‘I do it myself’ and ‘Why?’
Naturally, it’s hugely important to raise a confident and independent child with a healthy curiosity and love of learning. It’s just a shame it’s so bloody annoying.
‘I do it myself’ would be fine if toddlers could actually do what they say they’re going to do in a competent and timely manner.
But they cannot. And you simply cannot tell them otherwise.
‘I do it myself’ is ALWAYS pulled out when you’re in a hurry. ALWAYS. Grown women are brought to tears as they watch their two year old try to do up their own seatbelt, which everyone knows they absolutely will not achieve but if you lay a hand on that belt, the screaming that follows will cause permanent damage to your already fragile eardrums.
There is no compromise with a toddler. It’s their way or the highway. All you can do is sit by and try to convince them that you should do it. It could go a few ways:
1. She will win and will take 42 minutes to put her own shoes on.
2. She will relent and ask you to help—after 42 minutes of trying.
3. You will lose your patience, pick up your child and spike her into the car without her shoes on while the whole neighbour-hood peers through their curtains at that woman traumatising her child AGAIN.
None of these will make you feel like a winner. ‘I do it myself’ is a lose–lose situation for you until she actually can do it herself—and at that point in time she will lose any interest in doing anything at all for herself ever again.
And then there’s ‘Why?’
It’s a rite of passage for all small children to learn that if they keep saying ‘Why?’ over and over again until forever, you have to keep answering them. Even if you’re hissing, ‘I DON’T FECKING KNOOOOW’ it doesn’t matter, because ‘Why?’ is like the song that never ends. You don’t fecking knoooow, Mummy? WHY?
The extra fun part is when they ask questions that don’t even have an answer.
‘What is that, Mummy?’
‘Well, darling, that’s a tree.’
‘Why?’
‘What do you mean why? Why is it a tree? It just is.’
‘Why?’
‘Because some things just are, okay?’
‘Why?’
‘Because that’s how the world works.’
‘Why?’
‘I haven’t figured that out just yet, sweetheart.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m clearly an idiot.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I keep answering you!’
‘Why?’
‘I DON’T KNOW.’
‘Why?’
‘Please stop asking me why.’
‘Okay. Can I have a Milo please?’
‘Yes, darling, you can.’
‘Why?’
And then you throw an adult tantrum.