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A depressed brain constantly tells you what you’re doing wrong, which is one of the main reasons you can’t get things done when you’re depressed. The tug-of-war struggle between what you want and need to do versus what depression is telling you to do can take away all your energy. With no energy, you don’t get anything done. You then feel terrible for not getting anything done … and the cycle starts all over again.
Depression’s negative chatter can be very, very persuasive. It’s hard to maintain who you are when you hear a barrage of negative self-talk all day long. But you don’t have to listen. Confront the thoughts depression gives you, and show depression who’s boss.
You’d probably never let a real person talk to you the way depression talks to you. You would fight back; you’d say, “Leave me alone!” or “You’re hurting me!” No matter what personality you have when faced with adversaries, remember that depression can so completely take over your thoughts that you’re no longer able to function at work or at home. This is especially true if you believe what the thoughts tell you.
Talking back to depression gives you the power. It can snap you back to reality and help you stay in the moment instead of letting depression lead you on a path through your “miserable” past and “hopeless” future.
Why do you need to talk back to depression?
There’s no question that depression can be very mean. You can counteract this by saying “no” and then being good to yourself.
Mary’s Story
I’ve been depressed for my entire adult life. I’ve felt like a failure for years. Whenever I’d try to do something, I’d get flooded by negative words and feelings. “You can’t do this. You’re crazy. You’ll never get anything done.” I felt a terrible feeling of doom. I got overwhelmed, and it really did just seem easier to sit and do nothing. Then the day would pass without accomplishing anything, and I was more miserable than when I sat down. It’s like someone was abusing me, and I just sat there and took it. “There’s no point in living like this. Your life gives you no pleasure. There’s no point in going on today.”
Finally I just couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t have a job or any money. I was always sick. One day, I told my depressed thoughts to just shut-up. I said, “Shut-up! I won’t listen.” I got up from the chair, and I changed. It took more than a year to learn to see these thoughts for what they were and fight back, but now I don’t let depression tell me what to do. I still hear what it says, but I don’t have to believe it anymore. I just say, “Shut-up!”
My Story
I will never let depression take over my life like it did for more than 20 years. I’m in control now, and I remind depression of that all the time. I often see depression like a monster at my door. Sometimes, I can make it leave by saying, “No, you are not welcome here!” At other times, it gets in the door and it’s harder to deal with, but I never stop talking to it. “Leave me alone. You aren’t real. Don’t say those things because they aren’t true. This isn’t the real me. I will work today. I will not listen to you.” It’s very tiring, and sometimes I have to do this all day, but I’m often able to kick it out the door.
What I do now:
Social Media and Technology
Just as you can talk to depression, you can also talk out loud to screen behavior that has you mesmerized. When you realize you’ve been in a daze and the time has gone by with nothing to show for it, talk out loud to your real self—the non-depressed self that doesn’t want to lose another minute to mindless scrolling. Tell yourself to get off the screen, to put it down, and to set yourself free. See it for the temptation it is. Fight it. Talk to it. Be vocal with what you need, and don’t be embarrassed. Say out loud that technology does not control you! Being vocal is an action that can break through the hold depression has on your brain. Talk to the device that has you in its thrall. Let the real you be in control by speaking out loud, and then get off the chair, couch, or bed that encloses while you scroll, click, or tap away. Fight it. Tell it “NO!” Use the energy you have inside you—even when you’re depressed--and kick that screen to the curb.
Script
I would like to share with you what I plan to say to myself when I can’t stop using technology:
“I’m not going to spend all day scrolling and looking at the lives of others. I will not watch someone else living life, while I sit in my room all day. This is so painful! Depression has its hooks in me, and I want to be free! Let me go! I don’t want to be enslaved to a device or game. Please listen to me, brain. Let me go! Free me! I’m going to put this device down now. Depression, you are somehow rewarded by looking at all of this awful stuff. You are being fed by this endless stream of mindless content. I’m not giving into this for another moment! Even if I have to say this to myself 50 times in a row, you will not win today. I will get outside! I will do something productive with my hands and my body! I will let my eyes see nature. Depression, you will not keep me glued to something that only makes me worse! Hear my impassioned plea! Let me be!”
I know this sounds a bit dramatic, but I am going to say this to myself. Please remind me to talk back to depression.
Exercise
Imagine yourself on a playground. You are minding your business when a bully starts yelling at you and pushing you around. The bully says things you know aren’t true, but those things still hurt. You might feel angry, shocked, worried, or scared, but you feel helpless in the face of the attack. You wonder, “Why is this person doing this to me? I haven’t done anything to them! And the things they’re saying aren’t really true!”
When you’re faced with this attack, you have two options. You can run away with the knowledge that the bully will probably follow because he or she likes the smell of fear. Or you can stand firm, look the bully in the face, and say, “You don’t scare me. These things are not true. I will not listen to you!”
Bullies are rarely the strong ones. Like depression, they attack for no real reason and keep attacking until something talks back. Depression is your bully. Talk back to depression tell it you are not scared and that it needs to leave you alone.
The next time depression bullies you, what are you going to say? Write it here:
ASK DR. PRESTON
Question
Why are depressive thoughts so mean?
Answer
Many people who experience depression have a critical inner voice. If this is from a childhood filled with criticism from adults or bullying at school, the child might come to believe, on a deep level, that he or she is bad, worthless, ashamed, or undeserving of love. These chronic feelings of low self-esteem and worthlessness almost always become intensified during bouts of depression. Then there is chemical, genetic depression that simply comes with the symptom of mean thoughts that are often self-directed, even if a person is comfortable with themself when the depression is not around.
Talking back to depression helps you realize that the thoughts you have are not real and you can counteract them with your real thoughts. When you learn to recognize the depression thoughts, you can say “no” to them and move on with your day. And when they keep coming at you, just keep saying “no!”
Here’s what you can say when depression is being a bully:
Here are some other thoughts to consider:
Remember: Talking back to depression might seem a bit odd. It’s like talking to the air or to yourself, but who cares, as long as it works?