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When you read my bio in the back of this book and see my career accomplishments, you might think I no longer have depression and that must be why I can write and work successfully. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I still live with depression. However, the key is that I’ve learned to work through my depression, instead of letting my depression rob me of my ability to work or otherwise get things done. In reality, I can only work about half the time other people work. I can’t do a 9-to-5 job, and I get worn out if I spend too much time focusing on a large project. As a result, I have had to learn to be much more productive when I work.
I have had to teach myself certain strategies, which I outline for you in the following pages, for working through my depression enough to function and enough to get things done even when I’m depressed. Once I freed myself from the limitations of depression, I was able to create a system that works for me. Depression may take over my mind, but it doesn’t have to take over my actions. I have a lot of tough days and I would love to have depression out of my life permanently, but until then, I’ll continue to use the strategies in this book to get things done.
Getting things done forms the basis of your daily life. You constantly have to take care of yourself and others (family, friends, and pets), work, eat, drive, create, collaborate, meet deadlines, make decisions, give and receive love, tend to your health, manage your money, and so very much more. And all this takes energy. But depression robs you of this energy—and along with it, depression often strips away the hope and belief that you’ll ever get it back. That’s why it’s so essential that you have a plan in place for getting things done despite your down mood. I’ve been there; I know what you’re going through. And the good news is that I have a plan that will help you.
As impossible as it sounds and no matter how depressed you are, you can create a plan to get things done when you’re depressed. It isn’t easy and it takes time to create your own system, but it’s worth it when you can get into bed at night and feel good about yourself and what you’ve accomplished. When you think of your options—getting things done versus quitting jobs, rarely finishing projects, always feeling guilty and sad, and in general, not believing in your own abilities—the choice is clear. You want to get things done. The strategies in this book help you do just that.
Before you get started with the strategies in this book, it helps to explore a few areas to really uncover the role depression plays (and has played) in your life. Life has a way of getting away from you when you’re depressed. By realistically examining your past, you can have a better idea of what you want for your future.
First, think about what happens when you, don’t get things done. Which of the following problems have you experienced because of depression?
Now, think about what others say to you. Put a check next to the comments that sound familiar:
Perhaps most important when you struggle with depression—we can sometimes be our own harshest critics—think about what you say to yourself. Put a check next to the following things that you’ve thought or said:
The effects of depression can seem endless. They can affect your life in every area and make you feel that things will never get better. And unfortunately, some people don’t see depression as an illness and can say hurtful things. But the main problem is how you treat yourself. When depression takes over and you say the same hurtful things to yourself as others say to you, it’s difficult to get better. When you start getting things done, that negative self-talk can turn into more positive talk, and that’s just what you need.
Most of us have to work to earn a paycheck to support ourselves and our families. But working is only part of what you have to do during the day, and working is only one of the many tasks that might feel utterly impossible to accomplish when you’re depressed.
The saying, “Start where you are” is very useful here. For some people, getting things done really does mean getting out of bed in the morning and at least going through the motions of the day. For others, getting things done may be finishing work projects or studying for an exam. You just have to get started doing something. Chances are that something will lead to something else and so on, and before you know it, you’ll have a few things checked off your to-do list.
Picture this scenario: Your partner walks into your room and sees you lying in bed, crying. He walks up to you and puts his hand on your head.
“You’re burning up!” he says. Then he hears you cough. “Oh no! That sounds terrible. And you just told me you can’t breathe very well. You need to go to the doctor.”
“No, I’m not that bad,” you say. “I just need to rest and get better.”
“What are you talking about? This is dangerous! You might have pneumonia. I’m taking you to the doctor right now.”
Now picture this scenario: Your partner walks into your room and sees you lying in bed, crying.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. “Why are you still in bed? It’s so dark in here! You really need to get up and do something. You’ve missed work three days this week!”
You start to cry and say, “I just can’t seem to get better. I don’t want to live like this anymore.”
“I don’t know how to help you,” he says, scared and/or frustrated. “I don’t know what you need. You just need to get up, so you can get better!”
You continue to lie there, filled with despair because you don’t have the energy or the desire to get up. He walks out of the room …
Even though it’s often not seen this way, depression is a physiological illness that needs to be treated as compassionately and as successfully as any physical illness. No matter whether your depression is the result of a certain recent event or if your depression has been around for years, the fact is that your brain is not functioning correctly because of changes in brain chemicals. You need to do all you can to get better, just as you would if you had pneumonia or some other physical illness.
We continually introduce new technology into our lives with a few regulations and no training on how to use technology in a healthy way. The result has been an explosion of many wonderful opportunities, but at the same time, there are many situations and circumstances where technology is detrimental to mental health. Just think of visiting any comments section, and you can see the positives and the negatives very quickly. The goal of the social media section is to help you determine what works for you around social media and what you might want to change in order to reach your goals.
You already know you’re depressed, and you’re probably trying to get better in a variety of ways, but what do you do while you’re trying and the depression is still around? You take action. That’s what this book is about—taking action—and that’s what the strategies in this book help you do. The strategies help with work, home life, school, and relationships, and they enable you to take action, even when that feels impossible. When you take action and fight back, you can get things done—you just need tools that are stronger than depression.
There’s a person without depression inside you. This is the real you, the you outside the illness. The strategies in this book teach you to override depression so you can act like the real you, the person who can get things done. This is never easy because the illness may have dictated your behavior for many years, but change—and sometimes extreme change—is possible.
It’s never easy to explain depression to someone who is not inside your head. It’s not easy to explain why you’re having a hard time or why you need help getting things done. In fact, talking about depression can be very embarrassing. For many people, there is a lot of shame, weariness, and tiredness in just having to explain yourself so many times. The script section offers you time tested scripts on what to say to someone around a particular strategy. You can use them when you’re stable to remind yourself and others what life is like when the depression arrives. And you can use them when you’re depressed, if your own words don’t come easily.
You can put your own situation into the script, but it’s highly suggested that you keep the general wording of the script and the order of the sentences the same. They are crafted to end the defensiveness that often occurs in the listener when you try to explain depression. They are also written to show that even in the midst of behaviors you might not like in yourself, you’re still aware that you need help. This is often what the other person wants and needs to hear in order to help you.
Use these scripts when you don’t know what to say. You can even hand this book to someone and say, “This is me right now.” You might find that the script in one strategy works better for a different strategy. Scripts allow you to break through the depression barrier and get help without actually having to come up with the words!
The stories in this book represent the personal histories of people with depression, as told to the authors of this book. The names and some details such as gender and profession have been changed to protect the teller’s privacy. In some instances, what’s printed is a composite of stories told by more than one person.
The “My Story” features have not been changed. Julie is very open about her own depression and the many mistakes she has made while learning to manage this illness successfully.
A Note of Respect to the Reader
Depression affects people from all walks of life. How you were raised, your spiritual beliefs, your current economic situation and where you are in terms of sexual orientation all deeply affect how you search for help while depression has a hold on your life. Please know that all people are respected here. Each strategy in this book can be modified to work for you. None of the strategies are meant to exclude you from any process. While some might not be possible at this time because of your current situation, please keep them in mind for when they might be helpful. You are deeply respected as an individual who has depression.
A Final Note
Getting It Done When You’re Depressed is about depression management. It can be used as a companion to any other professional and personal treatments you’re currently using. The goal is to use the strategies whenever possible in order to reduce the amount of depression you experience overall. There’s something about being productive while depressed that eventually lessens depression. For some, it may go away completely. But for those like Julie, whose depression treatment is ongoing, or for those who have not yet responded to other treatments, this book can be used as an integral part of an overall treatment strategy.
Getting things done is one of the best ways to feel better about yourself, which is automatically an antidote to depression. When you can go to bed feeling better than when you woke up, that’s an accomplishment you can be proud of.