Sometimes stress is caused by exaggerated worries that lend themselves well to realistic thinking and prediction testing. But sometimes you have problems that are not exaggerated; they are difficult, and you really cannot think of a solution. Problems like these, for which the right course of action is not always clear, can greatly increase your stress. You may find yourself lying awake at night thinking about these problems, or having trouble concentrating at work because of all the issues on your mind.
You need a way to deal with these problems. The following technique should help when you have trouble thinking of a solution to a problem. The technique is very simple and makes common sense. It is also effective.
Basically, it is an extension of realistic thinking, which you are already good at. The technique addresses the two things that happen when you face a difficult problem: you feel too overwhelmed to define the problem clearly, and you feel that no possible solution exists. Let’s look at these two issues separately.
It is difficult to believe at first, but even when you are feeling so overwhelmed by a problem that you seem to think about nothing else, you may not be seeing the problem clearly. People tend to think of their problems in very broad, vague ways that assume the worst. So your first task will be to think through the specific, objective details of the problem. In other words, ask yourself, “What exactly is the problem here?” As usual, writing out your thoughts can help you organize them.
The Problem Solving Record on page 109 may be helpful to you in writing out your thoughts. In the first column, write exactly what the problem is. This may take some thought. You want specific details, not vague descriptions. And you want the actual, objective problem, not your feelings about it.
Let’s say, for example, that you are having trouble with employees who are not showing up regularly for work. You could write, “Employees not showing up for work,” but that is vague. You could write, “Stupid employees care nothing about their jobs,” but that, obviously, is a bit emotional! It is also catastrophizing, or assuming the worst possible motive. Instead, a good practical description of the problem might read like this: “Two employees (Mark and Jan) did not come in to work two days this week.”
Problems are not always what they seem on the surface. But you cannot solve them until you find out what they really are. In other words, you must find the cause or root of the problem. For example, if your child is not doing well in school, there could be any number of solutions, depending on what is causing the problem. In this case, defining the problem as “My son is not doing well at school” would not be nearly as useful as stating, “My son’s school is not teaching properly” or “My son is not interested in schoolwork.”
Defining the problem specifically is critical in helping you find a solution. Take some time to think about what is really at the root of the problem. Sometimes you can think and think and still not know the cause of a problem. Then that becomes your problem, and you can apply the problem-solving technique to this issue first. In other words, in the problem column you could write, “Not knowing why my son is doing poorly at school.” When you move on to the next step of the technique, coming up with solutions, all your solutions will be aimed at trying to find out why your son is not doing well. Once you know that, you can work on a solution to that problem.
Just as people often have trouble defining a problem, they also have trouble believing that any solution to the problem exists. But in fact, nearly every problem has a solution; sometimes it is just hard to think of it. This is when you can try “brainstorming.” Brainstorming means letting your mind go and writing down every possible solution to the problem, no matter how impractical or ridiculous it sounds. The idea is simply to get your mind working. When you do, you may happen upon a solution that never would have occurred to you otherwise. Therefore, anything you think of, no matter how dumb it sounds, can help by leading you to another possibility.
Let’s say, for example, that your problem is that your neighbor’s dog is keeping you awake at night by barking. After writing that problem in the first column of the form, you proceed to the second column and brainstorm these ideas: talking to your neighbors, asking them to sell the dog, asking them to keep the dog inside at night, and poisoning the dog. We hope you would not seriously consider poisoning the dog! But writing down this idea helps you vent your frustrations and may lead you to another idea, such as calling the police. Once you have written down every possible solution you can think of, decide which ones are practical (poisoning the dog may be possible, but it certainly is not responsible!). Then rank them.
As a second example, think of the situation we discussed before in which your two employees did not turn up to work on two days. Obviously the first step here is to find out why. Let’s say that you found out that there is no legitimate reason, and so you are wondering about their commitment. You might then brainstorm the following possible solutions: explain to them the importance of being on time, let it go, beat them up, fire them, or give them a last chance with a clear ultimatum. Clearly, when you look over this list, you would decide that the third solution is not practical, and you might also decide that the second one is not helpful for your business. So, this leaves you with three possibilities.
The last step is to consider each possible solution and to decide which is most likely to give you the answer you want. In many cases, there could be more than one way to solve your problem. In this case, you need to think through the pros and cons of each alternative and then rank order the possible solutions from the best to worst. Sometimes it is useful to use your realistic thinking skills to help rank the solutions. For example, you could ask yourself, “How likely is this solution to work?” and “If it does not work, what could the consequences be?”
For example, your problem may be that your car is having mechanical trouble. One solution would be to buy a new car. The probability that this solution would work is 100 percent. The consequences would include the high cost, the great amount of time it would take, and so on. Another solution would be to have the car repaired. The probability that this solution would work may be only 80 percent. But the consequences might include this solution being less expensive and relatively quick. Listing probabilities and consequences can make it easier for you to decide which solution you prefer to try first.
Returning to our employee example, you may decide that simply talking to your employees has the least unpleasant consequences, but is also the least likely to work. On the other hand, firing your employees would have the worst consequences (you would lose two employees who know the business and you would have to go through the hassle of advertising for their replacements, recruiting, and so on). Therefore, you may decide that the option of giving them an ultimatum is the best for everyone, and this would be your first choice. However, you might then keep the firing option as your second choice if the first one does not work.
The list in the last column now becomes your plan of action. First, you will try the solution that seems best. If that does not work, or cannot be accomplished for some reason, you can move on to the next solution on the list. You should also continue to apply your realistic thinking techniques to the problem, even after you have listed the potential solutions. Sometimes when you ask yourself, “What is the worst that can happen if this problem is not resolved?” you will be surprised at how nonthreatening the answer is. Here are two cases to illustrate the technique.
Erik’s doctor had told him many times that he needed to lose weight. Although he had been aware of this problem for some time, Erik had never managed to arrive at a solution. He had started thinking of himself as “undisciplined” and “lazy.” These thoughts made him feel unhappy and therefore even less capable of tackling the problem.
Rather than engaging with these judgmental and unhelpful explanations, we encouraged Erik to try some structured problem solving. His first task was to define the problem, which he stated as, “I’m fat.” This was a very general and subjective description, so we encouraged him to be more specific. Erik then stated, “I am 25 pounds over my healthiest weight.” We then asked Erik about his understanding of the problem. Had his doctor discussed with him some of the causes of excess weight gain? Yes, she had. Erik understood that the most likely reasons for his current weight were his frequent consumption of high-calorie take-out food, and his lack of regular exercise. We suggested that he approach each of these causes as separate problems, and to choose one to work on first. Erik chose exercise, and thus came to his final, and most exact, description of the problem: “I don’t have a realistic exercise routine.”
The next step was for Erik to brainstorm a list of possible solutions. We encouraged him to keep an open mind and to write down all the ideas he thought of, regardless of whether they seemed workable or not. With this approach, Erik was able to write down several possible solutions, including joining a gym, getting a personal trainer, walking to work, joining a soccer team, walking with a friend on the weekends, jogging in the mornings, and asking his doctor for suggestions. Erik then reviewed these options in turn and considered the pros and cons of each one.
Erik’s Problem Solving Record
Finally, Erik designed an action plan comprising his most practical solutions. Although he acknowledged that the problem would take time to resolve, Erik reported feeling much more positive and in control. Taking a structured problem solving approach allowed Erik to see solutions to a problem that he had previously dismissed as too difficult to address.
Anne and her family had been under financial strain since her husband was laid off from his job the year before. Although they had managed by cutting down expenses, Anne was now dismayed to learn that their car needed expensive repairs. Normally, a discovery like this would cause Anne many sleepless nights of worry. This time, however, Anne decided to take a problem solving approach and face her worries head-on. You can see Anne’s problem solving record below.
Anne’s Problem Solving Record
Anne was surprised to notice how much better she felt after sitting down and completing this process. Normally, her worries seemed to cycle around and around, without ever reaching a clear solution. This time, however, Anne was able to come up with a plan that seemed both practical and effective. She still longed for the day that her family would have a better income, but her stress level was significantly reduced.
Try this technique with a problem that has been bothering you lately using the Problem Solving Record. Follow all four steps:
Identify the problem—be specific and consider the root or cause.
Brainstorm solutions.
Consider the pros and cons.
Plan action.
Try out the first solution on your list, and evaluate the results. If you are not satisfied, go on to the next solution.
No pressing problems this week? You may still want to practice this technique, either by using your imagination and inventing a problem, by following one of the examples in this chapter, or by applying problem solving to an issue you resolved successfully in the past. Considering other solutions to a problem you have already solved can help you increase your flexibility for the future.
Keep filling in your
Daily Stress Record
Progress Chart
Daily Planner
Prediction Testing Record
• Changing your environment to reduce your stress often involves finding solutions to very real and difficult problems. In this step we discovered that the first step to solving these problems is to identify the exact problem.
• Once a problem has been clearly identified, brainstorming possible solutions can help to identify answers that are logical and practical.
• Listing the possible solutions, in their order of priority, can then lead to a plan of action for solving the problem.
