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14

Feel the Depression … and Do It Anyway

It’s natural that you want to work on getting rid of your depression. That’s often the main focus of your days when you’re sick. You know you have to get better, and you don’t want to be depressed for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, whatever you’re currently doing to get better might not be progressing the way you want it to. And while you’re working on this plan, you still have to get on with your work. That means you have to feel the depression … and do it anyway. You might just have to let the depression sit there instead of fighting it.

Waking Up Depressed

Waking up gloomy, guilty, sad, irritated, or uneasy in general is a tough way to start the day. It’s easy to give in to those feelings the minute you get out of bed. And there’s a chance that the depression will stay with you all day.

But believe it or not, you don’t have to waste these days, even the really tough ones. After all, if you only get in a few hours of work, that’s better than nothing. When you’re depressed, you’re in a fog, but you can still drive. You might be crying, but you can still fix dinner or go have coffee with a friend. When you get things done despite the depression, you can feel a real sense of accomplishment.

Are you experiencing any of these normal signs of depression?

• Depression makes you feel like you’re carrying a heavy weight.

• Depression follows you around and talks to you.
• Depression takes away your pleasure and makes you cry.
• Depression makes you feel hopeless, gloomy, and sad.
• Depression makes you doubt everything you do.
• Depression creates a feeling of being worn out, frazzled, and irritated.

The list is endless. But the reality is that you can feel all these things and still do what you have to do anyway. You can feel so sick you don’t think you can get out of the bed, but you can. Working when you’re depressed is harder and sadder than working when you’re well, but it’s important that you focus on the outcome and how you want to feel when you get to bed. When you can acknowledge to yourself, “I did what I could today despite feeling so sick,” you take control—perhaps more control than you thought possible.

Ellen’s Story

Getting things done has many levels. It’s not always about work. Because I have depression, sometimes that simply means a day is going to be hard—sometimes impossibly hard. I just deal with it all—the thoughts, the feeling of heavy doom, and the sadness. All of it gets in the way of my productivity, and it would do this forever if I let it. My depression is chronic, and unless a miracle happens (that would be nice!), I will deal with it in the future.

On many, many days I’m depressed all day. And it’s definitely true that some days I don’t and can’t get things done. But these days are fewer now. I have taught myself that I can do the work anyway, no matter how depressed I am. And if I do have a day when it’s truly impossible to get things done, I remind myself, “Ellen, it’s an illness. It can be better tomorrow.” I’m a teacher, and when I need it, I try to get as much energy from my students as I can.

My Story

I wrote all my books—all of them, including this one—while I was battling depression. Sometimes, I had to write when I was seriously depressed and even suicidal. I had to. What were my options? Twenty more years of not really getting anything done? Twenty more years of starting a project and quitting before I was even halfway through? I’d had enough of that.

I no longer let depression be the reason I don’t get things done. Some days are certainly tougher than others, but I can honestly say that in the past few years, I’ve managed to stay out of bed during the day. (As small as that sounds, for those of us who spent what seems like years lying in bed, this is a big accomplishment!) I’ve gotten so good at this technique that people often say, “But you don’t seem depressed at all!” I consider this my greatest achievement. My depression is the same as always, but what I get done is 100 percent better.

What I do now:

• I still have days when nothing gets done, but I also know that these days make me feel terrible. So, as much as possible, I make myself work, even when it feels impossible. I always have to remind myself that there has never been a situation where I felt better if I didn’t get something done.
• There are many days I want to substitute mindless behavior for actual work, but I’ve learned that the feeling I get after getting something done is often far superior to scrolling social media or doing some other pointless task all day.
• I have some days when I have trouble focusing my thoughts because of depression. I just have to feel this, accept it, and move on. On these days, I try to keep away from busy work such as paying bills and focus on my writing.

Social Media and Technology

Ah, that dead feeling of no emotions and yet you still feel dread. These are the times when your fingers swiping at a screen, holding a controller, or tapping a keyboard in the dark are your only movements. You know this is not the answer. You know the depression has made you robotic and almost motionless. You have tasks to do—daily behaviors that keep life going, such as hygiene, talking with loved ones, going to work, being in nature, and doing what you love. How on earth does depression make those actions unappealing, yet somehow make the much less nurturing actions of being online seem like a solution? What is happening here? When you feel the depression and take action, the depression meter moves a bit closer to stability. The depression might still be there, but at least you’re doing something productive that you can be proud of! You are moving forward, even when it feels impossible and the result is something you can show someone, such as putting out the garbage, interacting with a human, taking a pet for a walk, or getting a project done at work. Progress. Put down the screen if it’s keeping you stuck in depression. Movement creates more movement. Knowing that action is possible—even when you feel the depression in every ounce of your body—changes how you approach the world.

Script

I hope it helps to know that inside, I desperately want to get things done. But when I’m depressed, I keep waiting for the feeling that people call “motivation” to show up, and it never does. If you see the depression taking over, there is something simple you can do to help. Say this: “You asked me to remind you that when the depression is strong, you will NOT feel like doing anything. You will wait and wait for that motivated feeling, and it won’t arrive. Instead of waiting for the feeling, you can create it in the future by taking action.” I’m teaching myself that getting things done will never feel good when I’m depressed, but I will always feel better if I start a project. And wow, I will fell amazing if I finish it!

Exercise

What depression symptoms make it difficult for you to get things done? Write them down here:

 

 

 

 

Memorize this list. Write it down and carry it with you if you need to, and recall it on the days when having a normal life seems impossible. By knowing this list, you can actually compare your current thoughts with those of the past to realistically remind yourself that you always feel this way when you’re depressed and that you can get things done.

ASK DR. PRESTON

Question

Why are some people able to work and get on with life despite being very depressed?

Answer

Clearly, some people struggle with enormous amounts of depression and yet keep functioning. Take Abraham Lincoln, for example. Some people are able to transcend their own suffering. This seems to be what he did; the need to lead his country outweighed his frequent urge to die. Find a purpose that engages your body and mind, like Lincoln did for his country. You might be surprised how very much that helps.

Life Goes on, Even with Depression

Another note from Julie:

Feeling the depression and doing it anyway changed my life. I keep trying to work through my depression because I want to reach my dreams. There’s nothing I won’t do to stay alive. I want to see my nephew grow up. I want to feel romantic love. I want to travel and maybe go to school like a normal person. I have dreams despite being depressed most of the time. Getting things done, no matter how hard it is or how terrible I feel, comes from an inner strength we all have. Maybe you’ll cry all through the day, but you have it in you to keep going. You just have to tap into that strength by sheer determination.

Here are some other thoughts to consider:

• Depression, like many other disabilities, might be a regular presence in your life, but it doesn’t define who you are or what you can accomplish while you search for better treatment of the symptoms.

• When depression makes you hopeless, do something you know will give you hope—even if it’s just a sliver of hope.
• When you wake up depressed, say to yourself, “Darn it, I’m depressed again, but just as if I had a broken leg in a cast, I will get up and get on with my day.”
• Expect to cry, feel terrible, be less productive, and feel like quitting … and then do what you have to do anyway.
• Whether you have chronic depression or periodic depression, you will have days when you have to get things done no matter how you feel. It might help to think of Abraham Lincoln. He’s proof that it is possible, despite feeling very depressed, that you can do what you have to do.

Remember: Feel the depression and do it anyway, so you can at least wake up the next day knowing you accomplished something under very difficult circumstances. You absolutely can get things done, even when you’re depressed.