Even if it took 3 hours and 23 minutes, the second your child falls asleep you will remember every little thing you love about her.
Even if she slapped you clean across the face as she was lowered into her bed, the love will burst out as soon as she shudders into slumber.
Then you will regret every harsh word, every deep sigh, and every hissed threat through clenched teeth. You will punish yourself for being a failure. Again. Your heart will ache with remorse about another day wasted, another day when your precious child didn’t get the best from you.
You will beat yourself up for all the things you did wrong but you won’t spare a thought for all the things you did right.
Like all the cuddles you gave, the kisses and ‘I love you’s. The dance party you threw when everyone was losing it that afternoon. The way you calmed down the seventeenth tantrum of the day with patience and love. Sure, the first sixteen didn’t go to plan, but you improved, right? You made the food, you cleaned the child and you were there, by her side, all day long—showing up, doing the slog, being the mum. Well done you.
And now, as your reward, you get to collapse on the couch, pour yourself a drink and watch TV/scroll Instagram while pretending to engage with your partner until you absolutely cannot keep your eyes open any longer because you’ve been ready for bed since 6 a.m. but you can’t waste even half an hour of child-free time at night. That would just be ungrateful.
Besides, getting into bed and closing your eyes is the international code for: ‘Wake up, Mummy is lying down, get into her bed now. Don’t forget, she loves it when you lie across her face.’