They’ll come from your family, your friends, strangers on the internet, old ladies at the shops, joggers in the park … literally anyone who lays eyes on you and your baby will want to tell you how you should be doing things.
Deep down, everyone believes a new mother is desperately clueless and in need of instruction. So they’ll offer it even when you’re coping just fine.
What this does is it makes a mother doubt herself. She starts ignoring her instincts and makes decisions based on what other people are telling her.
So whenever I hear a mum talking about her baby with that edge in her voice that tells everyone she’s about one quarter of a coffee away from spontaneous combustion, I can’t help but wonder if the problem she’s having is actually a problem or if it’s just something she thinks needs to be fixed because someone else said so.
Is the fact that baby Bobby falls asleep on your chest every night an actual problem for you or is it because of all the Barbaras out there tutting at your inability to put your kid down DROSWY BUT AWAKE?
Or is it goddamn Indigoh from mother’s group with her soul child Samryellia giving you side-eye about your baby’s bottle habit because darling Samryellia only drinks dew from the morning leaves so she keeps passing on articles from the Natural News about the deadly effects of cow’s milk?
Are you in a state because YOU want things to change or because you think you’re supposed to?
You know what Ethel would say? Ethel who’s 80 years old and raised seven kids single-handedly during the war with no washing machine and a husband who did six minutes of face time with the kids each day. Well she might give you advice on when to start your infant on brandy and how cracking skulls together is an effective discipline technique—BUT, she’d also say, SCREW EVERYONE ELSE. She never had to put up with the opinions of every arsehole in the country every time she fed her kids fried chicken for dinner. She just bloody got on with it and did WHAT WORKED FOR HER.
So if you think you’re supposed to be teaching your child to fall asleep alone while also mourning the feeling of that precious baby lying on your chest, SCREW EVERYONE ELSE. Nothing in this world feels better than a sleeping baby in your arms, so don’t worry about what everyone else says—do what works for you and what makes you happy. Unless you really genuinely want to change how you parent, stop listening to everyone else. They don’t have your child. Remember, it’s not a problem unless it’s a problem for YOU.
And then there’s the useless opinions of random strangers who’ll judge every move you make even though it has LESS THAN NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM.
It always comes in the form of ‘innocent questions’.
‘Is that okay for THE BABY?’ they implore, when they see you lifting a coffee to your lips.
‘Sure it’s great for the baby because it means I don’t fall down the stairs while holding him out of sheer exhaustion and my inability to keep my eyes open,’ you reply.
‘But what about your breast milk? Isn’t that caffeine getting through to THE BABY?’
‘I’m bottle-feeding.’
*Complete stranger drops dead from heartbreak*
People will care deeply that you’re out and about already because shouldn’t the baby be at home, away from all these germs?
Oh, but what about that mum who hasn’t even made it out of the house yet? She must be struggling big time.
Oh dear, look at that new mum, creeping around her house in silence like an idiot. Doesn’t she know babies love a bit of noise? It calms them!
Gah, why is that mother here at this loud play centre? It’s too noisy for the baby!
Oh my god, this mother is such a whinger, it’s not that hard to get out of the house with a newborn!
Who does she think she is, pretending like it’s so easy to just walk out of the house? Has she even packed her baby bag properly?
Is she seriously going out without her child already? Who’s going to watch the baby!?
Why can’t she ever put that kid down? Is she going to let the daddy have a turn yet?
My advice is to get used to it and to work on your best deadpan, ‘eat a wang’ face.