The most joyous part of pregnancy is imagining what sort of parent you’re going to be and what sort of kid you’ll be raising. You’ll look around at other parents doing awful things like letting their kids watch iPads at cafes and feeding them hot chips, and you’ll smile at your partner, knowing you’ll never, ever do anything like that because you’ll be a GOOD parent.
That’s so cute. Keep doing that. There’s no need for your bubble to burst while the child is still inside. Make ALL the plans, you sweet little pickle. You won’t even remember them anyway, so I’m not going to stop you.
Here are some fun things you’ll tell yourself during pregnancy:
• I’ll still prioritise my relationship. We’ll do date nights when we don’t talk about the baby.
• I’ll still use my gym membership.
• My child will only eat homemade organic food. No sugar or junk food for my child.
• I will birth my child naturally and without pain relief.
• I’ll still be ‘me’, and I’ll make time to catch up with my girlfriends.
• My life won’t revolve around my baby. My baby will simply fit in with my life.
• I won’t spam people with baby photos.
• Babies don’t need a lot of stuff. We can just get the basics.
• The love we have for our baby will bring my partner and me closer together.
• I won’t be a yelling mum. I will have patience.
• I won’t be tired because I’ll sleep when the baby sleeps. Newborns sleep for sixteen hours a day! That’s plenty!
• I won’t talk about my baby 24/7. I will still think about world affairs and other people.
• I won’t let myself go. I will still wear make-up, jeans and heels every day.
• I will never think bad things about my child or wish they’d simply shut up for two minutes.
You might also have some grand plans for your child, like:
• My baby will sleep because I’ll set up a foolproof routine.
• My children will never be dirty or wear ugly, gaudy clothes.
• My children will eat everything I put in front of them because there will be no other options.
• My children won’t run the household. They will obey me.
• My children won’t watch any screens. Ever. Forever. The TV will never be a babysitter.
• My children won’t know how to get into my phone.
• My children will go to bed a bit later so we can all sleep in in the morning.
I’m not saying these things won’t happen—I’d never ruin your dreams like that! I’m just saying: good luck, lovely. I do hope you get your unicorn baby.