tried everything I could but couldn’t find any trace of you. I must have visited every refugee camp in the vicinity but didn’t get a single clue. I was desperate and heartbroken as I decided that I would pursue just one objective for the rest of my life. I would continue looking for you and I would follow the course that you had laid out for me. Your letters were my most precious treasure and I had them sewn into this amulet around my neck so that…’
‘But why in an amulet?’ Krishna interjected.
‘I had decided that even if I didn’t find Naseem in this lifetime, I would make sure that I mould my life according to her ideals, the ones that she always urged me to follow. These letters were like an explicit commandment for me, but putting it into practice meant that I would first have to leave my job in the police force. I know, Naseem, that you hated the fact that I had joined the police. But leaving the police was a lot harder than it seems. There were all kinds of hurdles and I finally decided that I would leave quietly, without informing anyone. Lawlessness was rampant in those parts and I reasoned that the government had better things to do than go looking for an absconding policeman. So I packed my modest belongings and prepared to leave ’Pindi along with Rukman bhabhi. The amulet bearing your letters was a constant guide and companion during this period. Each time I felt my resolve weaken, this amulet was around to remind me of my goal and help me conquer my weakness.’
‘And where did you go once you left Rawalpindi?’
‘We came to Amritsar. A friend of mine was a mechanic at a factory in Putlighar. He not only helped me get a job at the factory but also secured accommodation in the factory’s quarters. I should confess that I had two principal reasons for coming to Amritsar. First, I knew that Amritsar was the first destination for the Hindu and Sikh refugees fleeing from West Punjab and I wanted to continue looking for you among the refugees. I was sure that you wouldn’t have left Bapu ji and felt that there was a fair chance of finding you in one of the refugee camps. And second, I wanted to pursue the mission that you had outlined for me: to campaign for religious harmony and unity. So those two reasons…’
‘And why did you change your name?’ Krishna interrupted him.
‘I had to do it on account of a very specific compulsion. But didn’t you change your name too?’
‘My need to do so is pretty clear. I wouldn’t have been able to accompany Bapu ji and stay with him if I hadn’t changed my name. But why was it necessary for you?’
‘My need was much greater. I had deserted the police and was running the risk of being caught by them.’
‘Agreed! So does bhabhi live with you?’
‘No! It wasn’t easy for her to stay with me. For one thing, I am away at work from morning till late in the night. She gets lonely, tired, and depressed sitting around alone. Second, I was afraid that her secret might be exposed. There are a lot of Muslim women in our quarters and we ran the risk that someone would probe and find out her real identity. That really kept her confined to our room. But she also hated the filthy way in which many of these families lived. Taking all things into account, I took her to a camp in Chheharta that’s been set up especially for female refugees who are all by themselves. The camp in charge thinks quite well of me because after I finish my work in the factory, I devote myself to searching for you or to following the instructions that you had left for me. During my early days here, I would go all by myself into Muslim streets and mohallas to spread the message of religious unity. But my passion has redoubled ever since I joined the Unity Council. There are times that I want to leave everything else and dedicate every waking hour to the work of the council, but I haven’t been able to do so. My responsibility towards Rukman bhabhi means that I can’t go too far from this place. And I also nurtured the hope that my work among refugee camps and caravans might help me spot you somewhere. As far as the attack on me is concerned, I am sure Satnam would have shared the details with you.’
‘He has, indeed. But do tell me about your conversation with Satnam Bhaji on the day of the meeting. What did you discuss?’
‘Our conversation?’ Yusuf laughed. ‘We had a very interesting conversation. The meeting started late due to the rain and the two of us sat in the barsati above the office. I’m not sure why, but I’ve liked Satnam from the first day. There was something about him that made me want to share some of my darkest secrets with him. As luck would have it, our conversation also moved in that direction.
‘Satnam told me about Sudarshan, and he was clearly distressed over the way that wicked fellow was making false accusations about his foster sister. I was distressed by what he told me and after consoling him, I was about to start opening the pages of my own past. But it was time for the meeting to begin and we had to leave our chat incomplete. Later that evening, we went to a restaurant for tea, and I told him my own story without going into too much detail. I got the impression that Satnam had slipped into some deep thoughts as soon as he heard my tale. He had clearly figured out that the Naseem in my story was none other than his foster sister.’
‘So Bhaji revealed my identity to you?’ Krishna enquired.
‘No, not at all! He maintained a complete silence about it and didn’t even give me a hint. It’s only when I saw you beside my bed that the whole thing fell into place.’
‘Oh!’ Krishna looked at the clock and exclaimed. ‘It’s three o’clock?’
‘It’s really late, you ought to be resting. You should also have had some milk and a dose of your medicine by now.’ Krishna got up to fetch the medicine and poured a glass of water.
‘There’s no need for any medicine now,’ Yusuf took the glass from her hand and grinned. ‘Why do I need the medicine when I’ve just received the elixir of life.’ Krishna’s face lit up with the kind of smile that had all but disappeared since her last encounter with Yusuf.
‘It’s time for you to rest now,’ Krishna got up once again, but Yusuf pulled her back. ‘Naseem! It’s patently unfair to hear one side’s story and slip away when it’s your turn to share.’
Krishna sat down and pleaded that it was very late, that she had a hundred chores waiting for her. But Yusuf was adamant, and she could only put up a mild resistance. ‘And what would you do if I refused?’ she smiled. ‘Would you still try to slap me?’
Yusuf shrank with shame as he remembered their last encounter. Krishna observed his reaction and started to narrate everything that had happened since the day Yusuf had fought with her, mauled her, broken her bangles and forced her to flee for her life and honour. She spoke at length, without paying further heed to the ticking clock.
By the time she had finished, the clock was showing six in the morning. Neither had any idea when the hospital lights had switched off and the morning rays of the sun were lighting up the ward through the windows.
Krishna got up in a rush, took Yusuf’s leave and hurried out of the ward. She’d barely gone about twenty yards when she saw Satnam approaching from the opposite direction. Their eyes met briefly before Krishna averted hers and quickened her pace without saying a word. Satnam also continued with his long strides to see Yusuf alias Mr Shafi.
1 For more details about these events, please read Hymns in Blood.