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abuse, 97, 98, 134, 137, 157, 223–225, 231, 244
emotional, 8, 99, 105, 231, 255, 272, 282–83
exploitation of, 43–44
genuine, 45, 46, 50, 57–58, 61, 78
responding to reports of, 45–46
abuse, false accusations of, 40–46, 105, 107, 223–24, 244, 252, 282
agreeing to disagree about, 223–25
genesis of, 41–43
implanted false memories in, 3–4, 32, 98
lying in, 222–23, 40
misunderstandings in, 40
by paranoid parent, 95
suggestive questions and, 41, 42, 46
Academy of Certified Social Workers (ACSW), 249
adult children, 289–93
alienated parent’s death and, 290
in-laws of, 289, 291
reconnecting with, 291–93
unresolved relationship’s effect on, 290–91
Advanced Clinical Practitioner (ACP), 249
agreeing to disagree, 223–25
aliases, child, 146–49
alienating environment, 29, 64, 124–41
countermeasures for, 127, 128, 132, 133, 134, 139, 141
fear in, 29, 64, 87–88, 124, 139–41, 171
kidnapping in, 134–37,
physical isolation in, 29, 124–27
psychological dependence created by, 29, 31, 124, 125, 139, 142
relocation in, 3, 37, 127–33
stripping in, 138–39
alienating parent, reducing hostility of, 238–41
increasing cooperation in, 239
letters of goodwill in, 240
negotiation skills in, 240–41
reassurance in, 239–40
righting wrongs in, 83–84, 239
therapy for, 84, 244–45
alienation, 25–33, 34–78, 244–47, 250, 264
absence of guilt in, 35, 55
adult language parroted in, 47, 55
avoiding parental hostilities vs., 70–71
caretaking of parent vs., 71–72
child-driven, 58–61, 63
chronic hatred expressed in, 34, 35–37, 55, 66
consistent vs. inconsistent negativity and, 65, 78
countermeasures for, 37–39, 46–47, 48, 58, 61, 64, 67, 68–69, 71, 72, 73–74, 75, 76
difficult temperaments vs., 69–70
domestic violence and, 44, 45, 57
extended family rejected in, 34, 49, 54, 56, 57, 58
forced visitations alleged in, 37, 38, 46, 117
greater parent-child compatibility vs., 73
grossly disrespectful behavior in, 33, 35–37, 39, 51–52, 207, 235, 236, 271, 237
identification of, 64–76, 242–43, 274, 279
independent thinking asserted in, 47–48, 56, 178–79, 227, 237
irrational, 27, 40, 55–56, 148, 225, 288
identifying roots of, 61–64
justified, 44, 45, 50, 56–58, 61, 64, 78
normal reactions to divorce vs., 65–67
parent-child alignments vs., 74–76, 81
parents polarized in, 46–47, 55, 154, 214, 225, 243, 246
pathological, see Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)
pets rejected in, 50
prealienation relationship and, 29–30, 61–64
predisposing characteristics in, 30–32
prevention of, 53–54, 109–11
rapid onset of, 34, 52
refusals of contact vs., 66, 67
rejected parent’s reactions to, 29, 32–33, 157–58
resistance to, 28–33
separation anxiety vs., 67–69, 75
situation-specific reactions vs., 72–73, 78
trivial complaints offered in, 35–37, 39, 40, 51, 55, 106, 189
see also parental alienation syndrome
alienation, creation of, see reality, corruption of
alienation, reversal of, 48, 54–55, 61, 63, 76, 199–241
agreeing to disagree in, 223–25
Ann Landers’s Reconciliation Day and, 241
avoiding common errors in, 32–33, 231
bad-mouthing avoided in, 33, 237–38
counterrejection avoided in, 32, 38, 235–36
critical thinking encouraged in, 226–27
depolarizing parents in, 225
dismissal of children’s feelings avoided in, 32, 237
education about brainwashing in, 227–31
Family Bridges in, 300–5, 307–8
films and television in, 231–33
fly-on-the-wall technique in, 203–4
improved parenting skills in, 233–34
indirect communication in, 201-3, 205, 225, 232
keeping one’s temper in, 32, 37–38, 235
lecturing avoided in, 236
neutrality encouraged in, 220–21
overreaction avoided in, 237
religious values in, 221–23
separating siblings in, 196, 218–20, 274
third parties in, see third parties
timing of, 206–7, 212, 215, 218
two-steps-removed technique in, 204–5
vacations in, 217–18
see also healing experiences; living arrangements; maintaining contact
alignment, parent-child, 74–76, 81
ambiguous loss, 294
ambivalence, 150, 154, 155, 290
American Bar Association, 126–7, 276, 277–78, 283
Analyze This, 206
animosity, spread of, 8, 49–54, 57, 58
Art of Living Consciously, The (Branden), 31
attorneys, 2–3, 7–8, 77, 84, 105, 109, 126, 128, 148, 151, 180, 242, 253, 267
as collaborative family law advocates, 110–11, 279
family law, 250
as guardian ad litem (G.A.L), 107–8
selection of, 110–11, 278–80
self-representation vs., 278–79
bad-mouthing, 1, 4, 6, 10, 12, 18–21, 42, 47, 51, 78, 80, 83, 110, 111, 116, 204, 220, 230
avoidance of, 33, 237–38
retaliation for, 20–21
bashing, 1–3, 22–24, 48, 101
Between Love and Hate (Gold), 240
bipolar disorder, 69–70
birthday cards, 164, 285
boundaries, parent-child, 80–82, 122, 244
Boys and Girls Book About Divorce, The (Gardner), 25, 54, 202, 230
brainwashing, 3–4, 7–8, 18, 24–25, 29, 39, 46, 61, 98, 101, 102, 106, 133, 134, 183, 184, 208
education about, 227–31
as emotional abuse, 8, 105, 231, 282–83
false accusations of, 25, 27, 76–77, 89, 95, 174, 234
indirect approach to discussion of, 204–5
object’s unawareness of, 204, 227, 229
as ultimately disadvantageous, 109, 245
see also alienating environment; reality, corruption of
Branden, Nathaniel, 31
Bruck, Maggie, 41
Campbell, Linda, 28
Ceci, Stephen, 41
child aliases, 146–49
child protection agencies, 58
Christianity, 222
Clawar, Stanley, 126, 166, 191, 196
clinical psychologists, 249
cognitive dissonance, 194–95, 228
Cohen, Miriam Galper, 131
collaborative family law, 110–11, 227
college education, funding of, 164, 287
computer communication, 66, 133; see also webcams
conspiring with others, 195–96, 198
context dropping, 155–61, 162, 181, 196–97, 198
counselors, 249
counterrejection, avoidance of, 32, 235–36
critical thinking, encouragement of, criticism, constructive vs. destructive, 5, 7–8, 9–17, 230
motives for, 9–10, 11
rationalized, 9, 16
test for, 10–14, 237
custody consultants, 110
custody evaluators, 4, 43, 48, 98, 102, 104, 158, 265–68, 279
criteria for, 265–66
incompetent, 155, 266–67
inexperienced, 268–70
junk science of, 268
second opinion of, 155, 267
selective attention of, 155
custody litigation, 7–8, 25, 27, 36, 39, 40, 89, 98, 101–11, 123, 134, 151, 245, 274–75, 289
brainwashing parent’s disadvantage in, 109, 245
child preference factor in, 4, 105–8
countermeasures for, 104, 105, 106, 111
court-ordered therapy and, 257, 259
creating false impressions in, 102–5
cults and, 183–84
dishonest behavior encouraged in, 193–94
expert witnesses in, 99–100, 129, 280
out-of-context behavior in, 156–61
out-of-context settlement vs., 279–80
preventing alienation during, 109–11
projections in, 173, 174–76
trial consultants in, 280
wearing down the opposition in, 108–9
see also attorneys
Custody Revolution, The (Warshak), 49, 85, 110, 135, 245, 266
dependence, psychological, 29, 31, 124, 125, 139, 193, 196, 219
depositions, in litigation, 92–93
depression, 70, 71
discovery, in litigation, 92
dishonest behavior, encouragement of, 193–94, 198, 222
divide-and-conquer technique, 196, 218–19, 220, 224
divorce, 182–83, 199–200, 290–91
explaining reasons for, 12, 14–15
normal reactions to, 65–66
domestic violence, xviii, 44, 45, 57, 98, 144, 157, 176, 224
eavesdropping opportunities, “accidental,” 203–4, 214
Education Department, U.S., 132–33
empathy, 85, 88
with children’s feelings, 20, 21, 32, 100, 201, 215–16, 237
encroachment, 188–92, 198, 255
entitlement, sense of, 172–73, 287
exaggeration, 161–62, 198
exploitation:
of abuse, 43–45
of target parent, 172–73, 187, 198, 287
extended families, 21, 26, 34, 49–55, 71, 195, 290
responses of, 51–54
spread of animosity to, 8, 49–54, 57, 58
see also grandparents
false memories, implanted, 3–4, 32, 98, 149–50
Family Bridges, 300–5, 307–8
Farrell, Warren, 294
Father and Child Reunion (Farrell), 294
fear, 29, 64, 87–88, 124, 139–41, 171
films, 151, 231–33
fly-on-the-wall technique, 203–4, 214
forced visitations, 8, 37, 38, 46, 117, 199
Freud, Sigmund, 97, 155
Gardner, Richard A., 25–26, 34–35, 54, 63, 121, 126, 156, 164, 185, 202, 216, 222, 230, 262
gifts, 164, 286–87
Ginott, Haim, 201
Girdner, Linda, 135
Gold, Lois, 240
Gonzáles, Elián, 210–11
graduated exposure, 232, 259, 271–72
grandparents, 34, 49, 51–52, 125, 140, 143, 149, 153–54, 191, 215–16, 238, 290
group pressure, 120–21, 195–96, 198
divide-and-conquer technique for, 196, 218–20, 220, 224
Growing Up with Divorce (Kalter), 203
guardian ad litem (G.A.L.), 107–8, 260
guilt, 35, 55, 89, 122, 182, 189, 223
healing experiences, 210–14, 270–78
reminiscence of past good times as, 53, 214–16
strengthening memories of, 53, 212–14
Hearst, Patty, 125
Honeymooners, The, 233
Hook, 151, 232
hostility toward children, 99–101, 122
humor, 211
hypnosis, 229, 231, 233
identification with the aggressor, 120
“If” (Kipling), 296–97
indirect communication, 201–3, 205, 225, 232
indoctrination, 108, 124, 125, 149, 179, 183, 185, 196, 198, 269
infants, 130–31, 171, 274
interrogatories, in litigation, 92
Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The, 232
isolation, physical, 29, 124–27, 212, 217, 271
Jack Frost, 232
jealousy, 99, 112–13
Jeopardy in the Courtroom (Ceci and Bruck), 41
Johnston, Janet, 28, 74, 135
joint custody, 88, 128
Judaism, 221–22
junk science, 268
Justice Department, U.S., 134
Kalter, Neil, 203
Kelly, Joan, 74
kidnapping, 134–37, 147, 163–64, 223, 238, 306
risk factors for, 135–36
King, Stephen, 5
Kipling, Rudyard, 296
Landers, Ann, Reconciliation Day of, 241
Lashon Hara (“the evil tongue”), 221–22
last meeting, 284–85
lecturing, avoidance of, 236
letters, 84
of formal farewell, 246, 285–86, 294
of goodwill, 240
letting go, 108–9, 200, 246, 282–97, 299–300
anger produced by, 295
college education funding and, 287
formal announcement of, 246, 284–86, 294
gifts and, 286–87
hopes of reconciliation in, 295–97
indications for, 283–84
keeping diary or scrapbook after, 296
maintaining contact after, 285, 288
mourning the loss in, 293–95
special occasions and, 288, 295–96
support groups for, 295
third parties and, 289, 290
licensed professional counselor (LPC), 249
life space interview, 207
litigation, 63, 88, 96
court orders in, 126–27, 133, 136, 137, 212, 253
depositions in, 92
discovery in, 92
interrogatories in, 92
see also attorneys; custody litigation
living arrangements, 63, 270–78, 283
graduated exposure in, 232, 259, 271–72
long-term placement in, 272–76
transitional placement in, 276–78, 295
Loftus, Elizabeth, 32
Long-Distance Parenting (Cohen), 131–32
Lund, Mary, 126
lying, 47–48, 186, 193
in false accusations of abuse, 40, 222–23
in reality corruption, 162–64, 198
maintaining contact, 37, 38–39, 44, 71, 117, 125–27, 200, 243, 250, 252
with computer communication, 66, 133, 241; see also webcams
after letting go, 285, 288
passive withdrawal vs., 33, 70, 126, 200, 231, 250, 252, 295
through personal website, 288
through social networking, 288
Manchurian Candidate, The, 232
Martin, Steve, 68
mediation, 88, 111
motives, malignant, 9–10, 79–123
checklist of, 122–23
continuing emotional relationship in, 91–94, 122, 244
countermeasures for, 82, 84, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 96, 99, 100–101, 104
in custody litigation, 101–11, 123
guilt in, 89, 122
hostility toward children in, 99–101, 122
insecurity in, 89–90, 122
narcissism in, 85–88, 122, 244
paranoia in, 94–96, 122
poor parent-child boundaries in, 80–83, 122, 244
reenactments in, 97–99, 122
remarriage and, 112–21, 123
revenge in, 17, 43, 83–84, 122
seeking validation in, 90–91, 122, 244
Mrs. Doubtfire, 232
names, manipulation of, 142–49, 177, 178, 198
child aliases and, 146–49
first-naming of target parent, 144–46, 210
pejorative labeling, 143–44
narcissism, 85–88, 122, 244
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, 134
National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology, 249
negotiation skills, 240–41
neutrality, encouragement of, 220–21
Oppositional Defiant Disorder, 27
overindulgence, 30
as out-of-context behavior, 161
in reality corruption, 186–88, 198
overreaction, avoidance of, 237
paranoia, 94–96, 122
parental alienation, xx, 27–28, 60, 146, 250, 269, 279, 306–7
false accusations of, 27, 76, 87
parental alienation syndrome (PAS), xx, 25–28, 250, 289
misdiagnosis of, 28
pathological alienation vs., 28
parenting coordinator, 260–262; see also guardian ad litem (G.A.L.)
parenting skills, improvement of, 233–34
pathological alienation, xvii, xx, 28, 34, 45, 55, 77, 127
see also alienation; brainwashing
pejorative labeling, 143–44
Pine, Fred, 53
Pluto Center, 295
polarization of parents, 46–47, 55, 154, 214, 225, 246
projections, 173–76, 198
protectiveness, as hostility, 99–100
psychiatrists, 249
rationalization, 176–79, 181, 184, 190, 198
of constructive criticism, 9, 16
reading together, 202
reality, corruption of, 8, 142–198, 246
cognitive dissonance and, 194–95, 228
concealment of contrary facts in, 164–65
conspiring with others in, 195–96, 198
countermeasures for, 144, 146, 148, 149–50, 152–53, 155, 158, 162, 164, 167, 172, 184–85, 194
dishonest behavior encouraged in, 193–94, 198
encroachment in, 188–92, 198, 255
exaggeration in, 161–62, 198
exploitation encouraged in, 172–73, 187, 198
judging behavior out of context in, 155–61, 155–61, 162, 181, 196–97, 198
lying in, 162–64, 198
overindulgence in, 116, 186–88, 198
projections in, 173–76, 198
rationalization in, 176–79, 181, 184, 190, 198
religiosity in, 181–85, 198
repetition in, 149–50, 161, 198
revisionist history in, 165–67, 198, 214, 216
selective attention in, 150–55, 161, 181, 198, 204, 225
self-righteousness in, 179–80, 183, 191, 198
suggestions and innuendos in, 169–72, 180, 193, 198
tamper-resistant programming in, 196–97, 198, 206
total change theory in, 168, 198
“the truth” in, 185–86, 198
see also names, manipulation of
reconciliation, hopes of, 295–97
Redl, Fritz, 207
reenactments, 97–99, 122
Reich, Wilhelm, 112
religiosity, 181–85, 198
religious values, 221–23
relocation, 3, 37, 116, 127–33
remarriage, 21, 72, 95, 101, 112–21, 123, 128, 132, 146, 217–18
child-driven alienation at, 58–60
competitiveness and, 115–19
failure of, 114–15
jealousy and, 112–13
uniting against common enemy in, 120–21
see also stepparents repetition, xx, 149–50, 161, 198
revenge, 17, 43, 83–84, 122, 181
revisionist history, 53, 165–67, 198, 214, 216
Rivlin, Brynne, 126, 166, 191, 196
selective attention, 150–55, 161, 181, 198, 204, 225
self-esteem, of children, 31, 114, 221, 245
self-righteousness, 179–80, 183, 191, 198
separation anxiety, 67–69, 75
shutdown message (tamper-resistant programming), 196–97, 198, 206
siblings, separation of, 196, 218–220, 274
Simple Twist of Fate, A, 68
social networking sites, 288
social pressure, 208
social workers, 249
spread of animosity, 8, 49–54, 57, 58
Stanford University, 131
Star Trek, 232
State Department, U.S., Office of Passport Services, 137
stepparents, 21, 72, 95, 112–21, 147, 171, 177–78, 217–18
competitive feelings in, 115–119
replacement of parent by, 113–115
Stossel, John, 41
striking while the iron is cold, technique of, 52–54, 206–7, 212, 218
stripping, 138–39, 148
suggestions and innuendos, 169–72, 180, 193, 198, 229
support groups, 295
Table for Five, 233
tamper-resistant programming
(shutdown messages), 196–97, 198, 206
television, 231–233
Terms of Endearment, 232
therapists, 26, 54, 63, 64, 118, 127, 206, 212, 223–24, 242–78, 279, 280
abuse and, 45, 244, 252
court-appointed, 253, 259–62; see also custody evaluators
farewell letters reviewed by, 286
function of, 243–44
letting go advised by, 284
manipulative behavior interrupted by, 244
misguided opinions of, 71, 126, 148, 157, 200, 231, 250, 251
selection of, 84, 249–255
single vs. multiple, 262–65
sources for, 249–50
special skills needed by, 249, 250, 251, 268
trivial complaints accepted by, 36–37
undesirable biases in, 251–52, 263–64, 269
therapy, 127, 242–72
absence of confidentiality in, 258
alienated children in, 246–47
alienated parent in, 245–46
alienating parent in, 84, 244–45
indications for, 242–43
joint, 84, 223–24, 248, 259, 263, 264–65
patient’s role in, 247–49
therapy, court-ordered, 253–65, 279–80
absence of confidentiality in, 258
communication between judge and therapist in, 259–62, 263, 265
custody litigation and, 257, 258
failure to comply with, 256–57
go-between professional appointed for, 260–61, 262
provisions of, 255–56
third parties, 205–6, 222, 285
adult child’s in-laws as, 289, 291
custody evaluators and, 267
as exemplars of positive treatment, 46–47, 208, 210
improved parenting recommended by, 234
reconnection aided by, 207–10, 276–77
reminiscence of past good times with, 215
transitional placement with, 276–78
total change theory, 168
transitional placement, 276–78
“truth, the,” 185–86, 198
two-steps-removed technique, 204–5
united front, parental, 4–8
constructive criticism vs., 5, 7–8, 9–10
unresolved relationships, 290–91
vacations, 217–18
videotapes, 215–16
of abuse evaluations, 46
of formal expression of farewell, 246, 286, 294
of last meeting, 284
Visher, Emily, 116
Visher, John, 116
webcams, 66, 133
websites, 288
of author, iii, 26, 128, 232, 234, 255, 279, 286, 295, 303, 307
Zervopoulos, John, 239