It. Gets. Better.
People don’t say this enough. They prefer to terrify mothers with the old, ‘Just you wait until *insert obnoxious behaviour here*’ any time you complain about your little one. They desperately want you to know you’ve got it easy and kids just become more and more horrible as they get older.
Listen to me: it gets better.
Other people will become far less interested in your kids; absolutely no one cares what your six year old is doing at school. Six year olds don’t impress everyone with their completely generic achievements.
But they’ll impress YOU. You will grow more and more proud of your incredible creation every day. You’ll be blown away with just how smart and insightful they are. Kids are crazy clever. They see things we don’t see, and they interpret life in such a beautiful way it’ll make you sad you ever grew up.
JUST YOU WAIT … Wait until your four year old turns around and tells you, unprompted, how beautiful you are. Or your five year old tells a complete stranger how funny his mummy is. Or your six year old sits there and ponders the meaning of life in such a profound way you pick up your phone to call MENSA because it’s clear you’ve raised a genius.
Yes, kids become more complicated—no question. The mental load of raising them gets heavier and heavier. Navigating their emotions, their sense of self, their self-confidence, their relationships with other people … it’s intense and hard for everyone.
But the grind eases. The physical toll lessens. They won’t need you every second of every day. You’ll be able to have your own time, your own space and your own thoughts. They’ll dress and feed themselves, they’ll find their own entertainment, you won’t need to watch them every minute. The rewards will outweigh the effort, by far.
Your child will still challenge you, and you’ll work harder than you’ve ever worked to help him through it. And then, one day, when you see him achieve something you didn’t dare dream would happen, the pride will flood your entire body until it leaks out of your eyes.
It might be something so minor that no one else even blinks an eye, but YOU’LL KNOW what it means. YOU’LL KNOW how many nights you lay awake fretting. YOU’LL KNOW what it took for him to do that tiny, insignificant thing and you will feel like it’s the greatest accomplishment of your life because you helped him do it.
That’s the kind of reward I’m talking about. And those little moments will happen more often than you think.
Yes, lots of it gets harder. Lots.
No one ever tells you the ache you’ll feel as you wave him goodbye at school; the pain drowning you as you walk away, because you’re leaving him to become his own person without you watching.
No one tells you the rage you’ll swallow when you see another kid say something awful to your baby, knowing you have to let her deal with it because, actually, she’s not a baby anymore.
No one tells you how shockingly hurtful your child can be to you. When they say awful things on purpose because they want to hurt your feelings, it’ll wound you more than you’ll know.
No one tells you how agonising it is to see your child struggle with something and not be able to fix it for him instantly. You’ll literally hurt with wanting to make it better.
No one tells you how ANGRY you’ll feel at the world—the pure, white-hot fury at how effed-up the whole planet is and how violently you want to fix it because your child needs to live here and it’s just not up to scratch.
No one tells you that all of this will change you. Over the years, you’ll realise you’re nothing like the person you were before you became a mum. It happened slowly. Like a cliff eroded by waves, you’ve been stripped back and shaped by the constant crashing of responsibility, love and worry.
But it’s okay. I think you’ll like the new you. She’ll be stronger and softer all at once; she’ll be motivated and focused like never before; she’ll be stressed and burnt-out. But she’d never go back.
Oh, Mumma, you’re in for such a ride. You won’t ever regret stepping on board.
Love Lauren xx
In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul.
—Unknown