Preface
|
Part one: Pregnancy
|
| 1 |
Pregnancy is a whole-body condition
|
| 2 |
You create life
|
| 3 |
Baby brain is real
|
| 4 |
The rules of announcement
|
| 5 |
Opinions and advice: part 1
|
| 6 |
The great gender debate
|
| 7 |
The magic bump
|
| 8 |
You can’t eat things
|
| 9 |
Attacked from within
|
| 10 |
The full-time job of pregnancy
|
| 11 |
Naming your child
|
| 12 |
Don’t mess with the pregnant lady
|
| 13 |
You don’t have to love the baby yet
|
| 14 |
But you will (probably) like your baby, eventually
|
| 15 |
The horrible beautiful
|
| 16 |
It’s okay to be scared
|
| 17 |
Antenatal anxiety
|
| 18 |
Tired begins now
|
| 19 |
Oh, the plans
|
| 20 |
You’re not fat, you’re pregnant
|
| 21 |
Nesting
|
| 22 |
The nursery
|
| 23 |
The party to end all parties
|
| 24 |
The only way is out
|
| 25 |
It’s worth it
|
| 26 |
Your pregnancy bucket list
|
Part two: Newborn days
|
| 27 |
Just like the movies
|
| 28 |
‘The easy way out’
|
| 29 |
Now what?
|
| 30 |
Where is the love?
|
| 31 |
Your vagina is having a day
|
| 32 |
Boob on
|
| 33 |
Boob off
|
| 34 |
The birth of a mother
|
| 35 |
What even is motherhood?
|
| 36 |
Move aside please
|
| 37 |
Hospital life for the win
|
| 38 |
Going home (or WTF?)
|
| 39 |
The bubble
|
| 40 |
The darkest days
|
| 41 |
Wake up sleepyhead
|
| 42 |
So this is what tired feels like
|
| 43 |
What doesn’t kill you …
|
| 44 |
… Makes you stronger
|
| 45 |
Baby, you are why I’m here
|
| 46 |
The stink of motherhood
|
| 47 |
Guilt and worry
|
| 48 |
You’ll probably injure your child
|
| 49 |
Are you a special kind of moron?
|
| 50 |
Opinions and advice: part 2
|
| 51 |
Your rig has been rejigged
|
| 52 |
The textbook baby
|
| 53 |
Goodbye to the old you
|
| 54 |
24 hours with a newborn
|
Part three: Babyhood
|
| 55 |
Mum friends
|
| 56 |
Parenting is like running
|
| 57 |
The milestones
|
| 58 |
Things take forever now
|
| 59 |
But slowing down is good
|
| 60 |
Being a successful woman might not make you a successful mum
|
| 61 |
The manual exists
|
| 62 |
Being a mum is easy
|
| 63 |
Men can parent too?
|
| 64 |
The mental load
|
| 65 |
Husband rage
|
| 66 |
Baby weirdness
|
| 67 |
Babies sleep, right?
|
| 68 |
Nap-time enemies
|
| 69 |
Night-time momster
|
| 70 |
The night shift
|
| 71 |
Kids’ activities are boring
|
| 72 |
The harshest critics
|
| 73 |
Maternity leave goals
|
| 74 |
Let’s get physical
|
| 75 |
Warning: bad for your health
|
| 76 |
The laws of motherhood
|
| 77 |
The world versus mothers
|
| 78 |
Opinions and advice: part 3
|
| 79 |
When your baby is sick
|
| 80 |
This sucks
|
Part four: The toddler years
|
| 81 |
Toddlers are the worst
|
| 82 |
Yes, even your kid
|
| 83 |
And toddlers are the best
|
| 84 |
Moving children suck
|
| 85 |
Pick up/put down
|
| 86 |
You carry it
|
| 87 |
Reality is boring
|
| 88 |
Silence is deadly
|
| 89 |
Nudie rudies
|
| 90 |
All things on the floor
|
| 91 |
Kids say the darnedest things
|
| 92 |
Words that hurt
|
| 93 |
You’re my bess fwend
|
| 94 |
Controlling toddlers
|
| 95 |
Sugar and spice
|
| 96 |
Slugs and snails
|
| 97 |
Seeing the world for the first time
|
| 98 |
They just wanna be excited
|
| 99 |
And so you should travel with them
|
| 100 |
These are things you say now
|
| 101 |
Kids’ books and TV
|
| 102 |
From baby to actual person
|
| 103 |
Actual insanity
|
| 104 |
The rage of motherhood
|
| 105 |
I yelled today
|
| 106 |
Cherish every moment
|
| 107 |
That don’t impress me much
|
| 108 |
The displeased toddler
|
| 109 |
Lord of the flies
|
| 110 |
Toilet-training delights
|
| 111 |
The favourite parent
|
| 112 |
The too-fun mum
|
| 113 |
The witching hour(s)
|
| 114 |
I see you
|
| 115 |
Food haters
|
| 116 |
Bath time is wet
|
| 117 |
Is anyone sleeping yet?
|
| 118 |
And they’re asleep
|
| 119 |
The grief of motherhood
|
| 120 |
Now you are a mum
|
Part five: Beyond
|
Acknowledgements
|