g Contents
It’s much easier to get things done than worry about not getting things done. This might sound very simplistic, but the absolutely best way to get out of an “I-can’t-do-anything” mood is simply to do something. Thinking and stressing about all you’re not getting done takes a lot more energy than getting up and just doing the dishes, creating a presentation, or taking a walk.
Right now, make a deal with yourself that you’ll do what you need to do today so, right now, make a deal with yourself that you will remember what it feels like when the depressed brain starts to worry before a task or project even begins. You can remind yourself that you don’t let depression do the thinking for you. You control what your brain thinks.
The depressed brain will always tell you that it takes much longer to do something than it actually does. It’s always off-base. It can also make you dread something you know you have to do on a regular basis—even the smallest things, such as taking out the garbage. You think, “Oh no, I have to do it again. I hate this. I just can’t do this today.” You’re not only setting yourself up to avoid a project, but you’re also ensuring that the project will be difficult when you finally do get around to it.
The day you realize that it takes a lot less time to do something than to worry about it is the day you can increase your productivity by 100 percent.
What do you consistently put off in your life?
Think of the worry factor and then think about the time it actually takes to do something. Which choice is more constructive?
Arlene’s Story
Cleaning my house feels impossible when I’m depressed. Literally impossible. I don’t even want to walk into the kitchen. If someone asked me how long I thought it would take to clean my house, I would have said six or seven hours. Talk about distortion! Instead of facing this six or seven hours (I now know this estimate is way off), I would get more upset as my house got messier and messier. “Look at me,” I would think, “I can’t even keep my house clean.” It was way too overwhelming.
Then one day I couldn’t take it anymore, and I forced myself to walk into the kitchen and do one thing. It felt exhausting, but I felt better afterward. Then I had to sit down for a bit before I could get up and do one more thing. I realized that I can easily clean my entire house in two hours.
Cleaning my house can take longer on the days when I’m depressed. (Actually, on those days, I just do a little at a time, but at least the kitchen gets done.) And it hardly takes any time at all. I always feel better when I wake up to a clean house.
My Story
I’ve been depressed off and on for weeks (nothing new for me), and it’s very easy for me to think about writing this book, how I’m behind, how it will be a mess, how no one will like it, how it won’t help anyone, and that it’s too hard … Wait a minute!
Thinking this way takes a lot of energy with no reward. Sitting down and writing a paragraph takes little energy and actually has huge rewards—that paragraph.
What I do now:
Social Media and Technology
Worry creates avoidant behavior. Screens distract us from this worry—but for a price. The project never gets done and the worry then compounds and lasts much longer than the original project would ever require. If you spend 3 hours online instead of taking 20 minutes to clean the kitchen, your brain then reinforces the idea that it takes 3 hours to clean the kitchen! What a vicious cycle. Make a deal with yourself right now. Agree that screen time is not a panacea for worry. It just prolongs the worry and makes it harder to get things done. Taking the time needed to finish a nagging task is the answer, even when it hurts. Screen time only prolongs the inevitable. Remember this paragraph the next time depression tells you to avoid a small task. Feel the worry, put down the device, and do what you need to do to end the worry. It takes practice to remember this idea in the moment, but as you know, practice makes perfect.
Script
This might be the most frustrating thing for you in the world. You will see me use all my energy worrying, fretting, and being anxious about something that might take 10 minutes to do. I just ask that you understand that this is simply a symptom and not something I’m creating on my own. Remind me that all of the angst, worry, needless movement, and excessive talking about something being hard is a symptom that I need to fight. Remind me that I need to hear the worry and let it pass over me while I actually take action to get something done. It will hurt, and it might be scary, but I will feel better after. You can say, “When you’re depressed, your brain is going to worry about everything you do. Feel it. Observe it and do the project anyway. You might have worried thoughts the whole time. You can learn to ignore them. Going to a movie with somebody will still be the same regardless of whether you’re worried. Going to work regardless of whether you’re worried will still be the same. Let’s not focus on the worry. Let’s take action to end the depression, which will then end the worry.” This helps me get perspective. I also have to remind myself that worry is often anxiety, and I need to breathe while I’m doing the task.
Exercise
What projects consistently cause worry that is worse than the project itself? Focus on one project and then do the following:
For example, here’s one of mine:
Answering e-mail: I really hate keeping up with my e-mail. It never seems to stop, and it takes up so much of my day. I’ve been putting off answering my e-mail for weeks now, and I feel terrible. I think it will take me at least four to five hours to get caught up. I have hundreds of e-mails. I hate thinking about this all the time. I feel overwhelmed. My e-mail feels like a monster in my computer.
Now for the reality: Actually, I can get all my e-mail done in less than an hour per day. The problem is when I put it off for days and then I can’t sleep and feel stupid and depressed. I feel so much better when I see the clean inbox—so much better!
When you know you have a tendency to worry more about projects than actually doing them, you can look for this behavior every time something feels difficult and the worrying starts.
ASK DR. PRESTON
Question
Why do depressed people take more time worrying about a project than the project would take to do?
Answer
People who are depressed are often plagued with self-doubt. They lack the confidence that they’ll be able to be effective in whatever tasks they take on, and they predict failure in all they do. Anticipation of failure or the belief that their efforts will be in vain can lead to procrastination. Procrastination then fuels the fires of low self-esteem, and it all becomes a vicious cycle. It makes sense that a depressed person puts off something they’ve estimated to take much more time than it really does. The fact that depression can also result in very low energy also adds to the problem.
When you’re worried and thinking way too much about not getting things done, ask yourself realistically how long a project will take, and then think of the time you’ve spent worrying about it. Now, think about how you’ll feel when you get it done and especially how accomplished you’ll feel when you go to bed at night. This should make your choice of what to do a lot clearer.
Did you know …
Remember: The time spent worrying about what you have to do simply doesn’t equal the time it takes to do the project. Save yourself some time and do the project.